Cuddle Up With Your iPhone And Enjoy The Worst Holiday Movie Ever

Ahhh, it’s Christmas Eve. Santa is busy navigating his sleigh as he delivers presents to all the good little boys and girls. Children eagerly await his arrival, leaving the traditional fare of milk and cookies. The tree is trimmed, the stockings are hung, the fireplace is roaring … and soon, the classic “The Night Before Christmas” story will be read as the kids settle down for bed. Hmmm – kids going to bed … the best part of Christmas Eve (or any day for that matter) since it means alone time for mommy and daddy … YES!

So in efforts to keep the holiday spirit alive, while taking advantage of your Christmas Eve alone time … we have a suggestion – an app suggestion of course. Throw on the Snuggie, float an extra shot of rum in your eggnog, cuddle up with a loved one next to that roaring fireplace and launch the Santa Claus Conquers The Martians app.


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Seriously, any douche can watch “Miracle On 34th Street”, “It’s A Wonderful Life” or “A Christmas Story” … but why be BORING? Santa Claus Conquers The Martians delivers 110% Christmas crap … just read these rave reviews:

“Like a car accident unfolding before your eyes, it’s impossible to look away” –


“There isn’t some other film more deserving of the title Worst Christmas Movie Ever” –


“Another charming part of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is its rock bottom production vales. All of the sets have a two-dimensional feel” –

Pia-Zadora-Penthouse-FINAL Originally released in 1964, this cult hit has been beautifully reformatted and optimized by developer Jacob Schwartz so it plays seamlessly on your iPhone. For a mere 99 cents, you get 81 minutes of holiday horror … plus movie quotes, credits, a synopsis of the film and 11 movie-themed wallpapers. Oh, almost forgot … it also is the film debut of Pia Zadora (of Penthouse cover fame) and includes a reindeer named “Nixon” … too cool!

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What a freaking bargain for oodles of tasteless holiday joy (and Pia Zadora), conveniently stored on your iPhone. Yeah, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians is literally a no-brainer purchase … or is it? Meh …enough already with the leg lamps and suicidal businessmen … start your own Christmas Eve tradition with Santa Claus Conquers The Martians.


  • WTF! Santa Claus Conquers the martians? shouldn't he be giving them gifts instead conquering them? ohh and look it even has some awesome wallpapers.

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  • WTF! What's next Santa and his martians conquering Earth?

  • jollyolestnick

    About time someone recognized my dare-doing! (well, minus the getting kidnapped part). HoHoHo! keep being good boys & girls- got the sled upgraded, and I can turn this baby and the 'deer on dime, skip your house anytime- I'm watching! bwahahahohoho! oh, come on…Santa's just funnin' with ya. Merry Christmas!

  • love2text

    in BLAZING COLOR…wow….

  • The Mystery Science Theater version of this movie is awesome! Best Line: When Pia Zadora didn't want to go to bed – “daddy, will you buy me a Golden Globe award”.

  • Youngbrammer

    They already have a version of this movie in iPhone app form on iTunes, but it's two bucks!

  • LOL … the wallpapers are pretty classic … B-movie written all over them

  • HA! Merry Chirstmas Santa … hope all is going well tonight … travel

  • And you don't even have to buy this BLAZING COLOR as an in-app purchase …
    freaking bargain!!

  • Yeah … we've read that MST runs a great version … and too cool this was
    actually Pia's screen debut … definetely a sign of things to come 😉

  • Hmmmm … and it probably didn't include the bitching wallpapers … argh!

  • Terrible resolution?

  • it's a buck, stars Pia Zadora … we'll look the other way if it's
    lacking in some departments 🙂

  • Terrible resolution?

  • it's a buck, stars Pia Zadora … we'll look the other way if it's
    lacking in some departments 🙂