Vuvuzela Ate My Brain! – Pro Zombie Soccer for iPhone

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

When the zombies come for you (and they will), you must use your skills to their fullest to defeat them.  And if your skill is making wicked moves with a soccer ball, it would probably look something like Pro Zombie Soccer [iTunes $0.99], developed by Super Awesome Hyper-Dimensional Mega Team and released by Chillingo.

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Similar to a tower defense setup, you control the character of Jax, who’s short on time since he may already be infected himself.  The story unfolds via beautifully delivered comic art cut scenes.  In the first rounds, you start off on "The Streets", armed with just a soccer ball.  The zombies approach from the right side of the screen, some moving faster than others and some just a little harder to kill.  You can power up your shot for extra killing effect and it’s never a bad idea to aim for the head.

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As you work your way through the levels, you’ll pick up extra powers as well.  One gives you super-speed to get more shots off.  Another lets your soccer ball mow through a whole crowd of zombies before it returns to you.  Yet another lets you target multiple zombies for a laser blast from space.  Each of these powers comes in handy when things get a little crazy.  You get bonus points for using these extra powers to their full potential.

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After you’ve mastered "The Streets", your next mission takes you to "The Scrapyard".  The first level of that set has you running headlong at the zombies while still controlling the soccer ball.

Near the end of each level, you will face off with a burlier "boss".  These take multiple shots to kill, so aim well and shoot quick.  Hilariously, at one point I scored a "Nut Shot".  I wasn’t fast enough to capture a screen grab of it, but it dropped that zombie right quick.

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A recent update fixes issues with iOS 4.0 and a free companion app was just released, Pro Zombie Groan [iTunes Free] which gives you access to the various sound effects used in the main game app.

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Currently priced at 99 cents [iTunes] to coincide with the FIFA World Cup, the app is normally $2.99, which is a great deal anyway when you consider the amount of gameplay you will experience.  The game looks great and plays decently, even on my 3G iPhone.

July 3, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

App Lets Users Send Erections As Gifts (not kidding!)

Last week we covered an app that fixes erectile dysfunction by emitting sound waves from your iPhone. The Fire Up Your Sex Drive app claims that if you listen to these sound waves for 6 minutes a day, then after 20 days your male sexuality will be enhanced by more than 85%.

And if you think Fire Up Your Sex Drive app is complete bullshit, then you better not step in this next pile of crap … the Mobile-Gra Gift Sender.

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The premise of Mobile-Gra … and no, we are not f*ckin with you … is to send (via the app) your male friends the gift of a healthy erection. Per Mobile-Gra’s description …

This application consists of sounds that can improve male’s sexuality. You can send this gift to your friends who would like to be a "stronger man”.

And there it is again … sound waves … it’s all about those damn sound waves. Mobile-Gra continues by explaining the effects that certain sounds have on your penis …

“Mobile-gra” sound is created by natural sounds, subliminal sounds, binaural beat sounds, using “Erection in sleep theory”.

Got that? In case you missed it, let us repeat … Erection In Sleep Theory. We have no clue what erection in sleep theory is … our attempted Google search resulted in massive amounts of gay porn sites, so we’re still clueless about this alleged theory.

Finally, in case you’re having trouble figuring out exactly how and when to use the Mobile-Gra gift giving service, the app includes a few suggestions … give an erection as a wedding present to the groom (and bride) – friend going on a date, send him a big boner. Hell, you going on a date? … listen to this thing and super-size your dick! 

While listening to“mobile-gra sound”, you will be able to feel the comfort, and the nature. After listening the sound, you will be able to feel your male’s sexuality has been increased.

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Amazing stuff this iPhone … after listening to Mobile-Gra’s sounds, you will feel your penis has been increased … WONDERFUL!

July 2, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

Make Rice Boobs With Rice Implants App

rice-boobs-2 Besides the ability to download cool (and sucky) iPhone applications, the App Store is a wonderful source of knowledge. It’s kind of like reading the dictionary for shits and giggles  … we continually learn new things and increase our knowledge … just by checking out 250,000+ applications Apple has approved.

Take for example the Rice Implants app … at first we were like WTF and new type of breast implant made out of rice? We thought silicone and saline were the only choices in breast enhancements.

So then we read the app’s description … and we were still like WTF …

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Apparently if you’re considering bigger boobs (or moobs, whatever), you can do this … fill up some pantyhose with rice and stick it under a sports bra. This "rice implant” will simulate having bigger boobs … thus allowing the woman to choose a perfect size breast (sort of like try before you buy).

But this whole filling up the pantyhose with rice can be a cumbersome and inaccurate process. That’s where the Rice Implants app works its magic … it will calculate the amount of rice needed to replicate a boob size in terms of “cc” values.

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Rice boobs?!? Laugh all you want but choosing a breast size can be very distressing.  Some women worry about going too big, while others worry about not going big enough. So as you can see … the Rice Implants app is a godsend and we’re not quite sure how the App Store survived without it.

Actually to be honest, we’re not quite sure how we got through life without any knowledge of rice boobs.

July 1, 2010 | Filed Under Health | 4 Comments 

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