How To Get Your Ass Kicked

Title: Respect My Authoriti!
Category: Lifestyle

RespectAuthoritiIcon Caution! Please note, this is a very powerful app and should be utilized carefully and  responsibly.

The purpose of this app is to give the user the respect they deserve. For RespectAuthoritiScreen example, if someone confronts you in a threatening manner, simply take out your iPhone, launch the Respect My Authoriti! app and show the individual who is harassing you the app’s badge. This will send a clear message that you have power, demand respect and ultimately the threatening situation should subside. I can see this app being quite handy  say in a biker bar filled with the meanest and biggest SOB’s on the planet. So relax, have a drink at Harry’s Biker Bar, no worries about getting your ass kicked, you have the Respect My Authoriti! app.

I think it’s best if you simply read the app’s description. It will give you a clearer understanding and quite frankly, provides a very amusing read … I can’t even make this stuff up:

Feelin’ ignored? Is “The Man” gettin’ you down? Need to show ’em who’s in charge and just don’t know how? Well, then thank your lucky stars that you just found the answer to these problems. Respect My Authoriti! shows those miscreant fools who’s running things and makes ’em cower in fear of your awesome display of obvious authority.

 

Respect My Authoriti! is simple to use. Select either a male or female voice and then choose which badge of authority will work best on your targets. Includes a shield similar to those used by police departments, a star similar to those used by sheriffs departments, and an ID badge that resembles those used by federal agents.

 

The next time some fool crosses your path and challenges you, just whip out your iPhone or iPod Touch, launch Respect My Authoriti!, and show ’em your badge. If presented with enough force your voice of authority will audibly play to reinforce your demand for respect.

 

Please remember this application is for the purpose of entertainment only. Impersonating an officer of law or other official is illegal in most jurisdictions. Be smart and have fun. And don’t forget to share the Authoriti with your friends! I mean, doesn’t everyone needs a little respect?

So I think that about sums it up … enough said.

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January 26, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 2 Comments 

Twisted John

Title: Ringr Roulette
Category: Lifestyle

welcome KROQ listeners! you know the magic word … jump on your FREE app now!

hung John Ellis has a twisted sense of humor. He’s the guy who sets you up on a fugly blind date … buys your baby boy a “Hung Like A Five Year Old” onesie … thinks rock is dead because paper killed it … burns ants with a magnifying glass … wore a tuxedo t-shirt to his high school prom … is obsessed with Punk’d, Jackass and Viva La Bam.

Although twisted, John is a talented iPhone app developer and founder of Dove Valley Apps. Dove Valley released a very solid My Tag Show app … but their other offering – Ringr Roulette… well, it’s not exactly Google Earth material. John’s twisted humor was at it again – more on that later.

couture It’s a well known fact that most people suffer from Liquid Courage. You know … drink too much beer, wine, margaritas, etc … and suddenly you are attempting to score with hotties way out of your league, getting tattoos or thinking you’re a bad ass UFC fighter like Randy Couture. Another side effect of Liquid Courage is Drunk Dialing … making phone calls while intoxicated to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends or guys/girls you want to hook up with … bad idea! To help curb your drunk dialing urge – iPhone to the rescue – there are apps that will prevent you from dialing unless you can pass the programs built in sobriety test.

Now remember our friend “Twisted John”? He’s here to actually help you drunk dial … help you make an ass out of yourself … help you wake up the next morning and think “oh KRAPPS, what the hell did I do last night”. John’s brilliance gives every shit faced dumbass the ability to dial drunk dial … simply launch his Ringr Roulette app, shake your phone and boom … you are off to drunk dialing heaven. But John has some heart – he’s included a convenient “Chicken Out” button in case you’re really not that drunk … and the ability to program an “Exclude” list while you are sober, thus avoiding the drunk dial to your grandmother, priest, boss or parole officer at 3:00am. So no worries … have another beer … John’s got your back.

 Ringr Roulette Screen 1             Ringr Roulette Screen 2


FREE Ringr Roulette to KRAPPS Viewers!
Twisted John was kind enough to provide KRAPPS ten promo codes which will allow our viewers to download Ringr Roulette for FREE. Be one of the first 10 readers to either leave a comment on this post or direct message KRAPPS via Twitter and we’ll email you the download code while supplies last.

December 31, 2008 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 29 Comments 

Chill Potato

Title: Funky-O-Meter
Category: Lifestyle

FunkyOMeterIcon The Funky-O-Meter app leverages the iPhone’s GPS functionality to retrieve funky places, thus allowing the user to visit these funky establishments and get their groove on. Users also have the ability to build and share their funky network by rating establishments based on a numerical Funkyness Factor.

I’m still not exactly sure what’s the app’s purpose (it kept crashing my iPhone), however one thing is certain – OLD people should not be developing or writing descriptions for apps. Terms like: Funky, Funkyness Value, Funky Meter, Un-Funky, Chill Potato, Get Funky … sorry, not clever and not the way to market your app. Come on guys … put down the bong, hit stop on the 8-track tape player spinning The Grateful Dead and step out of your El Camino… welcome to the year 2008. News Flash: funky is old – it farts dust – and it’s not cool (not to be mistaken with Funk music which is indeed cool – James Brown, George Clinton, War, etc.).

funkyometer1             funkyometer2

And for you continued pleasure, I’ll let the app’s description do the rest of the “talking”:

– How funky is it here?
– Wheres the nearest funky place?
– How do you keep funky dudes like me away from un-funky places?

 

We all wanna be hanging out where its most funky. So the funky-o-meter keeps you in-the-know with all thats funky and away from the just plain chilly and dull aka non-funky.

 

The funkyometer is a geo-tagging application, which allows users to tag locations and set funkyness values on a scale from 0 not Funky to 100 very Funky. Funky guys and gals like you and your friends determine whats hot and funky and whats not. The application will then calculate an areas total funky-ness rating – and point out the super funky or very un-funky places near you.

 

Its easy and fun to use!

 

So dont be a chill potato, man…. Go out there and Get Funky!

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December 30, 2008 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 1 Comment 

Hip-Hop Meets Bizzaro World

Title: Amulet
Category: Lifestyle

amuleticon This is the first time I came across an app and was absolutely floored by its total stupidity. Even the infamous I Am Rich app had some marketing brilliance. But the Amulet app is something special … zero redeeming qualities. At first, the name struck me as odd. Reading Amulet’s lengthy description, each sentence transported me deeper into Bizzaro World, exactly like the Seinfeld episode. “WTF” – I thought – “is this guy for real?” amulet_lilwayne3 Well, one good thing came out of discovering the Amulet app, I learned that an amulet is an  object that protects a person from trouble … bizzaro! To this day I still cannot determine if Amulet was published as a joke or a serious app, perhaps targeting the hip-hop likes of Lil’ Wayne.

Rather than continuing with my rhetoric, I will leave you the  distinct pleasure of experiencing Bizzaro World and reading Amulet’s absolutely amazing and amusing description. If you can bear the entire read, you will be rewarded by learning how to create your own iPhone neckholder … bizzaro!

Wear your iPhone or iPod touch like jewelery. Use a neckholder and let Amulet display the most splendid adornment. The application comes with a variety of virtual jewels and unusual decoration to express your mood. Keep it diffident or showy but always peculiar. You can configure Amulet to match your clothes even take a photo and adapt the jewelery to fit your personal style. Amulet is the uncommon attention getter for extraordinary occasions.

 

This first version of Amulet features nearly 20 peaces of jewelery, flowers, animals and insects to be carried around your neck. Gentle colour effects and animations purfle Amulets jewelery. More artwork will be available in further versions including video support and motion sensitivity.

 

Features:
-4 flowers
-7 pieces of jewelery
-7 animals

 

No neckholder at hand? Here is a little manual to build your own with as much as no effort.

 

First: Get yourself an ordinary sixpack of water, juice or whatever sorry but beer wont do and cut the handle in two halfs. Carefully tear of one half.
Second: Fold the non sticky part of the handle to stick to the glue strip. Use a puncher to make a hole to put the cord through.
Third: Attach the glue strip to the back of your iPhone. It is best to first clean the iPhone with some glass cleaner to make the strip glue even harder.

 

We tried it and it works all right.

Amulet Screenshot 1  Amulet Screenshot 2  Amulet Screenshot 3  Amulet Screenshot 4  

December 26, 2008 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 10 Comments 

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