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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
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- Recap Week Of January 3
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A Collection Of Ridiculous iPhone Boob Apps
A couple of months ago, we ran a story … “Boobs” – The App Store’s New Buzzword … in which we detailed Apple lightening up and allowing developers to use the word “boobs” in app titles. At that time, there were only four apps which contained the word “boob” in their title. Two months later … surprise, surprise … nearly 100.
Now we get the whole “man’s fascination with boobs” thing … or maybe it’s the new German study which concludes – stare at women’s breasts for 10 minutes a day increases your life span. But we also find it hysterical how a pair of mammary glands can reduce the male species to a bunch of blubbering morons. And of course developers are attempting to take advantage of these Pavlov dogs by publishing some absolutely stellar boob apps.
Boobs & Explosions – Because “the man favorite combo” of hearing crazy explosions while staring at boobs makes us feel like … well … manly men.
A Free Boob App – Marketing 101 states your product should have a clear and effective name … probably not the best idea to take this advice too literally.
Boob News – One can never have enough “high quality and the most informative boob news and articles from around the world”!
Boobs² and Boobs³ – Decisions, decisions … Boobs Squared or Boobs Cubed? Not sure if the folks at Feather & Moor were just trying to one-up developer Ben Cousins or if they have some disturbing cyborg fetish going on. EWWW!
Boob Trading Cards – We’ll trade our Britney Spears boob card for your Kim Kardashian boob card … deal?
Recap: Week Of January 18 – plus Best App Ever Awards & iPhone Case Giveaway
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
January 18: Official KRAPPS App Is Now Available – Full Of Kraptastic Goodness – get our totally FREE app [iTunes]
January 19: Drunken Girls – Another Proud App Store Moment
January 20: iChug Times How Fast You Chug A Beer – Frat Boys Rejoice
January 21: Apple Bans forChan Developer – Did Not Realize Web Browsers Can Access Porn
January 22: Sex Notifier App Helps You Have Undisturbed Sex
January 23: Mr. Dumb Go Down – Beavis & Butthead Meet A Reverse Doodle Jump
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Couple of cool happenings for you all to check out …
2009 Best App Ever Awards
As previously mentioned, our friends at 148Apps are holding their second annual Best App Ever Awards to help recognize and publicize the best apps available across 55 categories. So be sure to join in on the fun and vote for your favorite apps. The voting is open until January 31 … so you have 7 more days to cast your votes … get you butt over there now and vote! We did and can assure you it was a painless process.
And if it’s anything similar to last year’s process … if you participate in the voting … you will get a promo code for a free iPhone app. Nothing official has been announced of course, but that’s the rumor swirling around, so you might as well jump on it. Get out of here – go vote!
iPhone Case Giveaway At iTito Designs
Remember our homeboy Tito? He’s the dude who created the really tight KRAPPS theme and wallpaper and actually just released an even cooler one (see below).
Anyways, dude is running a contest in which he’s giving away iPhone cases of your choice. Basically all you need to do is review one of his themes (he has a ton of them) on your blog, vlog, YouTube or website. The best review wins two iPhone cases of your choice, plus Screen Protectors.
For complete details, visit the contest page and make sure to check out all the incredible themes and wallpapers at iTito Designs.
Mr. Dumb Go Down – Beavis & Butthead Meet A Reverse Doodle Jump
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Another Mr. Dumb game? You bet your Beavis-loving ass! I’ve already reviewed the two other Mr. Dumb games — Mr. Dumb Toilet and iChowdown — here on KRAPPS and I’m touching down once again to give you some impressions on the third game in the series from ZenuxLab … Mr. Dumb Go Down [iTunes $0.99]
I know that at this point, you’re asking yourself, "What do you do in Mr. Dumb Go Down?" Well … it should be much of a mystery … you go down … Mister Dumb-Ass.
What? Oh, right. I have to try and be "professional…" Ahem <sorry>.
The basic premise of the game is — do I really have to? — you go DOWN (get your mind out of the gutter, perv). It’s one of those games where it’s a side view of your character and you have to avoid objects and make your way down without going out of view.
Luckily, the default controls are not accelerometer-based (thank you devs … much better control and feel this way). You simply tap the screen on the side you want your character to go to and… well, that’s it. You can use accelerometer-based controls, if you REALLY want to (I wouldn’t), but the default ones work just fine and give you a good amount of control.
Now, you’re making your way down a tree in this game. There are bees chasing you along the way, so you have to make sure you don’t stay on one branch for too long. Then there are obstacles such as thorns and bushes. They are wicked nastiness as they hurt you and slow you down … basically making your life miserable.
The sheer simplicity of the game is nice … think of it as a reversed Doodle Jump. Mr. Dumb Go Down is very well made, with fantastic graphics and realistic gameplay. While it may tend to get repetitive for the hardcore gaming crowd, I feel it is best suited for the casual gamer and certainly deserving of a place in the App Store.
That said, this game still has the same nice charm as the other games in the series. Playing the other two Mr. Dumb games before this one definitely helped me enjoy it a bit more, because I already had a connection with the characters (well, I did from the very beginning, anyway, since they’re essentially Beavis and Butthead).
When it comes down to it, this game targets the casual gaming folks … and most likely won’t make you lose any sleep playing it or induce dreams about it if you happen to drift off. At less than a dollar [iTunes $0.99], there is little risk for casual gamers to check out Mr. Dumb Go Down … or of course you could go the totally risk-free way and download the FREE version [iTunes FREE].
Ok ZenuxLab, I’m waiting for a fourth episode to get by Beavis and Butthead fix … Bring It!
Sex Notifier App Helps You Have Undisturbed Sex
The iPhone never ceases to amaze us … is there anything it can’t do (well, besides running Adobe Flash)? Just the other day we read this headline from NBC News … Earthquake Survivor Calls iPhone A Life Saver. Hear that? The iPhone saved some dude’s life! American film producer Dan Woolley was buried alive under a pile of rubble, after the massive earthquake that hit Haiti last week. Dan used the light from his iPhone to identify injuries to his leg and the Pocket First Aid & CPR app to treat head and leg wounds and managed shock. He survived being buried for 64 hours … freaking amazing!
And besides Pocket First Aid & CPR, there are many other life saving possibilities available in the App Store. Take for example this common crisis … after you take your hunny out for a romantic evening, the two of you head back to your pad for some sex, only to find out your roommate is deeply involved in a game of Modern Warfare 2. Or perhaps you and your sweetie are getting crazy on the couch and your roommate comes barging in through the front door. Talk about a mood killer …. argh!
Now back in the olden days, these awkward situations could be avoided by hanging a sock or tie on the doorknob … the universal “We’re Having Sex In Here – Do Not Disturb” signal. But now that the revolutionary iPhone exists, why bother with such archaic methods? As the app says … “Sex Notifier is here for you, solving one of life’s most pressing problems through technology.”
Has a life saver ever been so easy? Simply add appropriate contacts, enter sex notifier message and the estimated duration of your shagging session … then push send. You’ll be able to shag away in peace knowing everyone has been properly informed about your love making intentions.
LOL … indeed, technology at its finest. But what if you have no roommates and thus no problems? Well, as the app cleverly states … you can also “brag to your friends as it’s all going down.” Ah yes, of course … the tell while kissing technique. However for Sex Notifier to remain competitive with this sleaze, Twitter integration is imperative … the more, the merrier.
Apple Bans forChan Developer – Did Not Realize Web Browsers Can Access Porn
Remember Charles Rodriguez? He’s the dude we wrote about last week … the 26-year-old President of iHustleApps and the developer of the infamous forChan app. forChan is a web browser specifically designed for imageboards such as Futaba Channel, 4chan, 420chan, The Wired and others. With its start-up page set to an imageboard displaying dogs, it took Apple less than 12 hours to approve and publish forChan.
And just as quick … Apple banned forChan after four days of existence. Why? = Porn. Just like any web browser, the end user is able to access pornography through forChan. It’s important to note that forChan is not a porn app … there is no code or Easter Egg within the app that enables porn. Rather forChan can be used to view porn (or other images like dogs or whatever) … it’s up to the end user to enter the desired imageboard URL. Hmmm … does this sound familiar? Gizmodo thinks so … calling for the ban of Safari and Bing on the iPhone, since they are web browsers just like forChan.
Well things go from bad to worse. Yesterday … nine days after forChan was banned … Apple revoked Charles’ developer license and removed all of his 224 remaining apps from the App Store. Charles has been completely banned from developing iPhone apps.
We contacted Charles to inquire exactly what was Apple’s reasoning for completely booting him out of the iPhone Developer Program (iDP) … Charles said, “Via email, Apple indicated that I violated Section 6.1 of the iDP Agreement by hiding the nature of the forChan app from when it was originally submitted for review. I set forChan’s launch page to an imageboard containing dogs. Apple stated that it was only later they discovered that forChan can be used by end users to access pornographic content, which is not permitted under the iDP Agreement.” “Per the iDP agreement,” Charles continued, “Apple has the right to terminate my license for dishonest and fraudulent acts, including trying to hide application functionality from Apple’s review.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa … slow down sparky! Did you say Apple did not realize that a web browser can access porn? “It’s confusing to me as well, but that’s what Apple stated in the Notice Of Termination email they sent me,” Charles said. “I attempted to call Apple for further clarification,” Charles continues, “but they stated that all correspondence regarding this matter can only be in email format.”
It should be obvious that forChan could access porn … even its description states, “forChan is a web browser app … any content including UNCENSORED pics can be accessed.” Now Charles did jump on the porn imageboard bandwagon and created his own adult site … however this information was not publicized within the app or its description (unlike the SuicideGirls application where its URL is displayed in the description and the app).
So maybe Gizmodo is right … ban Safari and Bing. And while you’re at it, revoke Apple’s and Microsoft’s developers license. Or how about the hundreds or third-party web browsers … we all know why they include Private Web Browsing as a feature. Hell, there’s even an iPrOn Private Browser app … pron (or pr0n) is porn, deliberately misspelled.
And why do imageboard browsers still remain in the App Store? The iImageboard app is identical to forChan … enter a URL and you are connected to its content, porn included. Anonyma is another one … and even easier access to porn by simply entering one letter as the URL … type in S and a “Sexy Women” pornography imageboard is revealed.
A final question remains … will Apple forward Charles’ portion of revenues from his apps sold in December and the first 20 days of January? “I certainly hope so as I rely on iPhone development to support my mother and kid sister. Our rent is literally due in ten days,” said Charles. Hmmm, I don’t know bro … we’re thinking you might get that famous six-word Jobs response … “Not That Big Of A Deal”.
iChug Times How Fast You Chug A Beer – Frat Boys Rejoice
Did you know KRAPPS is in a fraternity? An iPhone frat. And just like your typical frat, it’s filled with the grossest apps available … puking, farting, pissing, belching, zit picking, loogy hawking, etc. Yeah baby … Appa iFonna Chi … that’s how we roll!
So it’s all good at Appa iFonna Chi, except for this one reoccurring problem … our daily beer chugging contests. Seems the brothers take their brew pounding way too seriously and no matter how hard we try, we can never accurately determine proper chug time. It’s an honor to be recognized as the fastest beer drinker at Appa iFonna Chi (or any frat for that matter), so measuring precise chug time is critical to the long- term success of our organization. Plus it minimizes the drunken fisticuffs – little bitches whining about who had the fastest result.
Well thanks to the brilliant minds at Icon Entertainment and their revolutionary new app … iChug … frat boy bitch fights are a thing of the past.
All the brothers at Appa iFonna Chi agree, we love iChug! Icon Entertainment really nailed it, leveraging the iPhone’s accelerometer, coupled with complex mathematical formulas to accurately determine chug times. And iChug is so simple to use, even us frat boys can do it. Hold iChug against your beer … press “Play” … start chugging … upon finishing your beer and returning the drink/iPhone back to its starting position, iChug measures and displays your chug time to the one hundredth of a second (it’s like freaking Olympic timing good).
One thing we’d love to see Icon Entertainment include in a future update is a worldwide leaderboard. This global ranking would prove once and for all that Appa iFonna Chi is superior to that other pathetic excuse for a frat … Googela Androida Omega.
Oh and be sure to check out the steamy iChug promo video below. Never mind the dueling douchebags, the real talent in this clip are the hot chicks pouring beer over each other (relevant? probably not … but who cares … these are hot chicks with beer). Ahhh, now there’s an idea for our next app and Appa iFonna Chi’s little sisters.
Drunken Girls – Another Proud App Store Moment
This next application has us at a total loss for words. So rather than making you read through 400 words of clever editorial ramblings, we’ll just shut up and leave you with Drunken Girls (sorry, there really is an app for that).
Honestly, we expected a bit more titillation from this app … not a bunch of comatose girls who look like they’re about to puke. Damn there are some sick fetishes out there!
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