Genital Warts? This Amazing iPhone App Can Help!

Statistics show that nearly 85% of all people suffer from a wart at least once in their life. Warts are fugly, irritating and can be painful … especially genital warts, which are highly contagious. Additional details are way gross, so we’ll spare you the details, but simply put … warts suck!

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And getting rid of warts can be a bigger bitch than actually having them. You could try Compound W, burning them off with liquid nitrogen or with minor surgery. Not exactly pleasant remedies … yeah, warts suck!

Today we have great news about getting rid of those disgusting bumps … your iPhone can do it. Apple has approved the Wart Healer app … hooray! The secret behind Wart Healer is mental healing … we shit you not. Just read the app’s description below … “behind Wart Healer is a professional mental healer who specializes in long distance wart healing” (mental note – get new job as a long distance wart healer).

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WOW! For a mere $12.99 (a freaking bargain) … a long distance mental healer will get rid of your warts!

So you might be thinking … how does this long distance mental wart healing thing work? Glad you asked … because Wart Healer provides the answers. It has something to do with a spiritual level … the person’s energy … the moon’s decreasing phase … and a picture of the actual wart (don’t be embarrassed if you’re trying to heal a genital wart … Wart Healer is a professional service and your wanker will not appear on some fetish porn site).

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Now hopefully you read the above statement carefully. No need to freak out if your warts don’t fall off immediately … it can take up to 111 days (very precise numbers) until first effects are visible. 

Although Wart Healer is easy to use … it is imperative you follow the steps below (paying attention to the moon’s next decreasing phase) …

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So how do you like them long distance healers? Yeah … pretty awesome and not a joke either. Apple has approved and classified Wart Healer as a medical application, so obviously they tested it and Wart Healer works!

One thing to note however … the $12.99 purchase price includes the removal of one wart. If your friends call you “Lumpy”, additional warts can be removed via in-app purchase.

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Who would have ever thought the iPhone could cure warts. It’s so revolutionary that you can’t make this shit up. Thank you Mr. Jobs … you make our penises very happy.

April 23, 2010 | Filed Under Health 

Comments

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  • Wow. What next? A psychic app? Never mind. Just checked. There are tons.

  • LOL … perhaps a long distance psychic app? 😉

  • Quack! Quack! Quack!

  • Oink! Oink! Oink!

  • M.E

    Actually, searching for “Wart Healer” returns no results. It does however (Honest to god!) pop up a suggestion reading: “! Did you mean fart dialer?”

  • indeed … Apple removed Wart Healer shortly after our original article …
    a shame, cuz we think we have one popping up now 😉

  • M.E

    Actually, searching for “Wart Healer” returns no results. It does however (Honest to god!) pop up a suggestion reading: “! Did you mean fart dialer?”

  • indeed … Apple removed Wart Healer shortly after our original article …
    a shame, cuz we think we have one popping up now 😉

  • I’m currently developing a new app, I call it the Gullibility Healer. You upload your app-usage history and a long distance philosopher will instil wisdom in your brain. It can take up to a lifetime to see effects so don’t worry if you spend the rest of your life as a gullible twat, rest assured you’ll be reborn as the next Einstein.