App developer’s take note … this should provide plenty of motivation for achieving App Store success and billions of dollars!

You know those so-called “noteworthy and profitable” apps like Doodle Jump, Pocket God or Tetris? Those apps which developers work their ass off trying to release and maintain a quality product? F*CK ‘EM!

All you really need to do is spend 10 minutes programming a few black screens with decorative frames around the edges … call it an iPhone mirror … and increase the bastard’s from ninety nine cents to  four hundred and fifty dollars.

The end result of your bullshit? Some poor suckers will make your work (we use the term loosely) the #3 overall Top Grossing app … $$ Ka-Ching $$   

Oh geez, here we go … from the same brilliant minds that brought you the mindless I Love Burgers app, we present yet another App Store all-star … I Love Hotdogs … the tribute app to hotdog lovers worldwide.

Well, the one redeeming quality of I Love Hotdogs is the fact that it rates higher on the Dipshit Scale than its predecessor I Love Burgers. For whatever reason, folks look like bigger asshats when posing for pictures with hotdogs rather than hamburgers.

Of course you’ll always get the moron stuffing 127 hotdogs into their mouth …

Or the wanker who decides a hotdog is the best Halloween costume ever …

Long Duk Dong hotdog cooker? Yes please …

And finally, no hotdog tribute app should be taken seriously without hundreds of sexual innuendos. We are happy to report I Love Hotdogs does not disappoint …

Back in December we published a story called “How To SUCK At Selling iPhone Apps”. As the name suggests, the article highlighted crappy promotional techniques used by developers to peddle their goods.

Recently we came across an app whose description was so disturbing yet convincing, we immediately paid the $3.99 download price. To this day we’re not exactly sure why we purchased the Lethal Weapon app … but let’s just say fear is a huge motivator.

Damn those folks at Minervaz … developers of Lethal Weapon … for not sucking at sales tactics and scaring the shit out of us. Just read excerpts from Lethal Weapon’s over-the-top description (out in the street … everything is out of hand – bloody fights – those things will get you killed for sure)  … you too will fear for your life and gladly part with $3.99.

Out in the streets, there are no rules. Everything is out of hand. Anything goes. And you have to be ready for everything! Or else, lives are lost.

 

Most people only hear about this stuff in the evening news. And, they never think it will happen to them. Until it does happen to them… or to one of their loved ones… and they’re just not ready to handle it.

 

What about you… Will you be ready when violence decides to head your way?

 

The fighting system I’m talking about is revealed in a special new report… created by two street fighters who have had their share of bloody fights. Not in the classrooms but out in the streets.

 

This stuff is super-fast to learn… and highly effective in the field. It’s the easy way to get you trained for the streets fast… so you are suddenly a walking arsenal of brutal, lethal weapons.

 

Plus, you learn how to instantly turn on your "warrior mindset" and become ready for anything. Covering . . .
★ In deadly situations, you don’t have time for complicated fighting styles, fancy spinning kicks, or Hollywood-style stunts. Those things will get you killed for sure!
★ All the deadly power of these moves comes from extensions of the way your body naturally moves.
★ But, most importantly, we reveal "The Warrior Mindset." This is what separates the real fighters from the wannabes.

 

But… before you get this report, I must warn you that … this Fighting System is NOT for everybody! However… if you’re looking for a system that will help you and your loved ones walk away from dangerous situations alive and unharmed, this report is created just for you.

 

Don’t wait for something to happen. Grab this report now!

As we began reporting back in June 2009, Apple has a zero-tolerance policy for porn and nudity in the App Store. Any application found with revealing nipple or crotch-shots, have been nailed with Apple’s ban hammer : 

06/25/09 – Hottest Girls … 07/01/09 – BeautyMeter … 07/30/09 – theXchange … 08/21/09 – Check myHottie … 09/15/09 – My X Girlfriend … 01/21/10 – forChan

But as you can see from the above examples, despite Apple’s “No Bra – No Panties – No App Store” rule, pornography manages to sneak past the gatekeeper. Developers continue to risk their good status with Apple in return for full frontal nudity glory.

The latest examples of App Store pornography are from Korean-based developer MSHOT Co., Ltd. They currently have three applications for sale on the App Store … all containing explicit sexual content and nudity … Top Secret 2, Model Pose and Model Pose 2.

The presentation and previews of the three applications in the App Store are very subtle. Their descriptions simply read, “Pocket Girls Series” … while preview screenshots are an enigma as well, encouraging viewers to visit Yashot.com for examples of in-app content.

But make no mistake about it … Top Secret 2, Model Pose and Model Pose 2 contain overtly sexual content to the highest degree. Breasts, nipples, vaginas and ass … name the naked body part, these apps have it.

MSHOT is no stranger to sleaze apps … we’ve covered some really weird shit from them (DVD Room, Mesmerism and Drunken Girls to name a few). However Apple’s war on smut put MSHOT out of business … well sort of. Less than one month after Apple banned over 5,000 overtly sexual apps, MSHOT released Top Secret 2 on March 9. On April 29, their second porn app, Model Pose, was launched. And finally, just yesterday, MSHOT’s third explicit sex app, Model Pose 2, became available for sale on the App Store.

So why do porn apps still exist if Apple is dead set against them? Well there are a few methods, but in MSHOT’s case, it appears they duped Apple. The apps’ images submitted to Apple for approval most likely are hosted on MSHOT’s servers. After the three apps were approved, MSHOT could have simply switched the images to the full frontal nudity variety without Apple’s knowledge.

F*cking with Apple is a losing proposition. Just ask developer Charles Rodriguez … developer of the infamous forChan app. Although forChan did not contain nudity, Apple felt Mr. Rodriguez was not forthright when submitting his app for approval and revoked his  developer license. Section 6.1 of the iPhone Developer Program Agreement  states … Apple has the right to terminate developer license for dishonest and fraudulent acts, including trying to hide application functionality from Apple’s review.

Does a similar “6.1 Fate” await MSHOT? We repeat … don’t f*ck with Apple … enough said.

Have you ever wondered how old you are down to the second? Or the number of times you’ve blinked? How long your hair would be if you never cut it? How much toothpaste have you used?

Yeah … neither have we. Pretty bizarre thoughts for us normal peeps … but let’s try some others …

How much snot you’ve swallowed? Or the lifetime weight of your poop?  How about the amount of liquid you’ve peed? Number of times your farted?

We hear you … still a resounding “NO”. Well since we brought it up and through the power of suggestion … you probably are now wondering the exact amount of snot you’ve swallowed over the course of your lifetime. And since we’re not a bunch of stuck-up teases, we have the answers! But first you must download the Amazing Human Calculator app.

Amazing Human Calculator [iTunes] is a new FREE app from LOLer Apps which attempts to satisfy your bizarre and random curiosities. Being the eccentric folks they are, LOLer Apps spent many months researching the strangest human facts and gifting their findings in the form of the Amazing Human Calculator app.

Simply enter the date and time of your birth and the Human Calculator will spit out 22 freaky facts, custom calculated for the individual user … how much blood has been recycled through your body, how many hours you’ve spent yawning or how long would your nails be if you never clipped them. 

Fascinating and frightening material considering an average 35 year old has eaten over 60,000 pounds of food and swallowed nearly 13,000 quarts of snot. BLEH … too much information!

Per Apple’s new guidelines, applications are allowed to contain risqué images if the app is from “a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format” … hence the reason why Playboy, Maxim and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit remain for sale in the App Store, but over 5,000 apps from lesser-known companies were labeled overtly sexual and removed from sale.

You got it? Large well-known companies can publish boobies … small lesser-known cannot. Makes perfect sense, eh? Yeah … if you are a moron. 

With two million members and supporters, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is the largest animal rights group in the world. You would think PETA falls into Apple’s “well-known” category … but apparently this is not the case. 

Part of PETA’s marketing strategy is to leverage celebrity support. Sarah Jessica Parker, Pamela Anderson and Paul McCartney back PETA, as well as many supermodels. One of PETA’s signature media campaigns are public service announcements featuring nude celebrities. Khloe Kardashian, Eva Mendes and Sophie Monk have all gone naked for PETA campaigns.

So when PETA submitted their Be Nice To Bunnies (BNB) iPhone application to Apple for approval, it was only natural that the app would contain an au naturel picture of  Stephanie Pratt, star of the MTV hit series The Hills, holding a cute bunny.

But as we mentioned, PETA did not measure up in the “well-known” category to the likes of Playboy, Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret. Apple informed PETA that Pratt’s picture was overtly sexual and could not be included in the BNB app … either PETA replace Pratt’s nude image or Apple would not approve the app.

So PETA went back to the drawing board (or perhaps Photoshop) and quickly put some clothes on Pratt. This dressed-up version made Apple comfortable and very happy … BNB has been approved and it now for sale in the App Store.

Oh … and what exactly is the Be Nice To Bunnies app? It’s a searchable database which informs users which products at a store are cruelty-free. The database contains a wide range of cruelty-free items … everything from makeup, hair products and household cleaners to dog treats. If you’re into supporting cruelty-free companies … be sure to use the  Be Nice To Bunnies [iTunes $1.99] app for all your shopping needs.

One of the iPhone’s many cool features is Location Services … using a combination of cell towers, Wi-Fi and GPS to determine your location. This functionality comes is handy for navigation on the iPhone’s map – using a weather app to determine your local weather – locating the nearest Starbucks … or a host of other geolocation functions.

But sometimes Location Services isn’t all that … like when it allows Sex Offenders to determine your location … HUH? – OUCH!

[st3phanielee via FAIL Blog]