-
-
-
-
Search
SUBSCRIBE
-
Recently Written
- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
-
Categories
-
Archives
- August 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
-
App For The Seriously Demented – Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller
GOATCARTgames is an indie game development studio based in Athens, GA. These guys specialize in making artsy, odd games with engaging mechanics and beguiling aesthetics (there words, not ours) … primarily for the iPhone. Since Athens boasts a strong art and music scene (think R.E.M., B-52’s, Matthew Sweet, Widespread Panic, etc.), it’s no surprise that GOATCARTgames is positioned as an artsy-fartsy oddball developer (more about the “fartsy” part later) … any other type of Athens-based developer would be uncivilized.
Although we’ve never been to Athens … judging by the work of GOATCARTgames, they must be smoking some good shit over there. Seriously, you cannot be in a sober state of mind and expect to develop an app which centers around farting swami cats that predict the future … Swami Paws The LOLcat Fortune Teller.
In a nutshell … Swami Paws is a mystical lolcat who tells the future with his swirling clouds of feline flatulence. Just poke his belly and Swami Paws’ gaseous emissions will reveal all.
We spoke with Swami Paws via Skype and he gave us hiz salz peech … “Hai krappz! I am SWAMI PAWS! I no wat is happenin in teh futur. I can see it in mah fartz. Srsly! Now, wif mah awsum app 4 iPhone an iPod Touch, U can kno it 2!”
LMAO … this is one messed cat app. Congrats to GOATCARTgames for sticking with their mission statement … the WTF rating on this baby is off the charts. And the disclaimer which warns of sheer stupidity and killer kitties is pure brilliance in a sick and tasteless way.
But to truly appreciate the utter chaos and twisted sense of humor of Swami Paws … viewing the 29 second demo video below is imperative. Sure we could use such descriptors as bizarre, eccentric or freaky … but words simply cannot describe this enigmatic application. Push play to experience something out of the Twilight Zone … neener-neerner, neener-neener.
From LEGOs To Live Animals – An Early Look At DIY iPad Stands
The iPad has been out less than a week and already some clever do it yourself docks and stands are beginning to appear. Sure you can plonk down $30 and get the official Apple iPad dock … or better yet, $130 for the awesome Joule work stand for iPad … but where’s the pride and sense of accomplishment in that? Meh, don’t be a gadget snob … save cash, buy more apps. Check out these alternative DIY iPad stands.
Book Stand
They go by various names … book stand – study stand – paper stand … and will run you in the $8 to $10 ballpark … but WTH, they work and can display your iPad in portrait or landscape mode. Plus the stand folds up flat making it totally portable. Check out your local office supplies store (Staples, Office Depot, etc.) and save big.
Folding Easel
Folding easels are cool. They can display photographs, cookbooks or your child’s sponge paintings. And if you get the 6.5” version … this $6 folding easel becomes an iPad stand. Visit your local craft store (Michaels, Jo-Ann, etc.) or online at Bed Bath & Beyond.
Tinkertoy
Ramin Firoozye constructed the first-ever iPad stand made entirely from Tinkertoys. It’s lightweight, easily assembled and features adjustable angles for your iPad viewing pleasure.
LEGO
Cleverly named the “Mk II”, it seems Jeff Eaton is the first to assemble a functioning LEGO iPad stand … or at least the first and only LEGO iPad stand we could find on the Internet. The Mk II is totally cool and we love how Jeff incorporated the rubber tires into his design … however with our mere mortal LEGO skills, the Mk II is wishful thinking. Hopefully our boy Chris Harrison will come up with a 7-piece LEGO iPad stand.
Wet Nose – Bad Breath
Ok, we admit … this final option is not cheap. But for years of companionship, unconditional love and a warm lap … using your pet as an iPad stand is priceless.
We Are Growing Increasingly Uncomfortable With The iPad – Here’s Why …
<sorry, we had to go there … man-child mentality ON>
Menstrual cycle calendars for the iPhone (AuntFlo, FemDays, iRang, etc.) is one thing … but period trackers on the iPad take on a whole new meaning.
iPeriod For iPad … oh my – that’s a whole lot of feminine hygiene references going on in one iDevice for our comfort.
And as one YouTube user review puts it, “I will never look at a women with an iPad on her lap the same. Thanks Apple!”
</man-child mentality OFF>
Dog Translator App Does Not Translate Dog To English – No Shit Sherlock
Besides scouring the App Store for whacky, weird, stupid and strange iPhone applications, one of our favorite pastimes is reading the user reviews. The great Albert Einstein once said, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former." Looking at the user reviews in the App Store, we agree wholeheartedly with Einstein.
Take for example the silly little app Dog Translator which jokingly claims it translates Dog to English. Just record your dog barking and the app displays what your canine is saying.
Pretty weak, but whatever, we see worse on a daily basis. Plus it’s free – no harm, no foul.
But as lame as Dog Translator might seem to be, nothing beats its user reviews … pure suck. It’s like the app was infested by complete morons … proving Einstein’s theory of human stupidity was money.
Ratailmana is a disgruntled user claiming Dog Translator is the “Stupiest thing EVA” (yes, typing on the iPhone can be a bitch). Apparently he/she doesn’t really need a Dog to English translator because he/she can just tell what their dog is saying.
Emoji is also pissed at Dog Translator stating the app is not accurate. Emoji would know because secretly during the middle of the night, they recorded a silent sleeping dog and the app spit out the results. Little does Emoji know, dogs talk in their sleep … but at a very high pitch … only smart humans can hear them.
Kkkkaaaayyyy is stupid mad as hell and feels Dog Translator “doesnt workkkk!!!!” Everyone knows the iPod Touch doesn’t have a microphone and thus recording a dog’s bark is impossible. Heck, Kkkkaaaayyyy feels double-duped since not only the iDevice has no mic, but also the dog wasn’t even in the room … yet Dog Translator returned a translation.
Now Tower Madness Hero is our hero because they are really on to something. Think about this … if Dog Translator really did translate from Dog to English, you could easily sell the thing for about $10. Damn, this is true … and what a bargain it would be.
And there’s plenty more backlash from Dog Translator users. “Ripoff”, “Scam” and “Fake” are a few of the popular descriptors … along with proof points such as …
> My dog was licking his water bowl and it came up with “I’m tired” … junk
> It recorded me saying “hi” and translated it to “give me a tummy rub”
> The app just says random things over and over again
Now mind you, just in case someone is a SUPER moron, the app includes a disclaimer … “Dog Translator is intended for novel entertainment and may not accurately reflect your dog’s emotions at all times.” But really, what’s the point – you can’t reason with stupid?
But alas there is a beacon of hope in this cesspool of dumb … either that or dude is a big fan of P.T. Barnum and the “there’s a sucker born every minute” concept. “You don’t deserve whatever money you have” … LMAO!
Apple Bans Blatant Doodle Jump Ripoff, But Approves Another, Doodle Drop
While Apple celebrates (and profits) from an estimated 700,000 iPads bought on day one, they still can’t seem to get their shit together when it comes to consistent App Store approval policies.
On March 19 we reported that Apple approved the Doodle Jumper iPhone app. Notice the extra two letters “E” and “R”? Guess those two letters were enough of a difference between Doodle Jump and Doodle JumpER for Apple to feel good about approving a blatant ripoff. Oh and of course the Doodler character in Doodle JumpER is blue with two legs … while the original Doodler is lime green and has four legs. Bravo Apple! Excellent attention to detail … way different apps and smart move approving JumpER.
Smart move? Uh … maybe not! Hindsight is 20/20 … within 24 hours of our report, justice prevailed with Apple removing Doodle JumpER from sale. WOOT!
If you’re not familiar with Doodle Jump [iTunes $0.99], you should be. It’s arguably the most successful iPhone game to date, published by the two-brother team, Igor and Marko Pusenjak, of Lima Sky. Doodle Jump has already surpassed $3 million in sales (a first for any Indie development house) and is one of the best App Store bargains ever.
So you would think after the JumpER mistake, Apple would have learned not to approve blatant Doodle Jump ripoffs. After all, Apple is no dummy … case in point, nearly 1 million iPads sold on day one. LOL … no dummy? … yeah right —> Doodle Drop.
Very original, eh? “I don’t jump, I drop!” … yeah, of course you do, dickhead. The folks at Drop even lifted Doodle Jump’s tagline idea, “Insanely Addictive!”, with their grammatically challenged “Ultimate Addictive!” derivative… exclamation point included.
Doodler character … all good … both lime green, have a snout and wear a green striped shirt. But of course, the trump card … Drop only has two legs.
Graphics? Yes! A round of graph paper and booster springs for all – it’s the cool thing to do.
But what bothers us the most is the overnight success of Drop. Released on Friday, April 2nd … in less than 48 hours Drop broke into the Top 100 Overall Paid Apps. Achieving this ranking means Drop’s developer is making some decent money … profiting from Lima Sky’s success. Since Doodle Jump is constantly being updated, it would be a safe assumption that Lima Sky released a new game … one that drops down, instead of jumps up. Heck … the name, Doodler character and game graphics look just about the same … so unsuspecting buyers are likely to get suckered.
As we previously stated, Apple seemingly doesn’t care to protect copyright holders, thus it’s up to the individual owner to complain. However it would behoove Apple to avoid biting the hand that feeds them … especially when that hand delivered over $3 million in sales and $1 million directly into Apple’s mouth.
Recap: Week Of March 29 – plus Happy Easter To All Our Peeps!
Happy Easter To All Our Peeps!
And of course to celebrate this glorious occasion … Apple-themed Peeps. An oldie, but a goodie … from last year’s third annual Washington Post Peeps Diorama Contest, “Steve Jobs Presents iPeep Nano” (entry #38 by by Sarah Kohari and Erin Mastrangelo). We love it … simply brilliant. Happy Easter everyone!
And as usual on Sundays … in case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
March 29: PooPong For iPhone? Of Course There Is!
March 30: Apple Recognizes Need To Get Your Freak On – Nudity In The App Store
March 31: Experience ‘Tsunamical Movements Of Sweet Apples’ With Mythical Sex Positions App
April 1: iCade Turns Your iPad Into A Retrogaming Arcade Cabinet – For “Reals”
April 2: 7-Piece LEGO iPhone Stand – Even Appeals To Mechanically Challenged
April 3: Steve Wozniak Waiting Overnight In Line For An iPad [includes pictures]
April 4: Don’t Make These Birds Angry, Mr. McGee – Angry Birds For iPhone
Don’t Make These Birds Angry, Mr. McGee – Angry Birds For iPhone
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
It’s a war between the birds and the pigs in the action-puzzle game Angry Birds [iTunes $0.99] by Chillingo / Rovio. See, the pigs got all greedy and stole some eggs, then retreated to their fortified shelters. The birds, not ones to take such things lightly, have mobilized an impressive avian army to retaliate.
Utilizing a challenging two-screen view, the player must fire a series of birds from a slingshot with the goal of eliminating all of the pigs before advancing to the next level. The pigs are dispatched by either hitting them directly with a bird, by causing them to fall or by causing a rock to fall on them. Each bird, knowing this is a one way trip, has also loaded up on black powder causing them to explode after a set amount of time. This can be used to advantage in combination with elements on some of the screens – rest a bird against some explosives and they can cause further damage.
As you progress through the levels, you pick up new bird types too. You start off with the hard-headed red birds, capable of knocking down any obstacle the pigs can put up. Next up is the smaller blue bird which has the added ability to split like a MIRV while in the air. Time it just right and this terrible trio can take out multiple targets with the same shot. I just cleared level 12 (while grabbing screenshots) and can’t wait to find out what other specialized birds are yet to come.
Some of the levels are easy and some are dastardly difficult. The smug grunts of the pigs are easily enough to make me want to re-try until I’ve conquered them! The game play is ultra smooth and the projectile physics are very well implemented. Each bird has different flight characteristics which have to be accounted for; luckily they leave a trail so you can make minor adjustments on subsequent shots if necessary. Since you get bonus points for finishing the level before running out of birds, it’s important not to waste too many shots (even though I ultimately cleared level 12 with birds to spare, I probably played it a dozen times before that where I left a single pig alive).
An online leaderboard and achievement posting to Facebook/Twitter is provided via Chillingo’s own Crystal system. If you have an iPad (this post was written the day before the big launch), there is a new release of this app specifically for the new device. I, for one, can’t wait to see how it looks.
-
-
-
-
Social KRAPPS
-
-
-
-
Email
Twitter
FriendFeed
Flickr
YouTube
