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Let’s Talk About Sex Baby, The Apple Way [Video]
This is for all you Apple fanboys … those who iEat, iSleep and iBreathe Apple. The only way you know how to iCommunicate … with iDevices.
Explaining iSexuality – the Apple way …
Recap: Week Of May 17 – plus Steve Jobs Had Wicked Body Odor & Other Fun Facts
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
May 17: iPhone Moves Nuts, Dominoes And Other Stuff With This Useful App
May 18: Stick Skater – Insane, Addictive & Realistic iPhone Skateboarding Game
May 19: Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates – Geeks At Play [Comic]
May 20: BOINK – Using Bump Technology For Sex
May 21: Farting Grandmas Prove Apple’s Commitment To Quality Apps
May 22: KRAPPS of Defense! – Crap Of Defense Review (Redundant)
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Steve Jobs Had Wicked Body Odor … And Other Fun Facts
Steve Jobs – the Man, the Myth, the Legend. You might know him as the co-founder and CEO of Apple … but did you know that he was a college dropout? … or he had wicked BO? … or he wears a size 14 shoe?
Check out the infographic below from Online School for more whacky Steve Jobs facts.
KRAPPS of Defense! – Crap Of Defense Review (Redundant)
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
I’m calling bait and switch on the developer’s of Crap of Defense [iTunes]. See, they lead off their description with "This is worst game ever!" and then they deliver a solid & entertaining tower defense game. Emphasis on the singular tower – you only get one tank cannon to face off against wave after wave of enemies delivered in a unique, hand-drawn style.
Featuring two separate campaigns, the original and the recently added Winter Assault as well as two modes of play, Missions and Survival and three different levels of difficulty, this one will keep you entertained for quite a while. That single cannon also gets an assist from an impressive number of battlefield power-ups and special weaponry types that show up from time to time. If you’re falling behind, you’d better hope that an airstrike or armaggedon power-up becomes available to turn the tide in your favor.
In the Missions mode, you are faced with a series of different goals – clearing each one unlocks the next dossier of destruction. Depending on your skill and performance, you may also obtain achievement medals to proudly display. Some of the missions are easy, but they quickly progress in difficulty. Utilizing the special weapons and power-ups to their full potential can be the key to victory.
In the Survival mode, you are tasked with dropping as many enemy units as possible before a certain number of them get through. As you level up, the enemy assault ramps up along with you. Fingers will have to fly furiously to stay in the game.
Perhaps the hot weather here in AZ is the reason, but the Winter Assault campaign has become my favorite. Each campaign offers different types of enemies, power-ups and goals. The game also sports appropriately quirky sound effects and music that sounds like it belongs in a war-time newsreel.
Farting Grandmas Prove Apple’s Commitment To Quality Apps
“Intermediate layers between the platform and the developer ultimately produces sub-standard apps and hinders the progress of the platform.”
The above quote is from Steve Jobs in response to TaoEffect CEO Greg Slepak. In layman’s terms … developers can only write iPhone apps using Apple approved languages (Objective-C). Now if you read between the lines … Apple is basically saying Adobe Flash sucks. By banning Flash from the iPhone, Apple is ensuring quality applications.
LMAO … avoiding sub-standard apps? … ensuring quality? WTF Apple … pay attention to KRAPPS, where we avoid the sub-standard and only review the highest quality the App Store has to offer … like Farting Grandmas.
Sure you can’t have Flash on your iPhone … but you can take comfort in watching grandmas fart. Sub-standard app? Nah … not on the revolutionary iPhone!
BOINK – Using Bump Technology For Sex
Ever hear of Bump? No … we’re not talking about the 1970s dance fad of bumping hips … we’re talking iPhone app. Bump is a very cool data swapping application released in March 2009. To use Bump, simply hold your iPhone and “bump” hands with another Bump user (sort of like a “fist bump” or “knuckles”) to instantly exchange contact information, photos or even become Facebook friends.
Recently the developers of Bump opened up their iPhone API … in non-geek terms that means anyone can now use the mobile data swapping technology in their own apps. For example, the PayPal iPhone app is equipped with Bump technology … you can now pay someone money just by banging iPhones.
Bump really is awesome … but we know what you’re thinking … exchanging phone numbers, photos or even paying someone money = BORING! Well whatever, let us introduce you to a more titillating application powered by Bump … BOINK.
Categorized as a social networking app, BOINK is the latest and greatest in high tech hook-up. With BOINK, users are assured to find their ideal sexmate … just input your sexual preferences, BOINK with potential mates and find out if you’re a match. As the app’s descriptions says …
No more wasting time with partners that don’t like the same things you do or share similar fetishes. Now you can know what you are getting into before you even unzip your pants.
Since sexual preferences play an integral role of finding the ideal booty call, BOINK has 6 categories of bedroom bliss … Kissing, Foreplay, Oral, Sex Style, Positions and Fetishes. Within each category, there are a number of “activities” which the user rates … Oral activities include giving, receiving and anilingus … while Fetishes include candle wax, whips and urination.
LMAO, people boinking iPhones to solicit intercourse … oh my, what has Apple done?!? One word of advice … a strong like for the whole urination fetish thing – probably won’t get you many boinks … better off seeking a pee-pee partner on Craigslist.
Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates – Geeks At Play [Comic]
Three years ago, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates made a rare joint appearance at The Wall Street Journal’s All Things Digital 5 conference. In this interview, Jobs and Gates discuss their various contributions to the technology industry, the qualities they most respect in one another and other topics. Listening to the two most influential figures in technology is absolutely amazing … we highly recommend you check it out. Click here to view the highlight reel of the awesome Jobs/Gates interview at D5.
HA …. but Jobs and Gates should’ve know better. The Internet can be a twisted place … especially with such high profile geeks like Jobs and Gates. The folks at Sad And Useless have prepared a “Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates” comic template … originating from D5 joint interview. The possibilities are endless … below are a few of our favorites.
(Click here to download the “Jobs vs. Gates” template for your own creative purposes.)
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Stick Skater – Insane, Addictive & Realistic iPhone Skateboarding Game
If you’ve been paying attention to the App Store’s top paid and free iPhone app rankings, you’ll notice that a certain stick figure game has recently rocketed to the top of each chart. And for good reason – Stick Skater is an addictive skateboarding-themed side scroller containing a whopping 30 different levels … over 1,000 different trick combinations … and five world famous skate locations. At one point, the free Stick Skater Lite [iTunes Free] was the #1 overall free app, while the full version Stick Skater [iTunes $0.99] sat in the #2 spot for overall paid apps.
The beauty of Stick Skater (aside from its ridiculously low price of 99 cents) is the fact that it’s easy to play … yet hard to master. This Ying and Yang nature of the game makes Stick Skater extremely challenging and addicting. We’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time playing Stick Man … and currently attempting to complete level 26, Wilshire.
Similar to Canabalt, Stick Skater requires players to get past certain obstacles … but instead of just jumping over them (boring), users perform radical skateboard tricks. Don’t jump a trash can … clear it by sticking a gnarly Popshuvit. Stair rails become the perfect place to throw down a killer Frontside Boardslide. You can Ollie, Nollie, Kick or 360 Flip … like we said, over 1,000 different trick combinations.
There are five coins to collect at each level. The player’s score is based on coins collected, coupled with how well tricks are landed. For the agro competitive freaks, there is an online leaderboard located at the Stick Skater website.
Within Stick Skater, there are two different game modes based on difficulty level, each having a unique control. The basic mode features a general trick button that when pressed, performs a random trick. In the advanced mode, the player slides the trick button in one of eight directions to lay down a different trick. Both modes have a push button that increases your speed … essential for clearing obstacles and gaps. Game controls are very intuitive and easy to use … you’ll be landing all sorts of insane tricks in no time.
Stick Skater was developed and published by Traction Games (an Indie development house) who are skaters themselves. Their goal was to create a realistic skateboarding game which would appeal to both hardcore skaters and non-skaters alike … while paying tribute to top skateboarding spots such as Hollywood, Dogtown, Carlsbad, Wilshire and Love Park.
Even though Stick Skater appears to be a fairly basic stick-based platform game, there is a lot of attention to detail that the skate community appreciates. Skater forums are giving positive feedback regarding game physics, trick animation, replication of skate spots, etc.
Traction Games has definitely accomplished its goal … Stick Skater is a realistic skateboarding game that absolutely rocks. And judging by its high App Store ranking, has a broad appeal. Stick Skater [iTunes $0.99] is a total steal at 99 cents … and without a doubt, 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified!
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