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Rack Stare App Helps You Stare At Boobs Without Getting Caught
Let’s just get straight to the point of today’s article … Do You Enjoy Staring At Women’s Breasts?
If you answered “yes sir, may I have another”, then you likely know that one of the many challenges of gawking at a woman’s rack in public is getting caught by the subject. Similar to looking directly at the sun, staring at boobs for a prolonged period of time is dangerous … you could go blind, get a foot up your ass or a slap in the face.
Luckily the developers at Venevi Enterprises feel your pain. You see, they are perverts to and have published a new iPhone app to help out … Rack Stare!
On the surface, Rack Stare is a game in which the longer you ogle at a sexy chick’s breasts, the more points you earn. If hottie catches you checking out her goods, you’ll receive an appropriate bitch slap. Per the app’s description …
So, here you are sitting next to a hot blonde. Your head unavoidably turns in her direction as you’re trying your best to put on an indifferent face. To pass a level, stare at the babes mouth-watering decollete as long as you can without being noticed. The more you stare, the more points you get. Don’t get too involved though, as you don’t want to be slapped in the face by the furious woman!
Become the world’s best Rack Starer now!
So is Rack Stare just an innocent little iPhone game? … we think not!
Rack Stare is secretly training a legion of perverted geeks and giving them ninja-like skills of prolonged breast staring … anytime, anywhere … totally stealth. Our advice to combat these horny losers … continual use of your top button!
Even In Prison, Lil Wayne Rocks The iPhone With These Noteworthy Apps
Every couple of weeks, Apple publishes a list called “New and Noteworthy” … especially awesome iPhone applications that Apple recommends to the buying public. Having your app on this list is a developer’s dream come true as “New and Noteworthy” apps tend to skyrocket up the charts and achieve financial success.
“New and Noteworthy” … MEH! We’re here to tell you this list blows … case in point, Apple neglected to mention any of the epic Lil Wayne iPhone applications listed below. FAIL!
Be Like Lil’ Wayne
It’s true … the world would be a better place if everyone was like Lil Wayne! Currently in prison on weapons charges, couple with numerous arrests involving drugs and a variety of other misconducts … hard to imagine a better role model than this American rapper.
Lil Wayne Fortune Teller
It’s Lil Wayne – complete with tats, bling and dreads – reading your fo’tune wit a Magik 8-Balz … what could be greater dan dis?
Free Weezy
The first of its kind … and iPhone app which counts down the jail term of a felon. As previously noted, Lil Wayne is currently in prison after being convicted of criminal possession of a weapon. He is scheduled to be released sometime in November. If you need to keep track of the exact time until this momentous occasion, download Free Weezy now – yo!
Fumble! NFL Manages To Piss Off Customers With Their Debut App
Apparently Apple gave the National Football League (NFL) a bye when it comes to enforcing their new App Store Review Guidelines. First page of the official document states …
“If your App looks like it was cobbled together in a few days, or you’re trying to get your first practice App into the store to impress your friends, please brace yourself for rejection. We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.”
Huh? The NFL? The most attended domestic sports league in the world is an amateur compared to the likes of Pocket God, Doodle Jump or Ow My Balls.
Yes – we speak the truth! Last week, the NFL released their $4.99 iPhone application NFL.com Game Center 2010 to thousands of adoring fans. The release went as expected in terms of money in the NFL’s pocket (already a Top 50 Paid and Top 10 Grossing App), but from a quality, value and usefulness perspective … the NFL’s app is a giant sack of SUCK.
From delayed scoring updates … to no game highlight videos … to sluggish interface … to wrong player pictures … to incorrect and incomplete statistics … NFL.com Game Canter 2010 is a feature lacking web app wrapped around an icon. All for the bargain price of $4.99.
But hey, don’t take our word for it … check out the user reviews and comments – many of which are absolutely hysterical and quite entertaining. Some of our favorites include …
Worst. App. Ever! – – Charging $5 for this app is a crime – – To the developers … karma is a bitch! – – The NFL should be embarrassed – – Using this app makes me want to rip my eyes out – – How much money does the NFL need? They have to scam us?
At $4.99, the NFL.com Game Center 2010 averages a lowly ONE star rating. And we agree with their customers … the league should be embarrassed throwing a Hail Mary and seeing who is a sucker for it. Hopefully the NFL can take the profits from their top 10 grossing application and fix this crap. For now, just stick with FREE awesome sports apps like ESPN ScoreCenter or Sportacular.
Warning: Party In My Pants App Can Cause Injury!
As a courtesy to our readers, we would like to you about a new iPhone applications that simply does not work … and in some circumstances, could lead to bodily injury. It’s a shame that Apple doesn’t have the foresight to anticipate such issues and protect its customers from such whack.
Party In My Pants is one of the many iPhone apps available to help you hook up with hot chicks. These apps contain cheesy pick up lines ( …… ) that typically only work in a drunken douchebag environment like Jersey Shore. However Party In My Pants raises the dumbass bar to a new low … and would even fail miserably in bagging the most inebriated skank, bimbo or guidette.
Now you might think we sound harsh … but don’t cry … just read the app’s description for the ultimate crap in pickup line apps.
Imagine, if you will, the following scenario:
– Guy spots cute girl across the bar.
– He fires up Party In My Pants and spins the mirror ball. On command, the party commences, and he drops his iPhone into his pocket. Nicely done!
– Guy approaches girl. The girl, enticed by the noise and vibration emanating from his jeans pocket, asks him, "What’s happening with your jeans?"
– Guy pulls out iPhone and shows girl. "Why, it’s a Party In My Pants, and You’re Invited!"
LMAO … shove iPhone down your pants and invite her to the party (assuming she even gives you the time of day) … yeah, that’ll work – every time!
What Party In My Pants doesn’t describe in the above scenario is the bitch slap beat down you’ll receive after you utter the words … “Party In My Pants – You’re Invited” … OUCH!
Meet The Ass Family – plus Recap Week Of September 6
Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
September 6 – Creep Alert … Snuggie + Macarena = Snugarena [Video]
September 7 – Animal Sex App – Because Darn It, The App Store Was Really Lacking In Animal Porn!
September 8 – Football In The Groin Painfully Delivers 25 Reasons To Protect Your Genitals
September 9 – Fart Studio Makes A Stink With Its Hysterical iPad Spoof Commercial [Video]
September 10 – Porn Abundant In “I Show Off” App – Apple Fails To Enforce Their New Guidelines [NSFW]
September 11 – Same Day Apple Says ‘No More Fart Apps’ They Approve One Anyways
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The Ass Family
LMAO … aren’t they lovely?
Same Day Apple Says ‘No More Fart Apps’ They Approve One Anyways
Well that didn’t take long …
Yesterday in our More App Store Porn Discovered article, we mentioned that Apple released a set of guidelines to its developers. The big news (well, in our humble opinion) was that Apple is sick of fart apps … and would not longer approve them for sale. On the first page of their official App Store Review Guidelines document, Apple bluntly states … “We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps.”
OUCH … poor fart developers … we feel you! Or do we? Meh, this is Apple we’re talking about and as we once described them … a Comedy Of Errors.
So here’s a brief timeline …
The morning of Thursday, September 9 … Apple releases their official guidelines, boldly claiming NO MORE FART APPS! Twelve hours later … Apple approves and publishes a fart app – Simon Says Pull My Finger.
LMAO … and the comedy continues. The whole point of Apple’s document is to make the app review and approval process less arbitrary. However, when Apple says “no more fart apps” … what they REALLY mean is “no more fart apps unless it’s part of a game” or perhaps “no more fart soundboard apps” … yeah, is that what they mean? Hell, who knows with these guys.
Porn Abundant In “I Show Off” App – Apple Fails To Enforce Their New Guidelines [NSFW]
Nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis once said …. “Life Is All About Timing” … we couldn’t agree more.
Yesterday, in an attempt to make the app review and approval process less arbitrary, Apple released a set of guidelines to its developers. This official document from Apple is pretty hysterical as they try to be all hip, cool and non-corporate with their language … “We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps.”
Apple has always had a zero-tolerance policy for porn and nudity in the App Store … frequently banning nudie apps which somehow managed to get by Apple’s watchful eye:
06/25/09 – Hottest Girls … 07/01/09 – BeautyMeter … 07/30/09 – theXchange … 08/21/09 – Check myHottie … 09/15/09 – My X Girlfriend … 01/21/10 – forChan … 05/12/10 – Top Secret 2, Model Pose and Model Pose 2
Apple has now made their “No Porn Allowed” policy even clearer as Section 18 of the new App Store Review Guidelines document is dedicated to pornography …
18. Pornography
18.1 Apps containing pornographic material, defined by Webster’s Dictionary as "explicit descriptions or displays of sexual organs or activities intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings", will be rejected
18.2 Apps that contain user generated content that is frequently pornographic (ex "Chat Roulette" apps) will be rejected
Which brings us back to Carl’s “Life Is All About Timing” … LMAO … publish as many rules and guidelines as you want Apple, but if you can’t enforce them, your official policies don’t mean shit.
I Show Off, by Blue Sky Software, is an iPhone app which has been around for the past seven months (and is about to get banned). It’s one of those user-generated content applications where you upload a picture from within the app … the developer approves it … the image is published to the app … and the user community votes it yay or nay.
The whole “approve images before going live” concept is sound … however in reality, it’s pretty ineffective … Apple has been burned way too many times by this workflow (see our list of banned apps 4 inches above). User-generated images frequently translate to nudes and porn … as evident in the buttload of naked chick pics within I Show Off that have been there for months (displayed are some of the “tamer” selections).
“We have over 250,000 apps in the App Store. We don’t need any more fart apps” … you betcha Apple … and we can’t wait to report the next fart app you approve following this “no more farts” guideline (wait for it … it’ll happen – after all, this is Apple we’re talking about).
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