Cheap Bastards Rejoice – Best Bang (not a sex app) Helps You Get Drunk For Less

stimulus-package On the heels of The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (Obama’s economic stimulus package), the kind folks at Studio Karkajoo decided they would take matters into their own hands and publish an app that would make a positive impact on the American economy. A noble gesture indeed, especially considering the fact that Studio Karkajoo are just a bunch of iPhone geeks with no political or economic know-how. Their agenda is pure … appeal to the common man. Their application is brilliant and timely for these tough economic times … Best Bang! (not a sex app)

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Simply put, Best Bang [iTunes $0.99 and Free Version] helps you get drunk for less. And the less money you spend getting shit faced, the more money you have available to purchase Apple stock … it’s a win-win situation, courtesy of Studio Karkajoo.

Best Bang is an alcohol ROI calculator … with the “return” defined as wasted, plastered or f*cked up. The app quickly compares the price per alcohol level between any given beers, wines or spirits. All you need to do is enter the price, alcohol percentage, volume per bottle and total package units … and Best Bang will spit out the best bang for your buck.

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Say for example money is tight and you’re looking to get your date hammered (or hammer your date) as cheaply as possible. Do you buy a $10.50 bottle of California wine or a six-pack of Beer Wiser for $7.50? Twelver of Beer Ribbon for $9.80 or a big boy Tennessie (cool it spelling police) Whiskey at $27.50? Well unless you’re that janitor dude from Good Will Hunting, you’ll need Best Bang to accurately recommend Beer Wiser and Beer Ribbon for your night of cheap thrills.

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Outside of stimulating America’s economy, Best Bang is essential for starving college students (i <3 ramen), BP public relations employees, Foxconn workers or anybody on a tight budget.

So to review, our winning formula = use Best Bang [iTunes $0.99 and Free Version] to get drunk for less … buy Apple stock with the savings … wait until 2012 when Apple releases iBoard … cash in Apple stock and become RICH! On behalf of the people of Walmart, cheap bastards and all American citizens … we thank Studio Karkajoo for their exciting stimulus package, Best Bang! (not a sex app)

App Diagnoses Cauliflower-Shaped Bumps & Other Strange Growths On Your Genitals

[editor’s note: advanced apologies if you are reading this right before, during or immediately after a meal]

Remember the story about the iPhone saving some dude’s life? American film producer Dan Woolley was buried alive under a pile of rubble, after the massive earthquake that hit Haiti last January. Dan used the light from his iPhone to identify injuries to his leg and the Pocket First Aid & CPR app to treat head and leg wounds and managed shock. He survived being buried for 64 hours.

Impressive? MEH! … we’d like to see Dan get out of a real jam, like diagnosing cauliflower-shaped bumps on his penis.

Take this perfectly ordinary scenario … you’re out clubbing, it’s late, the beer goggles are in full effect, you wind up with some skank and have unprotected sex. Next morning, the sobering reality sets in … you had unprotected sex with some SKANK! What would MacGyver do?

Well remember folks … with over 250,000 available apps for the revolutionary iPhone, there’s sure to be an application for sluts like you … check out After Sex.

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After Sex is a health app dedicated to diagnosing unnatural growths on your penis or vagina. In the Symptom Checker section of the app, simply select the offending intruder (blisters, cauliflower bumps, round bumps or open sore) … then choose the color of discharge you are experiencing (white, yellow/green or dark/bloody) along with pain location (in buttocks, while urinating, in genitals, etc.) and type of discomfort (strong odor in urine, diarrhea, nausea, etc).

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Based on your symptoms, After Sex will return a list of possible sexually transmitted diseases (STD) … syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc … as well as the nearest clinic where you can seek further treatment. This info will supposedly make you feel better.

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After Sex is currently FREE … which is nice and all that, however do you really want to get to the point of even contemplating a download? Nah … live life by the wise KRAPPS saying … before you spank her – cover your wanker!

Inexpensive In-Car Entertainment System With SeatBuddy iPhone Stand

Often times, the best things in life are the simple ones. Like an In-N-Out Double Double (animal style, of course) … a day at the beach … or the Snuggie. Recently we came across a brilliant idea for the iPhone … amazing in its simplicity.

Remember the airsickness bag we featured that converts to a convenient iPhone stand for hands-free movie viewing or music listening during airline travel? Well admittedly, using a barf bag to hold your iPhone is a bit uncivilized. So to help you avoid those glaring WTF stares … check out SeatBuddy.

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SeatBuddy is a really simply rubberized iPhone case … with one ingenious twist … attached is a pair of straps. When seated on an airplane, simply hang your iPhone with SeatBuddy over the top of the seat-back tray table for comfortable eye-level viewing. As the video demonstrates … using SeatBuddy is simple and awesome.

Now it gets even better. SeatBuddy includes a set of Velcro tabs that allow the straps to be attached to each other. With this configuration, SeatBuddy can be secured to a treadmill, a glove compartment, the back of a car seat or anywhere you can secure with Velcro.

We love the idea of using SeatBuddy as an inexpensive in-car entertainment system (just watch out for speed bumps and potholes) … where Brother Bob can watch South Park while Sister Sue enjoys iCarly. Check out the videos below of glove compartment and car seat demonstrations.

SeatBuddy is available from the company’s website (not an affiliate link – we hate those) for $23.90 with shipping … quantity discounts are available.

Hopefully SeatBuddy will release an iPad version soon … which would simply be even more awesome since viewing movies and videos on the iPad’s 9.7-inch high-resolution screen is way superior to the iPhone’s 3.5-inch view.

(via Oh Gizmo)

iPhone Balls (Disturbing) – plus Recap: Week Of May 31

Ad-Krapps-170x170 In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 31: iZombie T-Shirt Features Epic Zombie Apple Mashup – Available Today Only, $9

June 1: Weighing Yourself With An iPad Easier Than With An iPhone [Concept]

June 2: $450 Crap App Becomes #3 Grossing Application In Less Than One Day [Just Wrong]

June 3: Durex Baby App Screams, WEAR A CONDOM! [Video]

June 4: App Makes Cigarettes Taste Like Shit, Helps You Quit Smoking

June 5: Truckers Delight: Episode 1 – Um, Yeah, Wow, Um, Hey [iPhone Game Review]

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iPhone Balls – EWWW!

Interestingly enough, penises have played an integral role on the iPhone. We’ve featured an app that turns your iPhone into a penis … an app that worships penis … even a game that’s a real kick in the penis – Ow My Ballls!

But the aforementioned apps pale in comparison to the new iPhone Balls case which literally features dangling testicles. LMAO … WTF … well, at least there not blue.

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(via Buzzfeed by Hot Hot Japan Hot)

Truckers Delight: Episode 1 – Um, Yeah, Wow, Um, Hey [iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

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Released just a couple of weeks ago by Mobigame, Truckers Delight: Episode 1 [iTunes $0.99  – on sale, was $2.99], would appear to have an unorthodox genesis. First, there was an electro pop song by Third Side Records artist Lionel Flairs. This was followed by a much-viewed, 8-bit style animated YouTube video by Jérémie Périn which instantly reminded me of the annual Spike & Mike’s Sick & Twisted Festival of Animation. If all of the segments of the video were given the app treatment, there’d be another 3 or 4 episodes coming your way though most of the later imagery wouldn’t pass the AppStore approval process. If you seek out the video, don’t say I didn’t warn you. [editor’s note – click here to view video … Tim warned you!]

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But, back to Episode 1, where the player, as the intrepid Trucker, pursues, as the name suggests, some Delight in the form of Alpha Chick, a buxom blonde in a hot red car. When you catch up to her, you get extra points for bumping her from behind. You need to avoid the other vehicles on the road, though, since they slow you down and you only have so much time to pass through each checkpoint. Particularly bothersome is the biker who inexplicably is able to divert your much larger vehicle off the side of the road. Strike him just right, however, and he meets an untimely end.

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Make sure you keep an eye out for the power up cubes as well. One of them gives you the extra power called Mr. Slurp, a big ol’ long tongue that can be used to enhance your, um, game play. Just make sure you keep your eyes on the road!

While the style faithfully reproduces the look of the video, the gameplay itself is pretty basic. Pedal to the metal, checkpoint to checkpoint, powerups along the way. One interesting twist to the visuals is that at some points along the road you encounter hills that obstruct your view of the traffic up ahead. This adds a bit of challenge as you dodge and weave at the last seconds.

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Normally priced at $2.99, the game is just 99 cents through Sunday, June 6 [iTunes]. The game appears to be very popular in Paraguay, for some reason.

 

App Makes Cigarettes Taste Like Shit, Helps You Quit Smoking

Perhaps not as whack as the Wart Healer app we recently featured (now banned by Apple) which specializes in removing warts via a mental healer in Germany … Less Cigarette still rates pretty high on the Sack Of Suck scale.

The premise of Less Cigarette is pretty straightforward … launch app – place a cigarette on the iPhone for 30 seconds – smoke cigarette – it tastes like shit – and as a result, quit smoking.

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The voodoo behind Less Cigarette changing the flavor of your cigarette is based on some Eastern philosophy. We have no clue what it means or how to describe it, so just read the app’s ridonkulous description …

Less Cigarettes is designed based on the Eastern philosophy on compatibility and incompatibility of the Five Elements Theory. Another theory that forms the basis of Less Cigarette is the theory describing that the inherent vibration and frequency of each color affect people, animal, plant and objects.

 

The wavelength of the color that is incompatible with cigarettes works to emphasize the unpleasant taste of the cigarette, making it easier for you to stay away from smoking.

So what happens during those magical 30 seconds when the cigarette is on your iPhone with Less Cigarette running? The screen turns a multitude of colors … and it’s the wavelength of these colors that changes the cigarette’s flavor to ass. Sure it works … Apple tests every app for proper functionality prior to approval.   

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Look … maybe Eastern philosophers are onto something, but living in the United States, we’ve been programmed to believe there are only three certain things in life … death, taxes and double tap to kill a zombie. Yeah, shun the non-believer … but wavelengths making things taste like crap just doesn’t cut it with us … although the irony is that it did make Less Cigarettes KRAPPS.

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Durex Baby App Screams, WEAR A CONDOM! [Video]

Durex-Condom If there’s gonna be affection cover your erection …

Durex is an international condom manufacturer based in Cheshire, United Kingdom. It is the #1 brand of condoms in the UK and #2 in the United States behind Trojan. Durex condoms represent about one quarter of the global market for rubbers … pumping out one billion units per year.

So how does Durex maintain their world domination in love gloves? By clever marketing campaigns that stay outside the box (no pun intended). Seriously, what better way to reach young, hip, sexually active adults than with an iPhone app … an anti-pregnancy – safe sex  – use a condom application. Check out the brilliantly awesome Durex Baby demonstration video and be prepared to hit the nearest convenience store for some Durex..

[WARNING – this video contains graphic scenes of two iPhones having sex and may not be suitable for children under 40.]

 

LMAO … while not as extreme as the “kill a baby to stop it from crying” Baby Shaker app, Durex Baby does present some realistic challenges nightmares to every day life with a tot. So gather around all you sexy people … don’t be silly wrap you willy … use Durex!

(Disclaimer – the Durex Baby app is not real. It is an advertising concept/case created by Peter Ammentorp, Nicolai Villads and Raul Montenegro, collectively known as V+A.)

(Hat tip to @manolosavi for bringing Durex Baby to our attention.)

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