As you probably heard, recently Apple had this big
1 Billion Download celebration. Some 13-year old kid won a bunch of stuff and the app he downloaded got all sorts of media love … lucky bastards we guess. As part of the celebration, Apple released the All-Time Top Paid and Free Apps (pretty funny in itself considering iPhone apps have only been available for 9 months). As you would expect, the Big Boys dominated the list: Crash Bandicoot from Vivendi Games … Moto Chaser and Flick Fishing from Freeverse … Tap Tap Revenge from Tapulous … Pocket God from Bolt Creative … Tetris from Electronic Arts … and others.
YAWN! Pretty BORING stuff if you ask us. Freeverse – big freaking whoop! Bolt Creative – rip someone’s head off, then we’ll talk! Tapulous – yeah, we’d tap that! Like often during the app approval process, Apple blew it! So as usual, we are forced to point out Apple’s shortcomings … it’s a krappy job, but somebody’s got to do it.
Apple needs to take a closer look at the 40,000 applications and their respective developers … because there is a clear #1 … the undisputed heavyweight developer of the word … Brighthouse Labs (formerly the artist known as Arctic Gerbil – we’ll leave it up to Wired to find out why Brighthouse Labs links to the Arctic Gerbil site). We are here to declare … Brighthouse Gerbils completely rock our world! Seriously, how can you resist the following accomplishments:
SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE (689) Apps Approved!!!
This is freaking HUGE and worth repeating … Brighthouse Gerbils have released SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE iPhone applications. Damn … that’s like over 2 apps per day, EVERY DAY since the App Store opened 9 months ago. The Gerbils must be like those really fly folks who never have to wait in line when clubbing. They have VIP automatic approval at Club Apple. And heck, why not have them on auto-approval … look at the quality product they are flooding/spamming the market with:
ONE HUNDRED NINTY FIVE (195) SupaFan Apps!!!
Yeah … SupaFan freaking rips .. classic krapp like SupaFan Denise Richards or SupaFan The Olsen Twins or SupaFan Dr. Phil or SupaFan Pokemon or SupaFan Rachel Ray or SupaFan Abba … there are 189 more SupaFan example, but we’ll refrain.
ONE HUNDRED FOURTY EIGHT (148) Quote Apps!!!
Jessica Alba Quotes – Alex Rodriguez Quotes – Tyra Banks Quotes – Woman Quotes, etc.
EIGHTY TWO (82) SlidePuzzle Apps!!!
SlidePuzzle Fluffy Cat – SlidePuzzle Beaver – SlidePuzzle Crow – SlidePuzzle Vatican, etc.
And the list goes on and on … 151 Sports Fan apps, 37 Joke apps (including Aviation Jokes app and Horse Jokes app) and multiple iFinder, iGuides and iLanguage apps.
For your convenience, we have compiled ALL Gerbil apps in a handy dandy Google Document … CLICK HERE to view the Gerbil’s worldwide domination!
You know, there is a theory among men … if you hit on enough girls, one of them is bound to hook up with you. Thinking the Gerbils use this approach with the ladies and YOU, the iPhone app consumer. But back off and wait your turn, cuz we’re hooking up with the Gerbil first!