eh

Memo to app developers … Enough With The Fart Apps Already! … it was funny like the first one hundred and fifty seven times … now it’s just lame and tired, eh.

lametiredeh Yup … lame and tired, eh. But every day, the iFarts just keep appearing … each krappier than the previous one. So long ago we decided to stop writing about iFarts. What’s the point? Pretty much all creativity has been exhausted from the iFart channel. And as mentioned, they’re not even funny any more … lame and tired, eh.

So guess what? We lied. We’re writing about another iFart app. Why? Well it’s not because there’s some newly discovered creative flatulence or fart functionality in the cheese channel. Nope … it’s same old lame and tired, eh. But this time the lame and tired is leveraged with an entire nation. Yes … a whole country … an iFart county … it’s your patriotic duty to purchase and play the iFart – Canada app from LOL Software, eh.

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Come on … straight-up fart apps are one thing – but positioning farts with people’s nationalism is just plain wrong. “I am Hoser … hear me iFart Canada, eh”. Sorry, this is bad … very bad … cuz we all know the folks at Apple are suckers and just love to open the KRAPPS flood gates. So wait for it … here it comes … iFart – Greece, iFart – France, iFart – Australia, iFart – Turkey … the possibilities of patriotic farts are endless! And America, you know it’s coming soon to an App Store near you … iFart – 4th Of July … complete with fireworks choreographed to a symphony of explosive farts, eh.

Lame and tired, eh. But you gotta love the outrageous claim iFart – Canada makes, eh:

ifartCanadaDesc

bobdougJPG Huh? “Canadians love to fart more than any other country on the planet!!” … Oh we get it – LOL at the LOL Software. Stirring the pot of fart aficionados across the world … feeding on people’s patriotism to cash in on worldwide fart domination. Wow – what a ploy … LOL Software is like Dr. Evil … BOOOYA, eh. Thanks LOL Software … thanks for destroying what little hope we had for peace amongst all nations. iFart – Canada, yawn … whatever LOL Software … Take Off You Hoser, eh!

March 27, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 10 Comments 

Tomato Boxes App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

Free Tomato Boxes app giveaways – see end of article for details

Title: Tomato Boxes
Category: Games
Guest Author: Carolynn

TMlogo I’ve been playing video games since I was about 3 years old. So you could say that I’m totally in love with them. Something I’ve noticed about good video games is that they stand the test of time. Even today you see all these new gaming systems that have awesome capabilities and yet we are still playing old school games. Games that get re-made for these systems because they are so good, people don’t want to be without them. And now that we have the iPhone/iPod Touch, we have more opportunities to play games that are re-made. One of these games that has been brought out and dusted off is called Tomato Boxes by Ryan Alyea (follow on Twitter @ROFISH).

Tomato Boxes is basically a Sokoban game. Sokoban is a game that has been around for quite a long time. It usually involves a man pushing boxes to determined points on the board. In Tomato Boxes, the man is a tomato. Each board is different, with obstacles hindering tomato from getting his boxes to their points. The Tomato can only push one box at a time. The way you control the game is simple. There is a directional pad (D-Pad) on the screen and you just push up, down, left or right to move tomato. If you make a mistake, you can press the middle button of the D-Pad and a menu comes up with the option to undo. You can undo up to 5 moves in a row. You can also reset the game if you are stuck and want to start over.

TM1

What’s great about Tomato Boxes? It’s a great little pick up and play game. The challenging gameplay makes you think. You don’t need a lot of time to solve the levels, so it’s great if you are craving a short game. There are over 13,000 downloadable levels, so you shouldn’t run out of puzzles anytime soon. The background effects are very cool! There are multiple colors that move in a sort of wave motion and it looks awesome on the iDevice. The game graphics have a great old school feel and bring back memories of old Sokoban clones.
What’s not so great? There is no background music or sounds included. I enjoy sounds and sometimes music in my games and I would like to see some added to Tomato Boxes. The menu button is very easy to accidently press and it interrupts the game quite frequently. It can be a little difficult to play for people with big fingers. The D-Pad needs some adjustments and it would be better.

TM2

My overall impression of Tomato Boxes: A neat game for Sokoban fans that needs some minor tweaks. If you like puzzlers and want 13,000 different Sokoban boards, then this game is for you. It’s available in the App Store for $2.99. There is a free scaled down version available as well in the App Store.

FREE Tomato Boxes ($2.99 value) To KRAPPS Viewers!
Tomato Boxes developer, Ryan Alyea, was kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Tomato Boxes for FREE. Simply be one of the first 5 viewers to leave a comment at the end of this review indicating their favorite food item/dish that includes tomatoes and we will email you the download code.

March 26, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 25 Comments 

The Geek Way

crybaby Sorry for being blunt, but WHINERS SUCK! You know those folks who have to absolutely bitch about everything under the sun … call it The Glass Half Empty Syndrome. It could be a co-worker, a sibling, your spouse, a friend or anybody who just complains non-freaking-stop. ARGH! … Shut Up Already!

Here’s some notable whiners:

vickchewtoy Michael Vick, who repeatedly whined that he was being unjustly accused, just before admitting his involvement with dog fighting and animal cruelty.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck complained on The View that she didn’t receive her usual invitation to the White House Christmas party.

Phil Gramm, former Republican Senator and co-campaign manager for Sen. John McCain who resigned as a result of whining while discussing the nation’s economy, that “we have sort of become a nation of whiners.  You just hear this constant whining….”

barrybonds Lindsay Lohan, who had virtually denied and whined about most aspects of her life that have included DUI, drug abuse, and repeatedly making bad choices.

Others include, Barry Bonds, Terrell Owens, Rosie O’Donnell, Joaquin Phoenix and more.

So how do you deal with these pathetic pansy crybabies? Per Dr. Rick Kirschner … you could get all polite and constructive … it’s the touchy feely way:

If you must deal with a Whiner, your goal is to team up with them to form a problem-solving alliance. So the best you can do with someone who is constantly complaining, is to work with them to diminish their feelings of helplessness by helping them to identify solutions. As the feeling of helplessness diminishes, so does the need to whine.

“Form a problem-solving alliance”?? … “Diminish their feelings of helplessness”?? LOL … uhhh, no thanks! We prefer something more direct and effective … a simple “STFU, YOU SUCK!”. Or of course we could use our handy dandy iPhone. Damn straight … want to shut-up whiners? … with over 25,000 apps, you know damn well there is an app for that! Presenting the Wambulance! app from Nerdtown (great name, rivals previously featured Meat Couch Productions) … the geek way of telling whiners to STFU. Just dial “waa!-1-1” and let the geek wambulance deal with the situation.

wambulanceicon

What – don’t like Wambulance!? … it’s KRAPPS? Whatever whiner! But maybe you’re right. Screw the Wambulance! app – we’ll use our iPhone more effectively and just beat you with it.

wambulance1    wambulance2

FREE Wambulance! App To KRAPPS Viewers!
Nerdtown was kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Wambulance! for FREE. Simply be one of the first 9 viewers to leave a comment and we will email you the download code.

March 26, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Uncategorized | 52 Comments 

Peeing For A Cause

Ok, this one totally threw us for a loop. So we’re browsing the latest New App releases for article material when it hit us … BOOM! BAM! JACKPOT! SCORE! … we found our next KRAPPS and boy is it going to be a doozie. The title alone qualified this app into instant KRAPPS fame … Pee Monkey.

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gee-monkeyGIF3 You heard it right … Pee Monkey … officially called Pee Monkey Jungle Fire … developed by the folks at Happylatte. Unlike the other pee “Health” apps we reviewed, (iPee and Shy Bladder) Pee Monkey is an iPhone game. The premise is that the jungle is in big trouble … fire is falling from the sky, the jungle is burning and GeeMonkeys (lady monkeys) are getting killed. So this PeeMonkey character must float around on a cloud while extinguishing the fires and saving the ladies. And as you guessed, the fires are doused by PeeMonkey pissing on them. But hold on … you can’t just piss away endlessly like a race horse. PeeMonkey will eventually lose all his pissing power (the in-game pee meter will show empty) so he’ll need to “drink” water to regain his peeing ability.

PeeMonkey1

So to recap … flying monkeys that pee on stuff … LOL … perfect KRAPPS!

KRAPPSLikeIt But a funny thing happened as we started playing Pee Monkey … “KRAPPS likes it! Hey KRAPPS!”. Yeah, we admit it … we like Pee Monkey … it’s freaking hysterical, very South Park-like. What’s not to love about flying monkeys that pee on stuff? Well I guess some people (like this knucklehead blogger) might think its too close child porn … but come on, WTF?!? This dude even tags Pee Monkey “pornographic” … honestly, to even mention Pee Monkey and child porn in the same sentence is disgusting, offensive and irresponsible.

antikrappssealv2gif Aside from the game’s overall theme, Pee Monkey’s other attributes are solid as well. The graphics are tremendous (cute in a Sneezies sort of way), 10 levels of peeing pleasure, gameplay is smooth, music is top-notch and the sound effects are hilarious. Game controls are user-friendly: PeeMonkey’s flying direction is controlled by the iPhone’s accelerometer while the pee’s flow direction is controlled by touching either the right or left side of the screen. Overall a well built, fun-filled game that is 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified … just be careful not to pee your pants from laughter!

Click here to purchase Pee Monkey for only 99 cents … and while you’re at it, become a fan of their Facebook page and follow them on Twitter @happylatte. And if you need even more Pee Monkey … even though the first submittal was rejected by Apple (yellow pee problem?), Happylatte will be releasing Pee Monkey Toilet Trainer (sort of like the Beer Goggles app we reviewed) – see if you can pee straight and hit the toilet … just be sure to put the lid down for the GeeMonkeys.

ToiletTrainer-ScreenShotJPG


FREE Pee Monkey Jungle Fire App To KRAPPS Viewers!
Happylatte was kind enough to provide 5 codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Pee Monkey for FREE. Through Thu, Mar 26 at 11:00am PST, tweet the message below on Twitter and be entered into the Pee Monkey drawing. Good luck!

got iPhone? visit and follow @KRAPPS. hysterical reviews of the weirdest, whackiest, stupidest and strangest iPhone apps. http://KRAPPS.com 

March 25, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games | 8 Comments 

geoDefense App

By demand, KRAPPS will periodically review “legit” apps thru a network of guest authors.

 

Title: geoDefense
Category: Games
Author: Dean

geoDefenseLogo A few days ago a friend told me about this awesome new app called geoDefense by Critical Thought Games. At first glance I thought it was just another Tower Defense (TD) game, but after downloading it, I immediately became hooked. If you are not familiar with Tower Defense, the object is very simple, destroy creeps on a path using special towers before they reach the end. But even if you have played numerous TD games before, you have never played anything quite like this!

The developers have really worked hard in the design and graphics of geoDefense. The game is filled with a collection of amazing neon lights and effects. While playing, be prepared for a true shock and awe experience. As each creep is destroyed you will experience thousands of particles racing across your screen, while at the same time see spectacular 3D ripple effects. Now imagine killing 10 creeps at once, the effects on your screen all at once are simply mind blowing.

geoDef2  geoDef7  geoDef8

geoDefense stays true to the style of Tower Defense, however at the same time is vastly superior to any TD games currently on the market. geoDefense contains 3 difficulty modes, each with 10 fun levels for a total of 30 unique and challenging maps. Additionally, you get 5 upgradeable towers, each with their own special features.

geoDef1   geoDef4

During the first few levels of the game, you will be assisted by screens that will show you how to play, what each tower does and the occasional gameplay strategy. During every level, geoDefense will keep you on your toes and throughout the entire game, you will be fighting hordes of creeps. Higher levels in geoDefense pose as a real challenge even to the best of TD style games and the smallest mistake could easily cause you to loose.

One last thing about geoDefense is it’s stability. Even though there can be thousands of different particles zooming across your screen at once, the game never lags. During the few days that I have played it, I have never once had my iPod Touch crash or seen any drops in performance. I have also never been required to restart my device before playing. geoDefense is solidly built, flawless, fun, and simply amazing.

 

At only $0.99, geoDefense [App Store] is a must buy no-brainer, must buy app!

antikrappssealv2gif EDITOR’S NOTE: Playing this game is completely insane! You talk about a WOW factor … geoDefense is all WOW all the time. It’s like an endless firework show. Heck with gameplay, they could sell this bad bunny as the “The Show That Never Ends” app – a continuous firework show with jaw-dropping graphics and visual effects. Huge props to Critical Thought Games for bringing such quality to the App Store. At 99 cents, just download it now – no thinking is necessary! This game absolutely floored us, thus making geoDefense 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified.

March 24, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, Games, Guest Authors | 8 Comments 

Deal With It

No-Whiners! A pet peeve here at KRAPPS are app descriptions that encourage users to leave positive reviews. These developers (or their bonehead Marketing folks) attempt every spin to get positive reviews … “don’t be negative for no reason in your comments” … “if there is a problem with this app, do not leave a review, rather email us” … “bad reviews can really hurt sales” … one developer even went as far as saying that YOU, the user, are responsible for crashing the app.

Come on folks … quit coding and use your head for some other form of intelligent thought … any product released to the public WILL get some lousy reviews … it’s impossible to satisfy everyone … so why put a bigger target on your back by pleading for positive reviews? … release your product, be proud of it, get the inevitable bad reviews, deal with it and move on (like my designer once said when dealing with the public/clients – “be emotionless”). It’s a pretty simple formula … have thick skin … say to yourself, “I don’t give a KRAPPS” … and come on, stop the school girl whining … “please, please, please – please don’t give me app a bad review – pleeeeaaasssseee don’t – PLEEEEAAASSSEEEE!”

It baffles us that, Air-O-Matic, the developers of the Sticky Notes, applied such whine tactics for positive reviews … granted it’s a clever whine … but an annoying one never the less:

StickyAppDesc

StickyAppRatings Sticky Notes is one of those to-do/note applications like Evernote, You Note or Remember  The Milk … but with cool/unique feature … the app reminds you of an upcoming task by replacing your wallpaper to a sticky note wallpaper with your reminder message on it … brilliant! And the public agrees – 6 reviews, averaging 4 stars … solid stuff. So why? … why? why? must you KRAPPS up your app with this phase 4 whine? Publish your app – if you happen to get KRAPPS – deal with it.

March 24, 2009 | Filed Under Utilities | 14 Comments 

Could’ve Been Ugly

lesdeux1 Wow! What a weekend … talk about nuts. Party- Party – Party … oh yeah, we da cool party people … checking out all the hot hunnies while we do the clubbing scene. Need to drink lots of water today … head is still full of cobwebs – ouch. Heck, can’t even remember half the things we did … like everything is in a fog. But it’s all good … we da cool party people.

And boy did we get lucky this weekend. There’s this app that came out on Friday and we’re telling you – it totally saved our butts. Without this app, who knows what might of happened this weekend. It could have gotten really ugly (and we mean that literally – ha! ha! – we cool).

You see, the gifted developers at Hive Mind released an app which no cool party people should be without … it’s called Beer Goggles and it helps determine if you are too drunk to judge the physical attributes/attractiveness of a chicka (sorry ladies, hunks not included in this app … guess Hive Mind figures that men are pigs and will hit on anything with a pulse). Thankfully Beer Goggles was just in time for  our cool party weekend of clubbing.

So check it … we were kicking at the ultra-trendy Hollywood nightclub, Les Deux (it’s the one where Katy Perry, Rhianna, Britney and all the other cool party celebs hang at … we hang with them all … not that we are name droppers or anything – ha! ha! – we cool). It was getting late (we were smashed), last call in 20 minutes, and we were having no luck with the hunnies – not even landing digits. So we saw this babe … just mind boggling smoking hot … sizzzzzzle … and we wanted to approach her. But then a brief moment of sobriety hit us … we decided to whip out our new Beer Goggles app and take the test as described:

BGDesc

Well guess what … we failed the test … we were wearing beer goggles. But even though we failed, we really won, because as Hive Mind states … we dodged an uncomfortable morning and an awkward walk of shame. So HUGE thanks to Hive Mind … these guys saved our butt and helped us literally avoid an UGLY situation. But it’s all good … we are still the party people – ha! ha! – we cool.

BG1  BG2  BG3

March 23, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 41 Comments 

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