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Recap: Week Of May 18


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iphonekrappsV1GIFIn case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 18: Squishy Guts And Blood – Gross! – if this stuff floats your boat, we have an app for you

May 19: Make A Stripper Smile – There’s An App For That – the iPhone gets street cred

May 19: Apple Gets The Joke Late – Rejects Approved App – Apple is very confused, so are developers

May 20: Apple Wants Sexy But This Is Just Too Weird – iPhone apps keep getting stranger

May 21: Fun With The Apple Profanity Filter – Apple saves children from burning their eyes

May 22: Hot Dog Down A Hallway – does this controversial game contain offensive material?

May 23: Cows, Poop And Fire – Leave It Alone Dad – yes proud parent, your kid’s doo-doo does stink

Cows, Poop And Fire – Leave It Alone Dad


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So did you hear about the new iPhone game Moo Cow Fury? Yeah, it’s pretty hysterical -involving racing cows, poop and fire. Sure it doesn’t come close to competing with EA in terms of polish and shine, but with an amusing premise and decent enough gameplay, we can think of worse ways to spend a buck. Click here to check out a gameplay video or visit the App Store to download Moo Cow Fury … two versions: $0.99 [iTunes] or Free ad-supported [iTunes].

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Argh! Wish we could stop right there. But we can’t … oh daddy, what were you thinking:

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Yeah, we get it … daddy is a very proud parent and encouraging young Nicholas. Seriously, that kind of support is awesome! There are so many 100% suck deadbeat dads in the world and it’s a breath of fresh air seeing that Nicholas has a great dad (yo Nicholas! – don’t forget – Father’s Day is June 21 – do something nice for papa!). But to throw the 12-Year Old Kid card into the title of the app … well, just a tad over-the-top. Then to lead off the game’s description with this detailed explanation of Nicholas’ quest to learn Objective-C and produce an iPhone app … well, yeah … it’s over-the-top.

MyKid Come on dad … we’re talking RACING COWS … POOP … and FIRE! Moo Cow Fury kicks butt on its own and we’re buying it because cows that poop while avoiding fire makes us laugh (yeah, we’re whack like that).

Not to turn this into a debate … but with 40,000 competing apps, something had to be done to get the pooping cow fire game noticed … so we guess Apple forced the 12-Year Old card hand. Hopefully it’s an Apple thing and not a delusional bias thing … yes Nicholas – your poop does stink … LOL.

Anyways … no doubt about it … geek 12-year olds who churn out iPhone games rock! And since we’re on the subject of geek kids … don’t forget to show some love to 9-year old Lim Ding Wen and his Doodle Kids [iTunes].

So the only question remains … whose app(s) rocks more … daddy or son Nicholas? LOL – we love you Nicholas dad!

Hot Dog Down A Hallway – Fun For All Ages


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(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

EDITOR’S NOTE: although we detailed the recent controversy surrounding Hot Dog Down A Hallway, we feel it’s appropriate to write a stand alone review to shift focus to what really matters … the actual game. 

HotDogHallwayName Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, step right up and prepare to be amazed by the stupendous stunt wiener! Transformed from pudgy porker to turbo tube steak, it whirls and it twirls as it flies through the air, all for the benefit of your entertainment. Will it catch maximum air and be flung far to fly downfield or will it have its trip cut short by an encounter with a nasty crab? It’s anybody’s guess, each show is completely different from the last. Will you cheer with fists raised high or will you jeer with heads hung low? The fickle finger of fate will decide! Gaze upon the impressive list of achievements which the stupendous stunt wiener has attained. Will you be the lucky audience to witness the awe inspiring "Mile High Club" or will you depart despondent that you only made it to "First base"?

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With a humorous concept and good-natured innuendo galore, Metaversal Studios Inc. has delivered a game which has multiple layers of appeal. Game controls are deceptively simple: you initially control the angle and power of the launch and once your hot dog is airborne, you rotate the phone to make slight course corrections. Utilize the beneficial items in the playing field like the flinging plant and the spinning chandelier and you gain distance. Meet up with the snapping claws of the crab or the wrong end of the blowing fan, however, and your trip ends right there. Even those ignominious ends might be rewarded with an achievement, though. Ingeniously, you can see only the titles of the achievements that you have not yet conquered, leaving you wondering just what you have to do to get them (and what great titles they are, as well). This definitely encourages repeated play. I still have six achievements to clear and have played "just one more round" on several occasions trying to figure them out. Cool, I cleared "Third base" while I was capturing some screen shots, so I just have five more to decipher!

HotDogHallway3

I definitely look forward to more games from this developer. I know they have recently run afoul of Apple’s approval process with an update to this game. I experienced no issues running the current version and, at 99 cents [iTunes], it’s a steal for the amount of entertainment provided.

 

Fun With The Apple Profanity Filter


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rooster2 Here at KRAPPS, we tend to slam Apple a bit (right? – its only a teenie weenie bit? – right?). But hey, props to Apple for taking the constructive criticism and implementing change. Take Baby Shaker for example … we wrote … Apple listened … no more Baby Shaker (LOL … and if you believe Apple pulled Baby Shaker solely because of KRAPPS, then we have a great money making opportunity for you on Twitter).

sexyspinnadesc11 Back in March, we wrote about the iPhone love dice app Sexy Spinna. We noticed the “C” word within the app’s description. Hmmm, not exactly the terminology we figure Apple wanted to broadcast via its App Store. So we politely told Apple about the situation (LOL) … Sexy Spinna’s description was revised … and Apple appears to have implemented a profanity filter. You see – constructive criticism resulted in productive change … bravo Apple!

So with Apple’s profanity filter put into action, iPee Drunk is now a safer app to explore. The app’s phrase “check your world pissing position” now becomes a child safe “check your world p****g position”. Fair enough … bravo!

iPeeDrunkFinal

And how about the profanity laced Elephant Song app … you know, that YouTube sensation now turned interactive app – targeted to both kids and adults alike. Great catch Mr. Apple Profanity Filter … no longer will innocent children burn their eyes reading the word
cock-a-doodle-doo”! Rather a much more innocent experience seeing
c**ck-a-doodle-doo” thanks to Apple’s profanity filter working overtime … bravo!

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But alas, the “F” word has super powers beyond anything even Superman possesses. Not even Apple’s profanity filter kryptonite will destroy the “F” word … bravo Trent!

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Apple Wants Sexy – But This Is Just Too Weird


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GeekFetishJPG If you’ve hung out at KRAPPS for any amount of time, you know there are some pretty freaky iPhone apps. And we don’t mean the weird, bizarre or crazy kind of freaky … we’re referring to the sexy, kinky, and naughty. Yeah that’s right … look close …if you haven’t noticed, the App Store is filled with all sorts of freaky sex and fetish apps.

Need sexy? Look at these fly offerings … Pin Up Weather app (hot chicks giving you the weather forecast) … Bikini Times Clock (no explanation required) … Sexy Spinna (love dice iPhone-style) … SuicideGirls Flip Strip (one of the many strip apps).

Need fetish? Pick your poison … Bikini Fart (yes, girls in bikinis farting) … Animal Farts (nothing like the sound of a sheep farting, eh?) … Belly Button (doesn’t everybody have a belly button fetish?) … too many Poop apps to mention … and of course, the turn your iPhone into a penis fetish app.

(side note: this whole iPhone fetish thing goes way beyond Apple … there’s now even a web site dedicated to hot chicks holding iPhones … LOL – oh technology, you so sexy)

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Ok, so now that you’re up to speed with Apple’s sexy and fetish-filled dreams, here’s the latest and greatest –> the Sexy Girl Talk – Sexy Alphabet app …

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Seriously, when we read the Sexy Alphabet description, we blew Monster Energy through our nose and almost pissed our pants from hysterical laughter …

“hired a professional voice model to speak all the letters of alphabet in a sexual way””
”you won’t believe how sexy a thing lie an alphabet can be”
”a real stress reliever”

SexyABC1 Who the heck comes up with this stuff?!? To be completely honest … “relaxing” to some hot chick’s voice reciting the ABC’s is freaking weird –> “Hey sexy, come here baby … don’t be so stuck up … come over here and whisper ABC’s in my ear … oh feels so sexy” … LOL – but hey, it’s Apple’s fetish … more power to them and the Sexy Alphabet app.

Hmmm, maybe Apple is really on to something! Ok folks, next time you’re ready for a little “romance” with that significant other – screw the Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” mood-setting garbage – break out Sexy Alphabet and get it really going on … ABC oh so sexy!

Apple Gets The Joke Late – Rejects Approved App


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Did you hear? Major League Baseball is changing their rules. Any time a batter reaches base safely, they receive an extra bag. So now a single becomes a double, doubles become triples, etc.. And get this … a home run counts as a run scored, but the batter gets to circle the bags and start again from first base.

Why did Major League Baseball change this rule? – we dunno. Guess they just changed Funny McCain Picture their mind. Oh well … sucks for you!

Argh! Sorry … forgot to mention this one. You know how Obama is the President of the United States? Well that’s changed too … guess the US Government changed their mind about the voting process. Why the change? – we dunno … but go ahead and welcome John McCain as our new forty fourth President. Oh well … sucks for you!

Here’s another change – this one is from our friends at Apple.

hotdogicon The whacky and hysterical iPhone game, Hot Dog Down A Hallway [iTunes], has been rejected. Huh? How can it be rejected if it’s still available in the App Store? – we dunno … all we know is that the developers of Hot Dog Down A Hallway, Metaversal Studios, submitted an update to Apple and were given a swift kick to their wiener (see what we did there). The update was technical in nature … user gameplay experience, backend stuff, etc. … but their nut shot was due to Explicit Content. Huh? – we dunno … there were no updates to the content of Hot Dog Down A Hallway … so we can only assume the Explicit Content are the  adult innuendos contained within the game and  the title itself … all originally approved by Apple. Oh well … sucks for you Metaversal!

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Huh? – we still dunno … we are still totally confused. Game is approved … game is rejected due to Explicit Content found in the original approved version … rejected game still being sold in the App Store. Huh? – we dunno … maybe since Trent Reznor has better luck, he can figure this out and put in a good word to Apple for “Hallway Hot Dog”. Go Trent!

Oh and by the way … we changed our minds too. This site will now enable you to Shave Your Yeti. Uh hold on … we changed our minds again … back to KRAPPS. Oh well … sucks for you!

PS – and of course, we’ll have a complete review of the Hot Dog Down A Hallway app KRAPPS-style within the next several days … wait for it. But don’t wait to buy the app as it might very well get banned – after all, it’s been rejected for Explicit Content. Huh?

Make A Stripper Smile – There’s An App For That


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GangstaGeekJPG The iPhone just got some major street cred! Ya dig? This ain’t no Abercrombie wearing – yoga taking – moleskin carrying – suburban frat boy mobile device … this iPhone is streetwise! Hailing from the hood of Cupertino! West Coat-style from the C to the A. iPhone biatch, bust it baby!

Yeah … we knew our boy Steve was a dirty dogg. Posing with those candy ass iFart and iStrip apps. But really hanging with his homies Young Jeezy, Fat Joe, Lil Wayne, etc … Steve has the cred and now brings it – iPhone in da house – just killing it!

Takin’ a page out of the Pacman Jones Chronicles, Apple now kicks two apps which will put a smile on every strippers face. We’re talking the Make It Rain! And I Make It Rain apps.

No redneck, this ain’t no rain stick voodoo magic app! We’re talking stacks – bling – benjamins – bills – cheddar – scrilla – bread.

RainAppsDesc

Still don’t get it? k … check the lyrics to “Sexy Can I” by Ray J:

Sexy can I, visit you at work
When you sliding down the pole …
Then you drop and do the splits …
I make it rain in the club like (oh, ohh, ohh)

No clue, huh? here, just watch this video of the I Make It Rain app in action:

 

Now you get it! Make It Rain … be a baller, with your cristal and green. The most dope gents at Mitchell Brothers … you boy and Steve … making it rain all night … straight up Cupertino bad ass-style.

And look at these user reviews … everyone’s a pimp with the Make It Rain apps:

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AngrySnowman Hmmm – got us thinking. Since Apple has this new found street cred … we’re gonna make it rich with our new iPhone app company –>
I’m So Hood Apps … with such dope offerings as the Trap Or Die app … the Triple Beam Dreams app … and of course, the sure hit
Angry Snowman app (who all dat Apple? don’t google – just approve it).

 

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