Urinals The Game – Krazy Kolossal Krapper Kaper!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

icon01 I’ve only been in a couple of bathrooms that had an attendant and not one of those guys possessed the hilarious blend of customer service and wry sense of humor that you will find while playing Urinals: The Game by Bluebird Software. The premise of the game is quite simple: As the bathroom attendant, it is your job to direct your patrons to the appropriate stall (indicated by the color of their clothing) and, once they’ve finished their business, to direct them to an exit.

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Since making contact within the confines of the public restroom is a big no-no, you also need to make sure that each gentleman has plenty of clearance while they are in your care. In the first few levels, this is relatively easy, but as you progress it quickly becomes quite difficult. Each 3 level "set" introduces new challenges: at level 4, hand-washing is added to the experience and at level 7, you are moved to the port-a-potties at the local ball-field. That’s where I am currently stuck, trying to manage a large number of clientele with only two latrines. Johnny on the Spot, indeed! I have people spinning in the corners and a couple of guys running laps waiting for an open stall.

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The results can be oh so entertaining and the game is also great for drawing in others who are watching you play. Somehow, when your phone is making a toilet flush sound, people just have to ask what you’re playing. A bright and cheery tune plays throughout and the bathroom attendant carries on a continuous patter of one liners that definitely adds to the entertainment.

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So, do you have what it takes to reach the pinnacle of pushing polished porcelain? There’s only one way to find out!

September 5, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 9 Comments 

Blank Check For Blank Minds (aka Dumb Asses Rejoice)

Here at KRAPPS, we try to make your life easier. Call it a value-added benefit of being a loyal reader (thank you – we appreciate your support). Searching through the awesomeness of the App Store, we’ve shared many amazing discoveries. Selections like Noodle Timer … a countdown timer app solely dedicated to taking the stress out of making Cup O’ Noodles. Or how about the Taxi Hold’em app … it’s tough work hailing a cab, but this app alleviates the stress of raising your arm and waving it around to get the attention of a cab driver. And finally … never again be frustrated by adding the number one over and over again … “1 plus 1 plus 1 plus 1 equals 4” … piece of cake with the Plus One app. You  see … reading KRAPPS really does make your life easier.

ed_helms_tooth Well folks, we came across another sack of suck … errr … beacon of brilliance. How many times have you been trying to fill out a check, only to get stuck on that line where you have to spell out the dollar amount? Amen brotha! – Been there, done that! The little box where you get to write the numbers down is cake … but dang, spelling the shit out is enough to make us want to pull out our teeth – completely MADDENING! But no worries … we make your life easier (and save your teeth) … check out the Blank Check app.

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“Helps write checks” – Nice! … “Type in the amount for the check and it will convert it into words” – Nice! This is exactly the kind of amazing “think different“ technology we expected from Apple when we shelled out 300 bones for the iPhone … value added baby.

And Blank Check so totally works! “15.86” magically translates to “fifteen 86/100”. Even does hundreds, “122.37” accurately converts to “one hundred twenty-two 37/100”. We even decided to get really crazy on Blank Check … you know, try to trip it up and all. So we went there … oh yes we did! … we went to the Land Of Thousands with “3,846.03” … and gosh darn dang it, Blank Check passed with flying colors, spitting out “three thousand eight hundred forty-six 03/100” … AMAZING!

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Writing checks can indeed be a daunting task, especially those rubber ones (sorry, stupid joke). We sincerely hope our latest discovery, Blank Check, will have a positive and meaningful impact on your life. Have a great and stress-free weekend, courtesy of KRAPPS.

September 4, 2009 | Filed Under Finance | 11 Comments 

Pamela Anderson Is A Man? This App Thinks So

We came across a very interesting app the other day … Pamela’s Twin Sister. Intriguing because we were not aware that Pamela Anderson had a twin sister. Well our “double the Pamela pleasure” was quickly shot down in flames. Reading the app’s description, turns out this is app is of some Pamela Anderson body double chick … whatever, freaking tease!

Although we were crushed by the reality of no “Ta-Ta Twins” … we did discover some very interesting facts about the real Pamela Anderson. Go ahead, read it for yourself …

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HotBreath “Your photos will leave you hot breath”
Hmmm, a stunning effect … Hot Breath. We once suffered from hot breath, but that was due to complications of attempting to eat a friend’s lighted fart. Trust us … not good!

“Has a body of scandal that can go with the fantastic photos that you have prepared”
So we’re preparing the photos? And they need to include a scandalous body? Uh, no thanks … we’re not paparazzi sluts.

“You can see up their sins with the latest high-capacity increase of iPhone”
Oh, we get it … this is like Pocket God. We punish Pamela for her sins … naughty, naughty girl! <grin> Or is it like that Shoe Spy Camera featured on Gizmodo … a pervert camera for  shooting upskirts. Up their Sins – Up their Skirts … same thing, no? Huh?

Baywatch_TommyLee_FINAL “Now has a relationship with Tommy Lee, rocker boyfriend who was the protagonist of The Baywatch”
Tommy Lee was on Baywatch? Get the f#&k out! Didn’t know that.

“Thanks to his impressive body has been home from magazines and major websites”
“His impressive body” … wait! what? Pamela Anderson had a sex change? How the hell did we miss that one?!?

So there you have it … Pamela’s Twin Sister … the only app which gives you hot breath, the ability to see up their sins, stars Tommy Lee in a red one-piece bathing suit and features Pamela Anderson as a man. Damn this is sick!

PS – we love Google Translate!

September 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 8 Comments 

This App Is Making The National Football League Its Bitch

September is here … are you ready for some football? That good old American tradition of tossing around the pigskin, bone crushing tackles, tailgating, face painting, etc. Football literally rocks! But the real question is … are you ready for traditional football to be turned on its head and slammed into the ground? Well you better be! Throw out those 300+ pound man-beasts and replace them with girls. Not just any girls … sexy girls wearing lingerie … and this is what you get –> Lingerie Football League.

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We shit you not … Bra and Panty football … or literally Fantasy Football. The Lingerie Football League (LFL) is a women’s American football league, in which the ladies play 7-on-7 tackle football games and receive a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for visible nipple (kidding!). 2009 marks LFL’s inaugural season, with 10 teams and a 20 week schedule. First game is just 2 days away … Sep 4 – Chicago Bliss vs. Miami Caliente. And no, this is not some kind of a joke league – this is serious business. Heck, there’s even a betting line which favors Chicago by 6.5 points, with a 36 point over/under (and no, 36 is not the quaterback’s cup size). Serious business we tell you … why else would the Los Angeles Temptation employ an official Hair Stylist, Make-Up Artist and Tanning Salon … huh, we’re still talking about football – aren’t we? Sure we are … and we’re talking keen merchandising … Game Used Uniforms available for purchase!

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LOL … wow … see what money and a big set of balls can accomplish? Yeah baby … Lingerie Football League. We wonder who’s landing the official outfitter of the LFL … Victoria Secret or La Perla? Hmmm, tear away jerseys anyone? <your turn – insert “tight end” and/or “backfield in motion” smartass comment here> LOL.

Ok, we know what you’re thinking … “KRAPPS, you are girl krazy – WTH does this Bra and Panty Football stuff have to do with the iPhone?” … hey, come on now – don’t be doubting us. Oh look what we found … the official iPhone app of the Lingerie Football League.

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Freaking sweetness! Complete with player profiles, schedules, rosters, league news, scores and highlight videos. LOL … think what you want, but these down and dirty ladies are making the National Football League their bitch … where’s your app NFL? You suck!

September 2, 2009 | Filed Under Sports | 2 Comments 

This Redneck Dating App Is Really "Bad"

<cue Motley Crue’s “Girls, Girls, Girls”>

Girls-Neon2 GIRLS … we like girls – girls are cool – girls are fun to look at. GIRLS – just the word sounds nice … sometimes we like to say it over and over again … GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS. Hmmm, you think we’re crazy? – not – we girl crazy!

And lucky for us we have the iPhone … cuz Apple is girl crazy too. Proof – App Store search, keyword = “girls” … something like 831 girl-related apps. LOL … yeah, the iPhone is perfect for us girl crazy kooks! So many apps to choose from … Coed Spring Break Girls – Hot Latinas – Girls With Guns – Asian Boobs – Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads – Sweaty Gym Chicks – Surfer Girls – Hooters Hotties – Naughty Nurses – Large Girls With Even Larger Bosoms … the flavors go on and on.

But even with over 800 girlie apps … sadly, there is one glaring omission. An essential missing flavor … like the vanilla of girlie apps. Hello – where is the Sexy Naughty Girls app?!? And by naughty girls, we don’t mean nasty. We mean bad girls … but not the good kind of bad, we mean the baddest of badass bad –> Criminal Chicks!

madeajail Girl criminals are so sexy hot! There’s something about a female who’s been convicted of aggravated assault that just floats our boat. Heck, could be any number of crimes which rock our world … manslaughter, burglary, arson, drunk driving, tax evasion. “Hey baby, you stole a car? Damn girl you are fine!” And those sexy outfits they wear … orange jump suits, accessorized with silver bracelets … errr – handcuffs … absolutely bootylicious. Screw Maxim magazine … we’ll drool over mug shots all day!

Uh wait a minute … breaking news from the App Store! Please engage in cart wheels and back flips … the BUSTEDHOT app has arrived!

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Wow … we’re literally floored. Hold on for a second while we pick our jaw up from the floor. This is huge … BUSTEDHOT is what The New York Times should be headlining today instead of that boring Ebay Sells Skype krap. The world seems like a better place now that we have a sexy girlie mug shot app.

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But wait a minute – BUSTEDHOT seems a little fishy. Is it a sexy criminal girlie app … or  really a Redneck dating service? Meh, potatoe – potato.

September 1, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 14 Comments 

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