The “Place iPhone On Fat Belly And Lose Weight” App

We’re going to shout it from the highest mountain tops …

The iPhone Has Changed Our Life!

I_beat_anorexia Before the iPhone, we were fat, bald and a disaster with the chicks. Well thanks to the Hair Clinic app, we now have a full head of healthy hair. Chicks? Yeah, chicks dig us now because we use the Hot Radar app … it helps us score. Sadly though … we’re still large and in charge – XXXL baby! Ok, so maybe the iPhone didn’t totally change our life … got Hair, got Chicks, got Big Belly. Whatever, two out of three ain’t bad.

So this chunky monkey thing … it’s not like we’re ignoring the issue. We’ve been busting our ass trying every new weight loss fad …

Acai Berry Diet – sucks … makes our poop bright orange and thinking we’re now sterile.
Weight Loss Lip Gloss – the Too Faced Fuze Slenderize lip gloss promised to curb our appetite and boost our energy … it’s bullshit, our lips now look like our butt cheeks.
Overnight Skinny Cream – high hopes for this one … lose weight while you snooze with the Fatgirlsleep body balm by Bliss … garbage, we broke out in hives.
Calorie Burning DrinkEnviga is a sparkling green tea mixed with caffeine and antioxidants, this Coca-Cola product promised to boost our metabolism and burn extra calories … guess what, Coke sucks – they lied – so now we wash down our triple cheeseburger with Diet Pepsi.

FatGirlSleep11    FuzeLipGloss11

So yeah, we’ve been doing stuff … ok, we might not be exactly in the gym, pushing iron, doing pilates or getting a sore scrotum from spin class … but piss off, don’t be a hater!

Anyways … we now have high hopes to finally win this battle of the bulge and it’s because of our revolutionary iPhone. We’re talking about the new weight loss app from DailyBurn called FatBurner2K

FatBurner2K_Desc_FINAL   Fatburner2K_Screenshot

Isn’t FatBurner2K swell? Stick the iPhone on your buffet blimp (for best results, precisely 6 inches above the belly button) and have it literally shake the crap out of your fat molecules. Heck with words like … Disharmonic and Physical Oscillation … we gladly plopped down our 99 cents in hopes of becoming a lean, mean, loving machine.

Kristie_Alley_iPhone

The only thing we haven’t quite figured out is how to keep the damn iPhone on our spare tire when using FatBurner2K while finding a parking spot, getting a haircut or smoking a filtered cigarette … sucker keeps falling off. Maybe there’s like this strap-on attachment thing we don’t know about … hands free phone calls and weight loss … revolutionary!

Comments

  • Ungeheier

    Refund if it doesn't work? I wonder if the Shaken Baby App guys will try something out like this. Maybe the Abortion App? Shaken Fetus App?

  • Ungeheier

    Refund if it doesn't work? I wonder if the Shaken Baby App guys will try something out like this. Maybe the Abortion App? Shaken Fetus App?

  • Ungeheier

    Refund if it doesn't work? I wonder if the Shaken Baby App guys will try something out like this. Maybe the Abortion App? Shaken Fetus App?

  • Ungeheier

    Refund if it doesn't work? I wonder if the Shaken Baby App guys will try something out like this. Maybe the Abortion App? Shaken Fetus App?

  • With the stuff we see in the App Store … this certainly would not surprise
    us … oh my!

  • With the stuff we see in the App Store … this certainly would not surprise
    us … oh my!

  • With the stuff we see in the App Store … this certainly would not surprise
    us … oh my!

  • With the stuff we see in the App Store … this certainly would not surprise
    us … oh my!

  • susanbdot

    *Vibrate* your fat muscles, yeah. But, uh, so what? Does it make any claims about weight loss? I didn't think so. (I don't think the name “FatBurner” counts, although the implication is there. Maybe it “burns” a couple fat molecules in the location under the phone. Big whoop.)

    What a load of Krapps.

  • susanbdot

    *Vibrate* your fat muscles, yeah. But, uh, so what? Does it make any claims about weight loss? I didn't think so. (I don't think the name “FatBurner” counts, although the implication is there. Maybe it “burns” a couple fat molecules in the location under the phone. Big whoop.)

    What a load of Krapps.

  • susanbdot

    *Vibrate* your fat muscles, yeah. But, uh, so what? Does it make any claims about weight loss? I didn't think so. (I don't think the name “FatBurner” counts, although the implication is there. Maybe it “burns” a couple fat molecules in the location under the phone. Big whoop.)

    What a load of Krapps.

  • susanbdot

    *Vibrate* your fat muscles, yeah. But, uh, so what? Does it make any claims about weight loss? I didn't think so. (I don't think the name “FatBurner” counts, although the implication is there. Maybe it “burns” a couple fat molecules in the location under the phone. Big whoop.)

    What a load of Krapps.

  • UNKNOWN

    LMFAO

  • UNKNOWN

    LMFAO

  • UNKNOWN

    Yea it burns all the way to your pockets to ur money

  • UNKNOWN

    Yea it burns all the way to your pockets to ur money

  • dodly

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  • I bet that's a great app for killing your battery too. 🙂

  • I'd be willing to bet that app is also just as effective at blasting your battery.

  • I hope it works.

  • Jasmine

    Recently I’ve gained a lot of weight around my mid-section (making me more pear-shaped than hourglass!). This has made me really self conscious and thus I now tend to comfort eat. I really want to lose this weight but find it hard to build up the enthusiasm and motivation I need, even after i bought an adjustable bed to help me. I feel I am currently stuck in a no-win cycle and it’s really getting me dow

  • Great application built in iphone while i think more of innovative application should be built to reduce weight.

  • Great application built in iphone for reducing the weight loss pills.

  • Great application built in iphone for reducing the weight loss pills.

  • This is great! I think reading this, I loved every word. Seriously, keep posting the good information, bloggers like myself need it.

  • The iphone application is best to share out in the blog while there are different high hopes to finally win this battle of the bulge and it’s because of our revolutionary iPhone.

  • I know a diet which helps you lose 16 pounds in 13 days. It’s only a combination of food, changes your metabolism. It’s my 3rd day on the diet and I lost 2,5 pounds.

  • Diet plays an important role in our daily life. With proper diet plan we can lose many pounds as we like. Its a great blog and i am impressed with it. Thanks for sharing.

  • Slimex.de

    Everything is ok but i think the natural things are better then all this tablets or gel, and natural things having no side effects.