App Diagnoses Cauliflower-Shaped Bumps & Other Strange Growths On Your Genitals

[editor’s note: advanced apologies if you are reading this right before, during or immediately after a meal]

Remember the story about the iPhone saving some dude’s life? American film producer Dan Woolley was buried alive under a pile of rubble, after the massive earthquake that hit Haiti last January. Dan used the light from his iPhone to identify injuries to his leg and the Pocket First Aid & CPR app to treat head and leg wounds and managed shock. He survived being buried for 64 hours.

Impressive? MEH! … we’d like to see Dan get out of a real jam, like diagnosing cauliflower-shaped bumps on his penis.

Take this perfectly ordinary scenario … you’re out clubbing, it’s late, the beer goggles are in full effect, you wind up with some skank and have unprotected sex. Next morning, the sobering reality sets in … you had unprotected sex with some SKANK! What would MacGyver do?

Well remember folks … with over 250,000 available apps for the revolutionary iPhone, there’s sure to be an application for sluts like you … check out After Sex.


After Sex is a health app dedicated to diagnosing unnatural growths on your penis or vagina. In the Symptom Checker section of the app, simply select the offending intruder (blisters, cauliflower bumps, round bumps or open sore) … then choose the color of discharge you are experiencing (white, yellow/green or dark/bloody) along with pain location (in buttocks, while urinating, in genitals, etc.) and type of discomfort (strong odor in urine, diarrhea, nausea, etc).

after-sex-iphone-1F  after-sex-iphone-2F

Based on your symptoms, After Sex will return a list of possible sexually transmitted diseases (STD) … syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc … as well as the nearest clinic where you can seek further treatment. This info will supposedly make you feel better.

after-sex-iphone-3  after-sex-iphone-4

After Sex is currently FREE … which is nice and all that, however do you really want to get to the point of even contemplating a download? Nah … live life by the wise KRAPPS saying … before you spank her – cover your wanker!


  • TCP

    LOL!! The KRAPPS saying!!! LOL!! Man you write these articles with amazing humour in them! Congrats! 😀

  • thank you, but actually it's not us … Apple basically writes these
    articles themselves 😉

  • Krapps-Man

    I love you life lessons like….
    If your gonna show affecton cover your erection and
    before you spank her cover your wanker!

  • HA! Good memory bro … from the Durex Baby birth control app 🙂

  • Johnwill

    You are good.. I can't stop laughing…

  • Johnwill

    You are good.. I can't stop laughing…

  • The Gonorrhea is very dangerous, but you can protect it easy. I was found great website to advice you at