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Archives

Sperm Tic-Tac-Toe For iPhone … Enough Said [Video]

That’s strange! Just the other day we were thinking … what the App Store really needs is a tic-tac-toe game which uses sperm. Damn … thanks Apple for approving yet another stellar app! Sperm Tris … how did we ever live without it?

And be sure not to miss the action-packed Sperm Tris video below … it really conveys just how ~~stupid~~ epic this app really is!

November 26, 2010 | Filed Under Games | Leave a Comment

Pee Monkey Plant Bloom Sprays iPhone With More Golden Shower Goodness!

Last year we featured the hysterically epic Pee Monkey Jungle Fire [iTunes $0.99] application … the first peeing action game on the iPhone. In Jungle Fire, you play the role of a male monkey … the jungle is on fire and you must save the Gee Monkeys (sexy lady monkeys) from burning to death. How? By pissing on those nasty destructive flames … of course.

Since the launch of Jungle Fire, developer Happy Latte has released two additional Pee Monkey games … the former #1 chart-topping Pee Monkey Toilet Trainer [iTunes $0.99] and Toilet Trainer 2 [iTunes $1.99]. But hold on … Happy Latte continues to piss away … just last week, Pee Monkey is back in an all-new adventure … Pee Monkey Plant Bloom [iTunes $0.99 & FREE Lite].

In Plant Bloom, Pee Monkey is challenged with growing plants … by showering them with nutritious monkey urine. Each plant Pee Monkey successfully soaks in his whiz, blooms into a beautiful flower (yellow sunflowers – makes sense) and earns points. There are 40 levels (10 in Lite version) of brain-teasing fluid mechanics … each with increasing in difficulty, as Pee Monkey must try to “water” an increasing number of plants without exhausting his … ummm … resources.

Similar to the previous Pee Monkey games, Plant Bloom boasts family-friendly graphics, smooth realistic gameplay and user-friendly game controls … overall a high-quality top-notch iPhone game which can be enjoyed by players of all ages (game rated 4+). Think Angry Birds with the joys of golden showers … Pee Monkey rocks!

November 22, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games | Leave a Comment

New Angry Birdz Game Cons Its Way Into App Store – See What They Did There?

Crappy knock-offs can be quite comical. A simple letter change produces hysterical as … “Dolce & Banana” – “Adidaz” – “Cerona” – “Numa”.

Now you would expect to see these counterfeit brands traveling through Southeast Asia … but certainly not in the Apple controlled App Store, right? Haha … guess again! “Doodle Jumper” – “Doodle Drop” – “Pocket Devil” … and more, all approved by the keen folks at Apple (who apparently are not concerned with copyright infringements in their Thailand-like App Store).

But why stop at Doodle Jump and Pocket God? If you’re trying to profit from someone’s App Store fame, choose the best-selling mobile game ever – Angry Birds. Totally makes $en$e … just change one letter and Apple approves … Angry Birdz. [Calling dibs now -> Fruit Ninjaz, Kut The Rope and Tetriz]

“The all new Angry Birdz app is here!” … like it’s a bitching upgraded version of the real Angry Birds or something … LOL.

Or better yet … how about this gem from the app’s description …

LMAO – nah, no coincidence at all … naming your game almost exactly after the most popular App Store game ever. Yeah, thanks for the reassurance Dolce & Banana!

UPDATE –
It looks like Apple has pulled Angry Birdz for the second time already. We’re not exactly sure about the logic of allowing Angry Birdz back into the App Store, but that’s exactly what happened. The app was launched on Nov. 12 for the bargain price of $9.99. Pulled a few hours later … but reappeared on Nov. 14 at $0.99. Now Angry Birdz is gone … and following Apple’s brilliance, will probably be back shortly as a free app.

And in case you missed this wonderful scam and chance to throw away your money … below are a couple more blatant Angry Birds rip-offs … “Angry Solider” and “The Angry Bird”.

November 16, 2010 | Filed Under Games, News | Leave a Comment

This Is No Time to Lay Down Sally! [Sally’s Salon iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

If you are a fan of the time management games, then you simply must manage to make some time for Sally’s Salon Luxury Edition [iTunes $0.99] and/or Sally’s Salon Luxury Edition for iPad [iTunes $2.99]. I started with the iPhone version earlier in the week and jumped right into the game’s Survival Mode where you keep on going until you lose a disgruntled customer. Mind you this is a full service salon and you’ll need to be quite nimble of finger to keep things running smoothly. I banked a little over 1600 bucks before I accidentally gave somebody a green fauxhawk when they really wanted a purple pixie bob. Harsh words were spoken.

Moving on to the campaign, or career, mode you start out with a little shop at the mall and only a few tasks to manage – shampoo station, style/cut stations, blow dry station. For Day 1, you get a brief tutorial of the gameplay and some tips for keeping your customers happy. After each set of 10 days at a location, you’ll be movin’ on up to the next stop (perhaps even to the east side): a ski resort, the swanky hotel, etc. And, along the way, you’ll get to spend some cash on improvements like turbo washers, a coffee machine and plush chairs to keep your customers both happy and, more importantly, patient.

I also loaded up the iPad version and invited my wife, the "dash" game ninja, to give the two player variant a go with me. This proved to be great fun, since even though it is a co-operative style, you also get separate stats at the end of each round. We quickly realized that I was spending most of my time handing out coffee and magazines while she was a whirling dervish of service with a smile. Along the way we added several more employees: a barista, a shampooing specialist and a truly gifted blow-drying expert. With the endless stream of customers, at one point the shop was so full that I lost myself in the fray (which our daughters, who were looking on found highly amusing as I yelled out "I can’t find me").

One feature of the game that I found interesting was the ability to build a playlist of songs from the iPod while remaining in the game. The games are currently 99 cents for the iPhone and $2.99 for the iPad. Both are very polished and the gameplay is ultra-smooth which is very important for this type of game.

November 13, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment

Butt Scan For iPhone – Safely Photocopy Your Bare Ass [Video]

Ok, show of hands … how many of you have dropped your pants (or lifted your skirt) at work, planted your bare ass on the glass of the photocopier and pushed the start button? Oh yeah … look at all of you butt ninjas! Nothing like feeling the warm glow of the copier’s scanner light against your naked bottom … Xerox nirvana. Uh, that is … until you get busted.

The fine folks at Zattikka literally want to save your ass from getting fired and have launched the Butt Scan iPhone game … so all us butt ninjas can practice in peace.

The beauty of Butt Scan is its simplicity. The game is all about photocopying your crack at a company party. Just place your naked cheeks on the glass and fire away. Butt be sure to hop off when you see someone sober approaching … clinical studies have proven that sober co-workers don’t take kindly to ass on glass.

So next time you feel the urge to smear your cheeks all over that ultra-tempting copy machine … play it safe with Butt Scanner and collect your next paycheck.

November 12, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 5 Comments

Boob Ninja iPhone Game – Grab Boobs, Rack Up Points

With an iPhone game like Boob Ninja … we could have just ended this article with the title alone … but how much fun would that be?

Quite possibly the breast game in the App Store, Boob Ninja is all about grabbing boobs. Players rack up points by grabbing as many boobs as possible … all while dodging kitchen utensils like rolling pins, spatulas and wooden spoons. There’s absolutely no correlation between the utensils and boobs … but with a titillating game called Boob Ninja, does it really matter?

Listen bra, although this app might be a bust … you really shouldn’t knock it till you try it. Who knows, looking back on Breast Ninja … you’ll probably have fond mammaries … chest sayin’ (.)(.)

November 10, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 6 Comments

Milk A Cow With Your iPhone – Sure, Why Not? [Video]

Steve Jobs repeatedly positions the iPhone as “revolutionary” and indeed, there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with it … you can polish a turd – make a dog sing – determine the quality of boobs and watermelon – even move a stack of pistachios.

So it should come as no surprise, you can now milk a cow with this revolutionary iDevice. Ok, maybe it’s not a real cow … but just asked any of those peeps who downloaded one of the bajillion different girlfriend apps … a virtual cow is better than no cow at all!

In Milk Monica, the user is challenged to stroke Monica’s udder up and down. The objective is to fill a glass with milk as quickly as possible … so the faster you stroke, the lower your time (and higher your score). A fascinating game to say the least.

We played Milk Monica for a total of 73 seconds and failed to break 17 seconds (15 seconds will get you posted in the Top 10 online leaderboard) in any of our gaming sessions … ARGH! However we did find something quite soothing about staring at a cow’s ass, as a fly buzzes by, while we stroke udder … very zen-like for us city folks.