Confession … we have this fascination for menstrual calendar iPhone apps. Not so much the functionality of the application (tracking one’s cycle), but the naming of these things. We feel sorry for the poor bastard in charge of throwing down a creative menstrual calendar title … iFlow, AuntFlo, Ladies’ Day, Mensies and other brilliant naming conventions. So back in January, as a tribute to this sucky job, we wrote an article saluting Mr. Menstrual Calendar App Title Creator.
So our fascination continues and we always pay special attention to menstruation tracking apps … like the new Pregnancy Alarm app. While the title is a bore, Pregnancy Alarm contains some very controversial material within its description. The developers pushed the descriptive language too much and were slammed by Apple’s profanity filter. The offensive word? … (brace yourselves) … INTERCOURSE! Yes … INTERCOURSE … that nasty and vile word, commonly found in 7th grade health education text books introducing reproduction. But not in the App Store … there will be none of that sick and disgusting language. It’s better to have an endless stream of scantily clad girly images than this horrible horrible word … INTERCOURSE … blech!
As usual, we applaud Apple for such sound judgment and its attempts to protect customers from filth and smut. We can always count on Apple for saving our souls and leading us to the path of redemption – Hallelujah Apple! Remember folks, INTERCOURSE is repulsive.
And of course … being the “givers” we are at KRAPPS … we prepared a memo which iPhone application development companies can use to notify and warn their employees of this newly discovered policy from Apple …
INTERNAL MEMO – CONFIDENTIAL
Date: (insert date here)
Subject: “Intercourse” Is A Bad Word
Attention (insert company name here) Employees!
While we are not in the business of creating menstruation tracking applications, KRAPPS.com pointed out a very interesting item. Intercourse is a BAD WORD and cannot be placed in the description of your application at all. Intercourse will show up as –> I********e.
So for all of our future apps, make sure we do not include the word "Intercourse". Other possibilities that might not be recommended for use include: "Contraceptive", "Conceive", "Inception", "Insert", "Tab A Slot B", any combination of the words "Fuzzy", "Taco", or "Beaver".
That being said, keep up the great work in describing our applications without using profanity or pornographic references. Thank you for your attention in this matter.
(insert your name here)