Pro Surfing Wildcard – Realistic iPhone Surf Game, Except For Peeing In Your Wetsuit

(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)

PSW-Logo-Large Have you ever played a surfing videogame? I never had … so when asked to review Pro Surfing Wildcard (by Traction Games), I had no idea what to expect. I went into the experience expecting something poorly stitched together with lame gameplay mechanics that would only appeal to hardcore surfers. However, what I encountered was much different.

Pro Surfing Wildcard had me totally hooked within ten minutes (that’s about how long it took me to get used to the controls). It features a Free Surf mode and a Compete mode, in which you compete through an entire season of surfing, trying to beat the scores of other surfers … this mode is absolutely addictive! The season takes you on an epic surf trip, hitting various breaks worldwide … USA, Mexico, Norway and Australia. You can submit your scores to the online global leaderboard or simply join the Pro Surfing Wildcard online community for various tips, tricks and general banter.

PSW-Carve-FINAL

You start the game by paddling into a wave and popping up on your surfboard … moving with a nice implementation of accelerometer controls. There is a button to slow down (this helps stall your board so you can get deep inside a tube) and four trick buttons. The control scheme takes a bit of getting used to, but it’s very simple to get the hang of. Don’t give up the first time you fall off your board and eat it … this game is too much fun to wuss out on after one failed attempt (which you will definitely have – hey, even in real life, you don’t start charging waves after your first attempt).

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Each session is timed, with the time pausing every time you wipe out. A landed trick gives you points, while a wipe out reduces your accumulated points (which seems like a pain at first, but provides motivation to get better).

When it comes to acceleration, it’s automatic, with the slow down button that I referenced earlier. Landing takes a bit of getting used to as you must land the maneuver in the correct direction or you’ll biff. And I’ve confirmed with the good admin here at KRAPPS, who is a surfer himself, that acceleration and landing are quite realistic (although the air you get from a wave is a bit exaggerated).

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In addition to the wave you ride in Free Surf, you are able to unlock three additional waves by playing through the Competition mode. This feature provides plenty of reason to keep playing Pro Surfing Wildcard and is actually pretty rewarding.

The graphics are nice for the platform. Nothing spectacular (especially the water), but definitely bearable, and not by any means an eyesore. Speaking of the water … it’s cold! Consulting KRAPPS, they said typically surfers will pee in their wetsuits in attempts to warm up … this would be a nice feature for future updates.

Anti-Krapps-Seal-v2GIF All in all, I’m very impressed with Pro Surfing Wildcard … it is a great iPhone game – much better than what expected. That said, it doesn’t take a surfer to enjoy this game as I’ve never surfed once in my life (except the Internet), and I’m having a blast. I’ve actually had to pause the production of this review a few times to get in a round or two. Pro Surfing Wildcard is available for $1.99 in iTunes, it’s totally worth it and I hereby declare it 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified – definitely!

 

November 4, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 37 Comments 

Breasts Are Confusing – Bra Meter Can Help

Kid-Staring-At-Boobs Have you ever looked at a woman’s breasts and been confused? Call ‘em what you want … boobies, knockers, tatas, the twins, cans, hooters, headlights, melons or rack … the bottom line is – breasts are baffling!

And we’ll be the first to admit, when we look at a woman’s gazongas, the first thing that enters our mind is … “Hmmm, wonder how big those puppies are” (second thing is … “fake or real” … where’s that iPhone app?). Yeah, men are pigs, whatever … but it’s not like breasts are confusing to only the male gender. Nope, women are just as confused about their breasts as their Martian friends (to be clear, men are really not Martians … hoping for a clever reference to the “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” book). Why else would there be the Bra And Cup Size Calculator app? Because breasts are just as confusing to the ladies … they keep forgetting their bust size … they need an iPhone app to remind them how grand are their tetons.

So getting back to the confused Martians … great news! Apple has just approved a new app which will take the guess work out of that age old question, “how big are they?” – Bra Meter.

Bra-Meter-Title

See that? Awesome! Simply pick one of the nine bra letters (A though H) and a size 1 polka dot bikini girrrl appears with the corresponding rack. Of course since this app is geared towards Martians, a clever “definition” of the bra size letter appears on the screen … C = Can’t Complain, E = Enormous … along with the proper facial expression from bikini girl’s gawkers … E = eyes wide open, big smile, tongue hanging out of mouth.

Bra-Meter-C

Bra-Meter-E

Now we realize some of you might be thinking that Bra Meter is an offensive and sexist app. Nah, not even close. A really offensive and sexist app would be the “As Seen In The Wall Street Journal” app … Shake That Booty. And judging by real live Bra Meter user ratings, we’re thinking Bra Meter is the boob.

Bra-Meter-Comments

November 4, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 4 Comments 

Ravensburger Lowers Ban Hammer On Apple For Trademark Infringement – Developers Beware!

So have you noticed the ton of memory match games available for download in the App Store? From the “vanilla” titled Memory app to more “exotic” titles like Beer Memory, Sexy Memory, Christmas Memory and Monsters Memory … Apple sells just about every memory game flavor.

Ban-Hammer Uh, make that past tense … Apple SOLD just about every memory game flavor. Seems there is a big ol’ German company called Ravensburger who owns the registered trademark “Memory”. A year after the App Store went live, the bad ass folks at Ravensburger finally decided they had seen enough and sent Apple notice. Dated 8/13/09, Ravensburger Digital GmbH (a subsidiary of Ravensburger) sent Apple a 4-page letter informing them of the trademark violation, requesting Apple remove the offending applications … and on a final note, inviting Apple to explore a possible partnership with Ravensburger.

Ravensburger – “You will certainly understand that our company cannot and will not tolerate the unauthorized use by third parties of its trademark Memory®, for designating games and toys as being offered, inter-alia, in your company’s highly popular iTunes store. We therefore kindly invite you to take the appropriate measures to remove from your platform those products offered under the designations which interfere with the trademark rights of our parent company and to confirm that his has been effected in due course.”

(complete letter can be downloaded HERE)

logo_ravensburger_FINAL   Toy Story Memory FINAL

Similar to the app approval process, it seems Apple did not act quick or effective enough for Ravensburger. Two months after initial contact, on 10/15/09, Ravensburger emailed Apple that they found a large number of sellers who are still offering apps using their registered trademark “Memory” and new “illegal” memory apps being approved by Apple. Ravensburger even attached an Excel spreadsheet of sellers who were still in violation.

Ravensburger – “In accordance to German law you are obliged to make sure that products offered on your internet platform are not infringing our rights in the trademark “memory” … You have not complied are you are still not complying with your obligations under German law … As a final attempt to avoid a legal conflict, we hereby ultimately ask you to remove from your platform all applications using our trademark “memory” as listed in the file attached hereto no later than October 22, 2009. Should we still find one of the infringing applications after October 22 on your platform, we do not see any other possibility than to immediately take the appropriate steps.”

Well that finally got Apple’s attention. Emails from AppStoreNotices@apple.com went flying. The initial email requested sellers to fix the problem because pursuant to the agreement with Apple, sellers are responsible for any liability to Apple because of a rights infringement claim. A second email, dated 10/29/09, served as a blunt reminder to sellers who did not previously comply:

Apple – “Ravensburger has advised that this matter is still not resolved … Please contact Ravensburger immediately regarding this issue … If the matter is not resolved shortly, Apple will pull your app from the App Store.”

Sexy-Memory-Title-FINAL

Developers we spoke to were surprised by their infringement (they had no clue such a common word as “memory” was a registered trademark), but will comply by changing there app’s name. There was concern amongst developers that they would also not be allowed to use the keyword “memory” … however after a brief delay, Apple communicated that this keyword technique will continue to be acceptable.

On final note, seems developers need to be extra careful with this Ravensburger thing. Not only were apps cited with the term “Memory” in their title, but Ravensburger reported apps such as … Jirbo Match – Mem – Monkey Preschool Lunchbox – Twin Tiles … as being in violation as well. Ravensburger made it clear they also do not want sellers using “Memory” in the descriptions of app. Ouch! … fair warning – piss off Ravensburger, bet the ban hammer. Play it safe … just stick to developing fart apps.

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November 3, 2009 | Filed Under Games, News | 32 Comments 

Flying Feces Hits The App Store

Pocket God BLECH The iPhone is truly a rocking portable gaming platform. About half of the eleven screens on our iPhone are filled with games. We love ‘em! However, looking at the top selling games, we are deeply disturbed … Skee-Ball, Fling!, Stick-Fu, Rock Band, Doodle Jump, Frogger, Pocket God, Backbreaker Football … what is this garbage? Seriously folks, what are you thinking? These are the top games? BLECH!

Like we said, it freaking saddens us to see such nonsense grabbing your hard earned dollar. We think the problem is that with over 100,000 apps, it is simply too cumbersome to find good apps … yet alone, good iPhone games. But no worries … it’s all good. Stick with KRAPPS as we take you to the end of the rainbow and deliver iPhone gaming gold. Today’s journey includes a couple of awesome games that can only be described as KRAPPilicious.

As a preamble to reviewing these two games, it’s important to get yourself in the right frame of mind. So clear your thoughts … relax – inhale – exhale – then scream –> SHIT!

Monkey Sheep Poop Fight by In Context, Inc.

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MSPF-FINAL-1   MSPF-FINAL-2

Monkey Sheep Poop Fight is a lovely first-person shitter … errr … shooter game where the user selects their target (a monkey or a sheep) and pummels it with shit. The game is fairly basic with no real strategy involved … just throw shit at a sheep or monkey as fast as you can. The more you cover the monkey or sheep in shit, the higher you score. Pretty amazing shit! We found the best part of the game is the fact that the monkey and sheep move. These are no ordinary stationary targets like in Skee-Ball … boring. Nope, the addition of moving targets make Monkey Sheep Poop Fight freaking brilliant and certainly deserving to be a Top Paid App.

Furious George by McLean Consulting

Furious-George-Title

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Furious-George-Art-FINAL You know that curiously loveable children’s book character … Curious George? Well guess what … he’s a pussy. Screw Curious George and while we’re at it … screw his creepy owner with the yellow hat. What you really need is Furious George … a caged ape who enjoys throwing his own shit at Homo sapiens. In Furious George, the game, this pissed-off primate slings shit at you like a fully automatic Uzi assault rifle. Your job is to avoid the George’s flying feces. If you dodge enough monkey manure, you’ll be awarded with rocks … which you can then use to throw back at this little bastard. Seriously, why the hell would we want to make some Doodle jump, when we can get into a flying fecal fight with a badass baboon?

LOL … see the shit you would’ve missed by not reading KRAPPS? Yeah, we know … what a bunch of BS!

November 2, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 1 Comment 

Recap: Week Of October 26

DTiTunes We received well over 40 entries to the $25 iTunes gift card giveaway sponsored by DrinkTracker. Thank you for participating. The folks at Just Another iPhone Blog will randomly select the winning entry and we will announce the results via Twitter on Monday, November 2.

And In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

October 26: Los Angeles Baseball Fans Send Message To Yankees & Phillies With Their iPhones

October 26: Symmetrix Delivers The Obama Alien And Other Oddities

October 27: Feet – App Store’s Latest Fetish Finally Arrives

October 27: Getting Your Drunk Ass Home – DrinkTracker Receives An Update [$25 iTunes giveaway]

October 28: Prostitute Hunting With The iPhone – Craigs Ads Adult

October 28: Crazy Cool Halloween Costume Alternatives From MouthOff

October 29: Name That Ass With Mystery Butt

October 30: Man Taps iPhone 844,683 Times Proving Life Is Overrated

October 31: Coworkerisms – It’s KRAPPSpalooza In Here!

November 1, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | 1 Comment 

Coworkerisms – It’s KRAPPSpalooza In Here!

(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)

OFFICE_SPACE_Milton As anyone who has ever worked in an office knows, casual conversation with your coworkers can be problematic. Avoidance will likely get you labeled as anti-social, while saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time may earn you an even worse title: anti-employed! Television writers Jacob Lentz and Paul Koehorst recognized the need for a guidebook to help cubicle denizens navigate these potentially risky waters. Earlier this year, they published "There’s No I in Office" a compendium of 4,293 phrases which cover tons of everyday situations and even lots of things that are applicable to specific types of jobs. I recently took the book with me when I went on vacation and immediately found a goldmine of useful information. I picked up lots of great one liners to throw off in boring meetings and even some cool new phrases to use when arriving for work ("Welcome back, fellow travelers") and then when leaving at the end of the day ("Tonight, I will sleep the sleep of the just"). And if I ever take up a new career as a lumberjack or U.N. translator, I’ll be covered with such gems as "I love these plaid shirts" and "What’s your favorite foreign swear word?"

But, I know what you’re thinking. This is an iPhone app site, what are we doing talking about a book? Fear not, brave reader, for in addition to the printed offering, the authors have also released a companion iPhone application: Coworkerisms. The application features over 3,000 phrases from the book arranged by category. Or perhaps you’re feeling super-adventurous and will go for the random quote. Either way, now you’ve got lots of ammunition to fire back when the office’s chatty Cathy comes knocking. And with the iPhone app, you won’t have to write your faves in the palm of your hand, with a Sharpie pilfered from the office supply cabinet.

Coworkerisms Splash   Coworkerisms Lord Flies

Coworkerisms-Hall   Coworkerisms Zeppelin

In addition to the extra thousand or so phrases, the book also features hilarious answers to some common questions you might get asked in the workplace. Each of the answers is pretty much guaranteed to stop the questioner in their tracks and allow you to slip away in the confusion that results. Each chapter of the book also ends with a page of Power Phrases, clever fill-in-the-blank sentences. Amazingly, the term KRAPPS fits well in every one! (the title of this post was one of them).

Coworkerisms-List    Coworkerisms-eBay

Coworkerisms-Sick    Coworkerisms Supervillian

We haven’t used the term lately, but this book and the companion app are both definitely 100% anti-KRAPPS certified. Coworkerisms is $1.99 in the AppStore [iTunes] and "There’s No I in Office" lists for $11.95, available in your favorite bookstore or $9.56 at Amazon.

October 31, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Entertainment, Guest Authors | Leave a Comment 

Man Taps iPhone 844,683 Times Proving Life Is Overrated

They say a picture is worth a thousand words … so we’ll shut up and show you a picture of the Million Tap Challenge app …

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With this brilliant and enticing description, at 99 cents, the Million Tap Challenge is certainly a tempting buy. But wait … we have more thousand words pictures …

Million-Tap-Challenge-2   Million-Tap-Challenge-1

Yeah, we know what you’re thinking … stunning graphics, superb colors and clear instructions. And look closely at the screenshot on the left … nearly 18 million official taps worldwide (we’re sure this number would be doubled if they counted unofficial taps). That’s a shit load of taps … must be a popular app. So once again, certainly a tempting buy at 99 cents. But wait … we have yet another thousand words picture …

Million-Tap-Challenge-Leade

Ah yes … a global leaderboard … a feature found only in the finest of iPhone apps. And wow … look at #1 Dude – 844,683 taps (assuming these are official taps). And even a bigger WOW … #2 Dude is only 3,775 taps behind #1 Dude. Looks like we have ourselves one helluv a race to the millionth tap. Damn, screw the World Series … Million Tap Challenge where the real action and excitement is!

Now let’s assume a well trained iPhone tapper can sustain a 3 taps per second pace. So #1 Dude has accumulated 844,683 taps … equating to 281,561 seconds or 4,693 minutes or 78 hours or over 3 days of uninterrupted tapping. No sleep, no eat (unless you’re hooked up to an IV), no bowel movements, no bathing … zip, nada, zilch … nothing but tapping 24/7 for over 3 days. Same thought process at 2 taps per second equates to nearly 5 days, a typical work week.

So you got that – right? 3 to 5 days of nonstop tapping … errrr, reality check …

YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
WTF DUDE … GET A LIFE!

And here’s the best part and our last thousand words picture … seems Million Tap Challenge might have a bit of a bug. Looking at real live Million Tap Challenge reviews, some users are losing tens of thousands taps. LMAO … sorry bastards.

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Finally, our apologies. We normally try to keep our articles below 500 words. With 5 “one thousand words pictures” alone, we are way above the 500 word count threshold. But don’t blame us. We have a perfectly legit excuse … training for the Million Word Challenge app.

October 30, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 36 Comments 

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