Spock Is Craptastic

CopyCatJPG We find it hysterical when an app is released and then immediately there are a ton of “copy-apps” that attempt to jump on the bandwagon in efforts to cash-in on the original idea. Back in January, we covered the original iFart Mobile application, along with the 47 other copy-apps. Today there are approximately 400 fart related apps trying to emulate iFart Mobile’s success. Then in February we profiled the 50+ tic tac toe apps … really good stuff … Snowman Tic Tac Toe, Tom And Jerry Tic Tac Toe, Tic Tac MyToe, etc … yeah, big time yawners. Seems every original app idea is copied instantly … bikini girls, strip apps, dictionaries, pooping apps and the list goes on and on.

But sometimes, on rare occasion, the sequel is better than the original. Take for example the tired Rock Paper Scissors category filled with “same shiat, different day” selections. Or so we thought until we found these next two Rock Paper Scissors applications. Although they are completely strange and left-of-center, they have a certain weird and whack job appeal that intrigued us. It’s sort of like looking into the sun … you know you’re not supposed to do it … but damn it’s tempting (yes, A Bug’s Life reference).

We are huge fans of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory. How can you not love it? … heck, just in tonight’s episode a Snuggie was gifted and tweeting bowel movements was mentioned – LOL. In a previous airing, the main characters put their geek spin on the classic rock paper scissors game, adding two additional variables … Rock, Paper, Scissors, LIZARD, SPOCK …

 

Figuring their Bling It app was not affording them early retirement, the devs at Momogeo jumped on the Bing Bang opportunity and created the Rock2Spock app. Trust us … in a category where the only difference between the assorted rock paper scissors apps is a slight app title variation (Rock Paper Scissor app … Rock-Paper-Scissor app …  Rock/Paper/Scissors app … Paper, Rock, Scissors app … etc) – Rock2Spock kicks major ass (even if it’s only geek ass).

Rock2SpockDesc

Rock2Spock1

Speaking of titles, this next app should be considered for purchase by its name alone …

Ben’s somewhat spiffy looking but ultimately craptastic rock-paper-scissors game

WTF is that?!? We did an article about obnoxiously long app names … but this Ben character forced us to make an exception to the rule. Spiffy Looking + Ultimately Craptastic = Brilliant! And we love the fact that these folks can laugh at themselves and be honest about yet another lame rock paper scissors app … “Three different play-modes (all of which feel exactly the same)” – “Rock, paper, scissors all in the same game!” – “Graphics!”

Ben

But hey … similar to Rock2Spock’s kick ass-ness … there is something kick ass (we like that phrase, can’t you tell) about a Monk who hurls insults at the user during gameplay. Plus check out the over-the-top, amped up on Red Bull and cotton candy, kick ass game trailer … all this theatrics for a rock paper scissors game. Love it!

 

May 12, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 12 Comments 

App That Turns Your iPhone Into A PENIS

super_piipii_brothers Last year, ThinkGeek.com introduced a new Japanese game for the Wii called Super Pii Pii Brothers. For $34.99, you receive the game disc, Wiimote Harness and the promise of an amazing virtual pee experience. Gameplay is simple and straightforward … strap on the belt harness, attach the Wiimote and use your body to control the never-ending stream of pee into a series of toilets. If you manage to pee in a toilet, your score increases .. . pee on the floor, your score decreases. And of course the game, is strongly marketed to women, indicating that Super Pii Pii Brothers allows the ladies to “experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing.” Watch the demo video below for a visual example.

 

So what do you think of Super Pii Pii Brothers? Yeah … ewww, gross, LOL, freaks, etc. Well guess what … it’s a gag – a fake … an April Fool’s Day joke. ThinkGeek has been doing this every year since 2001 – click here to view their past April 1 gags.

Well it might be a gross, freaky, ewww joke at ThinkGeek … but come on, we’re talking about Apple. One of the most powerful, profitable, innovative and well respected companies in the world. So we’re sure it wouldn’t surprise you that Apple has approved an app which turns your iPhone into a PENIS. Not only does your iPhone become a PENIS … but it simulates peeing while you are drunk. Amazing use of technology. Simply put your iPhone in your crotch area and hold it like a PENIS. But please remember … this is a high quality, virtual reality application … so DO NOT utilize this app while sitting down! Stand up and hold your PENIS (errrr … iPhone), then pee away into the target toilet.

What? You think we’re kidding? You think we are making this stuff up? You think that if it doesn’t fly at ThinkGeek, it certainly shouldn’t be cool with Apple? Haaa … you are wrong … just look below at the Drunk Sniper app’s description.

DrunkSniperDescFinal

DrunkSniper1  DrunkSniper2

WTF?!?! Love how the dev scream in ALL CAPS … TURN YOUR IPHONE INTO MALE BODY ORGAN!!!” … LOL – what? Apple actually censored the word PENIS?!? Congrats Apple … you’ve come a long way, but man you’ve got some strange fetishes!

And of course, we must appeal to the ladies! Love the positioning on this. Like Drunk Sniper is the Dr. Phil of apps. It’s either beautiful sarcasm or someone’s shit don’t stink – LOL.

DrunkSniperDescLadies

May 11, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Games | 44 Comments 

Recap: Week Of May 4

iphonekrappsV1GIF In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.

May 4: Have A Shitty Day! – yeah, we have a new attitude thanks to Apple

May 5: Ow My Balls! – Brings Epic Nutshots To Your iPhone – this app delivers a wicked kick

May 6: Infraconscious Level And Psychologic Reactivity – Russian Ingenuity!

May 7: Hooking Up With The Gerbil – all iPhone app developers are SLACKERS!

May 8: Curious About SuicideGirls – erotica collides with the iPhone

May 8: After Approval, Trent Reznor Gives Apple The Finger – developers can now use the “F” word in their applications

May 9: The Wall Street Journal Does KRAPPS – hysterical WSJ video report on crap apps

May 10, 2009 | Filed Under Recap | Leave a Comment 

The Wall Street Journal Does KRAPPS

WSJKRAPPS You gotta love it when the grey suits, white shirts and red ties of The Wall Street Journal do a feature on krappy iPhone apps … or as they state … “Crap Apps”. Look at those WSJ folks … loosening their power ties, getting all silly and presenting their audience a hysterical, yet informative, video on the lighter side of iPhone apps (or as we like to brand it – KRAPPS). We think the best part was the fact that the words “iPhone’s Crap Apps” appeared on the home page of WSJ.com for most of May 8 … priceless!

Andy Jordan is a Technology Reporter at The Wall Street Journal. He has a regular segment called “Andy Jordan’s Tech Diary” which yesterday featured Crap Apps. For a highly entertaining look into the whacky world of KRAPPS, check out The Wall Street Journal’s video report below.

 

May 9, 2009 | Filed Under News | Leave a Comment 

After Approval, Trent Reznor Gives Apple The Finger

Not sure if everyone is aware of the drama between Nine Inch Nails’ (NIN) frontman Trent Reznor and Apple … but in a nutshell:

trent_reznor_nin Reznor launched the nin: access app … an update was submitted which Apple rejected due to objectionable content in the NIN song "The Downward Spiral" … as a result, Reznor became extremely pissed off and went on a public tirade with plenty of whining and expletives … Apple then approved the app’s update, even though no changes were made to the rejected version of nin: access. Yeah – pretty much played out like a soap opera. For more details about the drama, check out iPhoneSavior’s original and updated articles.

Well as with any good soap opera … the drama continues. After receiving the aforementioned approval, Reznor gives Apple the ultimate finger by changing the title of “The Downward Spiral” to “The Downward Fucking Spiral” and including all uncensored versions of NIN songs (plus we’re sure there are some other Easter Eggs waiting to be found by Apple)

IMG_0082  IMG_0080

Hmmm – and all this while other devs are patiently waiting for their approvals or agonizing over following the SDK Agreement for fear of their app being rejected. On the flipside, looking forward to the South Park app making a triumphant return to the App Store!

May 8, 2009 | Filed Under News | 6 Comments 

Curious About SuicideGirls

wedgiepicker Let’s start backwards. So before anyone get’s their panties in a bundle … CALM DOWN and LISTEN UP … we are not here to pass judgment on the app mentioned in this article. Our point is to once again question Apple’s application approval process and their efforts to protect their brand integrity/reputation. Unlike the items in iTunes (music, video, etc.) … the App Store is a different beast (good point OMB) … the App Store contains Apple sponsored and endorsed products, thus Apple has a vested interest in these applications. Yeah, yeah, yeah (cool band) … you may argue that iPhone apps are NOT Apple products, rather the developers … but you’re wrong. So if you want to buy us a beer (we prefer Anchor Steam Porter), we can debate the issue some evening … but for now, let’s move on …

Vans One of the many benefits of the iPhone platform is the ability for companies to leverage the iPhone to extend their brand awareness. Think about it … for a rather small investment, a business can establish their virtual footprint in the App Store and begin branding and promotional efforts within a completely new channel. Savvy companies realize this … Vans International has the Vans SK8 Pool Service game … Zippo has their virtual lighter app … Oakley has a surf report app … even Tic Tac mints has a shake the mints app.

Well yesterday, another savvy corporate player entered the App Store … SuicideGirls with their Flip Strip app that basically resembles the iStrip Sexy Pen app … a virtual novelty pen where you tilt your iPhone, the girl loses her clothing and is left in her bra and panties. Ok, fair enough … been there, done that. But what we found curious was the last paragraph of the app’s description …

SuicideGirlsDescription

Zoli1  Zoli2

To paraphrase … even though Apple is cool with 13-year olds checking out our strip app, we at SuicideGirls.com are not cool with anyone under 18 visiting our site. Hmmm, curious. What exactly is SuicideGirls … it’s probably best if their site’s title tag did the talking …

Beautiful Naked Girls With Tattoos And Piercings

SuicideGirlsSite

Yup, basically a “lifestyle” site catering to the goth, indie and alternative … call it Playboy For Punks. Now SuicideGirls has an artsy erotica feel to it, so label it as soft or pinup nudes. Plus it has this online community thing going on (message boards, model journals, etc.), huge merchandising, charity work, etc. Big business stuff … like we said, kind of like Playboy Enterprises. Curious? – check Wikipedia.

Bottom line, we are talking about nude photos and Apple is endorsing and aligning with the matter (save it – buy us a beer). Sure the app does not contain any direct links to the SuicideGirls web site … but the url is blasted within the app and the app’s description for all to see, remember and directly input into their browsers (which is exactly the point of the app sexyjobsJPG … brand/url exposure, leading to referral traffic … sound business strategy by SuicideGirls).

Again, we will repeat ourselves to remove those panties in a bundle … we are not judging SuicideGirls (that is up to the individual reader). We are just curious about Apple’s decision to align their brand with an erotica site … because if we were Steve Jobs, we would  steer Apple clear of any nude photo related entity (no offense SuicideGirls – just a business decision). But then again, we are not Steve and if SuicideGirls floats his boat, so be it … just curious.

(Sexy Steve image via Gizmodo)

May 8, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 2 Comments 

Hooking Up With The Gerbil

1billiondownloads As you probably heard, recently Apple had this big
1 Billion Download celebration. Some 13-year old kid won a bunch of stuff and the app he downloaded got all sorts of media love … lucky bastards we guess. As part of the celebration, Apple released the All-Time Top Paid and Free Apps (pretty funny in itself considering iPhone apps have only been available for 9 months). As you would expect, the Big Boys dominated the list: Crash Bandicoot from Vivendi Games … Moto Chaser and Flick Fishing from Freeverse … Tap Tap Revenge from Tapulous … Pocket God from Bolt Creative … Tetris from Electronic Arts … and others.

TopApps

YAWN! Pretty BORING stuff if you ask us. Freeverse – big freaking whoop! Bolt Creative – rip someone’s head off, then we’ll talk! Tapulous – yeah, we’d tap that! Like often during the app approval process, Apple blew it! So as usual, we are forced to point out Apple’s shortcomings … it’s a krappy job, but somebody’s got to do it.

ArcticGerbilLogoJPG Apple needs to take a closer look at the 40,000 applications and their respective developers … because there is a clear #1 … the undisputed heavyweight developer of the word … Brighthouse Labs (formerly the artist known as Arctic Gerbil – we’ll leave it up to Wired to find out why Brighthouse Labs links to the Arctic Gerbil site). We are here to declare … Brighthouse Gerbils completely rock our world! Seriously, how can you resist the following accomplishments:

SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE (689) Apps Approved!!!

This is freaking HUGE and worth repeating … Brighthouse Gerbils have released SIX HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE iPhone applications. Damn … that’s like over 2 apps per day, EVERY DAY since the App Store opened 9 months ago. The Gerbils must be like those really fly folks who never have to wait in line when clubbing. They have VIP automatic approval at Club Apple. And heck, why not have them on auto-approval … look at the quality product they are flooding/spamming the market with:

ONE HUNDRED NINTY FIVE (195) SupaFan Apps!!!

Yeah … SupaFan freaking rips .. classic krapp like SupaFan Denise Richards or SupaFan The Olsen Twins or SupaFan Dr. Phil or SupaFan Pokemon or SupaFan Rachel Ray or SupaFan Abba … there are 189 more SupaFan example, but we’ll refrain.

SupaFan

ONE HUNDRED FOURTY EIGHT (148) Quote Apps!!!

Jessica Alba Quotes – Alex Rodriguez Quotes – Tyra Banks Quotes – Woman Quotes, etc.

QuotesApp

EIGHTY TWO (82) SlidePuzzle Apps!!!

SlidePuzzle Fluffy Cat – SlidePuzzle Beaver – SlidePuzzle Crow – SlidePuzzle Vatican, etc.

SlidePuzzleApp

And the list goes on and on … 151 Sports Fan apps, 37 Joke apps (including Aviation Jokes app and Horse Jokes app) and multiple iFinder, iGuides and iLanguage apps.

For your convenience, we have compiled ALL Gerbil apps in a handy dandy Google GerbilLove Document … CLICK HERE to view the Gerbil’s worldwide domination!

You know, there is a theory among men … if you hit on enough girls, one of them is bound to hook up with you. Thinking the Gerbils use this approach with the ladies and YOU, the iPhone app consumer. But back off and wait your turn, cuz we’re hooking up with the Gerbil first!

May 7, 2009 | Filed Under News | 10 Comments 

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