Sexy Apple

snoop64 Sorry folks … we realize that lately there’s been a lot of sexed-up app coverage on KRAPPS. But we can’t help it. As we stated yesterday, some Apple executive is riding high on the Viagra Gone Wild plane and there’s been a massive rush of sexy apps over the past few weeks. Not exactly sure what’s going on at The Mothership, but Apple has seriously been acting like dogs in heat … woof! woof! Dogg!

Anyways … no clue how long this Viagra induced Apple sexfest will last, so we’ll run down a few more of these sexploitation apps and then do our best to put a moratorium on the topic.

Ok … so here’s a helpful little app … heck, everyone already has at least one version of it on their iPhone. We’re talking weather apps … get the current temperature, forecast, maybe a little dew point … it’s all good, right? WRONG! What we really need is a sexy weather app from Visuamobile called Pin Up Weather. Ahhh, now we get it! This is why The Weather Channel app sucks so bad, just push play and see what you’re missing (hysterical stuff):

 

Actually the next app provides a lot of educational value. It’s for those aspiring sailors who are learning the meaning of various international maritime signal flags. Basically flash cards of signal flags … but not just any old flash cards … Bevy of Busty Babes flash cards … the NautiFlags app (ha, ha … see what they did there? … ha, ha … clever? … whatever)

NautiFlagsDesc

NautiFlags1   NatuiFlags2

Wow … we are so there! Count us in … we want to become sailors and hang out with a Bevy of Busty Babes … cuz sailors are cool like that – rollin’ in our 6 fo with all the Busty Babes and our playa Snoop of course! (for the record, Snoop rocks!)

So let’s put a close this Apple sexfest and go machine gun style with the following apps:

Sexy Chat Message Generator – helps you talk sexy
Hot Girl Chat – losers get to chat with “real girls” (come on, it’s a dude!)
Guy Wall – a little sexy for the ladies
iStrip Sexy Pen – hey! Pens can be sexy too
Bikini Poker – way better than Stick In Your Eye Poker
Super Sexy Mood Light – let’s your lover know you’re in the mood
iGay Dating For The Male Sex – some of dat sexy for gays 
Sexy Meter – sort of like the Douchebag Meter app
Sexy Can Of Corn – ha, you think we’re kidding, just wait for it

And there you have it … bye, bye sexfest … we’re turning on the cold shower and putting an end to those sex-crazed freaks at Apple! CYA!

April 3, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Weather | 11 Comments 

Apple On Viagra

ViagraAppleMan Did you hear the news? Or maybe it’s just for those Apple “insiders” … well whatever, we are here to share. So get this … one of Apple’s top executives (we will NOT name names) was recently prescribed Sildenafil Citrate (google it) and is now enjoying its effects. Oh yeah, this guy can be seen walking the hallways of 1 Infinite Loop with an extra spring in his step. Dude has a massive shit-eating grin plastered on his face 24/7. And of course … Mr. Happy Pants just can’t say “No” … if it has a pulse, he’s all over it. But it’s not what you think … he’s all over any and every app which is submitted to Apple for approval.

How do we know? We got mad skillz and the facts …

We’ve discussed this many times … sex sells. Now get an Apple exec hopped up on Viagra and sex REALLY sells. Take for example a standard clock app … it displays the time in 12 hour or military modes, has an alarm with a snooze button, different time zones, a countdown timer, etc … blah, blah, blah … standard stuff. Now sprinkle in a bit of Viagra dust … and boom … you get sexy clock. Sexy clock? Absolutely … why look at a standard boring iPhone clock when you can be enjoying Bikini Times Clock.

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BikiniTimesClock   BikiniTimesClock2

Oh yeah … sexy bikini girls … this we like! We’ll be looking at bikini girls all day … that’s how we roll … too sexy … the iPhone rocks! Oh, and did we mention the Bikini Times Clock displays the time? But we do have a bone to pick with the Bikini Times Clock – it ain’t all that! This app lacks fart functionality, which seriously jeopardizes it’s $1.99 price tag. Why not just make the PERFECT clock app – a Sexy Farting Bikini Clock. Hourly chimes = Farts … Alarm sound = Farts. Yeah Mr. Viagra Apple Man … mix in a bean burrito … because
SEX + FARTS = $$$. Cuz it’s all about the profit … so take that one straight to the bank!

April 2, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle, Uncategorized | 13 Comments 

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