Fumble! NFL Manages To Piss Off Customers With Their Debut App

nfl-fail-whale-final Apparently Apple gave the National Football League (NFL) a bye when it comes to enforcing their new App Store Review Guidelines. First page of the official document states …

“If your App looks like it was cobbled together in a few days, or you’re trying to get your first practice App into the store to impress your friends, please brace yourself for rejection. We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.”

Huh? The NFL? The most attended domestic sports league in the world is an amateur compared to the likes of Pocket God, Doodle Jump or Ow My Balls.

Yes – we speak the truth! Last week, the NFL released their $4.99 iPhone application NFL.com Game Center 2010 to thousands of adoring fans. The release went as expected in terms of money in the NFL’s pocket (already a Top 50 Paid and Top 10 Grossing App), but from a quality, value and usefulness perspective … the NFL’s app is a giant sack of SUCK.

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From delayed scoring updates … to no game highlight videos … to sluggish interface … to wrong player pictures … to incorrect and incomplete statistics … NFL.com Game Canter 2010 is a feature lacking web app wrapped around an icon. All for the bargain price of $4.99.

But hey, don’t take our word for it … check out the user reviews and comments – many of which are absolutely hysterical and quite entertaining. Some of our favorites include …

Worst. App. Ever! – - Charging $5 for this app is a crime – - To the developers … karma is a bitch! – - The NFL should be embarrassed – - Using this app makes me want to rip my eyes out – - How much money does the NFL need? They have to scam us?

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At $4.99, the NFL.com Game Center 2010 averages a lowly ONE star rating. And we agree with their customers … the league should be embarrassed throwing a Hail Mary and seeing who is a sucker for it. Hopefully the NFL can take the profits from their top 10 grossing application and fix this crap. For now, just stick with FREE awesome sports apps like ESPN ScoreCenter or Sportacular.

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Three iPhone Apps That Prove Soccer Fans Are FREAKS

freak-soccer-fan We’re not really sure why soccer fans get such a bad rap. Hell, there’s even a disturbing term for them … “hooligans”. WTF is that about – harsh! What’s wrong with soccer fans throwing bags of urine at opposing players? What’s wrong with soccer fans running naked on the the pitch during gameplay? (speaking of – football pitch? … freaks … it’s called a soccer field, get your sports right) What’s wrong with getting beyond drunk, vandalizing property and starting fights? Poor soccer fans … always getting a bad rap! 

And the shitty soccer fan stereotype continues onto the iPhone with a hat trick of apps looking to leverage World Cup mania and take advantage of Psycho The Soccer Fan … VoodooProof Football, Voodoo Soccer and WCVoodoo.

VoodooProof Football

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As you can probably figure out, pretty basic KRAPPS. Just check out a few of the descriptions …

Express your World Cup rage through your fingertips by getting back at any player, referee, manager or goalkeeper that deserves it. Torture their voodoo avatar every time they miss or make a goal, it’s is up to you.

Need that little bit of extra luck for your team? Then this is the app for you. Choose the opponent team by flag or country name and then "pin" down your opponent with the Voodoo doll.

Support your team by collecting voodoo points within 8 striking voodoo rituals! Smash the enemy by celebrating black voodoo actions! Each match of the world cup will be influenced by football voodoo. The voodoo score will show the real balance of power. From now on till the final whistle blows you are in charge – together with thousands of football voodoo masters.

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Funny thing is, we attempted to find Voodoo Baseball, Voodoo Basketball, Voodoo Hockey and just about every other voodoo sport app we could think of … nothing, nada, zilch. Yeah, so maybe it is true … soccer fans are indeed freaks and their apps prove it.

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This App Is Making The National Football League Its Bitch

September is here … are you ready for some football? That good old American tradition of tossing around the pigskin, bone crushing tackles, tailgating, face painting, etc. Football literally rocks! But the real question is … are you ready for traditional football to be turned on its head and slammed into the ground? Well you better be! Throw out those 300+ pound man-beasts and replace them with girls. Not just any girls … sexy girls wearing lingerie … and this is what you get –> Lingerie Football League.

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We shit you not … Bra and Panty football … or literally Fantasy Football. The Lingerie Football League (LFL) is a women’s American football league, in which the ladies play 7-on-7 tackle football games and receive a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for visible nipple (kidding!). 2009 marks LFL’s inaugural season, with 10 teams and a 20 week schedule. First game is just 2 days away … Sep 4 – Chicago Bliss vs. Miami Caliente. And no, this is not some kind of a joke league – this is serious business. Heck, there’s even a betting line which favors Chicago by 6.5 points, with a 36 point over/under (and no, 36 is not the quaterback’s cup size). Serious business we tell you … why else would the Los Angeles Temptation employ an official Hair Stylist, Make-Up Artist and Tanning Salon … huh, we’re still talking about football – aren’t we? Sure we are … and we’re talking keen merchandising … Game Used Uniforms available for purchase!

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LOL … wow … see what money and a big set of balls can accomplish? Yeah baby … Lingerie Football League. We wonder who’s landing the official outfitter of the LFL … Victoria Secret or La Perla? Hmmm, tear away jerseys anyone? <your turn – insert “tight end” and/or “backfield in motion” smartass comment here> LOL.

Ok, we know what you’re thinking … “KRAPPS, you are girl krazy – WTH does this Bra and Panty Football stuff have to do with the iPhone?” … hey, come on now – don’t be doubting us. Oh look what we found … the official iPhone app of the Lingerie Football League.

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Freaking sweetness! Complete with player profiles, schedules, rosters, league news, scores and highlight videos. LOL … think what you want, but these down and dirty ladies are making the National Football League their bitch … where’s your app NFL? You suck!

Blind Ump

Title: Strikeout and Indicator
Category: Sports

Watch these two 8-second clips real quick:

Now ask yourself … why in the world would a baseball umpire use their $200+ iPhone as a ball/strike indicator? Why in the world would an app developer think this is a good idea?

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Being a plate ump is brutal. You get heckled: “flip over the plate and read the directions”,  “wake up, you’re missing a great game”, “you  couldn’t call a cab”, etc. … and getting nailed wheelchair by a rock hard baseball traveling in excess of  100mph in the nuts, face, shoulder, chest, shin, foot, etc. is not exactly pleasant. Yeah they wear padding, still hurts like a mother! And why add insult to injury, shattering your sexy cool iPhone?

But for some reason, two genius developers thought they could change America’s Favorite Pastime by releasing the Strikeout and Indicator app. Uhh, bad idea! Memo to umps, leave the iPhone in the car and keep using your $9 plastic indicator … however, equating the lack of App Store user reviews (one between the two apps) to low/no sales … well … umps may be blind, but they aren’t stupid.