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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
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- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
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Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing
Hating on real estate agents is a great American pastime for a lot of people. Ultra-aggressive and over-the-top sales techniques , scratching each other’s eyes out for the latest listing … all while baking cookies and cutting fresh flowers for their next open house. It’s a dog eat dog world in the real estate market, where only the strong survive … so considering these conditions, no wonder real estate agents resemble circus freaks.
Well iPhone owners … brace yourselves … the circus is coming to town! The first wave of real estate agent iPhone apps have arrived, with the majority developed by a company called MobileAppLoader. For about $100, any real estate agent can purchase their customized “template” app and establish a footprint in the App Store. And you get what you pay for. These KRAPPS simply contain a “Call The Agent” button, an “Email the Agent” button, some links to the agent’s web site, a loan calculator and location-based emails notifying the agent you are in a specific neighborhood. Good stuff … if you’re into one-sided conversations.
But hey, you gotta applaud MobileAppLoader and the agents who shell out a hundred bucks for their app … at least their thinking out of the box. Plus it gives us a spotlight our favorites along with the accompanying screen shots …
Apparently Allen Jaworski has himself confused with some high powered Wall Street broker. And just look at him go … a mover and a shaker … Allen rocks! Uh dude – why don’t you have an iPhone … great job appealing to your target market!
Ahh … the lovely Jen And Joe Hernandez app … young newlyweds … they love each other so much … love, love , love. HELLO FREAKS – don’t put your cheese ball engagement photo on a business application! You expect us to trust you with our money when you can’t even keep your hands off each other during a simple business photo shoot? We want to kill our iPhone every time we launch the “Jen Hearts Joe” app and see their horndog picture. Love bites … get a freaking room!
There’s something about the HomeWay guy … not exactly sure what it is … maybe it’s the white jacket or the highlighted hair or the sexy goatee or the sexy smile. But whatever it is … we want to party with the HomeWay dude!!!
Meet Matt Stigliano of San Antonio Real Estate … poor sucker, he lost a bet with his friends and now is now forever engrained in the App Store as a Real Estate Agent Rockstar. Or maybe he really does think he’s a rockstar. Uh, ok – cool – yeah Matt … you are a rockstar and all the chicks dig you.
Finally we have Lori O’Day. We had to delete this app immediately as it caused us to have reoccurring nightmares featuring Lori’s mug offering us baked cookies at an open house … AHHHHHH …. seriously disturbing! WTF lady – invest in a decent portrait!
Recap: Week of Apr 20 – Baby Shaker Insights
Well that was a helluv a week. Looking back, it’s a bit funny … we discovered the Baby Shaker app on Tuesday night, April 21. We debated whether to write about Baby Shaker or another KRAPPS, even consulting the opinion of a few friends … it was a unanimous decision. Guess we had a “feeling”, because we started our Baby Shaker article with the following premonition:
“Our apologies in advance – this will not be a typical KRAPPS post. To borrow a baseball analogy, our mission is to hit what Apple tees up and this next one is going out of the park.”
And boy did Baby Shaker fly right out of the App Store park, creating a worldwide firestorm, picked up by every major media outlet – blogs, web sites, newspapers, television and radio. Google “Baby Shaker iPhone” … the returned results are well over 1 million.
Turns out Jennipher Dickens (@mom2amiracle), who founded a nonprofit organization (Stop Shaken Baby Syndrome, Inc.) after her son Christopher was injured from being shaken by his father, saw our Baby Shaker article … tweeted her disgust and forwarded a press release to 30,000 media companies citing KRAPPS as the source of the story. Well we all know what happened next … worldwide coverage … Apple removing Baby Shaker and issuing a public apology.
Here at KRAPPS we received a ton of media inquiries. We did a radio interview on San Diego-based 91X Morning Radio Show with Mat Diablo (which will be a reoccurring segment) and will conduct a video interview with The Wall Street Journal shortly.
KRAPPS servers were under extreme stress due to the insane increase in traffic on April 22. We thought perhaps things might subside on April 23, but to the contrary, traffic was even higher than the previous day. Our buddy at Kneadle (graphic & interactive design studio) hosts KRAPPS – but on April 23 informed us that KRAPPS traffic was bringing his business to a standstill and that we must leave … LOL … guess we wore out or welcome. So during the middle of the day, April 23, Kneadle conducted a practically seamless KRAPPS transition to Media Temple. Think we were down for about 20 minutes during the migration … but Kneadle kicked ass during the Baby Shaker incident and we owe our asses to them.
All in all, Baby Shaker made for crazy week behind the scenes at KRAPPS. But believe it or not, we wrote other articles this week … so in case you missed any of the other festivities, quick links to this week’s articles:
Apr 20: The Impossible Dream … we only imagined this app in our wildest dreams!
Apr 21: Who Poops Gold? … discover what Apple does while taking a dump
Apr 22: Baby Shaker – It’s Not Funny Apple … the article that started the worldwide firestorm
Apr 22: Shake Baby Until It Dies Update … timeline and details of the firestorm
Apr 22: Appy Newz Cover Contest … enter to win KRAPPS t-shirts and other cool prizes
Apr 24: Gangstas And Homies … wanna be a gangsta? there’s an app for that!
Apr 25: Rogue Touch Rocks … our anti-KRAPPS review of the Rogue Touch game
Shake Baby Until It Dies Update
We went live with the our Baby Shaker story early this morning around 1:00am PST, including an announcement on Twitter. The first retweet was at 5:30am PST by @Dixwifey. From there, the word started to spread. We made a timezone re-tweet at 10:45am PST and after that, all hell broke loose with multiple re-tweets, passionate comments and outcries towards Apple requesting that Baby Shaker be removed from the App Store.
At 11:07am PST, CNET broke the Baby Shaker story on their site (crediting KRAPPS). Shortly thereafter, Tech Crunch broke the story (crediting CNET). Twitter was going off with Baby Shaker tweets and retweets (still is at the time of writing). At approximately 3:30pm PST, mainstream media has picked up the Baby Shaker story: New York Times, Boston Herald, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times and more by the minute via Google News search.
In the end, the people were heard and Apple removed Baby Shaker … but not without exposure to a seriously flawed application approval system.
Child abuse is not funny … shaking a baby on your iPhone until it dies is just F’ed up (just read the viewer comments below for real life child abuse horror stories) and not a laughing nor entertaining matter.
To conclude, reading the various Baby Shaker buzz, we’ve been noticing that Apple fanboy thinks Apple can do no wrong … saying Baby Shaker is not Apple’s fault, rather the developers. Uhhhh, WRONG NUT JOB! Apple is 100% responsible for the products they sell. Doesn’t matter if they developed it or not … if Apple sells it, they are responsible for the product … so STFU Apple fanboy and mix in a dose of reality.
For Your Confident Life
Ok folks … step right up … gather around … listen carefully … because boy have we got an absolutely amazing app for you! It’s one of a kind – it’s an original – it will leave you wondering how you ever lived life without it. This featured app is for everyone – for man and woman. A ground breaking app my friends and we are so excited to present it to you.
Let’s start with a simple question … do you have hair? Most of you will answer “Yes”. Another question … do you want to keep your hair? Most of you will answer “Yes”. So it’s been established … most of you have hair and want to keep it. Marvelous! Then what you need to do is immediately purchase the HAIR CLINIC app by Sociag Project. What is this HAIR CLINIC app you ask? Well friends, it’s The World’s First Mobile Hair Clinic System which will help protect your hair for a confident life. Yes … protect your hair for a confident life with HAIR CLINIC … for man and woman!
Now stop laughing! … Stop it! … Stop it right now! HAIR CLINIC works! Most hair problems such as alopecia and hair loss result from insufficient nutrition of hair roots that is caused by the circulation disorder of the blood around hair roots. HAIR CLINIC generates various types of inaudible high and low frequencies to promote blood circulation around hair roots and as a result, hair roots can receive normal nutrition … thus avoiding hair loss.
With HAIR CLINIC, you’re on your way to a life of healthy and abundant hair … and it’s easy. Just follow the simple three step … Step 1: launch app, press the Cleaning button, hold iPhone to your head for 3 minutes to clean pores … Step 2: press the Massaging button, hold iPhone to your head for 4 minutes to promote blood circulation … Step 3: press the Improving button, hold iPhone to your head for 3 minutes to improve function of hair roots. And that’s it … simply hold your iPhone to your head for 10 minutes a day and you will have healthy and abundant hair.
And here’s the best part! How much would you pay for healthy and abundant hair? $100? $75? $50? Nope, none of those prices … you don’t even have to pay $25 … get this – HAIR CLINIC can be yours for less than $10! Yes – you heard it right … only $8.99 for the HAIR CLINIC app … Your Choice Changes Your Life! Only $8.99 for the amazing HAIR CLINIC app … don’t be a fool – buy it now … a small price to pay for YOUR CONFIDENT LIFE!
Apple On Viagra
Did you hear the news? Or maybe it’s just for those Apple “insiders” … well whatever, we are here to share. So get this … one of Apple’s top executives (we will NOT name names) was recently prescribed Sildenafil Citrate (google it) and is now enjoying its effects. Oh yeah, this guy can be seen walking the hallways of 1 Infinite Loop with an extra spring in his step. Dude has a massive shit-eating grin plastered on his face 24/7. And of course … Mr. Happy Pants just can’t say “No” … if it has a pulse, he’s all over it. But it’s not what you think … he’s all over any and every app which is submitted to Apple for approval.
How do we know? We got mad skillz and the facts …
We’ve discussed this many times … sex sells. Now get an Apple exec hopped up on Viagra and sex REALLY sells. Take for example a standard clock app … it displays the time in 12 hour or military modes, has an alarm with a snooze button, different time zones, a countdown timer, etc … blah, blah, blah … standard stuff. Now sprinkle in a bit of Viagra dust … and boom … you get sexy clock. Sexy clock? Absolutely … why look at a standard boring iPhone clock when you can be enjoying Bikini Times Clock.
Oh yeah … sexy bikini girls … this we like! We’ll be looking at bikini girls all day … that’s how we roll … too sexy … the iPhone rocks! Oh, and did we mention the Bikini Times Clock displays the time? But we do have a bone to pick with the Bikini Times Clock – it ain’t all that! This app lacks fart functionality, which seriously jeopardizes it’s $1.99 price tag. Why not just make the PERFECT clock app – a Sexy Farting Bikini Clock. Hourly chimes = Farts … Alarm sound = Farts. Yeah Mr. Viagra Apple Man … mix in a bean burrito … because
SEX + FARTS = $$$. Cuz it’s all about the profit … so take that one straight to the bank!
Quick Links For KROQ
Tomorrow morning at 6:20am PST, we are scheduled to be on Los Angeles-based KROQ’s Kevin & Bean radio show … cool! If you miss the live airing (heck, even we wouldn’t get up that early to hear ourselves yap), be sure to check out the archived podcast at KROQ.com.
While we’re not exactly sure which KRAPPS will be discussed – for your convenience – below are links to potential topics:
Drunk Dialing Enabler app – Ringr Roulette (free giveaway!)
Spanking apps – Spank and Spank The Monkey
Peeing apps – iPee and Shy Bladder
Boobie apps – iJiggles and Wobble
Token Smut app – Cute Asian Girls … your cure for yellow fever
Sex Aid apps – Sexy Spinna
Super Secret app – Appy Entertainment … no app yet, just a bunch of teasers
We Got Your Cure!
As we perform our daily KRAPPS search, we get a variety of first impressions. Some apps have us thinking “STUPID- STUPID – STUPID” … some apps fall into the “WHAT THE HELL” category … some scream “FREAKING GROSS” aka “FRAT APPS” … some beg the question “IS APPLE DRUNK OR JUST APPROVES EVERYTHING?” (sort of like that friend who hits on anything with a pulse) … and on the flip side “WAS THE DEVELOPER DRUNK? WHY EVEN BOTHER MAKING THIS APP CUZ IT’S JUST PLAIN WRONG” (sort of like waking up and realizing you’ve been stung by the wrath of Beer Goggles).
Then we have a really “special” category … special because we rarely get this impression as we’ve seen it all and honestly, nothing really fazes us anymore. This rare/limited-edition category is simply called “WTF”. The last WTF app was Peep Show … the pseudo striptease app which Apple approved as a game suitable for 4th graders … WTF Apple, strippers are ok for 4th graders? Get your head examined! Prior to that were the Spank and Spank The Monkey apps which basically enables those who suffer from spanking fetishes … WTF Apple, freaking sickos! Then finally our last WTF app were the two peeing apps.
Like we said, WTF apps are few and far between. Until last Friday, when we saw an app that made us think … WTF Apple, do you really want to profit by making the iPhone a portable smut device? Guess Apple does as they proudly approved the Cute Asian Girls app with the clever (errr OFFENSIVE) tagline … “Your Cure For Yellow Fever”.
We really don’t need to get into intricate details of this app … you get the picture (no pun intended) … images of scantily clad Asian girls dressed up in maid uniforms or with weapons or whatever.
But I guess we should thank Apple. Heck, never mind how OS 3.0 will allow developers to transform the iPhone into a valuable medical device … you’ll be able to attach a blood pressure cuff to your iPhone – then take, record and send the information to your physician. Or if you are a diabetic, you can simplify your life with the upcoming glucose monitoring app from Lifescan (a Johnson & Johnson company). Yeah, you heard it right … never mind these STUPID potential lifesaving apps … because the real value of this medical device iPhone is the cure for “Yellow Fever”. Hopefully Apple will continue this approach as we’re sure many suffer from “Jungle Fever”, “Spice Fever”, etc.
Ok, you get where this is going? WTF Apple, are you a 15-year old boy? A dog in heat? Smut plus a borderline racial/offensive tagline? Come here Apple so we can bitch slap that Yellow Fever right out of you with our iPhone – yeah, we got your cure!
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