How To Get Your Ass Kicked

Title: Respect My Authoriti!
Category: Lifestyle

RespectAuthoritiIcon Caution! Please note, this is a very powerful app and should be utilized carefully and  responsibly.

The purpose of this app is to give the user the respect they deserve. For RespectAuthoritiScreen example, if someone confronts you in a threatening manner, simply take out your iPhone, launch the Respect My Authoriti! app and show the individual who is harassing you the app’s badge. This will send a clear message that you have power, demand respect and ultimately the threatening situation should subside. I can see this app being quite handy  say in a biker bar filled with the meanest and biggest SOB’s on the planet. So relax, have a drink at Harry’s Biker Bar, no worries about getting your ass kicked, you have the Respect My Authoriti! app.

I think it’s best if you simply read the app’s description. It will give you a clearer understanding and quite frankly, provides a very amusing read … I can’t even make this stuff up:

Feelin’ ignored? Is “The Man” gettin’ you down? Need to show ’em who’s in charge and just don’t know how? Well, then thank your lucky stars that you just found the answer to these problems. Respect My Authoriti! shows those miscreant fools who’s running things and makes ’em cower in fear of your awesome display of obvious authority.

 

Respect My Authoriti! is simple to use. Select either a male or female voice and then choose which badge of authority will work best on your targets. Includes a shield similar to those used by police departments, a star similar to those used by sheriffs departments, and an ID badge that resembles those used by federal agents.

 

The next time some fool crosses your path and challenges you, just whip out your iPhone or iPod Touch, launch Respect My Authoriti!, and show ’em your badge. If presented with enough force your voice of authority will audibly play to reinforce your demand for respect.

 

Please remember this application is for the purpose of entertainment only. Impersonating an officer of law or other official is illegal in most jurisdictions. Be smart and have fun. And don’t forget to share the Authoriti with your friends! I mean, doesn’t everyone needs a little respect?

So I think that about sums it up … enough said.

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January 26, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 2 Comments 

App Eat App

Title: WeatherX
Category: Weather

Apparently WeatherX developer, Karim Dhanani, has bone to pick with customers who leave negative reviews in the App Store. You see, Karim has declared himself the “App Store Review Police” and threatens to report aggressors to Apple demanding the individual be banished. OUCH! … harsh KRAPPS!

WeatherX-Desc

nospam Karim uses the term “spam” – which we find strange. We’ve seen negative reviews where users compare the offending KRAPPS to an app which they prefer – but to claim this is “spam” (a developer pimping their own app while unfairly slamming another) is a bit paranoid. Not exactly sure why the paranoia. He’s released 5 apps (WeatherX, WeatherLive, CDCAlert, MedicalAlert and Quicklink) and the only customer review remotely looking like spam appears in the WeatherLive review:

WeatherX-Review2

So does Karim think customer Gold Prime is really My Weather Mobile since Gold Prime gives his opinion as “My Weather Mobile is still the best weather app”. Wow – Da Horror! Karim might be on to some dark evil scheme by My Weather Mobile to destroy all other iPhone weather apps. Guess it’s an App Eat App World out there in Developer Geekland.

madgeek LOL … dude needs to chill. I mean come on – how can you be so pissed that the opening line in your WeatherX description is about this spamming nonsense. Is this really the first impression you want to give your potential customers … that you are Mr. Pissed Off Paranoid App Developer Dude? Seriously, got a beef … blog it … twitter it … hell, start a “My Weather Mobile App Sucks” Facebook group … but putting it in your WeatherX description is freaking madness. Makes me want to buy the app and leave a KRAPPS/spam review just to mess with good old Karim. And for the record, WeatherX looks promising and has some cool features, but it’s tough download this angry app when I can install more peaceful, loving and kind apps like Koi Pond or Zen Garden … hint, hint Karim … you might want to do the same.

January 23, 2009 | Filed Under Weather | 18 Comments 

Attention Slackers!

Title: Hold The Button
Category: Games

Hold The Button Screen This one is so amazing, we had to re-read the description several times to let it sink in. We do not want to take credit for its brilliance, so here is the app’s actual description:

“Hold The Button will put to the test your stamina … As it’s name states, Hold The Button’s objective is to keep the button pressed as long as you can. Your reflexes and other speed-related abilities won’t help you in this game, you’ll have to learn to empty your mind if you want to achieve a high score … This is Hold The Button. Too simple? Maybe, but will you be one of the World’s Top 25?”

So to recap … the objective of Hold The Button is to press the button with your finger and not let go … EVER! See, we told you … freaking brilliant! This is the kind of stuff that puts other apps to shame. Screw Google Earth when you can get Hold The Button! Simply genius – slackers need not apply for this app. Hold The Button – the anti-KRAPPS of the iPhone apps!

January 22, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 1 Comment 

The Fight Against KRAPPS

Title: iFight
Category: Entertainment

update: all iFight download codes have been claimed – thank you

iFightiPhoneGIF350 Afrim Kacaj is a common man. He has a Ying – He has a Yang (we’ll talk ying here and cover his yang in another article – no pun intended). Afrim lives in New York City, has a job, pays taxes, gets a haircut and like most iPhone users … thinks there are too many KRAPPS in the App Store. But unlike the common iPhone user, Afrim decided to take matters into his own hands and lead the fight against KRAPPS. He cleverly released the iFight app along with the slogan, “fight against the fart apps”.

So how exactly is iFight battling KRAPPS? I’ll let Afrim explain:

Did a friend just lay an iFart? Unleash the whip on them with iFight. Another friend drinking a virtual beer with his iPhone? Give him a slap with iFight for being stupid. The possibilities are endless. Made in New York City!

Uh, note to self … don’t piss off Afrim. However somebody has got to break the news to him … you can’t fight KRAPPS with KRAPPS – releasing a KRAPPS to fight KRAPPS is well, KRAPPS … simply put, two wrongs don’t make a right. Ok, I’m out … gotta bail before Afrim bitch slaps me with his iPhone. But I’ll leave you with this iFight combat training video:

… shhhhhh, be very quite – I’m hiding from Afrim. Just snuck back to quickly smack Apple upside the head with my iFight app. Ok, I get “copy apps”: over 48 fart apps, endless tic-tac-toe apps, flashlights, tip calculators, etc. But damn, this is really going to piss off Afrim … Apple approved the iFight! app … yeah, look closely … WTF Apple … a single exclamation point is enough of a “non-duplicate” difference? Weak!

ifight-copy-app

Free iFight app to KRAPPS viewers!

Afrim was kind enough to provide KRAPPS with promo codes which will allow our viewers to download iFight for FREE. Be one of the first 5 readers to tweet on Twitter:

got iPhone? follow and visit @KRAPPS. outing whacky, weird, stupid & strange apps for your entertainment > http://KRAPPS.com

We will then direct message you the download code while supplies last. Make sure you follow us on Twitter – @KRAPPS – so we can direct message you the code.

Second Chance Offer – once all 5 codes have been claimed, we will announce on Twitter details for part 2 of this giveaway … stay tuned at Twitter.

January 21, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 10 Comments 

Giveaway – East Coast Style

update: promo codes have been claimed. additional codes will be given away via Twitter.

Washington-Metro-Subway-iPh Presselite has been kind enough to provide KRAPPS with promo codes which will allow our viewers to download the Washington Metro Subway and New York Transit Subway apps for FREE (regular price $5.99).

Click here for details about the Washington Metro Subway app
Click here for details about the New York Transit app

We will announce on Twitter when the giveaway begins. When announcement is made, tweet the following:

got iPhone? follow and visit @KRAPPS. outing whacky, weird, stupid & strange apps for your entertainment > http://KRAPPS.com

We will then direct message you the download code while supplies last. Make sure you follow us on Twitter – @KRAPPS – so we can direct message you the code.

January 20, 2009 | Filed Under Navigation, News | Leave a Comment 

YOU Suck!

Title: rRootage
Category: Games

rRootageIcon rRootage is a classic galactic shooter game originally written by Kenta Cho and ported to the iPhone by developer Lazrhog Games. Supposedly a decent app, although there are no sound effects which is a fairly big omission in a shooter game.

There is an additional blunder, not with the app’s functionality, rather the developer’s attitude. Seems these geeks either did not take Business 101 in college or were too busy focusing on their techie core classes to pay attention during lectures covering the Quality Customer Service chapter of their Intro To Business text book.

I guess Lazrhog Games has a huge problem with the App Store user review system and to some extent, rightfully so … but that is a debate for another blog … here at KRAPPS, we’ll focus on Lazrhog’s public rant in the app’s description … standing on their soapbox, Lazrhog Games proclaims:

Please don’t just be negative for no reason in comments. Negative comments can destroy a game’s/application’s downloads, as I have already seen. Especially if people incorrectly state that a game ‘crashed my iPhone’. Invariably the problem is YOU and not the game/app.

rRootageScreen WTF? I’m the problem? I caused my iPhone to crash? Wow … my bad! I guess that whole  deal where Steve Jobs acknowledges an app crash bug and vows to provide a fix isn’t really applicable since I am the problem. Hey Nordstrom department stores! – you got it all wrong with your “customer first” philosophy. An even worse offender is Zappos as they are freaks about their customer service approach. Shame on Nordstrom! Shame on Zappos! – your customers are the problem!

Actually Lazrhog, to a certain extent I agree … the problem is not rRootage … it’s not your customers … it’s not Apple … it’s not a crashed iPhone …YOU Lazrhog are the problem – still don’t get it? Go download and carefully listen to the free audio book Tribal Leadership … pay attention, you actually might learn something this time.

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January 20, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 18 Comments 

More Boobies

We never thought it would become a habit to write about iPhone boobs, but we call ‘em like we see ‘em. As reported yesterday’s Boobies, Farts & Flashlights article, an iPhone breast jiggling simulator was released … Wobble.

ijiggles-icon Similar to the deluge of fart apps, another boobie app has appeared … iJiggles. Is this a sign of things to come? Like farts, will boobies be the new flavor of the month and flood the App Store? Who knows … but I find it very clever that developers positioned these apps as “photo distortion software” in efforts to circumvent Apple’s acceptance guidelines. But come on … we all know that boys will be boys and there really is only one use for Wobble and iJiggles … bouncing boobs.

Also interesting are the two versions of iJiggles screenshots … the G-rated cute baby version … and the PG-13 girl hold watermelons version.

ijiggle-screen-1v2        iJiggles-scree-PG13

Special thanks to YouTube member eugene4023 for informing us of his demonstration videos below … when watching, remember … boys will be boys.

 

 

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January 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 2 Comments 

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