Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

beavis_and_butthead_mtv “I am the Great Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole!” – Beavis
“Shut up fartknocker!” – Butthead
“FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” – Beavis
“Calm down Beavis. You’re gonna soil your drawers.” – Butthead
“Skulls are cool.” – Butthead

LMAO … who doesn’t love Beavis and Butthead? I grew up on that shit and seeing the
Mr. Dumb: Toilet iPhone game (by ZenuxLab) this heavily inspired by Mike Judge’s amazing characters truly strikes an awesome chord in me. Mr. Dumb: Toilet had me at “hello bunghole” … I fell in love from the moment I laid eyes on it.

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The gameplay in Mr. Dumb: Toilet is simple, yet polished … make sure the urinals keep flowing properly or they will flood the entire bathroom. Disgusting roaches run wild and you have to squish them. If you miss a roach, they go behind a urinal and it becomes temporarily out of service. To make sure the urinals keep running and don’t overflow, you have to press the flush button whenever they stop.

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There’s also some douchebag (I assume he’s some steroid abusing security guy) who keeps throwing trashcans at you … WTH dicknose! You’ve gotta avoid the flying cans or game over. Doing my best Beavis and Butthead slacker impersonation, I didn’t feel like reading instructions and totally skipped over them. This caused me to keep dying repeatedly … so let’s be 100% clear …. TRASH CANS – THEY ARE BAD.

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Anyhow, this game is freaking fun so be very careful not to soil your drawers. I find myself playing it in small spurts and just loving the non-suck homage to Beavis and Butthead.
Mr, Dumb: Toilet [iTunes $0.99] is definitely worth a look, whether you are a Beavis and Butthead fan or not … for sure!

 

November 21, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 2 Comments 

Fish One, Fish Two, Fish Fun, Fish You!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Fish-Fun-Logo-FINAL First off, let me state that I am a big fan of 99 Games. Their games WordsWorth, Wordulous and Chess Elite have been favorably reviewed here (two of them by me; like I said, a fan). So, when I heard that they had a new game out called Fish Fun, I headed over to the App Store and snapped it up on the first day (OK, in the interest of disclosure, it was on sale for free that first day to celebrate their one year anniversary in the App Store). The App Store imagery depicts a big fish going after a smaller fish, so I was ready for some fast-swimming, fish-chomping action. The actual game is way more subdued than that, though it does still have some cool elements.

You start off playing either the Dude or Queen fish, using the accelerometer to move around, avoiding the bigger fish and going after the smaller ones. There is an option to tap on the edges of the screen instead of the tilt-to-move, but I found it extremely hard to maneuver in that mode. Since the screen is oriented as a side view, I started playing with the phone oriented like I was looking into an aquarium. I noticed that the game info mentioned that it is better to hold the phone parallel to the floor; this felt awkward at first, but it is definitely easier to score that way.

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Fish-Fun-Settings

There are four power ups that enhance the game play (you start with two of them and earn the other two along the way). Speed and Scramble are available at the start of the game. With Speed, your fish moves twice as fast for a limited amount of time and with Scramble, all of the other fish move out of the way for a moment. Each is a single use to be repowered at certain point levels.

Three mini games are included for quick fun. Tap, Gulp and Loop can be accessed from the main menu and are also interspersed as bonus rounds in regular play. The most challenging one of these, Loop, is also the one I found the most fun: draw a loop around as many similar sea creatures as possible while avoiding the others.

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Kids will probably find this game highly enjoyable (especially while they search for the ever popular Clown Fish to gobble up). It takes very good hand-eye coordination to achieve the higher scores, which will unlock more fish and more types of power ups. There is an Aqua Mode that makes the display look more like water. A cool feature indeed, but on a 3G device it slows the frame rate way down.

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The developers have also included a Challenge mode to allow you to play against friends on Facebook and others in your contacts list. Online leaderboards let you compare your scores against the Fish Fun elite! At 99 cents [iTunes], the game is attractively priced.

November 7, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | 3 Comments 

Pro Surfing Wildcard – Realistic iPhone Surf Game, Except For Peeing In Your Wetsuit

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

PSW-Logo-Large Have you ever played a surfing videogame? I never had … so when asked to review Pro Surfing Wildcard (by Traction Games), I had no idea what to expect. I went into the experience expecting something poorly stitched together with lame gameplay mechanics that would only appeal to hardcore surfers. However, what I encountered was much different.

Pro Surfing Wildcard had me totally hooked within ten minutes (that’s about how long it took me to get used to the controls). It features a Free Surf mode and a Compete mode, in which you compete through an entire season of surfing, trying to beat the scores of other surfers … this mode is absolutely addictive! The season takes you on an epic surf trip, hitting various breaks worldwide … USA, Mexico, Norway and Australia. You can submit your scores to the online global leaderboard or simply join the Pro Surfing Wildcard online community for various tips, tricks and general banter.

PSW-Carve-FINAL

You start the game by paddling into a wave and popping up on your surfboard … moving with a nice implementation of accelerometer controls. There is a button to slow down (this helps stall your board so you can get deep inside a tube) and four trick buttons. The control scheme takes a bit of getting used to, but it’s very simple to get the hang of. Don’t give up the first time you fall off your board and eat it … this game is too much fun to wuss out on after one failed attempt (which you will definitely have – hey, even in real life, you don’t start charging waves after your first attempt).

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Each session is timed, with the time pausing every time you wipe out. A landed trick gives you points, while a wipe out reduces your accumulated points (which seems like a pain at first, but provides motivation to get better).

When it comes to acceleration, it’s automatic, with the slow down button that I referenced earlier. Landing takes a bit of getting used to as you must land the maneuver in the correct direction or you’ll biff. And I’ve confirmed with the good admin here at KRAPPS, who is a surfer himself, that acceleration and landing are quite realistic (although the air you get from a wave is a bit exaggerated).

PSW-Air-FINAL

In addition to the wave you ride in Free Surf, you are able to unlock three additional waves by playing through the Competition mode. This feature provides plenty of reason to keep playing Pro Surfing Wildcard and is actually pretty rewarding.

The graphics are nice for the platform. Nothing spectacular (especially the water), but definitely bearable, and not by any means an eyesore. Speaking of the water … it’s cold! Consulting KRAPPS, they said typically surfers will pee in their wetsuits in attempts to warm up … this would be a nice feature for future updates.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF All in all, I’m very impressed with Pro Surfing Wildcard … it is a great iPhone game – much better than what expected. That said, it doesn’t take a surfer to enjoy this game as I’ve never surfed once in my life (except the Internet), and I’m having a blast. I’ve actually had to pause the production of this review a few times to get in a round or two. Pro Surfing Wildcard is available for $1.99 in iTunes, it’s totally worth it and I hereby declare it 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – definitely!

 

November 4, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 37 Comments 

Coworkerisms – It’s KRAPPSpalooza In Here!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

OFFICE_SPACE_Milton As anyone who has ever worked in an office knows, casual conversation with your coworkers can be problematic. Avoidance will likely get you labeled as anti-social, while saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time may earn you an even worse title: anti-employed! Television writers Jacob Lentz and Paul Koehorst recognized the need for a guidebook to help cubicle denizens navigate these potentially risky waters. Earlier this year, they published "There’s No I in Office" a compendium of 4,293 phrases which cover tons of everyday situations and even lots of things that are applicable to specific types of jobs. I recently took the book with me when I went on vacation and immediately found a goldmine of useful information. I picked up lots of great one liners to throw off in boring meetings and even some cool new phrases to use when arriving for work ("Welcome back, fellow travelers") and then when leaving at the end of the day ("Tonight, I will sleep the sleep of the just"). And if I ever take up a new career as a lumberjack or U.N. translator, I’ll be covered with such gems as "I love these plaid shirts" and "What’s your favorite foreign swear word?"

But, I know what you’re thinking. This is an iPhone app site, what are we doing talking about a book? Fear not, brave reader, for in addition to the printed offering, the authors have also released a companion iPhone application: Coworkerisms. The application features over 3,000 phrases from the book arranged by category. Or perhaps you’re feeling super-adventurous and will go for the random quote. Either way, now you’ve got lots of ammunition to fire back when the office’s chatty Cathy comes knocking. And with the iPhone app, you won’t have to write your faves in the palm of your hand, with a Sharpie pilfered from the office supply cabinet.

Coworkerisms Splash   Coworkerisms Lord Flies

Coworkerisms-Hall   Coworkerisms Zeppelin

In addition to the extra thousand or so phrases, the book also features hilarious answers to some common questions you might get asked in the workplace. Each of the answers is pretty much guaranteed to stop the questioner in their tracks and allow you to slip away in the confusion that results. Each chapter of the book also ends with a page of Power Phrases, clever fill-in-the-blank sentences. Amazingly, the term KRAPPS fits well in every one! (the title of this post was one of them).

Coworkerisms-List    Coworkerisms-eBay

Coworkerisms-Sick    Coworkerisms Supervillian

We haven’t used the term lately, but this book and the companion app are both definitely 100% anti-KRAPPS certified. Coworkerisms is $1.99 in the AppStore [iTunes] and "There’s No I in Office" lists for $11.95, available in your favorite bookstore or $9.56 at Amazon.

October 31, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

Bratwurst, Drunk Cows And Gluten Free Beer – What’s Not To Love About This App?

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

oktoberfest-girl-1 In celebration of Oktoberfest, we take our viewers on a journey … a journey to a wonderful land. Imagine a place filled with endless bratwurst, pork knuckles and racing dachshunds. A place where all you have to do is stand up, open your mouth and it will be filled with delicious nectar, ice-cold beer… no effort required.

Now, imagine being the one responsible for getting the beer into the mouths of others! Doesn’t sound nearly as fun, but stick with me … remember, our journey is to a most wonderful land.

Ale Beershooter gives you that opportunity to visit this glorious land. In this simple game, you attend an Oktoberfest celebration, equipped with a beer turret, as it were.

Beershooter-Title

Party-goers stand up and open their mouths wide open … hippo-like. To shoot beer into their pie-holes successfully, all you have to do is precisely tap their mouths. You are awarded points for a good shot and lose points if you’re not accurate. (Hitting big-breasted women in their rack, for some reason, still loses points. Hmmm, perhaps this is to avoid a wet t-shirt contest from breaking out … after all, there is already an app for that.)

Beershooter-1

Animals join in on the fun as well. Birds fly by and briefly stop with their mouths open at a chance of receiving your delicious ale. Cows stop what their doing and come down from the mountain tops to partake in getting shit-faced. You get even more points for helping the animals out … sort of like Noah did (Noah was a cool dude).

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Plus, there’s a worldwide online score board. The top scores seem absolutely impossible to beat, no lie. I’m not sure how they do it, but it’s a great reason to keep playing.

All in all, Ale Beershooter is a FREE iPhone game [iTunes] … contains beer … is gluten free and cows get drunk. What’s not to love?

October 24, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

iPeePee – This Aim Game Is A Real Pisser

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

Let’s be frank … no beating around the bush, no seeking description … iPeePee is,
in essence, a penis simulation game.

iPeePee-Logo (editor’s note: OMG! we can’t believe Connor just said p*nis. our apologies – we know p*nis
is a dirty word. dude, come on!)

The goal of iPeePee is to … uh, well … pee. Using the iPhone’s accelerometer controls, you need to pee in a variety of urinals and be as accurate as possible. There are a bunch of things you can pee on … such as a beer bottle that lets you pee a little longer (but decreases your accuracy) or a wad of cash, which somehow increases your score. Not to mention other random items for splash … bottle of pills, a radio, a billiard ball, your friend’s face (kidding), etc.

iPeePee 2

Surprisingly, this game is more difficult than it sounds. You’ve gotta get some pretty high scores to advance and it could take a lot of patience … especially after you’ve leaked on some beer bottles (which could be crucial if your urine level is running low before you’ve reached your goal).

iPeePee 1

Not only is iPeePee entertaining, but this game could be great practice for those inebriated public urination experiences that we will all eventually grow to hate (of course, it’s only effective if you stand about two feet away from the urinal).

Don’t have a penis? No problem! Believe me, it’s not a prerequisite! As I said, this is a simulation game, so anything is possible. Be a guy for a minute and piss all over the place. This game would be no fun if you had to sit down. In fact, I’m not even sure it would work at all. And if you are lucky enough to be of the male gender, you could easily use iPeePee for practice or even as a guide WHILE you pee. (this will require some duct tape to ensure accuracy with the game … I love duct tape, it’s very practical)

iPeePee 4

The only suggestion I have to “enhance” the game (no, “enhance” is not a Viagra reference) is to include an online scoreboard. You know … see how you rank against the most accurate pissers with an iDevice in the world. I could see iPeePee getting very competitive … you know … a real pissing match!

 

October 3, 2009 | Filed Under Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

Corner Office – Payin’ the Cost To Be the Boss

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Ah, yes, the corner office. The lair of the Big Cheese, the Prime Kahuna, the HMFIC; you get the picture. But, you might be asking yourself, how can I achieve this lofty goal? How can I secure that corner office, with all of the trappings of success that accompany it? I’m pretty sure that just by asking the question, you are out of the running! You’re better off with more realistic goals, like figuring out who keeps stealing your lunch from the breakroom refrigerator. When you get the urge to set your sights higher, you could just pull out your iPhone and load up Corner Office [iTunes] by Low Brow Software instead.

Corner-Office-Title

Your first mission is to capture a photo of your boss with the iPhone camera. How you do this without having to explain that you will ultimately be defacing their likeness is left up to you and your ninja skillz. Me, I opted for taking a photo of a posted photo of my boss. Way less damaging for the career!

Corner Office 2

Your next mission is to throw things at your faux boss while they berate you with over 100 one liners. There are different phrases depending on whether you have a male or female boss. You start out throwing pies, but if you work really hard, you get to throw other things like bananas or mice (the computer peripheral, not the rodent). It was at this stage that I realized the developers had perfectly captured one element of corporate life: work hard and you might just receive a pointless reward!

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Corner Office 3

When you’re ready for a mission with some action (but only a little more), there are two game modes to play. In the game Face Time, the boss figure moves around the screen while you try to hit him or her with more pies, earning cash and promotions along the way. In the game You’re Fired, you need to keep a steady flame going by tilting the device while not running out of fuel.

Corner-Office-Mice

By now, you’ve probably accumulated some pictures as mementos of playing the games. Your final mission is to clog up the company’s email system by sharing these with your co-workers. Add a quote bubble with a witty management saying like "Johnson, where’s that monthly TPS report!" and it’s sure to get forwarded around the company, cementing your legendary status as "that guy that got fired for putting the CEOs face on a gorilla and throwing pies at it".

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At the time of this writeup, this compendium of office themed activities was priced at $2.99 (originally released at $4.99). A little steep for your average cubicle drone, if you ask me.

September 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

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