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Emo Kill Lets Users Kill Spooky Kids With Sharp Objects

They wear skinny jeans, tight t-shirts and black Converse. Their hair is an integral part of the ensemble … straightened, dyed black and long bangs covering one eye.  They are hypersensitive, introverted and angst-ridden … depression, self-injury and suicide are also common attributes.

What are we talking about? Those not-so-typical teens generally known as “emo” … who live by the mantra … AVOID HAPPINESS (happiness is a cardinal sin in the emo culture)!

So what better way to honor those spooky kids with scars on their wrists than with an iPhone game … Emo Kill.

Emo love to cut with anything!
Help them to die with this nice game!

The Emo Kill app contains two games. In Blades Rain, users try to kill the emo character by cutting him to death with falling razors. Oh, but watch out for the descending girls since presumably they represent love and happiness … only mellon collie and the infinite sadness is awarded in Emo Kill.

The Emo Shot game puts your sharpshooting skills to good use … blast an emo out of a cannon so that he lands on a razor blade and dies a sweet bloody death.

Misery, death and a quality mission from Emo Kill – help emo kids die. Thanks Apple!

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby, The Apple Way [Video]

This is for all you Apple fanboys … those who iEat, iSleep and iBreathe Apple. The only way you know how to iCommunicate … with iDevices.

Explaining iSexuality – the Apple way …

 

Recap: Week Of May 17 – plus Steve Jobs Had Wicked Body Odor & Other Fun Facts

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 17: iPhone Moves Nuts, Dominoes And Other Stuff With This Useful App

May 18: Stick Skater – Insane, Addictive & Realistic iPhone Skateboarding Game

May 19: Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates – Geeks At Play [Comic]

May 20: BOINK – Using Bump Technology For Sex

May 21: Farting Grandmas Prove Apple’s Commitment To Quality Apps

May 22: KRAPPS of Defense! – Crap Of Defense Review (Redundant)

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Steve Jobs Had Wicked Body Odor … And Other Fun Facts

Steve Jobs – the Man, the Myth, the Legend. You might know him as the co-founder and CEO of Apple … but did you know that he was a college dropout? … or he had wicked BO? … or he wears a size 14 shoe?

Check out the infographic below from Online School for more whacky Steve Jobs facts.

KRAPPS of Defense! – Crap Of Defense Review (Redundant)

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

I’m calling bait and switch on the developer’s of Crap of Defense [iTunes].  See, they lead off their description with "This is worst game ever!" and then they deliver a solid & entertaining tower defense game.  Emphasis on the singular tower – you only get one tank cannon to face off against wave after wave of enemies delivered in a unique, hand-drawn style.

Featuring two separate campaigns, the original and the recently added Winter Assault as well as two modes of play, Missions and Survival and three different levels of difficulty, this one will keep you entertained for quite a while.  That single cannon also gets an assist from an impressive number of battlefield power-ups and special weaponry types that show up from time to time.  If you’re falling behind, you’d better hope that an airstrike or armaggedon power-up becomes available to turn the tide in your favor.

In the Missions mode, you are faced with a series of different goals – clearing each one unlocks the next dossier of destruction.  Depending on your skill and performance, you may also obtain achievement medals to proudly display.  Some of the missions are easy, but they quickly progress in difficulty.  Utilizing the special weapons and power-ups to their full potential can be the key to victory.

In the Survival mode, you are tasked with dropping as many enemy units as possible before a certain number of them get through.  As you level up, the enemy assault ramps up along with you.  Fingers will have to fly furiously to stay in the game.

Perhaps the hot weather here in AZ is the reason, but the Winter Assault campaign has become my favorite.  Each campaign offers different types of enemies, power-ups and goals.  The game also sports appropriately quirky sound effects and music that sounds like it belongs in a war-time newsreel.

 

Farting Grandmas Prove Apple’s Commitment To Quality Apps

“Intermediate layers between the platform and the developer ultimately produces sub-standard apps and hinders the progress of the platform.”

The above quote is from Steve Jobs in response to TaoEffect CEO Greg Slepak. In layman’s terms … developers can only write iPhone apps using Apple approved languages (Objective-C). Now if you read between the lines … Apple is basically saying Adobe Flash sucks. By banning Flash from the iPhone, Apple is ensuring quality applications.

LMAO … avoiding sub-standard apps? … ensuring quality? WTF Apple … pay attention to KRAPPS, where we avoid the sub-standard and only review the highest quality the App Store has to offer … like Farting Grandmas.

 

Sure you can’t have Flash on your iPhone … but you can take comfort in watching grandmas fart. Sub-standard app? Nah … not on the revolutionary iPhone!

 

BOINK – Using Bump Technology For Sex

Ever hear of Bump? No … we’re not talking about the 1970s dance fad of bumping hips … we’re talking iPhone app. Bump is a very cool data swapping application released in March 2009. To use Bump, simply hold your iPhone and “bump” hands with another Bump user (sort of like a “fist bump” or “knuckles”) to instantly exchange contact information, photos or even become Facebook friends.

Recently the developers of Bump opened up their iPhone API … in non-geek terms that means anyone can now use the mobile data swapping technology in their own apps. For example, the PayPal iPhone app is equipped with Bump technology … you can now pay someone money just by banging iPhones.

Bump really is awesome … but we know what you’re thinking … exchanging phone numbers, photos or even paying someone money = BORING! Well whatever, let us introduce you to a more titillating application powered by Bump … BOINK.

Categorized as a social networking app, BOINK is the latest and greatest in high tech hook-up. With BOINK, users are assured to find their ideal sexmate … just input your sexual preferences, BOINK with potential mates and find out if you’re a match. As the app’s descriptions says …

No more wasting time with partners that don’t like the same things you do or share similar fetishes. Now you can know what you are getting into before you even unzip your pants.

 

Since sexual preferences play an integral role of finding the ideal booty call, BOINK has 6 categories of bedroom bliss … Kissing, Foreplay, Oral, Sex Style, Positions and Fetishes. Within each category, there are a number of “activities” which the user rates … Oral activities include giving, receiving and anilingus … while Fetishes include candle wax, whips and urination.

 

LMAO, people boinking iPhones to solicit intercourse … oh my, what has Apple done?!? One word of advice … a strong like for the whole urination fetish thing – probably won’t get you many boinks … better off seeking a pee-pee partner on Craigslist.

Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates – Geeks At Play [Comic]

Three years ago, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates made a rare joint appearance at The Wall Street Journal’s All Things Digital 5 conference. In this interview, Jobs and Gates discuss their various contributions to the technology industry, the qualities they most respect in one another and other topics. Listening to the two most influential figures in technology is absolutely amazing … we highly recommend you check it out. Click here to view the  highlight reel of the awesome Jobs/Gates interview at D5.

HA …. but Jobs and Gates should’ve know better. The Internet can be a twisted place … especially with such high profile geeks like Jobs and Gates. The folks at Sad And Useless have prepared a “Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates” comic template … originating from D5 joint interview. The possibilities are endless … below are a few of our favorites.

(Click here to download the “Jobs vs. Gates” template for your own creative purposes.) 

 

  

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