iPhone Apps For Your Private Parts

Ok … we had a enough. We looked the other way long enough … today something needs to be said …

If You Use Your iPhone As A Sex Toy – You’re An IDIOT!

iVibrateMeDesc

Seriously, freaking control yourself – what are you, an animal? You use the damn thing to make phone calls, text messages, email, Twitter, listen to music, check sports scores and millions of other iPhone uses … do you really think you your poor iPhone wants to be hanging out in your freaking crotch? HELL NO (how do we know? – the iPhone told us – we’re like that Dog Whisperer dude for iPhones) … show the thing some respect – this is an iPhone people – keep it above the belt.

And STEVE?!?! … what is this you dirty dog … iVibrateMe – “great for your special private areas” … “satisfy your needs” … “relieve pent-up stress”. So Apple, you mean to tell us this kind of app description is ok for all viewing audiences yet Cock-A-Doodle-Do and Fartknocker get zapped by your profanity filter? WTH is this?

Fartknocker  CockADoodleDo

Now look, nothing against these types of pleasure aids … but here’s some sound advice … next time you plan to visit the Apple Store for your sex toy needs, mix in a little www.MyPleasure.com – (there’s a good idea … “excuse me Mr. Apple Store Employee – can you recommend the best vibrator sex toy application?” … LOL).

Which brings us to our next app … the MyVibe app. Yeah, it’s the same “great for your special areas” functionality, but we just love the “suggested use situations” …

MyVibeDesc

“at your desk” … “in your car stuck in traffic” … “at the movies” … LOL – yeah, thank goodness Apple stopped those horrible innuendos of Fartknocker and Cock-A-Doodle-Do!

But this all leaves us confused … because it’s a well known fact that Apple rejects applications that link directly to objectionable material from within the app. So why on Earth is it ok to link the MyPleasure.com logo from within the MyVibe app directly to a Sex Toys and Adult Toy Store? And why is MyVibe, with its direct Adult Toy Store link, ok for 4 year olds? Do you really want to explain Sex Toys to your 4 year old … if your answer is yes … you’re an IDIOT! (and so is Apple).

MyVibe4  MyVibeScreenshot

MyPleasureWeb

June 22, 2009 | Filed Under Health | 41 Comments 

Recap: Week Of June 15

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

June 15: “Intercourse” Is A Bad Word – we applaud Apple & provide a tool for developers

June 16: iPhone App Teaches How To Touch A Woman’s Body – yes we are being serious!

June 17: Not Your Ordinary Tickle App – a video tribute to the funniest iPhone app

June 18: The Most Blatant Sexploitation In An iPhone App – you gotta see it to believe it!

June 19: God Is A Geek – and there’s humor in Heaven – it’s all good!

June 20: iPhone Devs – Make Your Apps Talk With VoiceForge – technology pushing creativity & originality

June 21: Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors – these guys rock! check them out & show some love

June 21, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors

We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.

Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at a variety of budget levels. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.

ThankYouPres

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screen_5 Ow My Balls!
Ow My Balls! is a hysterical iPhone game centered around the mishaps of Joe The Juggler. Kick Juggler Joe off the ledge of a tall building … and he cries out – “OW MY BALLS!” As Joe falls, hit objects to score points and ignite the fart jetpack to make him travel the longest distance possible before making impact with the ground and crying out - 
“OW MY BALLS!” This high quality game contains outstanding hand-drawn graphics, hilarious custom recorded sounds and user-friendly controls. Plus you have the ability to record your own “OW MY BALLS!” sound effect to use within the game. A bargain at only 99 cents … click here to purchase OW MY BALLS via iTunes or read our extensive review.

hideNtweet22 hideNtweet
With the amount of garbage in the App Store, the hideNtweet app is a breath of fresh air. It is a totally unique and original game specifically designed for the iPhone. Think the classic children’s game Hide And Seek … now bring Hide And Seek to the iPhone, couple that with GPS technology and Twitter … and voila – hideNtweet. This app is currently in beta and being developed by Dove Valley Apps. Click here to read our review. Better yet, experience this extraordinary gaming experience yourself … click here to become a beta user.

100soundsThankYou 100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos.

VoiceForge VoiceForge: We Build Voices® –
We Make the Internet Talk®
Attention iPhone developers – VoiceForge is an online Text-to-Speech service. They’ve made TTS fast, affordable, and scalable! Tap a huge variety of 60 voices in 5 languages. Using their SOAP based API, simply send text, indicate the voice, and receive back a MP3 or URL. And it’s fast – just 200 milliseconds for audio to be returned. Big fish no problem; our capacity exceeds 100 million synthesis per day. Consumers love personalization – why not "pimp your app" by letting users pick the voice they like? Click here to receive more info, try the demo, or sign up for a free developer’s kit.

DrinkTracker Ad DrinkTracker – The Breathalyzer iPhone App
Don’t drink and drive! True words, but easier said than done. This is where DrinkTracker comes into play – your personal “alcohol conscious” – helping you to drink responsibly. DrinkTracker calculates your blood alcohol content (BAC) based on your profile and updates every 60 seconds. This is an extremely feature-rich breathalyzer app and at $1.99, a no-brainer bargain buy. Click here to visit the DrinkTracker site for complete details and a fantastic demo video.

BinaryGameThankYou2 Binary Game
Simply put, this app makes you smarter! Binary Game gets your brain juices flowing and is a ton of fun. It’s an original game of binary math which is simple to play and highly addictive. The worldwide leader board satisfies the most uber-competitive gamer, while the Facebook Connect feature pleases those social types. Click here to read our review or click here to purchase from the App Store, click here.

Wordulous 99 Games
99 Games is an exceptional game developer cranking out such iPhone classics as WordsWorth (ranked as high #1 in the word game category), Chess Pro, Chess Lite, Aqua Jigsaw, and Jigsaw Wild. Their latest offering is Wordulous … an anagram like no others: multiple modes, global scores, Facebook Connect and more. 99 Games is committed to building only the highest quality and most entertaining games possible … all at affordable prices. Click here for our review.

iFightThankYou iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro, click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.

June 21, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | 1 Comment 

iPhone Devs – Make Your Apps Talk With VoiceForge

VoiceForgeAttention Cepstral is a company which provides iPhone developers a tool for making unique and kick ass applications. VoiceForge is their branded Text-To-Speech (TTS) platform which enables developers to add high quality sound audio to any iPhone application.

Uh … ok … TTS … what the heck is that? Well basically in a non-geek nutshell, the VoiceForge TTS technology makes the Internet talk … and more specifically … talking iPhone applications. Imagine a talking greeting card app … type message into app – send greeting card to friend – friend opens greeting card – and card starts to talk in a deep Russian Drago voice … “Happy Birthday Pencil Neck! I Must Break  You!” … or … type in the ABC’s and send it using a hot chick sexy voice (oh krapp, scratch DragoBreak that … we already profiled a Sexy ABC’s app). Or how about talking iPhone games … or talking breathalyzer – “Yes dumbass, you’ve had 17 beers, you are drunk! Drago will beat your ass if you get behind the wheel of a car!”

The creative possibilities are endless with VoiceForge … and guess what, use VoiceForge in your app and chances are you will NOT be featured here on KRAPPS … which is a good thing we guess.

VoiceForge will appeal to all developer geeks – webmasters … programmers … developers of mash-ups, web 2.0 apps, Facebook apps, VoIP tool and of course, iPhone apps. Plus developers will save money as VoiceForge offers one set price for access to over 45 different voices … so no need to limit yourself to a la carte voices pricing (a la carte sucks … why do I have to pay $15 for a side of mashed potatoes Mortons?).

voiceforge-thumb We suck at being developer geeks, but appreciate this TTS technology and can imagine some very cool apps leveraging this platform. Plus we LOVE visiting the VoiceForge voice demo page, typing in profanities and then having it played back by one of the 50+ demo voices … hee, hee. Click here to check out the demo page.

VoiceForgeDemo

For more information about VoiceForge … visit their dedicated developers page, where you can sign up and receive a free Test_ID and access to their service for a non-commercial trial. Looking forward to all those cool upcoming talking apps!

June 20, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | 24 Comments 

God Is A Geek

Well apparently we at KRAPPS are simpletons and totally out of the loop when it comes to this whole geeky techie stuff … either that, or we simply nodded off (which is usually the case) during Father Guido Sarducci’s sermon informing the parish that God is a geek. Yeah, imagine our surprise when we discovered the Box For Prayer app which enables its user to send emails to God …

BoxForPrayerDesc

LOL … Newsflash – save a dollar and mix in a prayer. We’ll bet our left nut that prayers are quicker than emails. Plus if you really suck …I’m sure God would have your IP address JesusIsRadTShirt blacklisted and reroute your message to HELL (what, you think there’s no humor in  Heaven?)

If you still insist on emailing God, being the do-gooders and givers we are … we’ll give you God’s email address for FREE –> Jesus_Is_Rad@GoodLord.org.

Now the only question for God remains … Mac or PC?

June 19, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 82 Comments 

The Most Blatant Sexploitation In An iPhone App

MSHOT is a Korean-based iPhone app development company. You probably never heard of them … which is a good thing … because there’s something very strange going on at their  offices and frankly, we are concerned!

Last month, MSHOT released the Office Girls app … one of those typical “Oh Sexy Baby – Let Me Touchy Touchy” wallpaper apps. Fair enough … there’s like a million of them … who cares. True – but upon further review, it seems management at MSHOT has been pressuring female employees into provocative poses in exchange for their job security …

OfficeGirlsDesc

WTH is this? … “These pretty secretaries who live perky lives, gladly volunteered to be our models” … YEAH RIGHT! They better agree to this blatant sexploitation if they want to remain MSHOT employees. Come on … pimping out your own personnel? What kind of business do you guys run? – software firm? – don’t think so. Mix in a little sexual harassment charges over at MSHOT … just look at these pics from the Office Girls app:

hey there hot MSHOT secretary … unbutton that blouse of yours and show us your sexy black bra … smile, you’ll be in our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls3

yeah that’s it secretary babe … hike up that red dress way high … love the plunging neckline … this will be perfect for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls2

oh, never mind us … keep talking on the phone … we’re just trying to get a boob shot for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

OfficeGirls4

But unfortunately the madness of MSHOT continues. They’re now branching out beyond their immediate office location and terrorizing innocent young Korean hot chicks throughout the country. Yesterday MSHOT released the Pocket Girls app (no relation to the Pocket God app)  … bragging about their persuasive techniques on unsuspecting Asian girls …

PocketGirlsDescFINAL

Again … WTH is this? The description sounds like something you’d find in the slave trader oriented movie Taken (great flick, by the way) … “Purchasing this application enables us to find and recruit new Asian girls and persuade them into lingerie shots” … are you F’ing kidding!?!? Who the hell even thinks like this, yet alone writes this stuff as a sales tool. We’re not exactly sure what’s more “amusing”, the Pocket Girls description or the actual images it contains:

great job sexy lingerie ladies … pretend you’re sleeping … spoon up real close …
give her a nice “courtesy touch” … excellent
(oh krapp, we misspelled pocket … screw it, Apple won’t notice)

PocketGirls1 

are you kidding me? … is that all you got? … come on! let’s go! … wider, wider, wider
LOL … easy lady … you’ll end up pulling a groin muscle

PocketGirls3

that’s the money shot … sleeping in lingerie … looking so sexy and vulnerable
LOL … who the hell sleeps like this?

PocketGirls2

WOW … Office and Pocket Girls … is this where Apple is taking us with yesterday’s OS3 launch and the subsequent Parental Controls? Oh what the hell … we’ll take it … we look at it as job security (and we don’t even have to pose in our sexy lingerie).

June 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment 

Not Your Ordinary Tickle App

A video tribute to the funniest iPhone app available to date … sorry folks, we had to do it

(please switch man-child mentality to “ON” and push “PLAY”)

(we can’t stop laughing!)

June 17, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 14 Comments 

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