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This Is No Time to Lay Down Sally! [Sally’s Salon iPhone Game Review]

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

If you are a fan of the time management games, then you simply must manage to make some time for Sally’s Salon Luxury Edition [iTunes $0.99] and/or Sally’s Salon Luxury Edition for iPad [iTunes $2.99]. I started with the iPhone version earlier in the week and jumped right into the game’s Survival Mode where you keep on going until you lose a disgruntled customer. Mind you this is a full service salon and you’ll need to be quite nimble of finger to keep things running smoothly. I banked a little over 1600 bucks before I accidentally gave somebody a green fauxhawk when they really wanted a purple pixie bob. Harsh words were spoken.

Moving on to the campaign, or career, mode you start out with a little shop at the mall and only a few tasks to manage – shampoo station, style/cut stations, blow dry station. For Day 1, you get a brief tutorial of the gameplay and some tips for keeping your customers happy. After each set of 10 days at a location, you’ll be movin’ on up to the next stop (perhaps even to the east side): a ski resort, the swanky hotel, etc. And, along the way, you’ll get to spend some cash on improvements like turbo washers, a coffee machine and plush chairs to keep your customers both happy and, more importantly, patient.

I also loaded up the iPad version and invited my wife, the "dash" game ninja, to give the two player variant a go with me. This proved to be great fun, since even though it is a co-operative style, you also get separate stats at the end of each round. We quickly realized that I was spending most of my time handing out coffee and magazines while she was a whirling dervish of service with a smile. Along the way we added several more employees: a barista, a shampooing specialist and a truly gifted blow-drying expert. With the endless stream of customers, at one point the shop was so full that I lost myself in the fray (which our daughters, who were looking on found highly amusing as I yelled out "I can’t find me").

One feature of the game that I found interesting was the ability to build a playlist of songs from the iPod while remaining in the game. The games are currently 99 cents for the iPhone and $2.99 for the iPad. Both are very polished and the gameplay is ultra-smooth which is very important for this type of game.

November 13, 2010 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment

Butt Scan For iPhone – Safely Photocopy Your Bare Ass [Video]

Ok, show of hands … how many of you have dropped your pants (or lifted your skirt) at work, planted your bare ass on the glass of the photocopier and pushed the start button? Oh yeah … look at all of you butt ninjas! Nothing like feeling the warm glow of the copier’s scanner light against your naked bottom … Xerox nirvana. Uh, that is … until you get busted.

The fine folks at Zattikka literally want to save your ass from getting fired and have launched the Butt Scan iPhone game … so all us butt ninjas can practice in peace.

The beauty of Butt Scan is its simplicity. The game is all about photocopying your crack at a company party. Just place your naked cheeks on the glass and fire away. Butt be sure to hop off when you see someone sober approaching … clinical studies have proven that sober co-workers don’t take kindly to ass on glass.

So next time you feel the urge to smear your cheeks all over that ultra-tempting copy machine … play it safe with Butt Scanner and collect your next paycheck.

November 12, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 5 Comments

#1 App In Germany Computes Your Condom Size – For Fun, Of Course

For whatever reason, Nose Scanner XXL is the #1 downloaded application in Germany. Perhaps this ranking is a result of the 2-week binge drinking tradition called Octoberfest … but for whatever reason, Deutschland is obsessed with penis size.

Nose Scanner XXL is one of those gag apps like Ugly Meter, Douche Meter or Pantie Scanner. But instead of dealing with your looks, personality or underwear … Nose Scanner XXL determines what condom size will fit your penis. Simply place your nose on the iPhone and you’ll receive readouts ranging from … “My 8-Year-Old Brother Has One Like That” … to “Ohhh God, Are You An Elephant?”

So next time you’re in Germany, whip out the #1 app … and remember, funny things doesn’t need to make ~~sense~~ sence.

November 11, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment | 2 Comments

Boob Ninja iPhone Game – Grab Boobs, Rack Up Points

With an iPhone game like Boob Ninja … we could have just ended this article with the title alone … but how much fun would that be?

Quite possibly the breast game in the App Store, Boob Ninja is all about grabbing boobs. Players rack up points by grabbing as many boobs as possible … all while dodging kitchen utensils like rolling pins, spatulas and wooden spoons. There’s absolutely no correlation between the utensils and boobs … but with a titillating game called Boob Ninja, does it really matter?

Listen bra, although this app might be a bust … you really shouldn’t knock it till you try it. Who knows, looking back on Breast Ninja … you’ll probably have fond mammaries … chest sayin’ (.)(.)

November 10, 2010 | Filed Under Games | 6 Comments

Analog Bacon Clock – No Pigs Were Harmed In The Making Of This App

A great injustice has been taking place towards iPhone owners! With over 300,000 applications available for download … there isn’t a single bacon clock. Not really sure what Apple or these so-called “talented” developers are thinking … but we find it complete bullshit that such a glaring omission exists and totally inexcusable!

But before you throw yourself into a frenzy over this bacon disregard … you’ll be happy to know that last week, 100 Proof Software came to every iPhone owners rescue by filling this ugly void with … Analog Bacon Clock.

There’s really not a lot to say about Analog Bacon Clock. It pretty much sells itself … a clock made out of bacon … what more do you need? It’s the reason you bought an iPhone.

However that’s what makes 100 Proof Software one of the best iOS developers to date. Sure they could have simply released an analog bacon clock app … but they didn’t. Nope … they released the Best. Analog. Bacon. Clock. Ever! (even if it’s the only one available for download) Just check out these world class features:

– A clock made up of 3 juicy strips of bacon.
– Animated second hand.
– View your bacon clock on a clean pan, greasy pan or plate.
– Touch the pan to hear the bacon sizzle.
– Oinking alarm clock (kidding,although that would be epic).

Agreed … it’s like horological nirvana, with a bit of salty pork mixed in.

And finally … to those who think meat is ~~tasty tasty murder~~, please feel comfortable downloading Analog Bacon Clock as no pigs were harmed in the making of this app … HOORAY!

November 8, 2010 | Filed Under Entertainment, Utilities | 3 Comments

Sexy Leaf Shirts, Huh? – plus Recap Week Of November 1

Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!

In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.

November 1: Nude Runner Girl Edition Streaks To The #1 Overall FREE App

November 2: Milk A Cow With Your iPhone – Sure, Why Not? [Video]

November 3: App Sends Push Notification When Your Penis Is Ready For Sex

November 4: Hallelujah! See Jesus App Lets You See Jesus!

November 5: iPhone Developer Honest About His Crap App

November 6: Hysterically Disturbing ‘I Got An iPhone’ Music Video

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Go Green With These Leaf T-Shirts

Look, don’t get us wrong … we’re totally up for going green, hugging trees and saving the planet. But just because something is eco friendly, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s all good.

Take for example these designer leaf shirts (yes – LEAVES – like you are wearing them) called “Zero Footprint Shirt” by artist Dave Rittinger. Sure they are completely handmade using glue to hold them together, but come on … really?

[via Threadspot]

November 7, 2010 | Filed Under News, Recap | 2 Comments

Hysterically Disturbing ‘I Got An iPhone’ Music Video

The crazy folks over at rathergood.com are up to their bizarre music video antics again. Their latest creation includes meat underwear, crazy kitten, the iPhone … and a sprinkle of Lady Gaga for good measure. “I Got An iPhone” … disturbing yet freakishly addicting!