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Poker Vs. Strong Female Role Models App – Result Of Apple’s ‘Overtly Sexual’ Policy
Ladies and gentlemen … the story you are about to read is true. The facts have NOT been changed to protect the innocent.
Headlight Software has been in business since 1997 … creating high quality utilities and web-based services. With over 13 million downloads, their first product, GetRight, remains one of the premiere download managers on the market. In 2008, the company began developing iPhone apps with FTP On The Go (a direct descendant of GetRight) as their inaugural release. Since then, they have branched out into games and other utilities.
Although Headlight Software is a reputable, well-established publisher … their sole “lighthearted” app fell victim to Apple’s recent war on smut apps. Apple deemed the Poker vs. Girls app “overtly sexual” and it was removed from sale. Poker vs. Girls was one of the many strip poker games available for download in iTunes … containing images of girls in lingerie … pretty much the exact same thing you will find in the Victoria’s Secret All Access application (currently available for download).
So realizing it was time to nut up or shut up (love that movie), Headlight Software chose the former and released a polar opposite version of the “overtly sexual” Poker vs. Girls. As a matter of fact, this new poker app is somewhat inspirational … Poker vs. Strong Female Role Models.
LMAO … indeed, nothing sexy about playing no limit Texas Hold’em Poker against fully dressed career women … who stay clothed no matter win, lose or draw. Choose from eight different professional females … a Doctor, Fighter Pilot, App Developer, Mathematician and more. And just to play it completely safe (never know with Apple’s arbitrary standards), Headlight Software chose to go the total no flesh route with a Burka-wearing female as their icon.
So here’s the deal folks … if you’re looking for some steamy strip poker action for your iPhone, Poker vs. Strong Female Role Models is about as close (and we use the term loosely) as you’ll get in Apple’s new squeaky-clean, brand protected App Store. Unless of course a well-known company like Playboy, Maxim, FHM or Hooters decides to publish one. But until then … nut up or shut up … learn to love the Burka!
Poker vs. Strong Female Role Models (damn we love that name) is a free download [iTunes Free] with two strong female role model opponents available for play. The remaining six strong female role models can be unlocked, but NOT undressed, for only 99 cents. Again … nut up or shut up!
Exclusive: Steve Jobs And Bill Gates Turn Guido!
Sure they may be among the most powerful and influential men in the business world, but Steve Jobs and Bill Gates cannot survive on work alone. Just like the rest of us, these guys need to blow off some serious steam. And while you might assume that Jobs and Gates partake in some stuffy relaxation ritual of sipping fine Chateau Latour from Riedel stemware while smoking Cohiba Esplendidos … we’re here to tell you that’s bullcrap.
Trusted sources have informed us that Jobs and Gates have transformed into Steve “Sleazy T” Jobs and Bill “Baby Oil” Gates … hanging with the Guidos and Guidettes of Jersey Shore. They are fist pumping, glow sticking and Jagermeistering with The Situation, Snooki and the rest of the Jersey Shore douchebags, club-style. And of course we have the exclusive bronzed pictures to prove it (including their matching soul patches).
LMAO … yo, gotta love photography apps for the iPhone … especially when they “unleash the Guido in you”. For a mere 99 cents, the Guidofy app will provide you with an authentic Italian-American Muscle Milk look. Choose from Fedora hats, Yankees caps, Vercase and Prada shades, Fohawk hair, gold chains, etc … over 50 options for Guidofying yourself. But best of all … bronzer functionality for that gorgeous fake and bake synthetic tan appeal.
And take a wild guess what Robert Pattinson does when he’s not busy drinking people’s blood? Or Conan O’Brien, when he’s on break from interviewing squirrels in his backyard? SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!
Recap: Week Of February 22 – plus Evolution Of The iPhone 2014
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
February 22: Screw Gameloft’s Brothers In Arms 2 – We Have The Real Gaming News!
February 22: NASA Releases First-Ever iPhone Game, Complete With Wiseass Remarks
February 23: Apple Finally Speaks Out – Sexy Apps From Well-Known Companies Ok
February 24: The Comedy Of Errors – Starring Apple
February 25: Star Wars Scrolling Text Lands On The iPhone With Star Wordz App
February 25: Wobble iBoobs Back On Sale For Your Jiggling Pleasures!
February 26: Kim Kardashian Official iPhone App – Gives Users Glimpse Into Her Fabulous Life
February 27: Apple’s New ‘Overtly Sexual’ Policy Becomes Butt Of Joke [Comic]
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Evolution Of The iPhone
Since its first computer, the Apple I, went on sale in July 1976 (price of $666.66), Apple has consistently put out products that raise the bar for the computer and telecommunications industry. A few highlights include the first Macintosh released in 1984, iMac in 1998, the iPod in 2001, iPhone in 2007 and of course the upcoming iPad in 2010.
So what’s next for Apple? Well the clever folks at Be Geek seem to have it figured out through 2014. After that, it’s anyone’s guess … iCar, iHouse, iPlanet, iGalaxy?
Apple’s New ‘Overtly Sexual’ Policy Becomes Butt Of Joke [Comic]
For the past week, there’s been a lot of media coverage regarding Apple’s war on smut and the removal of over 5,000 “overtly sexual” applications from the App Store. We thought it’s time to lighten the mood and get a breath of fresh air by sharing this comic from The Joy Of Tech. LOL … enjoy!
Kim Kardashian Official iPhone App – Gives Users Glimpse Into Her Fabulous Life
So how about that … Kim Kardashian joins the ranks of our KRAPPS App and gets her very own iPhone app. Cleverly titled and obnoxiously long … The Official Kim Kardashian Application … launched yesterday with promises of an intimate experience with her hotness and per the app’s description, “a glimpse into Kim’s fabulous life”. Kim’s app seems more of a self-defense tactic against celebrity-crazed stalkers as it gives users the ability to make her wave, blow kisses or even start flirting. Plus if that doesn’t satisfy your Kardashian craving, users can read Kim’s lifestyle and beauty tips, submit questions for weekly Q&A sessions (we’ll see how long that lasts), watch videos (no perv, not those videos) or read any of her $10,000 tweets. But best of all, no matter where you are in the world … users can locate the nearest Sephora to rush out and purchase Kim’s new perfume. Now that is freaking worth the $1.99 price of the app alone!
Uh, hold on … rewind! What’s this whole interactive thing with the flirty business. We’ve carefully reviewed this aspect of the Kardashian app and frankly, we were horrified! While a one on one experience with the drop dead gorgeous socialite sounds promising … her virtual image is frighteningly hideous. Look at her! She freaks us out! Get away from us!
And not that we’re celebrity mongers or anything … but unless we missed the memo … last time we checked, Kim was happily married to Verizon and her totally cutesy pink Blackberry. Hmmm, maybe it’s just us and a case of not keeping up with the Kardashians … meh!
Wobble iBoobs Back On Sale For Your Jiggling Pleasures!
Yesterday in our “The Comedy Of Errors – Starring Apple” article, we reported that after realizing their mistakes, Apple reinstated two previously banned apps … Simply Beach and Daisey Mae’s Alien Buffet. These two apps were originally collateral damage in Apple’s war against smut apps.
Well it looks like Apple has corrected a couple of other OOOPS-ies. Yesterday Apple reinstated six previously banned Hooters apps, including the Hooters Calendar Screen Wash app we highlighted by publisher On The Go Girls.
And just now, we received word, that the once banned Wobble iBoobs and Wobble iBoobs (Premium) apps are now available for sale on the App Store. Well sort of … looks like there was a slight tweak in the app’s title … no iBoobs. Guess it’s less “overtly sexual” this way.
Stay tuned to KRAPPS as we’ll keep you abreast (see what we did there?) to any further developments in iSexGate 2010.
Star Wars Scrolling Text Lands On The iPhone With Star Wordz App
Attention Star Wars fans! Get ready to rejoice and totally geek out. The beloved crawl of text seen at the beginning of each film did NOT fly off the movie screen … into the darkness of space … and crash down on Earth. Nope … that was just a vicious rumor started by a couple of bored kids one day during winter break (no clue? see “Star Wars vs. Star Trek” video at the end of article).
The real deal is that the iconic scrolling text is now available for the iPhone using the new Star Wordz app [iTunes $0.99] (ha! see what the developers did there?). We’re actually pretty floored it took this long for the Star Wars scrolling text to arrive on the iPhone … but we guess when your traveling from a galaxy far, far away … it takes awhile.
Anywho … Star Wordz lets you customize your own Intro, Episode, Title and paragraphs of crawl text … mirroring the structure of the actual opening crawl of each Star Wars episode. Then just touch the Create button and the app launches your custom crawl on the iPhone via Safari for your viewing pleasure. Plus you can bookmark the page to view it one million times.
Being uber Star Wars fanboys … we love this app. It satisfies our Galactic Empire needs … plus chicks dig it too. Recently while clubbing, we used Star Wordz to help us pickup babes. It totally worked and now we have a smoking hot girlfriend thanks to Star Wordz. We’d show you her picture, but she’s “overtly sexual” and has been banned from KRAPPS.
So yeah, get your Star Wars freak on and check out Star Wordz. For 99 cents, it’ll make your iPhone even more awesome and maybe even hook you up with an “overtly sexual” female.
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