Speechless

Title: Pocket Jockey
Category: Games

Pocket Jockey Icon Rarely does something leave us speechless. The Pocket Jockey iPhone app, coupled with this demonstration video, pretty much floored us from the moment we pushed play. What is Pocket Jockey? How does it work? We don’t know – nor do we care … all we know is the video involves two girls, spanking, slapping, bed bouncing and more. No more questions – Just push play!

 

PS – MarinaGirl1985, please contact us immediately for a job position at KRAPPS.

February 4, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 6 Comments 

History Was Made, Sort Of

Title: iPee and Shy Bladder
Category: Entertainment

Due to budget cuts and a skeleton crew here at KRAPPS, we typically run one article per day. Well for the first time in our history, we are breaking budget and calling in our writers to work overtime. Why? We’ll explain below …

Apple Portable Potty With the recent onslaught of total KRAPPS like farts, burps, vomit, flushing toilets and more … we secretly have a guilty desire of a URINE app. However, the KRAPPS staff is divided on the feasibility of this issue:

Yea-sayers: if Apple approved bodily functions like farts, burps and vomit, why not urine?
Nay-sayers: no way! urine is too crude and vulgar, even for Apple’s standards of late.

So last night, February 2, 2009, at approximately 10:14 PM, history was made … not one, but two urination apps were released: iPee and Shy Bladder. The nay-sayers were in total shock. The yea-sayers rejoiced like over zealous Steelers fans. We’re talking history!! … Apple stoops to a new low!! … Urine will change the world!!

But hold on … don’t judge an app by its cover. Upon further review, iPee and Shy Bladder are not exactly the bladder movement sound apps we were expecting … rather it’s a bladder movement assistance app. Huh??? Yes, you heard correctly … launch iPee or Shy Bladder and the app will assist in opening your “Stuck Door” wide open:

iPee-Screen

Shy-Bladder-Screen
So next time you experience public stage fright, you can now look like an even bigger IDIOT by whipping out your iPhone, setting it on top of the urinal, launching the iPee app with its blaring white water rapids simulation … all while you pee freely. So maybe history was not made, but iPee and Shy Bladder are certainly ground breaking in terms of lame.

February 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 19 Comments 

anti-KRAPPS – BurnBall

Title: BurnBall
Category: Games

BurnBall and KRAPPS t-shirt contest – see end of article for details

DFH logo We at KRAPPS love a good beer. Anchor Steam, Sierra Nevada, Fat Tire, Chimay … all good stuff and since these are “big boy” brewers, they should be available at a store near you. But what about the little guys – the microbreweries? Yeah, if you don’t make an effort and look a bit closer, you’ll miss gems like … Three Floyds, Bells, Speedway, Westvleteren, Victory, Dogfish Head and others … all tasty brews which are limited in production and distribution.

Hello! … KRAPPS! … Wake Up! … Focus! …. folks come here for iPhone talk and don’t really give a rats behind about beer >>> Wait for it … we have a point.

Point is, we all know and love the “big boy” app developers … EA Mobile, SEGA, Freeverse, gameloft, etc. All these guys pour 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified applications. But like our beer mantra … don’t miss out on the little guys … the microdevelopers!

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF One such “do not miss” microdeveloper is IMS and their awesome 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified iPhone game BurnBall. BurnBall is an arcade game where the player attempts to block off parts of the screen with the BurnBall character (his name is Roy) while avoiding evil robots. The soundtrack rocks, graphics are top-notch and it feels like you are transformed into the BurnBall Icon BurnBall comic book world. Once you block off 75% of the screen, you advance to the next level. Simple enough (there are three levels of difficulty – Easy, Hard and OMG) … but very addicting. IMG was genius to leverage Web 2.0 and introduce a BurnBall Facebook fan page coupled with an online community where worldwide BurnBall high scores are posted. For more BurnBall fun, check out the video:


BurnBall and KRAPPS T-Shirt Contest
IMS was kind enough to provide us with BurnBall promo codes. KRAPPS is also kicking in love, a KRAPPS t-shirt. Follow the steps below to enter the contest …

Step 1: Open a Facebook account
Step 2: Click here and become a fan of the Facebook BurnBall page
Step 3: Submit/Upload a fan photo with the following text: I found BurnBall on KRAPPS.com (ideas: take a picture of yourself holding a “I found BurnBall on KRAPPS.com” sign … create a “I found BurnBall on KRAPPS.com” sign in Photoshop, Picknik.com, etc.)

Deadline to enter the contest is Friday, February 6, 11:59 PM PST. A panel of 17 celebrity judges (including BurnBall Roy & Fake Steve Jobs) will determine the winners. Be creative.

1st Place = BurnBall promo code & KRAPPS t-shirt (if you already have a BurnBall code, you still will style with your bitching KRAPPS t-shirt and the code will go to a runner-up)
2nd Place = BurnBall promo code
3rd Place = you’ll win something cool, we just haven’t figured it out yet

Winners will be notified on Monday, February 9. Good luck!

BurnBall Screen 1       BurnBall Screen 2

February 3, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS | 14 Comments 

Finding Zen

Title: iFlush Toilet
Category: Entertainment

update : all iFlush Toilet download codes have been claimed – thank you

What’s with iPhone farts these days? So popular … are they really that funny? Farts are certainly a hot topic here at KRAPPS … and we’ll admit, the subject is getting old. So let’s move on to bigger and better KRAPPS … like toilets? Yeah … TOILETS … toilets need love too and can be just as cool as those silly farts.

funny-toilet-1   funny-toilet-3   funny-toilet-2

Waht? No love for the toilet? Da shame! The folks over at iTech Development Systems beg to differ. They figured, what better way to “celebrate” the iFart than release its natural extension … the iFlush Toilet app. Now I know what you’re thinking … flushing toilet sound, YAWN! But you got it all wrong. You see, there is something magical and soothing about the sound of a flushing toilet. Forget Koi Pond, jump on the iFlush Toilet:

iFlush-Desc-Final 
Ahhhhh, relax … just what every Zen Garden needs … a toilet. But hold on, it gets better. You see, not only will you be able to reduce your stress level with iFlush … you’ll be able to flush away your problems. So what’s buggin’? … your ex? Rush Limbaugh? mimes? Paris Hilton? lolcats? Barney? … flush their pathetic image right down the krapper.

iFlush Screen 2    iFlush Screen 1

LOL … oh geez … be careful not to step in something when you walk through the App Store, it’s getting awfully crowded with KRAPPS.

Free iFlush Toilet app to KRAPPS viewers!
iTech Development Systems was kind enough to provide KRAPPS with promo codes which will allow our viewers to download iFlush Toilet for FREE. Simply fill in the rest of the message below and tweet on Twitter. Basically we’d like you to recommend a cool Twitter user you follow (similar to #followfriday) so we and others can check them out …

tweet this >>   Follow @KRAPPS for iPhone humor & @

We will then direct message you the download code while supplies last. Make sure you follow us on Twitter – @KRAPPS – so we can direct message you the code

February 2, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 21 Comments 

Quick KRAPPS vol 2

Presenting another edition of Quick KRAPPS … click here if you missed volume 1

This app is fantastic! Honestly, I’m kind of kicking myself for not developing this one. So you know that expression “Knock On Wood”? Well you can also say “Touch Wood”. And doesn’t it completely suck when you say “Knock On Wood” and there is no freaking wood around to knock? Drives us nuts!. Well my friends, fear not … the same brainiac developer that brought us FingerMill, has introduced another insanely brilliant app – TouchWood. What does it do? Simply launch the TouchWood app and you get a picture of wood … and the wood just stays there doing absolutely nothing allowing the user to easily touch it. Never be without wood again! Hooray! – Hooray! – Hooray! … TouchWood has made my day!

TouchWood Screen
Disco Clock app … hmmm, interesting … Disco Clock, ahhhh … ok, I’ll shut up now and let you read app’s description: “Do you like a disco? Now you can watch hot dancing girl on your iPhone. You can watch the girl when you go to sleep. Remember to setup alarm – nice girl’s voice will wake you up.” … uh, ok … hmmm … I gotta tell you … I kinda feel dirty after reading that description.

Disco Clock Screen 
Ever hear of Freeverse? These guys are a powerhouse game developer releasing such 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified offerings such as Slotz Racer, Flick Bowling, Moto Chaser and others. These guys work their butts off day and night producing gem apps. But I’ll let you in on a story a little birdie told me. Seems Freeverse threw a raging Holiday Party for its employees. And why not, like I said, they work their butts off. The party was killer … tasty grind, popping beats and a killer top-shelf open bar … everyone was having an insanely good time. Well the problem is that bad things happen when you mix alcohol with geeky coders. The liquored up geeks thought it would be brilliant to code and submit a stapler app. Oh hell yeah! Launch app, press down on stapler … over and over and over and over again. But what should we call our liquored up stapler app? … ZenStapler? – no … FartStapler? – no … we’ll call it SimStapler! Oh hell yeah! Memo to Freeverse, enough with the ragers … don’t drink and code!

SimStapler Screen

Now here’s an app that is so dumb, we think the developer purposely released it just so he could appear on KRAPPS. Well guess what – it worked! Name of the app … wait for it … iDumb. Again, we’ll shut up now so you can enjoy the app’s description: “iDumb is a collection of dumb mini-games. These time wasters are perfect for pointless entertainment. Featuring the following games … Spitter: spit on passers by from a balcony above … Save The Kittens: catch the kittens before they fall into a meat grinder, if you don’t, they will become kitty burgers … Motion Sickness: shake your device to give a guy motion sickness. Your victory will be marked with a fountain of puke.” … hmmm, not really sure what to make of iDumb cuz it’s so dumb … maybe they crashed the Freeverse rager.

iDumb2   iDumb3   iDumb 1

January 30, 2009 | Filed Under Quick KRAPPS | Leave a Comment 

Oink! Oink!

Title: iRecording Diet
Category: Lifestyle

What motivates you? How do you motivate others? I’m a big believer in positive reinforcement and constructive criticism. One method is the Compliment Sandwich – the meat of sandwich (your critique) is surrounded by two pieces of bread (compliments):

(rye bread) … ‘”Hello there Judy! I really like your blouse. Is it new?”
(meat – sorry vegans) … “Look Judy, I noticed you’ve gained a ton of weight. I’m concerned about your health. Mix in some exercise and a salad.”
(rye bread) … “Oh, by the way, the blue color in your blouse really makes your eyes sparkle.”

iRecordingDiet_Icon2 Ok, maybe not the best example, but whatever – you get the point. On the flipside, if I were Judy … being told I was a pig would NOT be motivating. And purchasing the pig-themed iRecording Diet app would probably lead me into a deeper depression. Come on – what is up with this app? – exactly want I want to see every time I look at it’s icon on my iPhone, a PIG’s FACE with the bright red word DIET screaming at me!

And what waits inside for the sucker who purchases the iRecording Diet app? MORE PIGS!

iRecordingDiet_Screen

Thanks iRecording Diet – you guys rock! I have now turned into one of those emo kids.

emo

January 29, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 2 Comments 

Bad Timing

Title: DoucheMeter
Category: Entertainment

update: all DoucheMeter download codes have been claimed – thank you

There has been an unfortunate circumstance in the world of  KRAPPS. Seems the little KRAPPS are getting pushed around by the big bad KRAPPS. Who are these big bad KRAPPS? …. Farts I tell ya! These farts are completely out of control. New farts arriving daily for almost two months now. Fart apps everywhere … and everybody is iFarting. I swear, I’m waiting for Oprah to start jabbering about her iFart guilty pleasure. Farts – Farts – Farts … ENOUGH! Let the little but equally as talented KRAPPS get a piece of the spotlight.

DoucheMeter Screen1 Which brings us to our under appreciated and unsung krapp called DoucheMeter.

I know what you thinking, “does it fart?” … NO – it doesn’t fart … BUT … it detects whether or not a person in a douchebag. Yup, sure does. It has this meter thingy and when someone touches it, the nifty gauge swings wildly and ticks … then after its analysis, pops out the final verdit: douchebag or not a douchebag. Bravo DoucheMeter… amazing stuff … KRAPPS Of Fame material here! DoucheMeter Cartoon

So with such a brilliant piece of krap, why is Toby the DoucheMeter developer so sad? Well Toby knew he was on to something. As Toby describes, “As well as detecting Douchebaggery, the text on the DoucheMeter can be configured to display anything you want: Cool-Meter, Babe-Meter, Rad-O-Meter” … oh that clever Toby, he struck gold and was ready to quit his day job. So again, why so sad? … Farts I tell ya! If it wasn’t for these damn big bad farts, Toby would be … the King of KRAPPS … the one on Oprah … releasing the box office smash Douchebag Millionaire … and producing the hit TV series The Real Douchebags Of Orange County. But alas, Toby’s efforts were all for not – just a case of bad timing … or really perhaps a case of bad gas?

Real-Douchebags

Free DoucheMeter app to KRAPPS viewers!
Sad Toby was kind enough to provide KRAPPS with promo codes which will allow our viewers to download DoucheMeter for FREE. Simply fill in the rest of the message below and tweet on Twitter. Basically we’d like you to share the love and recommend a cool Twitter user you follow (sort of like #followfriday) so we and others can check them out …

Follow @KRAPPS for iPhone humor & @

We will then direct message you the download code while supplies last. Make sure you follow us on Twitter – @KRAPPS – so we can direct message you the code

January 28, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment 

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