How To SUCK At Selling iPhone Apps
With the popularity of the iPhone growing exponentially, there are numerous thousands of developers attempting to cash in on App Store gold. So being the do-gooders we are … we present a few examples of how NOT to sell your app.
Be A Douchebag (My Ex-Girlfriends app)
Ah yes … Damon has a special talent … the ability to get hot chicks to undress for him while he takes their picture. Damon, you are our hero – the wind beneath our wings. However just as an fyi … it doesn’t count when you have to pay the girl to undress.
Be A Pothead (Zits & Giggles app)
Working on your app while stoned leads to poor decisions. Like increasing the price of your app from 99 cents to sixteen dollars … to one hundred and eighty dollars … to two hundred and thirty dollars. Not really sure why the developers stopped at two thirty … perhaps they ran out of weed due to lagging app sales. Make wise choices – just say no.
Be A Hater (The Sushi Experience app)
Look … if you’re an Android-loving, Apple-hating, mofo … just stay the hell away from the App Store. There’s no reason to be the most expensive book in the App Store … especially when your Amazon hardcover price is $26.40 and Kindle at $23.76. Yeah, let’s just stick it to that evil iPhone and its Cult of Mac a-holes and charge $70. Oh shit, it comes with a lap dance … our bad, a fair deal … carry on.
Be Blunt (+MyBattery app)
Of course the sure fire way to kill sales is to stop beating around the bush and cut straight to the chase … Please Wait And Purchase Later … will do, enough said.
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