Sad – Beautiful Boobs & Pocket Girlfriend Score App Store Success

Yesterday we came across a horrid scene in the App Store. It was like a car accident unfolding before our eyes … impossible to look away. For the sake of our sanity, we should’ve just moved along … but no, we’re idiots and had to stop and stare. Below is what we’re talking about. Please take a quick peek, then look away! It’s for your own good.

Top-Free-Apps-120809 Top-Paid-Apps-120809

Did you see it? Look again – but quick! WTF is that? The #2 free app in the ENTIRE App Store is Beautiful Boobs … the #2 paid app in the ENTIRE App Store is Pocket Girlfriend. Go ahead, pinch yourself … you’re awake but trapped in a nightmare on App Street.

So let’s take a closer look at these App Store all-stars and see exactly why they are now included among the best of the best.

#2 Free App – Beautiful Boobs

Beautiful-Boobs-Title

Ok, this doesn’t look too bad. We got an intriguing title … one can never have enough “stunningly pretty images” … you can’t beat the price (free) … “gorgeous and fun photo collection” is better than hideous and boring. But wait … why the hate? Over thirty three flipping thousand user ratings and only 1½ stars? Pop the hood, let’s take a look inside:

Three thumbnail screens with a total of seven pictures
When the seven thumbnails are launched full-sized, they still look like thumbnails
Five out of the seven sets of boobs are arguably man boobs

Beautiful-Boobs-1

Beautiful-Boobs-2  Beautiful-Boobs-3

Damn … no wonder the Beautiful Boobs user below feels cheated and scared. Dude would rather be licking a hobo’s foot than checking out the app’s creeper guys wearing bras. Get this poor kid a Sears Catalog which will surely arouse more than Beautiful Boobs.

Beautiful-Boobs-Review

#2 Paid App – Pocket Girlfriend

Pocker-Girlfriend-Title

Hmmm … a girlfriend who lives in your pocket. Good idea … low maintenance and easy on the wallet. Oh and check it … no still photos … SHE’S REAL!!! – SHE’S REALL!!! … she’s so real that the developer had to tell us twice. Plus she talks and listens to you … she even misses you when you’re away …. what a sweetheart, we love her already.

pocket-girlfriend-1  pocket-girlfriend-2

And she has over five thousand ratings amounting to a measly two stars. Yikes! Maybe she has a venereal disease or something since she’s obviously been downloaded by a lot of users. Good thing there is an objective description from a real live objective Pocket Girlfriend user.

Pocket-Girlfriend-Review

Freaking liars … she’s NOT real … she’s a short video clip. Meh … and the worst part … when you talk to her type “show me your boobs”, she replies … “buy me a boob job!” LMAO … touché bitch. Actually, if you are that hard up, we suggest you skip the boob job purchase and buy a hooker real girl, preferably one with a heart beat.

Comments

  • Lolly

    Bummer these apps are so lame, but what do you expect? Can't get much past the review process. You want some real naughtiness on your iPhone? There's plenty to be had. You should check out PureiPorn, very free and very NSFW :)

  • http://www.itito.co.nr iTito Designs

    Apple you just got Punk'd. this app is not even worth downloading.

  • Dagz

    For gawd's sake, get over it. As sure as the sun will rise in the east and set in the west, men will look at girl's breasts. You seem so surprised at this fact that it's actually annoying.

  • http://krapps.com KRAPPS

    calm down Sparky … with the various kick ass apps available, just a
    bit curious that these top apps garnered so much attention …
    especially since they SUCK, whether men love boobs or not … now if
    the free Bella Club app was rated this high, we'd be cool with it –
    but these two sacks of suck = YAK!

    ——————————
    Web: KRAPPS.com
    Twitter: @KRAPPS
    (sent from my iPhone 3GS)

  • http://www.ititothemes.wordpress.com/ iTito

    Apple you just got Punk'd. this app is not even worth downloading.

  • Dagz

    For gawd's sake, get over it. As sure as the sun will rise in the east and set in the west, men will look at girl's breasts. You seem so surprised at this fact that it's actually annoying.

  • http://krapps.com KRAPPS

    calm down Sparky … with the various kick ass apps available, just a
    bit curious that these top apps garnered so much attention …
    especially since they SUCK, whether men love boobs or not … now if
    the free Bella Club app was rated this high, we'd be cool with it –
    but these two sacks of suck = YAK!

    ——————————
    Web: KRAPPS.com
    Twitter: @KRAPPS
    (sent from my iPhone 3GS)