In many ways, the iPhone has enhanced our lives. Breaking news is always a touch away with the AP Mobile or USA Today apps. Evernote helps users record, organize and remember their thoughts, ideas, information, to-do lists and more. With Shazam, you’ll always be able to identify a song and even purchase it immediately from iTunes. Great stuff!
But on the flipside, this damn multimedia smartphone has really jacked up life as we know it. We can’t take a simple dump anymore … not with iPoop analyzing the health aspects of our fecal matter, Poo Price calculating the net worth of our stool and Poop The World begging us to broadcast the color, size and shape of our chalupa to its network of users.
Or how about making a cup of noodles? Long gone are the days of throwing it in the microwave for 3 minutes … with the iPhone, you should be using the dedicated Noodle Timer app to achieve noodle nirvana. Flagging down a taxi? Only idiots wave their hand to hail a cab … use the Taxi Hold’em app and avoid looking like a moron.
And how about sex or lack of it? You probably didn’t realize this … but you really should be recording each time you have sex and each day you don’t. In addition, it would behoove you to document your sexual partner(s), type of sex experienced and a numerical rating of the sex act itself … oh, and of course you will want to track solo sex acts as well. Now the beauty of all this information is that you can produce daily, weekly and yearly views of your sexual encounters – guess for more analysis and forecasting activities. Sounds complicated or like a pain in the ass? No worries … just use the Intimacy Tracker app.
LOL … seriously – do people track this stuff? BIG TIME FREAKS! And WTF … numbers do matter?!?! Slow down geek … you’ll get some leg tonight for sure you data dork. But maybe we’re indeed missing something … just look at these Intimacy Tracker user reviews. “Been keeping stats on my sex life for years using a spreadsheet” … “Stats are great” … LOL – we’re talking sex here people, not tracking your daily expenditures or Fantasy Baseball team. Thanks iPhone – now you’ve managed to F*%$ up our sex life (pun always intended).