-
-
-
-
Search
SUBSCRIBE
-
Recently Written
- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
-
Categories
-
Archives
- August 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- November 2009
- October 2009
- September 2009
- August 2009
- July 2009
- June 2009
- May 2009
- April 2009
- March 2009
- February 2009
- January 2009
- December 2008
-
Keg Stand Brilliance And iPhone Apps
Ideas are like opinions, everyone has one (or is that “ideas are like assholes, everyone has one” … oh, our bad … “opinions are like assholes” … whatever). Some ideas are brilliant … some are just plain dumb. The light bulb that went off in your head during your 13th keg stand of the evening … probably not a good idea.
> Helicopter Ejection Seat – not a good idea (think about
it, the blades would F you up).
> PiPiP – Picture in Picture (PiP) good idea, beyond
that, sucks to watch ants.
> Knee High Tube Socks – just plain wrong … our opinion of course.
> NFL Wednesday Morning Football – not so much for those Regis And Kelly addicted
stay- at-home moms.
Keg stand induced iPhone apps … bad idea?
iNeedle
Nothing like a 4+ rated app simulating the pumping action of a syringe. Last memo we received stated kids shouldn’t be running with scissors or playing with needles. Plus come one … are these needles even sterile – dirty needles are just bad news! Oh – and those user comments begging for customizable vials … shut up crack heads – go enjoy the Cannabis app.
Lice!
Ewww … head, body and pubic lice are just freaking gross! Grosser than cock roaches? Uh yeah, cock roaches don’t live and eat your skin. And you know that itchy feeling you get when you see certain types or bugs and shit … well be prepared for that wonderful sensation after playing this app. We’re still itching and scratching from reviewing this app last week … please send Vitamin E to help with the scaring – this sucks.
Meat Clock
Meat is cool … we like meat … we eat meat … but that’s about it. Look, there’s no need for meat furniture, meat suits, meat purses, meat iPod cases … and certainly no need for a Meat Clock. Sorry, this is not sexy … this is animal.
iSausage
Coming in at a mild G-Rated 4+ … iSausage. Wrong name – should be iPhallic. Give it a shake … and the penis … ERRRR … the wiener jiggles. Give it another shake, it jiggles. Give it another shake, it jiggles. Give it another shake, it jiggles … yeah, you get the idea. This is the kind of stuff that Steve Jobs was referring to when he proclaimed the App Store as revolutionary. Go download iSausage now – everyone needs to display a penis icon … ERRR … a wiener icon on their iPhone.
More Rejections From Apple – I Can Has Cheezburger
We have a new pastime! Besides uncovering the biggest Sacks Of Suck in the App Store, we enjoy sharing the Dumbest Of Dumbass app rejections by Apple. It’s sort of like collecting baseball cards … we find apps that were rejected for the most moronic rationale (Minipops, Hotdog Down A Hallway, etc.) and display them in our baseball card album … 
errr … KRAPPS web site. A fun and entertaining little hobby … thanks Apple!
Our latest reject derives from the extremely popular I Can Has Cheezburger (ICHC) network of humor web sites … stuff like
FAIL Blog, Lolcats, etc. The ICHC app launched October 2008 as an extension of the network and displays content from all nine ICHC sites. The app is
uber-slick and developer Mike Cohen did a kick ass job coding it.
Now like any good developer, Mike was not satisfied with his first release. So in June, he submitted an update to Apple which would add a bunch of really cool features like Shake To Shuffle, Movie Support and more. But similar to many of his comrades … Apple delivered their famous epic nut shot squarely in Mike’s balls. Why? Because Apple determined that the images within the ICHC app are not suitable for kids under the age of 17:
Thank you for submitting I Can Has Cheezburger (Ad Free) to the App Store. We’ve reviewed I Can Has Cheezburger (Ad Free) and determined that we cannot post this version of your iPhone application to the App Store at this time because it is not appropriately rated. Our review indicates that the application content is not consistent with the current rating because it contains sexual content and mature or suggestive themes.
Please visit iTunes Connect to resubmit your binary and rate your application appropriately.
The kind folks at Apple forwarded a few images (see below) they felt were not age appropriate to ICHC’s current 9+ rating – all originating from the FAIL Blog site.
Fair enough … if Apple feels this material is not appropriate for 9+, so be it. But it sucks they were initially cool with the app being rated 9+, only to change their mind during a routine update approval. But whatever … developer Mike rolled with the punches and came up with a great solution – since the questionable content was from the FAIL Blog site, he added a code which filtered content to display only G-Rated material. A creative and brilliant solution 
that would even make Apple smile …. NOT!
Mike received basically the same rejection letter from Apple, stating the content is frequently mature and suggestive in nature and thus should be rated 17+. Apple failed to include any examples of the offensive material, leaving Mike thinking – “WTF” … it’s like Apple didn’t even review the app the second time … even Mickey Freaking Mouse would love this
G-Rated version and pimp it to all his 9 year old Mouseketeers. Not exactly sure why Mike needed to be kicked in his balls again when all he did was follow Apple’s rules. Obviously a 17+ rating would tank the app, not to mention there are significant problems developers face with a 17+ rated app … Shut Up Mike! No Update For You!
Unfortunately, Mike is not the only victim of dipshit Apple rejections. Developers are becoming increasingly confused, discouraged and pissed off. So what’s a dev to do? … develop Android apps as (Fake) Steve Jobs suggests (read his hysterical article)? Perhaps, but a group of resourceful folks are debating an Act of Solidarity to send Apple the message that their approval process sucks big time. Will they be heard? Will it be enough? Who knows … but it’s pretty pathetic that Apple’s lifeline (the dev’s) has to even consider this grassroots approach. Something is broken, why won’t Apple just fix the damn thing?
The Yin And Yang Of iPhone Sex Apps
Ok, enough with the fun and games … there can only be so much Dancing Bacon Man, Ow My Balls, HornyMeter or Race Car Piles Of Poop. Silly is fine … but balance is essential. So today, we get all mind ninja on you … let’s dive into Chinese philosophy and discuss the concept of Yin and Yang. Oh don’t worry … it won’t be “CRAZY mind shit ninja” – it’ll just be “BASIC mind shit ninja”. After all, this is the iPhone App Store we’re talking about … pretty mindless drivel for the most part.
So Yin and Yang … per Wikipedia: “yin and yang are complementary opposites within a greater whole. Many natural dualities – e.g. dark and light, female and male, low and high – are cast in Chinese thought as yin yang.”
Alrighty then – so in a high level nutshell … Opposite Forces In The Universe. And WTF does this have to do with iPhone apps? LOL … well just check out these two “Natural App Store Dualities” and you’ll totally understand the concept of Yin And Yang.
Casual Sex – Promiscuous Sex … oh it’s so good, isn’t it? One night stands … no emotional attachments … friends with benefits … hooking up anytime, anywhere. Oh and those late night booty calls – the bomb! Makes you feel like Da Shid. And why not … you bang, you leave … you ROCK. And since you rock it, what you really need is the Booty Gong app … made for Superstar Shagger like yourself. Like you and your boinking lifestyle, Booty Gong has one sole purpose … to announce you just completed a successful booty call.
LOL … Booty Gong. LOL … Casual Sex. LOL … One Night Stands. Yeah, whatever freaks – have fun with your venereal disease. Go ahead and bang all you want … the real deal is purity … saving yourself until marriage. Purity is a lifestyle commitment based on the Purity Pledge. A type of personal and spiritual belief that one carries privately in their heart and soul. Ahh, screw it … all the cool Purity kids have bitchin’ iPhones, so we pure peeps need a bitchin’ PurityRing app.
And on a final note … party with the Booty Gong and PurityRing developers at Casa de KRAPPS … LOL, that outta be one uncomfortable riot of an evening.
Recap: Week Of July 13
In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.
July 13: An Official Viagra App? Stickmen Invasion? Huh? – this one leaves us totally confused
July 14: For The Ladies, The “Stop Talking To My Breasts” App – is eye contact really overrated?
July 15: Sizzling Pork Porn – An iPhone Bacon Roundup – remember, bacon is meat candy
July 16: If 30,000 Users Say This App Sucks, Why Is It #1? – a closer look at the #1 Free App
July 17: Pork Brains In Milk Gravy – This App Comes Close – so freaking crazy and bizzare, we thought this app was a joke
July 18: LMAO Video From FlyChat – a must see promo video!
Thank You KRAPPS Sponsors
We would like to take a brief timeout to thank our valued sponsors. Without their support, there would be no KRAPPS (uh, that doesn’t sound right). All these peeps are solid folks, have quality products and we’re proud to be aligned with them. So support KRAPPS, show our sponsors some love … you’ll become a better person.
Be Seen With KRAPPS
KRAPPS is the only web site dedicated to iPhone humor and fun. Take advantage of our unique niche by advertising on KRAPPS. We offer four different sponsorship packages to ensure participation at every budget level. Contact us at info@KRAPPS.com to receive our media kit, rate card and to secure your advertising placement.
—————————————————————————————————————————-
Ow My Balls!
Ow My Balls! is a hysterical iPhone game centered around the mishaps of Joe The Juggler. Kick Juggler Joe off the ledge of a tall building … and he cries out – “OW MY BALLS!” As Joe falls, hit objects to score points and ignite the fart jetpack to make him travel the longest distance possible before making impact with the ground and crying out -
“OW MY BALLS!” This high quality game contains outstanding hand-drawn graphics, hilarious custom recorded sounds and user-friendly controls. Plus you have the ability to record your own “OW MY BALLS!” sound effect to use within the game. A bargain at only 99 cents … click here to purchase OW MY BALLS via iTunes or read our extensive review.
iFight Pro
This app is a blast! To really appreciate iFight Pro [iTunes], click here and take a quick look at a demonstration video – it’s really cool. Combine a handgun, rifle, shotgun, slap, whip, gong, sword or punch with one of the eight background music tracks – and you’ll be awarded with a pure quality, enormously fun iPhone app.
100sounds
There’s a reason 100sounds [iTunes] is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site, be sure to check out the hysterical user-submitted videos or click here to read our detailed review.
DrinkTracker – The Breathalyzer iPhone App
Don’t drink and drive! True words, but easier said than done. This is where DrinkTracker [iTunes] comes into play – your personal “alcohol conscious” – helping you to drink responsibly. DrinkTracker calculates your blood alcohol content (BAC) based on your profile and updates every 60 seconds. This is an extremely feature-rich breathalyzer app and at $1.99, a no-brainer bargain buy. Click here for our review or visit the DrinkTracker site for complete details and a fantastic demo video.
99 Games
99 Games is an exceptional game developer cranking out such iPhone classics as WordsWorth (ranked as high #1 in the word game category), Chess Pro, Chess Lite, Aqua Jigsaw, and Jigsaw Wild. Their latest offering is Wordulous … an anagram like no others: multiple modes, global scores, Facebook Connect and more. 99 Games is committed to building only the highest quality and most entertaining games possible … all at affordable prices. Click here for our review.
LMAO Video From FlyChat
Yesterday, one of the strangest, most bizarre applications arrived in the iPhone App Store … the flyChat app. It has something to do with sending messages to random strangers via buzzing flies within flyChat’s unique social network. Weird stuff … which we haven’t took the time to quite digest (“I know an old lady who swallowed a fly –
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly” – it’s a kiddy story, come on, never heard of it?). If you want to check more of flyChat out, TechCrunch and Mashable have good write ups … and of course you can visit flyChat’s site where you’ll find detailed (way geeky) diagrams about this messenger fly thing.
Now the point of this story is not to discuss flyChat … but to share the equally bizarre, strange and disturbing flyChat promo video. Again, not really sure WTF they are talking about … but the Fly In A Suit character is freaking nuts and the Old Deaf Man plays an equally entertaining supporting actor role. Crazy funny shit from flyChat! …
HELLO – McFLY?!? (it’s a movie, come on, never heard of it?)
Pork Brains In Milk Gravy – This App Comes Close
Have you ever heard something so incredibly ridiculous that you thought for sure it was a joke … only it turns out to be true? Take this BS for example … dude suffering from headaches finds a bullet in his head … WTH – true! Or did you know no matter how hard you try to tickle yourself, you won’t laugh … WTH – true! Pork brains in milk gravy … WTH – true! Scuba divers can’t fart at depths of 33 feet or below … WTH – true!
So we came across this app called Pork Brains In Milk Gravy … no, no, no – just kidding! What we really did come across is an app that’s so completely insane we had to get a second and third opinion. We simply could not believe it … we totally thought it was a joke. But no, just like scuba farts … this ain’t no joke. This is HangTime baby!
WTF is this? … “measure how high you can throw your iPhone” … uh, somebody is “high” alright with that request. Sure, we’re dumbasses … we’ll launch our $300 iPhone towards Mars and hope to God we catch the damn thing before it shatters into zillion pieces. Freaking A – is this an episode of Jackass? But apparently it’s all true … shit, these badass HangTime users even videotape themselves in the act …
In Your Face! – New World Record, Biatch! – Chicks dig me cuz I play HangTime! And the online scoring thing is brilliant – the numbers are hysterical. … there are running counters for the number of iPhones thrown in the air (currently 594), number of times iPhones have been thrown (27,376) and time iPhones have spent in freefall (8,844 seconds). Dave Hufnagel is the single throw leader at 1 minute 7 seconds. Damn, dude must have a bionic arm … LOL, uh no … freak actually took the iPhone skydiving with him and now trash talks all other HangTime challengers.
So the “unaided” single throw leader is Tee Jay Green at 5.95 seconds. Now we admit it, being freaks ourselves, we tried this HangTime krapp … our best time was 1.41 seconds and that was tossing the thing pretty freaking high. So we can’t even imagine 5.95 seconds … TJ, bro – you are complete kook! But actually, Tee Jay is already a legend. In the first 28 days of owning the app … he has 4 of the Top 10 scores, has thrown his iPhone 2,072 times for a total is 545 seconds. LOL … that’s nearly 10 minutes of air time, averaging 74 throws a day! WTH TJ … stop training for the Olympics – iPhone tossing is not an event.
We think the best part of this story is the approval angle. So Apple reviewed HangTime one day after it was submitted. Because of the global high score functionality, HangTime recorded the actual throws and location of the Apple employee (0.59 seconds = wussy!) reviewing the app. Then it took Apple EIGHT MONTHS to finally approve it! They must have been really confused with this one … “no boobs – what do we do?” … priceless … LOL.
Just a word of caution, because we know most of you will go out and try to kick Tee Jay’s ass in HangTime … please throw your iPhone responsibly and under no circumstance attempt to enjoy HangTime under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Thank you for your attention in this matter. Godspeed!
-
-
-
-
Social KRAPPS
-
-
-
-
Email
Twitter
FriendFeed
Flickr
YouTube
