Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Sex Position Calculates Optimal Shagging Positions, Includes Instructional Graphics


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

boring-sex Is your sex life in a funk? Are your bedroom activities a bore? Do you find doing the nasty, literally, nasty?

Are you tired of the same old missionary position? Do you lay there like a dead fish? Are you daydreaming of the upcoming final season of Lost instead of focusing on the love making at hand?

Well no worries! iPhone to the rescue (was there even a doubt – this device can do anything),  there’s an app for that …Sex Position (think of it as Pandora for banging).

Sex-Position-title

With its screaming headline, “COME TOGETHER IN NEW WAYS FOR A BETTER LIFE!” (no pun intended with “screaming” and “come”, right? – hmmm, isn’t that a vodka shot with Bailey’s and Kahlua?) … Sex Position turns your iPhone into a virtual sex therapist.

Sex-Position-desc1

Sex-Position-1-CENSORED  Sex-Position-3-FINAL

Quite handy if you think about it … pictures and instructions that guide each partner in the position. And please sicko, get your mind out of the gutter … there is no cartoon or stick figure porn … graphics are to instruct and not to titillate – no sexy pictures (sorry, we were getting way to titillated by the faceless humping human glob images on display in iTunes and thus decided to censor).

Sex-Position-desc-2

Sex-Position-Selector

And how genius is this … a Position Selector tool which allows you and your partner complete control of your shagging session! Just enter the desired Energy Level (movement in intercourse) from rabbit to sloth … then the Complexity Of The Position from  Russian ballerina to so fat you have more rolls than a bakery … now enter Who’s On Top … then  Freedom To Kiss, Touch, Hold, See Your Partner (you have other options besides a paper bag) … and finally, Comfort And Orgasm Strength from farting ant to freight train.

Your data is then electronically delivered to a MIT doctorate student for extensive data and statistical analysis …. bivariate associations, circumambulations, loglinear analysis, etc. After about five minutes of number crunching, the MIT student sends the resulting sex position back to your iPhone. Although some users have complained about a curb in spontaneity, the resulting sex position is typically worth the wait.

Sex-Position-2-FINAL

But just a word of caution! If that MIT mensa suggests the “Standing Tiger / Crouching Dragon” position … WATCH OUT! We tore knee ligaments attempting this maneuver and will only be able to select Woman On Top positions for the next 6 weeks. 

Comments

  • Pingback:
    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524
    uberVU - social comments()


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    it Includes Instructional Graphics? this app is the bomb.
    Screw health Class at school everyone should buy this, specially cos it's cheap.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    it Includes Instructional Graphics? this app is the bomb.
    Screw health Class at school everyone should buy this, specially cos it's cheap.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    it Includes Instructional Graphics? this app is the bomb.
    Screw health Class at school everyone should buy this, specially cos it's cheap.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    yes! you get to view and use those human clayformations as your step-by-step
    guide … sure to turn on your hunny … Apple, the new Doctor Ruth!


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    yes! you get to view and use those human clayformations as your step-by-step
    guide … sure to turn on your hunny … Apple, the new Doctor Ruth!


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    yes! you get to view and use those human clayformations as your step-by-step
    guide … sure to turn on your hunny … Apple, the new Doctor Ruth!


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    If it has positions which include Grade 30 Proof Coil Chain and a mounting rack, I'm in. Because that's the way women want it…I think.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    If it has positions which include Grade 30 Proof Coil Chain and a mounting rack, I'm in. Because that's the way women want it…I think.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    If it has positions which include Grade 30 Proof Coil Chain and a mounting rack, I'm in. Because that's the way women want it…I think.


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    Wait … let us look that up for you in our “What Kind Of Sex Do Women
    Really Want” iPhone app … or guess we could always read Cosmo


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    Wait … let us look that up for you in our “What Kind Of Sex Do Women
    Really Want” iPhone app … or guess we could always read Cosmo


  • Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    Wait … let us look that up for you in our “What Kind Of Sex Do Women
    Really Want” iPhone app … or guess we could always read Cosmo

  • sexualdelightsca

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    I am always looking for new sex positions. Thanks for the great post!

  • sexualdelightsca

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    Fantastic post! Thanks for posting all of the instructions and pics to go with.

  • sexualdelightsca

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    I am always looking for new sex positions. Thanks for the great post!

  • sexualdelightsca

    Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

    Fantastic post! Thanks for posting all of the instructions and pics to go with.


Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524

Warning: Use of undefined constant user_level - assumed 'user_level' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/66964/domains/krapps.com/html/wp-content/plugins/ultimate-google-analytics/ultimate_ga.php on line 524