uPoop – What Goes In, Must Come Out. But How Much Does It Weigh?

We wonder about stuff. Like what hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man? Or why the alphabet is in that order? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? And if you choke a  Smurf, what color does it turn?

elephant-poop But all these curiosities pale in comparison to our most puzzling mystery … how much does our poop weigh? Oh don’t laugh … at least we have the balls to admit that when we look into the bowels of the porcelain god, we often wonder the weight of our fecal matter. It’s a mesmerizing proposition and not something that can be satisfied by simply pooping popping it on a scale.

So this is when your iPhone comes in handy. This is when putting up with all the annoyances of your sack of suck cellular (say that five times fast) provider, AT&T, finally pays off. Wondering how much crap weighs … this is when the uPoop app really stinks shines.


No, it’s not what you think. Pretty poop photography is not involved as the developers of uPoop, Harmonist Inc., have not unleashed the power of fecal recognition software. Rather, uPoop is a device that will calculate the weight of your bowel movements based on the food you have eaten.


Harmonist Inc. is comprised of four North Carolina State students with an affinity for predictive analytics and primal Wolfpack urges of pinching a loaf. So it totally makes sense that these brilliant minds collaborated to release a crappy calculator (you can read that however you want). In an official company statement, Harmonist Inc. claims that uPoop is a demonstration of the lighter side of the company … LOL, we won’t weigh in on that one (as usual, pun intended).


  • What the fuck? this app will tell me how much my poop weights in? ohh hell no man.

  • sure … didn't you get the memo? … all the cool kids are doing it,
    weighing their poop

  • Dude that is deicusting, but i do wonder how much ophras Krapp weights?

  • the essence of KRAPPS is HUGE … there is no scale in the world which can
    measure the amount of crap we produce

  • Dude there should be a world record for the Biggest KRAPP?
    this remind me of the southpark episode the biggest crap.

  • So appropriate for an apple product!