Yesterday we came across a horrid scene in the App Store. It was like a car accident unfolding before our eyes … impossible to look away. For the sake of our sanity, we should’ve just moved along … but no, we’re idiots and had to stop and stare. Below is what we’re talking about. Please take a quick peek, then look away! It’s for your own good.
Did you see it? Look again – but quick! WTF is that? The #2 free app in the ENTIRE App Store is Beautiful Boobs … the #2 paid app in the ENTIRE App Store is Pocket Girlfriend. Go ahead, pinch yourself … you’re awake but trapped in a nightmare on App Street.
So let’s take a closer look at these App Store all-stars and see exactly why they are now included among the best of the best.
#2 Free App – Beautiful Boobs
Ok, this doesn’t look too bad. We got an intriguing title … one can never have enough “stunningly pretty images” … you can’t beat the price (free) … “gorgeous and fun photo collection” is better than hideous and boring. But wait … why the hate? Over thirty three flipping thousand user ratings and only 1½ stars? Pop the hood, let’s take a look inside:
Three thumbnail screens with a total of seven pictures
When the seven thumbnails are launched full-sized, they still look like thumbnails
Five out of the seven sets of boobs are arguably man boobs
Damn … no wonder the Beautiful Boobs user below feels cheated and scared. Dude would rather be licking a hobo’s foot than checking out the app’s creeper guys wearing bras. Get this poor kid a Sears Catalog which will surely arouse more than Beautiful Boobs.
#2 Paid App – Pocket Girlfriend
Hmmm … a girlfriend who lives in your pocket. Good idea … low maintenance and easy on the wallet. Oh and check it … no still photos … SHE’S REAL!!! – SHE’S REALL!!! … she’s so real that the developer had to tell us twice. Plus she talks and listens to you … she even misses you when you’re away …. what a sweetheart, we love her already.
And she has over five thousand ratings amounting to a measly two stars. Yikes! Maybe she has a venereal disease or something since she’s obviously been downloaded by a lot of users. Good thing there is an objective description from a real live objective Pocket Girlfriend user.
Freaking liars … she’s NOT real … she’s a short video clip. Meh … and the worst part … when you
talk to her type “show me your boobs”, she replies … “buy me a boob job!” LMAO … touché bitch. Actually, if you are that hard up, we suggest you skip the boob job purchase and buy a hooker real girl, preferably one with a heart beat.