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eXtreme Sex Positions – Only App That Includes A Death Warning


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Yesterday we traveled to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles, California to meet eXtreme Sex Positions developer Michael Bosch of Samba Studios. Although Michael was hospitalized with a broken pelvis and left wrist … he was kind enough to chat with us about his new sex positions iPhone app.

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If you haven’t noticed, sex position applications are all the rage these days on the App Store. Makes sense … with Apple removing apps that contain “overtly sexual” images, all that’s left for sex-starved customers are applications depicting stick figures having intercourse. So as a result – hundreds of sex position apps … that seem to be selling very well. Sex Positions Game, 69 Positions, iKamasutra and Cosmopolitan’s Sex Position Of The Day are all top  apps enjoying financial success.

Michael’s application is an all-star as well. eXtreme Sex Positions managed to break into the Top 10 of the Lifestyle category, even though the app comes with explicit warnings and disclaimers …

Samba Studios is not responsible for any damages which may result from attempting the sex positions in this application.  These sex positions may result in extensive bodily injury or even death!

WTH … you can DIE using eXtreme Sex Postions?!? Judging by the pictures of the pink and blue gymnasts … this is true!

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LMAO … Pogo Stick, Head Spinner … we’re not sure which reaction is most appropriate … “WOW” or “OUCH”.

Michael admits his app is not for everyone, “eXtreme Sex Positions is not for the faint of heart. These are the most extreme, difficult and DANGEROUS sex positions ever published!” Michael continued, “These sex positions are only recommended for those with advanced training in acrobatics or authentic ninjas”.

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We asked Michael if he’s serious or just smokes to much dope … to which he replied, “You think this is some kind of a joke? I work my ass off identifying the craziest sex moves ever to appear in an iPhone app. Facefull Pile Driver – Rear Entry Goodie Bag Grabber – Backdoor Cartwheel … all my positions will test your strength, flexibility and stamina. Trust me KRAPPS … I take my work very seriously … putting my life in danger -  researching and attempting every eXtreme position in the app. Needless to say, I’m not a top-ranked sex ninja … how do you think I ended up in the hospital?”

Fair enough … get well soon Michael!

Get Your Shit Together Apple – Hooters App Approved, Banned, Re-Approved, Re-Banned


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We reported in great detail Apple’s recent war on smut apps … over 5,000 “overtly sexual” applications removed, virtually shutting down the entire niche. Now any time you wipe out such a large number of targets, there’s bound to be some collateral damage. Innocent bystanders like the swimwear shopping application Simply Beach … the 12+ rated iPhone game Daisey Mae’s Alien Buffet … and the photo manipulation app Wobble … were all banned for having “overtly sexual” content. Only they did not. Apple realized their mistakes and quickly reinstated these offerings.

Which brings us to today’s “WTF Moment”, courtesy of Apple …

hooters_logo_final Hooters is an American restaurant chain that’s been around for about 30 years. Their specialties are chicken wings and attractive waitresses dressed in white tank tops and orange runner’s shorts. Like any savvy business, Hooters had a number of officially licensed iPhone applications available in the App Store.

On The Go Girls was one of the developers that partnered with Hooters and published the Hooters’ Calendar Sexy Screen Wash app. The app was released on January 21 and it quickly broke into the Top 100 of its category. So things were going great … until a month later, on February 18, D-Day for smut apps … Apple banned Hooters’ Calendar Sexy Screen Wash. In addition to their Hooters application, Apple removed all 50 applications from On The Go Girls … completely shutting them down and destroying their sole source of income.

But wait! Apple realized that removing the all-American Hooters app was a mistake … and a week later, on February 25, Hooters’ Calendar Sexy Screen Wash was re-approved for sale (with no change to its original content). Obviously a wise decision by Apple since the app skyrocketed into its category’s Top 25.

But wait! In typical bonehead fashion … less than two weeks later, Apple changed their mind once again and yesterday re-banned Hooters’ Calendar Sexy Screen Wash.

Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. Approved … Banned … Approved … Banned. Apple is acting like a neurotic pregnant woman. And why the re-ban? Allegedly Apple received numerous customer complaints about the Hooters app. LMAO … yeah, because Hooters  Girls are so much more offensive than the ladies appearing in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit or Playboy applications (currently available for sale). 

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After the first ban, Fred Clarke, co-founder of On The Go Girls, stated in a New York Times interview (that Apple’s censorship), “goes farther than sexy content. For developers, how do you know you aren’t going to invest thousands into a business only to find out one day you’ve been cut off?”

Well Mr. Clarke probably should have taken his own advice. Speaking with him yesterday,  he said, “We were reenergized when Apple reinstated our Hooters app and invested $5,000 for related development of the product line … only to be informed the app has been banned a second time. It’s a severe blow to our business, but we look forward to the challenge of succeeding in the App Store once again.”

Damn Fred! Is your glass always half-full? Are you always this happy-go-lucky? It’s ok to say it bro … repeat after us … FFFFUUU APPLE! Dude, not even the Double Jeopardy Clause in the US Constitution could save your ass from Apple. But then again, it should come as no surprise … this is Apple’s world, we just live in it. 

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[please note: while the above details the proceedings of the twice banned screen wash app … two other Hooters-themed applications have a similar saga – Hooters Calendar Girls Slideshow and 2010 Hooters Calendar Video.]

Determined To Bring Sexy Back, Developer Forced To Publish ‘I Love Burgers’ Fetish App


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Besides eliminating 3% of all applications in the App Store, Apple’s removal of “overtly sexual” apps has had some interesting effects. For example, the remaining sexy apps benefited from a significant decrease in competition. The previously insignificant Swimsuit Calendar 2010 (not the Sports Illustrated version) saw its Lifestyle category ranking increase by 165 positions over the course of one week and is currently ranked 58th. FHM had a similar climb … up 144 spots in a week and is now the 10th most popular paid Lifestyle application.  

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Another effect of Apple’s massive rampage is the creativity and determination (desperation?) of developers attempting to bring sexy back into the App Store. We highlighted the cleaned up strip poker application … Poker vs. Strong Female Role Models … and the myCupcakes – myBuns euphemisms for tits and ass applications (which have now been banned). However, when it comes to arousing apps … it’s still slim pickings.

Slim pickings? – HA! Attention all you steamy content cravers … we have good news! Look there … there in the Lifestyle category … see it? The I Love Burgers application!

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Oh yeah! Hundreds and hundreds of arousing pictures … women eating hamburgers! Indeed a glorious day in App Store history. Hot chicks, hot hamburgers, hot cheese … what  can we say … it makes us hot!

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Now granted, there is virtually no skin on display in I Love Burgers … but it’s Apple’s world, we just live in it. So take our advice fellow iPhone lovers … learn to lust the hamburger. Just look at these amazing hamburger pictures … so arousing, so racy, so sexy … uh, it’s so time to get an Android or become a monk. 

Kim Kardashian Official iPhone App – Gives Users Glimpse Into Her Fabulous Life


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Kim-Kardashian-Perfume-2 So how about that … Kim Kardashian joins the ranks of our KRAPPS App and gets her very own iPhone app. Cleverly titled and obnoxiously long … The Official Kim Kardashian Application … launched yesterday with promises of an intimate experience with her hotness and per the app’s description, “a glimpse into Kim’s fabulous life”. Kim’s app seems more of a self-defense tactic against celebrity-crazed stalkers as it gives users the ability to make her wave, blow kisses or even start flirting. Plus if that doesn’t satisfy your Kardashian craving, users can read Kim’s lifestyle and beauty tips, submit questions for  weekly Q&A sessions (we’ll see how long that lasts), watch videos (no perv, not those videos) or read any of her $10,000 tweets. But best of all, no matter where you are in the world … users can locate the nearest Sephora to rush out and purchase Kim’s new perfume. Now that is freaking worth the $1.99 price of the app alone!       

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Uh, hold on … rewind! What’s this whole interactive thing with the flirty business. We’ve carefully reviewed this aspect of the Kardashian app and frankly, we were horrified! While a one on one experience with the drop dead gorgeous socialite sounds promising … her virtual image is frighteningly hideous. Look at her! She freaks us out! Get away from us!

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And not that we’re celebrity mongers or anything … but unless we missed the memo … last time we checked, Kim was happily married to Verizon and her totally cutesy pink Blackberry. Hmmm, maybe it’s just us and a case of not keeping up with the Kardashians … meh!

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Wobble iBoobs Back On Sale For Your Jiggling Pleasures!


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Yesterday in our “The Comedy Of Errors – Starring Apple” article, we reported that after realizing their mistakes, Apple reinstated two previously banned apps … Simply Beach and Daisey Mae’s Alien Buffet. These two apps were originally collateral damage in Apple’s war against smut apps.

Well it looks like Apple has corrected a couple of other OOOPS-ies. Yesterday Apple reinstated six previously banned Hooters apps, including the Hooters Calendar Screen Wash app we highlighted by publisher On The Go Girls.

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And just now, we received word, that the once banned Wobble iBoobs and Wobble iBoobs (Premium) apps are now available for sale on the App Store. Well sort of … looks like there was a slight tweak in the app’s title … no iBoobs. Guess it’s less “overtly sexual” this way.

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Stay tuned to KRAPPS as we’ll keep you abreast (see what we did there?) to any further developments in iSexGate 2010.

The Comedy Of Errors – Starring Apple


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As previously reported, Apple finally broke their silence regarding last weekend’s  massive removal of “overtly sexual” apps … “It came to the point where we were getting customer complaints from women who found the content getting too degrading and objectionable, as well as parents who were upset with what their kids were able to see,” Philip W. Schiller said in an interview with The New York Times.

Uh, ok. But what about apps like Playboy, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, FHM, Maxim and others … these definitely contain “overtly sexual” content which kids should not view … why did Apple look the other way and not ban these apps? … “The difference is this is a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format,” Schiller said. ERROR … translation – although these magazine apps contain titillating content, they will provide Apple a significant revenue stream from magazine subscriptions via the iPad once it arrives.

Uh, ok. But why did Apple ban a legitimate retailer’s online shopping application … Simply Beach … which sells bathing suits and rated 4+? ERROR … Apple made a mistake and they realized it. So without a word, not even to the publisher, Simply Beach mysteriously reappeared back on the App Store.

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Uh, ok. But what about the 12+ rated game, Daisey Mae’s Alien Buffet … why was it pulled from the App Store? ERROR … once again, realizing their mistake, Apple  reinstated Daisey Mae. Oh, and of course no word from Apple to the developer that their game was once again live (seems to be a common theme with Apple, this no communication thing).  

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Uh, ok. But yesterday, after Apple’s new “no smut apps allowed” policy … why did they approve the Girls Of Break.com app with its dental floss bikinis and bare asses images? ERROR … unless we missed the memo, Break.com is not “a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format.”

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Uh, ok. So Apple is cleaning up the App Store ahead of the iPad’s launch, which they are hoping to promote as a device for families and schools … yet the following Five Secrets app iTunes preview screenshot is approved for all ages to view? ERROR … trust us, it doesn’t matter how “well-known” the company is, no school will allow their students to read such a graphic description.

LOL …. Shakespeare could not have written it better.

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Apple Finally Speaks Out – Sexy Apps From Well-Known Companies Ok


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Last Friday we reported that Apple dropped another bomb in their war on smut apps.  Numerous developers received email notices from Apple announcing a revision in guidelines and the removal of any “overtly sexual” content from the App Store. At that time, it was our notion that this round of banishments would be considered the most significant day in Apple’s war on smut.

And indeed our inkling came true. Within 72 hours, over 5,000 “overtly sexual” apps were pulled from the App Store, representing about 3% of the total number of apps in the Store.

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Not only was Apple removing smut apps, but also wiping out entire publishing companies. One such company is On The Go Girls … as of Monday, all 50 of their applications were no HootersWashiPhoneFINAL longer available for sale, thus putting an end to their sole source of income. 

Until today, Apple has been silent about this latest round of take downs. The New York Times reports that Philip W. Schiller, head of worldwide product marketing at Apple, said they were responding to complaints from App Store users.

“It came to the point where we were getting customer complaints from women who found the content getting too degrading and objectionable, as well as parents who were upset with what their kids were able to see,” Schiller said.

Schiller continued saying Apple had to prioritize its customers. “We obviously care about developers, but in the end have to put the needs of the kids and parents first,” he said.

Our question has always been … if Apple is removing “overtly sexual” apps, why do apps from Playboy, Sports Illustrated (Swimsuit), Maxim, FHM, Victoria Secret or Cosmopolitan (Sex Positions) still remain? Although it appears Schiller was not questioned about most of the apps we mentioned, he did speak specifically about the Sports Illustrated application.

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“The difference is this is a well-known company with previously published material available broadly in a well-accepted format,” Schiller said.

So let’s get this straight … although Apple cares about developers, priority was given to the needs of kids and parents. HOWEVER … “overtly sexual” content from well-known companies (Playboy, SI, Maxim, etc.) take priority over kids and parents. Or another way of looking at Apple’s logic … if the boobs are well-known (Playboy, SI, Maxim, etc.) and available broadly in a well-accepted format, then it’s ok for kids and parents.

Sound logic? Debatable (not) … but one thing is clear, Playboy certainly benefits from Apple’s logic. Prior to the removal of 5,000+ smut applications, the Playboy app was in the #111 position for Top Overall Paid Apps. Four days later, Playboy sits comfortably in the #32 position … $$ KaChing $$

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LOL @ Apple! While we realize it’s Apple’s business and they can do whatever the hell they want … let’s call a spade a spade. Apple is cleaning up the App Store ahead of the iPad’s launch, which they are hoping to promote as a device for families and schools. Large, well-known companies with titillating content like Playboy, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, Maxim, etc. remain because they should provide significant revenue for Apple through magazine subscriptions via the iPad.

Sorry for being blunt … we would suck at being a public relations spin doctor.  

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