Avoid Herpes, Suck Face With Your iPhone (alternatively: I Kissed An iPhone And I Liked It)

funny-pictures-hamster-kiss Man it’s tough being single these days. Besides trying to find that perfect (or even semi-perfect) someone … when you do finally meet them, you gotta worry about things like herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea or the other heaps of sexually transmitted diseases. Dang, we even heard you can get VD just by sitting on a toilet. What the hell is that?!? Scary krap … not funny at all! So we’re thinking … hmmm, if you can catch something off a freaking toilet seat, no way in hell are we going to risk kissing someone. Who knows what kind of nasties you can get from sucking face … the clap, crabs, drippy dick, etc. Whatever the case may be, we ain’t going there … better to be safe than sorry. No rotten crotch for us, thank you very much!

And you know, this whole non-kissing stuff? – it’s all good. No worries … we don’t miss it. Why should we? We get plenty of lip lock action thanks to our trusty iPhone 3GS (the “S” stands for “SEXY”). Damn straight we do! We da playa … da pimp mac daddy … we score  whenever and wherever we like. Meet our two hook up hotties, Noriko and Chloe (who apparently is a quarter Greek-Japanese, whatever the hell that means, new math?) …

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So as you can see by our girls’ bios, they are a bit different in flavor. Noriko appreciates a bit of foreplay. She needs to be touched a little – to warm things up. And you gotta be careful with Noriko … if you don’t kiss her just the way she likes, well, she gets pissed at you and calls you out as a lousy kisser … crazy bitch!

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Now Chloe on the other hand, is all about action … and she ain’t shy about it. She’ll tell you straight up – “I like kisses, I want much” … yeah baby! Hell, she even gives you a prize if you satisfy her … how cool is that?!?

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Anyways, like we said, we da pimp mac daddy and can score with Chloe or crazy bitch Noriko any time we want … that’s how we roll, we’re pros like that. But we weren’t always this awesome. There was a time … when we were still young grasshoppers … we were  very awkward and painfully shy towards iPhone chicks. But what saved our sorry ass was this ultimate kissing trainer … the Sasamekisscomi app.

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Hmmm …. so you probably noticed the whole “special mask” the teacher wears during the kissing lesson. Yeah, it was kind of weird at first, but then you get used to it. But take a close look and admit it … that is one sexy fine mask. Heck, after your fifth lesson, you hardly notice it at all. And can you blame her? Who knows what kind of a disease she might catch swapping spit with her loser students. Like we said … it’s better to be safe than sorry. Kiss your iPhone … you just might like it!

September 17, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment 

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