When (8-bit) Dinosaurs Ruled the Land! – C64 For iPhone

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

Commodore_64 Let us travel back in time, to an age when 64 KB of memory was all that was needed to be a real computer. The year was 1982 when Commodore International introduced the best-selling single personal computer model of all time, the Commodore 64. I got one a couple of years later, when I started college and found it beneficial to have a computer at home for CompSci homework (the labs were always packed during the decent hours). Coupled with a 300 baud modem and a dot matrix printer, this was a system that was ready for action! And it wasn’t all school work, oh no… The C=64 had some of the best games of the era: interactive fiction adventures like Zork, flying games like Choplifter and one of my personal faves, the fighting game Karateka.

C64-3up

And so it was with a sense of nostalgia that I dug into the C64 app by Manomio. Included with the app are 8 games: Dragons Den, Le Mans, International Basketball, International Soccer, International Tennis, Jupiter Lander, Arctic Shipwreck and Jack Attack. I only recalled two of these from "back in the day", so I fired up Dragons Den first. There are 2 different view modes for the games. In portrait mode, the playing screen is pretty small, but you get a clear view of the game controls (namely a joystick and fire button… that’s all we needed back then to have a good time). In landscape mode, the playing screen fills the space and the controls are invisibly overlaid.

C64-Dragons-Den-1  C64-Dragons-Den-2

After several minutes of riding around on a pegasus, I was ready to take the wheel of a formula one racer in Le Mans. In both of these, the gameplay is smooth and the music is appropriately retro. It shouldn’t surprise you that the games play well, the iPhone is much more powerful than the old hardware. For several of the other games, I had to look them up online to figure out the goal. While playing Jupiter Lander, my wife walked by and told me she remembered the game and although neither of us remembered Arctic Shipwreck, it was great fun to trample the people stranded on the ice floe with the woolly mammoth (not the "official" goal of the game, by the way).

c64-11  c64-22

Manomio has done a great job in preserving a grand old platform for a new generation. I fear that licensing will prevent some of the best games from showing up, but I did see that there will be new games (some free, some for in-app purchase) available in the next update (which should be approved next week): Bruce Lee, Laser Squad, Uridium, Paradroid, Druid, Kikstart, Cybernoid, Storm Lord and AlletKat.

At $4.99 [iTunes], C64 is priced appropriately for the entertainment value it provides to fans of the old-school.

 

December 19, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 4 Comments 

Despite Name, Mr. Dumb iChowdown Is Smart iPhone Gaming

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

When Mr. KRAPPS approached me to review another Mr. Dumb game, my immediate reaction was “sweet – another kickass Beavis and Butthead homage! ” In the last Mr. Dumb game I reviewed (Mr. Dumb: Toilet), your main goal was to keep urinals from overflowing and spilling all sorts of nastiness on the bathroom floor. This episode of  Mr. Dumb … iChowdown [iTunes $0.99] …  is a bit more involved as your objective is to feed Mr. Dumb … manually!

iChowdown-1

You first start by creating and preparing Mr. Dumb’s meal. After a few seconds of this prep work, you begin the eating process … open Mr. Dumb’s mouth WIDE open and shove the tasty grind right into is pie hole.

So what’s next, you ask? Well, the answer is simple… dude can’t swallow the shit whole … you gotto chew, chew, chew. To make Mr. Dumb chew, you drag his chin up and down. Over and over again. Seriously, you are MANUALLY feeding this guy. I meant it when I said it.

Now be careful … some spicy foods will produce little fireballs halfway through the chewing process. When that happens, don’t panic … just chill by tapping the flare-ups a few times to extinguish them.

iChowdown-2

Naturally, swallowing the food is next. You have to quickly drag your finger through different parts of the digestive system (think guts) to successfully swallow the masticated foodstuffs.

Mr. Dumb then takes a swig of cola. The cola generates carbonation bubbles in his throat which must be popped in a specific order since they are numbered. Actually this bit doesn’t make much sense to me … and I’m no Mr. Dumb … LOL.

After the cola swigging bubble popping segment … repeat and eat more tasty grind.

This game is a ton of fun. It might sound a bit repetitive, I know, but it’s kept me entertained for a gynormous amount of time.

Oh wait … he pukes. I mentioned the barfing, right? No? Hmmm … there is PUKING! Thing is, if you try and shove too much food down his throat, Mr. Dumb will throw it right back up in a green, gooey paste. Now maybe it’s just me, but at this point I could’ve sworn I smelled vomit spewing from my iDevice. Anyways … if you do get all out of control and make Mr. Dumb yak, you will forgo the points for that spewed food. Bummer.

iChowdown-3

But wait … there is hope if you make Mr. Dumb blow chunks. You can prevent this by pushing the food back in his mouth. The ralphing starts happening in slow motion (doesn’t it always?), with the food sprouting up out of his mouth. If you push it all back to the center, you should be fine, but this is more challenging than it sounds. Just like in real life, once you start puking, it’s tough to make yourself stop. At this point, he may pass out … to save him, you must start slapping the crap out of him. This is probably my favorite part of the game … it’s very satisfying and zen-like. WHACK! – WHACK! – WHACK!

iChowdown-4

I know KRAPPS normally focuses on the weird, offbeat apps — which this is, without a doubt, but iChowdown is perfect iPhone madness. It’s very well made, extremely polished, includes top-notch graphics and is one heckuv an entertaining game that will keep you coming back for more. I like to think of Mr. Dumb iChowdown as a Kuality KRAPP and a steal at only 99 cents.

There is one more episode of the Mr. Dumb triology … Mr. Dumb Go Down … which I hope Mr. KRAPPS plays it smart and hits me up for a review … if not, WHACK! (stay tuned)

 

December 12, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 1 Comment 

I’ll Have a Blue(tooth) Christmas (SuDoKu)

Christmas-Sudoku-Banner

Thanks to 99Games, it’s Christmas time in the land of SuDoKu, where the familiar numbers have been replaced with icons of the festive season (the numbers are still available for you ScroogeDoKus out there). In Christmas SuDoKu [iTunes $1.99], the change to pictures adds some challenge since it is much easier to determine which number is missing in a series, whereas figuring out that the Candy Cane or the Gingerbread Man is the item you’re missing takes a little more time. Gameplay is straightforward SuDoKu; Santa flies overhead and sprinkles some items onto the board to start you off (how many is based on the difficulty level) and you then have to figure out where the rest go according to three simple rules: an item may only appear once in each row, column and nine slot grouping.

CS1   CS5

If you’re a SuDoKu novice, you can earn a few hints which can be redeemed to place a random item on the board and also consult the suggestions for each open spot. Holiday music plays in the background (this can thankfully be turned off after it has worn out its welcome).

But, what’s that you say? You want to challenge a friend who is in the same room? The game has you covered with the somewhat strangely named "Tug-a-friend", which allows you to play against someone over bluetooth. I unwisely challenged my wife, who is like a 9th degree SuDoKu black belt. The only time I beat her was when she left the room for a few minutes and I feverishly kept at the puzzle while she was gone (yes, in many cultures this would be considered cheating).

After you’ve exhausted the SuDoKu portions of the app, you will probably say to yourself "I am in such a festive mood, I wish I could send someone a little e-postcard letting them know just how great this game is." Again, the game has you covered with the somewhat less strangely named "Hug-a-friend". You can build a nice little scene of a decorated tree and then send it to your friend (or you can build the kind of minimalist scene that I did, entitled Frosty Balls).

CS3   CS4

If you like SuDoKu, you’ll also like this variant. If you’ve never played SuDoKu before, this app is a good introduction.

December 5, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games | 3 Comments 

Mr. Dumb Toilet – A Worthy Beavis And Butthead Homage

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

beavis_and_butthead_mtv “I am the Great Cornholio! I need T.P. for my bunghole!” – Beavis
“Shut up fartknocker!” – Butthead
“FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” – Beavis
“Calm down Beavis. You’re gonna soil your drawers.” – Butthead
“Skulls are cool.” – Butthead

LMAO … who doesn’t love Beavis and Butthead? I grew up on that shit and seeing the
Mr. Dumb: Toilet iPhone game (by ZenuxLab) this heavily inspired by Mike Judge’s amazing characters truly strikes an awesome chord in me. Mr. Dumb: Toilet had me at “hello bunghole” … I fell in love from the moment I laid eyes on it.

Mr-Dumb-Toilet-1

The gameplay in Mr. Dumb: Toilet is simple, yet polished … make sure the urinals keep flowing properly or they will flood the entire bathroom. Disgusting roaches run wild and you have to squish them. If you miss a roach, they go behind a urinal and it becomes temporarily out of service. To make sure the urinals keep running and don’t overflow, you have to press the flush button whenever they stop.

Mr-Dumb-Toilet-2

There’s also some douchebag (I assume he’s some steroid abusing security guy) who keeps throwing trashcans at you … WTH dicknose! You’ve gotta avoid the flying cans or game over. Doing my best Beavis and Butthead slacker impersonation, I didn’t feel like reading instructions and totally skipped over them. This caused me to keep dying repeatedly … so let’s be 100% clear …. TRASH CANS – THEY ARE BAD.

Mr-Dumb-Toilet-4

Anyhow, this game is freaking fun so be very careful not to soil your drawers. I find myself playing it in small spurts and just loving the non-suck homage to Beavis and Butthead.
Mr, Dumb: Toilet [iTunes $0.99] is definitely worth a look, whether you are a Beavis and Butthead fan or not … for sure!

 

November 21, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 2 Comments 

AutoRingtone PRO – Because The Same Old Musical Ringtones Are So 2000-And-Late!

Look, we get it. Your phone is ringing. And you’re totally awesome because you have the latest from Beyonce as a custom ringtone. You and a million other Beyonce fans (including Kanye West). A custom ringtone isn’t custom if everyone else has it and you still have to remember which contact each song is associated with. Total hassle … why bother?

Kanye-West-FINAL “Imma let you finish, but AutoRingtone is the best ringtone of all time!”

Enter AutoRingtone PRO [iTunes]. You type … the app talks … in over 20 voices! You can have unique spoken Caller ID for every single one of your contacts and choose from a wide variety of voices including UK, USA, Male, Female, Robot, Space Alien or even synthesized singing voices, like T-Pain AutoTune-style! You’ll be the only one with that ringtone, for shizzle, my nizzle!

AutoRingtone-Title

Hmmm … custom user-generated ringtones? Uh, this could get crazy cool … everything from professional to hilariously obscene!

>> “Hey baby, your phone is ringing. Your lovely wife is calling”
>> “Imma let you finish but your phone is ringing. Your home girl, Taylor, is calling”
>> “Batman, your phone is ringing. Robin is calling”
>> “Hey Pimp Daddy, your phone is ringing. Your number one sweetie is calling”

See that … the possibilities are endless. And check it … no censorship. Just select one of the 20+ voices … enter your name, the caller’s name and your email address … hit the create button … then retrieve your personalized ringtone by visiting AutoRingtone.com. Your ringtone generates in the following format:

YOUR NAME, your phone is ringing
CALLER NAME is calling
YOUR NAME, please answer the phone

AutoRingtone-1 AutoRingtone-2

AutoRingtone PRO is even holding a contest for the funniest ringtones. Just send them (info@NoTieSoftware.com) the ringtone file you created and you can win prizes like iPhone cases, earbuds, headsets, chargers, and more.

And some info for you techie geeks … not only are ringtones provided in the iPhone format (.m4r), but also .aiff – so people who use other phones (there are other phones?) can convert them for their device. Very freaking sweet!

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF AutoRingtone PRO is unlimited. Meaning if you have 10 contacts – you pay one price. 100 contacts? 1,000? … still the same low price. But heads up … the AutoRingtone PRO edition, which has 20+ voices (and counting), will be going up in price after the first update which will allow completely custom messages. Think “freestyle” – it speaks whatever you type, so like … “Dude, warning! Your mother-in-law is calling. DO NOT ANSWER THE FREAKING PHONE!”. So jump on this 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified app at the current low price of $1.99 in the iTunes App Store.

November 12, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Social | 17 Comments 

Pro Surfing Wildcard – Realistic iPhone Surf Game, Except For Peeing In Your Wetsuit

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

PSW-Logo-Large Have you ever played a surfing videogame? I never had … so when asked to review Pro Surfing Wildcard (by Traction Games), I had no idea what to expect. I went into the experience expecting something poorly stitched together with lame gameplay mechanics that would only appeal to hardcore surfers. However, what I encountered was much different.

Pro Surfing Wildcard had me totally hooked within ten minutes (that’s about how long it took me to get used to the controls). It features a Free Surf mode and a Compete mode, in which you compete through an entire season of surfing, trying to beat the scores of other surfers … this mode is absolutely addictive! The season takes you on an epic surf trip, hitting various breaks worldwide … USA, Mexico, Norway and Australia. You can submit your scores to the online global leaderboard or simply join the Pro Surfing Wildcard online community for various tips, tricks and general banter.

PSW-Carve-FINAL

You start the game by paddling into a wave and popping up on your surfboard … moving with a nice implementation of accelerometer controls. There is a button to slow down (this helps stall your board so you can get deep inside a tube) and four trick buttons. The control scheme takes a bit of getting used to, but it’s very simple to get the hang of. Don’t give up the first time you fall off your board and eat it … this game is too much fun to wuss out on after one failed attempt (which you will definitely have – hey, even in real life, you don’t start charging waves after your first attempt).

PSW-Tube2-FINAL

Each session is timed, with the time pausing every time you wipe out. A landed trick gives you points, while a wipe out reduces your accumulated points (which seems like a pain at first, but provides motivation to get better).

When it comes to acceleration, it’s automatic, with the slow down button that I referenced earlier. Landing takes a bit of getting used to as you must land the maneuver in the correct direction or you’ll biff. And I’ve confirmed with the good admin here at KRAPPS, who is a surfer himself, that acceleration and landing are quite realistic (although the air you get from a wave is a bit exaggerated).

PSW-Air-FINAL

In addition to the wave you ride in Free Surf, you are able to unlock three additional waves by playing through the Competition mode. This feature provides plenty of reason to keep playing Pro Surfing Wildcard and is actually pretty rewarding.

The graphics are nice for the platform. Nothing spectacular (especially the water), but definitely bearable, and not by any means an eyesore. Speaking of the water … it’s cold! Consulting KRAPPS, they said typically surfers will pee in their wetsuits in attempts to warm up … this would be a nice feature for future updates.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF All in all, I’m very impressed with Pro Surfing Wildcard … it is a great iPhone game – much better than what expected. That said, it doesn’t take a surfer to enjoy this game as I’ve never surfed once in my life (except the Internet), and I’m having a blast. I’ve actually had to pause the production of this review a few times to get in a round or two. Pro Surfing Wildcard is available for $1.99 in iTunes, it’s totally worth it and I hereby declare it 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – definitely!

 

November 4, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 37 Comments 

Coworkerisms – It’s KRAPPSpalooza In Here!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

OFFICE_SPACE_Milton As anyone who has ever worked in an office knows, casual conversation with your coworkers can be problematic. Avoidance will likely get you labeled as anti-social, while saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time may earn you an even worse title: anti-employed! Television writers Jacob Lentz and Paul Koehorst recognized the need for a guidebook to help cubicle denizens navigate these potentially risky waters. Earlier this year, they published "There’s No I in Office" a compendium of 4,293 phrases which cover tons of everyday situations and even lots of things that are applicable to specific types of jobs. I recently took the book with me when I went on vacation and immediately found a goldmine of useful information. I picked up lots of great one liners to throw off in boring meetings and even some cool new phrases to use when arriving for work ("Welcome back, fellow travelers") and then when leaving at the end of the day ("Tonight, I will sleep the sleep of the just"). And if I ever take up a new career as a lumberjack or U.N. translator, I’ll be covered with such gems as "I love these plaid shirts" and "What’s your favorite foreign swear word?"

But, I know what you’re thinking. This is an iPhone app site, what are we doing talking about a book? Fear not, brave reader, for in addition to the printed offering, the authors have also released a companion iPhone application: Coworkerisms. The application features over 3,000 phrases from the book arranged by category. Or perhaps you’re feeling super-adventurous and will go for the random quote. Either way, now you’ve got lots of ammunition to fire back when the office’s chatty Cathy comes knocking. And with the iPhone app, you won’t have to write your faves in the palm of your hand, with a Sharpie pilfered from the office supply cabinet.

Coworkerisms Splash   Coworkerisms Lord Flies

Coworkerisms-Hall   Coworkerisms Zeppelin

In addition to the extra thousand or so phrases, the book also features hilarious answers to some common questions you might get asked in the workplace. Each of the answers is pretty much guaranteed to stop the questioner in their tracks and allow you to slip away in the confusion that results. Each chapter of the book also ends with a page of Power Phrases, clever fill-in-the-blank sentences. Amazingly, the term KRAPPS fits well in every one! (the title of this post was one of them).

Coworkerisms-List    Coworkerisms-eBay

Coworkerisms-Sick    Coworkerisms Supervillian

We haven’t used the term lately, but this book and the companion app are both definitely 100% anti-KRAPPS certified. Coworkerisms is $1.99 in the AppStore [iTunes] and "There’s No I in Office" lists for $11.95, available in your favorite bookstore or $9.56 at Amazon.

October 31, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

« Previous Page — Next Page »