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App For The Seriously Demented – Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller
GOATCARTgames is an indie game development studio based in Athens, GA. These guys specialize in making artsy, odd games with engaging mechanics and beguiling aesthetics (there words, not ours) … primarily for the iPhone. Since Athens boasts a strong art and music scene (think R.E.M., B-52’s, Matthew Sweet, Widespread Panic, etc.), it’s no surprise that GOATCARTgames is positioned as an artsy-fartsy oddball developer (more about the “fartsy” part later) … any other type of Athens-based developer would be uncivilized.
Although we’ve never been to Athens … judging by the work of GOATCARTgames, they must be smoking some good shit over there. Seriously, you cannot be in a sober state of mind and expect to develop an app which centers around farting swami cats that predict the future … Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller.
In a nutshell … Swami Paws is a mystical lolcat who tells the future with his swirling clouds of feline flatulence. Just poke his belly and Swami Paws’ gaseous emissions will reveal all.
We spoke with Swami Paws via Skype and he gave us hiz salz peech … “Hai krappz! I am SWAMI PAWS! I no wat is happenin in teh futur. I can see it in mah fartz. Srsly! Now, wif mah awsum app 4 iPhone an iPod Touch, U can kno it 2!”
LMAO … this is one messed cat app. Congrats to GOATCARTgames for sticking with their mission statement … the WTF rating on this baby is off the charts. And the disclaimer which warns of sheer stupidity and killer kitties is pure brilliance in a sick and tasteless way.
But to truly appreciate the utter chaos and twisted sense of humor of Swami Paws … viewing the 29 second demo video below is imperative. Sure we could use such descriptors as bizarre, eccentric or freaky … but words simply cannot describe this enigmatic application. Push play to experience something out of the Twilight Zone … neener-neerner, neener-neener.
From LEGOs To Live Animals – An Early Look At DIY iPad Stands
The iPad has been out less than a week and already some clever do it yourself docks and stands are beginning to appear. Sure you can plonk down $30 and get the official Apple iPad dock … or better yet, $130 for the awesome Joule work stand for iPad … but where’s the pride and sense of accomplishment in that? Meh, don’t be a gadget snob … save cash, buy more apps. Check out these alternative DIY iPad stands.
Book Stand
They go by various names … book stand – study stand – paper stand … and will run you in the $8 to $10 ballpark … but WTH, they work and can display your iPad in portrait or landscape mode. Plus the stand folds up flat making it totally portable. Check out your local office supplies store (Staples, Office Depot, etc.) and save big.
Folding Easel
Folding easels are cool. They can display photographs, cookbooks or your child’s sponge paintings. And if you get the 6.5” version … this $6 folding easel becomes an iPad stand. Visit your local craft store (Michaels, Jo-Ann, etc.) or online at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Tinkertoy
Ramin Firoozye constructed the first-ever iPad stand made entirely from Tinkertoys. It’s lightweight, easily assembled and features adjustable angles for your iPad viewing pleasure.
LEGO
Cleverly named the “Mk II”, it seems Jeff Eaton is the first to assemble a functioning LEGO iPad stand … or at least the first and only LEGO iPad stand we could find on the Internet. The Mk II is totally cool and we love how Jeff incorporated the rubber tires into his design … however with our mere mortal LEGO skills, the Mk II is wishful thinking. Hopefully our boy Chris Harrison will come up with a 7-piece LEGO iPad stand.
Wet Nose – Bad Breath
Ok, we admit … this final option is not cheap. But for years of companionship, unconditional love and a warm lap … using your pet as an iPad stand is priceless.
Dog Translator App Does Not Translate Dog To English – No Shit Sherlock
Besides scouring the App Store for whacky, weird, stupid and strange iPhone applications, one of our favorite pastimes is reading the user reviews. The great Albert Einstein once said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former." Looking at the user reviews in the App Store, we agree wholeheartedly with Einstein.
Take for example the silly little app Dog Translator which jokingly claims it translates Dog to English. Just record your dog barking and the app displays what your canine is saying.
Pretty weak, but whatever, we see worse on a daily basis. Plus it’s free – no harm, no foul.
But as lame as Dog Translator might seem to be, nothing beats its user reviews … pure suck. It’s like the app was infested by complete morons … proving Einstein’s theory of human stupidity was money.
Ratailmana is a disgruntled user claiming Dog Translator is the “Stupiest thing EVA” (yes, typing on the iPhone can be a bitch). Apparently he/she doesn’t really need a Dog to English translator because he/she can just tell what their dog is saying.
Emoji is also pissed at Dog Translator stating the app is not accurate. Emoji would know because secretly during the middle of the night, they recorded a silent sleeping dog and the app spit out the results. Little does Emoji know, dogs talk in their sleep … but at a very high pitch … only smart humans can hear them.
Kkkkaaaayyyy is stupid mad as hell and feels Dog Translator “doesnt workkkk!!!!” Everyone knows the iPod Touch doesn’t have a microphone and thus recording a dog’s bark is impossible. Heck, Kkkkaaaayyyy feels double-duped since not only the iDevice has no mic, but also the dog wasn’t even in the room … yet Dog Translator returned a translation.
Now Tower Madness Hero is our hero because they are really on to something. Think about this … if Dog Translator really did translate from Dog to English, you could easily sell the thing for about $10. Damn, this is true … and what a bargain it would be.
And there’s plenty more backlash from Dog Translator users. “Ripoff”, “Scam” and “Fake” are a few of the popular descriptors … along with proof points such as …
> My dog was licking his water bowl and it came up with “I’m tired” … junk
> It recorded me saying “hi” and translated it to “give me a tummy rub”
> The app just says random things over and over again
Now mind you, just in case someone is a SUPER moron, the app includes a disclaimer … “Dog Translator is intended for novel entertainment and may not accurately reflect your dog’s emotions at all times.” But really, what’s the point – you can’t reason with stupid?
But alas there is a beacon of hope in this cesspool of dumb … either that or dude is a big fan of P.T. Barnum and the “there’s a sucker born every minute” concept. “You don’t deserve whatever money you have” … LMAO!
Apple Bans Blatant Doodle Jump Ripoff, But Approves Another, Doodle Drop
While Apple celebrates (and profits) from an estimated 700,000 iPads bought on day one, they still can’t seem to get their shit together when it comes to consistent App Store approval policies.
On March 19 we reported that Apple approved the Doodle Jumper iPhone app. Notice the extra two letters “E” and “R”? Guess those two letters were enough of a difference between Doodle Jump and Doodle JumpER for Apple to feel good about approving a blatant ripoff. Oh and of course the Doodler character in Doodle JumpER is blue with two legs … while the original Doodler is lime green and has four legs. Bravo Apple! Excellent attention to detail … way different apps and smart move approving JumpER.
Smart move? Uh … maybe not! Hindsight is 20/20 … within 24 hours of our report, justice prevailed with Apple removing Doodle JumpER from sale. WOOT!
If you’re not familiar with Doodle Jump [iTunes $0.99], you should be. It’s arguably the most successful iPhone game to date, published by the two-brother team, Igor and Marko Pusenjak, of Lima Sky. Doodle Jump has already surpassed $3 million in sales (a first for any Indie development house) and is one of the best App Store bargains ever.
So you would think after the JumpER mistake, Apple would have learned not to approve blatant Doodle Jump ripoffs. After all, Apple is no dummy … case in point, nearly 1 million iPads sold on day one. LOL … no dummy? … yeah right —> Doodle Drop.
Very original, eh? “I don’t jump, I drop!” … yeah, of course you do, dickhead. The folks at Drop even lifted Doodle Jump’s tagline idea, “Insanely Addictive!”, with their grammatically challenged “Ultimate Addictive!” derivative… exclamation point included.
Doodler character … all good … both lime green, have a snout and wear a green striped shirt. But of course, the trump card … Drop only has two legs.
Graphics? Yes! A round of graph paper and booster springs for all – it’s the cool thing to do.
But what bothers us the most is the overnight success of Drop. Released on Friday, April 2nd … in less than 48 hours Drop broke into the Top 100 Overall Paid Apps. Achieving this ranking means Drop’s developer is making some decent money … profiting from Lima Sky’s success. Since Doodle Jump is constantly being updated, it would be a safe assumption that Lima Sky released a new game … one that drops down, instead of jumps up. Heck … the name, Doodler character and game graphics look just about the same … so unsuspecting buyers are likely to get suckered.
As we previously stated, Apple seemingly doesn’t care to protect copyright holders, thus it’s up to the individual owner to complain. However it would behoove Apple to avoid biting the hand that feeds them … especially when that hand delivered over $3 million in sales and $1 million directly into Apple’s mouth.
Don’t Make These Birds Angry, Mr. McGee – Angry Birds For iPhone
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
It’s a war between the birds and the pigs in the action-puzzle game Angry Birds [iTunes $0.99] by Chillingo / Rovio. See, the pigs got all greedy and stole some eggs, then retreated to their fortified shelters. The birds, not ones to take such things lightly, have mobilized an impressive avian army to retaliate.
Utilizing a challenging two-screen view, the player must fire a series of birds from a slingshot with the goal of eliminating all of the pigs before advancing to the next level. The pigs are dispatched by either hitting them directly with a bird, by causing them to fall or by causing a rock to fall on them. Each bird, knowing this is a one way trip, has also loaded up on black powder causing them to explode after a set amount of time. This can be used to advantage in combination with elements on some of the screens – rest a bird against some explosives and they can cause further damage.
As you progress through the levels, you pick up new bird types too. You start off with the hard-headed red birds, capable of knocking down any obstacle the pigs can put up. Next up is the smaller blue bird which has the added ability to split like a MIRV while in the air. Time it just right and this terrible trio can take out multiple targets with the same shot. I just cleared level 12 (while grabbing screenshots) and can’t wait to find out what other specialized birds are yet to come.
Some of the levels are easy and some are dastardly difficult. The smug grunts of the pigs are easily enough to make me want to re-try until I’ve conquered them! The game play is ultra smooth and the projectile physics are very well implemented. Each bird has different flight characteristics which have to be accounted for; luckily they leave a trail so you can make minor adjustments on subsequent shots if necessary. Since you get bonus points for finishing the level before running out of birds, it’s important not to waste too many shots (even though I ultimately cleared level 12 with birds to spare, I probably played it a dozen times before that where I left a single pig alive).
An online leaderboard and achievement posting to Facebook/Twitter is provided via Chillingo’s own Crystal system. If you have an iPad (this post was written the day before the big launch), there is a new release of this app specifically for the new device. I, for one, can’t wait to see how it looks.
Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For An iPad [includes pictures]
Ever since appearing on Dancing With The Stars, we have a new found respect for Steve Wozniak. Screw the co-founded Apple thing … or the US Festival … or contributing to the personal computer revolution … The Woz danced the Tango in competition with a pulled hamstring and a fracture in his foot – that shit is IMPRESSIVE!
Aside from having the balls to compete in something totally out of his element on national television, what we also really love about Steve Woz is that he’s totally cool, likeable and approachable – which is very refreshing since so many peeps of fame these days are arrogant pricks. Take for instance the present moment … Friday night – April 2, 2010 … Where’s Woz? He’s camped outside the Apple Store inside the Valley Fair Mall in Santa Clara, CA. Woz will be there all night … just like the other hardcore MacHeads … waiting to become a day one proud owner of the iPad when they go on sale Saturday at 9:00AM PST.
We’re sure Woz could’ve used his “in the biz” connections to secure his iPad … but dude doesn’t roll like that. In a recent Newsweek interview, Woz stated that he pre-ordered a few iPads and will be waiting in line overnight to pick them up … just for fun. LOL … that is sick. A technology industry rock star, just chillin’ in line with the general public, waiting to become an early adopter … gotta love it!
The Woz showed up to wait in line around 6:00PM PST … greeting his fans, signing autographs, showcasing his $2 bills and playing his favorite video game, Tetris, on a Nintendo Game Boy (what, no Tetris iPhone app?).
Wearing his special necklace which reminds him that he follows all laws of physics, Woz is comfortably seated #4 in line, after Jason and Annette Slack-Moehrle and Parth Dhebar (who runs an iPhone/iPad app review site, Simple-Reviews.com, be sure to check it out).
Woz claims he will be pulling an all-nighter and skip any type of shut-eye (see, told you he was a badass). Since sleep is overrated when waiting in an overnight iPad line … help will be arriving at 4:00AM PST. Mr. Dhebar has arranged for coffee and doughnuts to be delivered to all the folks waiting in line … atta boy Parth, save us a maple bar!
Oh … and thank you Woz for the too cool autograph! We’ll be framing that puppy and hanging it over the mantel at Casa de KRAPPS. We owe you big time, so if you ever want to upgrade your wardrobe, drop us a line and we’ll hook you up with da kine KRAPPS T-Shirt.
Good luck to all you crazy overnighting, early-adopting, iPad-waiting MacHeads … come 10:00AM PST, put the damn iPad down and GET SOME SLEEP!
7-Piece LEGO iPhone Stand – Even Appeals To Mechanically Challenged
Meet Chris Harrison. He’s a husband and a father … dreams in XHTML 1.1 + CSS and is a fan of comics, Apple, graphic design and web development. He loves WordPress, bacon and typography … watches Lost, attends SXSWi … and is addicted to caffeine and his iPhone. Chris is pretty much your typical geek … with one exception that gives him uber-geek status … dude is a LEGO ninja.
Chris was the guy who made the epic Star Wars LEGO iPhone AT-Dock … an insane display of creativity, mechanical ability and ninja LEGO building skills. Some of his other LEGO iPhone works include a Little Green Army Men dock, a self-supporting horizontal dock and numerous other killer iPhone docks and stands.
Although we’re fans of Chris’ work with colorful interlocking plastic bricks … we always felt he was mocking us. It’s like … “Ha, Ha – look at me – I’m a badass LEGO ninja – I have a Star Wars iPhone dock – you can’t have it cuz you suck and can’t build one” … seriously the world of LEGO can get pretty complicated and to replicate any of Chris’ work is virtually impossible for us common non-LEGO geek folk.
UNTIL TODAY …
For whatever reason, Chris has been in touch with his minimalism side and recently introduced an iPhone stand built out of … count ‘em … SEVEN LEGO PIECES! Since we are not mechanically inclined and pretty much suck at building stuff (don’t laugh – we can hit a curve ball – can you?) … we HEART this delicious 7-Piece McNugget.
Since we live by the “Keep It Simple, Stupid” principle, the 7-Piece is right in our wheelhouse and preferred over Chris’ other gaudy work. Sure seven yellow pieces of LEGOs might not exactly be eye candy … but it’s what’s on the inside that counts. And when you consider price, time and effort … what’s not to love about this seven piece LEGO goodness?
To create your own 7-piece LEGO iPhone stand, click here building instructions.
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