Thought we witnessed the biggest boobs in an iPhone app with Bikini World …. uh no, we were wrong – dead wrong!
Apple salutes GYNORMOUS BOOBS, not once …. but three times ….
Busty Buxom Curvy Cuties … it’s three times the BOOBYLICIOUS fun!
We’re usually pretty cool when it comes to ripping on non-English speaking developers … those foreign geeks who submit their applications to the US App Store with freaking ridiculous descriptions that leaving you thinking – HUH? But we really shouldn’t be so nice … if we were to develop an app with the intention of selling it in the Hungarian App Store, bet your ass we’d contact someone who speaks the language and work with them to make sure our description makes sense in Hungarian.
The App Store is approaching its 1-year anniversary and its mind blowing how many developers still don’t get it … Hey Foreign Dude!!! – if we don’t know what the hell you are talking about, we sure as hell ain’t gonna buy your lame app, even if it does rock.
So recently we came across the iSashimi app by Japan-based RucKyGAMES. We thought cool, another Sushipedia app (which by the way, rocks and is FREE for a limited time). But when we read the iSashimi’s description, we were left thinking … HUH?
“It is only it” … “The expected thing is a mistake” … “A mum of for food” … WTH is this? My Chihuahua speaks better English than this and he has trouble getting is bony butt outside just to pee. Yeah sure Japanese dude, we’ll be dropping $6.99 (are you kidding) on your “Gorgeous plastic mum can be put” krapp – no problem.
But hey, we were going to be cool … let RucKyGAMES slide …. until we came across their equally disturbing app, ColorPuzzle … HUH?
“The chain is not made good” … “One of large amount of blocks that are is only erased touching” … “For free when playing with mind in neutral when it is free in passes” … WOW – we’re spending a buck on this one for sure!
LOL … these guys are so awesome, we’re thinking about selling RucKyGAMES t-shirts with quotations from their descriptions … like this app, PicrossDoubt … HUH?
“It is not noticed that he is a mistake” … “He will spend it when putting it without pointing it out now while making a mistake for a long time as it is” … NICE – RucKyGAMES certainly have a way with words. We can’t wait for their upcoming app – Sexy It Line Pickups Good … which will certainly melt those American girl hearts …
DSL wish could speed access you high
(I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access)
Body you karate? Kickin’ really you know is
(Do you know karate? ‘Cause your body is really kickin’)
As the saying goes … Men Think With Their “Pants” (if you prefer, you can replace “pants” with the appropriate male organ to make it read more PG-13). As with most stereotypes, there is a certain amount of truth to this claim. So the clever folks at Gaming Unfolded decided to leverage this male weakness to their advantage and turn Weiner-Logic into gold.
Enter the latest and greatest sexy hot chick iPhone app –> iCountBeer. But this is no ordinary bikini girl spice app … this one appeals to only the dumbest of Neanderthals …
Great balls of brilliance (pun intended)! Pay a buck … load and launch app … drink a beer … remove a beer. And your ultimate objective is to fully uncover the erotic babe hiding behind the stack-o-beer. This reward will only require consuming TWENTY beers … sure pencil-neck, go for it … TWENTY beers.
Oh look … poor pencil-neck completed the iCountBeer app and is now being rushed to the hospital in a Wambulance for alcohol poisoning. Freaking dumbass. Here’s a tip for those Neanderthals who insist on thinking with their johnson … go buy the Bikini Blast app for a buck – you get more boobie babes to look at, it’ll provide instant gratification and you’ll avoid spending the next 24 hours worshipping the porcelain god. Better yet … stop thinking with your dick.
But hey, it’s cool … nothing like an app to encourage irresponsible drinking … bravo Apple, the App Store is indeed revolutionary.
June 22: iPhone Apps For Your Private Parts – don’t be an IDIOT!
June 23: The Perez Hilton Will.I.Am Of iPhone Apps – more iPhone garbage and drama
June 24: Is It An App? – Pinnacle Of A Revolutionary App Store – aka, a pissing contest
June 25: Porn And Nudity Now Available In The App Store – an epic Apple tease
June 26: iPhone Porn And Nudity Drama Continues – More Info – Apple’s Idiotic Indecisions
June 27: DrinkTracker Helps You Drink Responsibly – helping you avoid being a dumbass
Ready? Here we go … Drinking and driving sucks! If you drink and drive, you are an idiot … putting your and other lives in serious danger. Hey, nothing against parting hard, getting hammered and waking up in a gutter with a new tattoo on your ass … just stay away from driving a car.
Easier said than done … agreed! Heck, even a casual post workday Happy Hour can put you at risk. We could all use a little handholding when it comes to drinking responsibly … and that’s when the DrinkTracker app [iTunes] becomes your friend who’s got your back.
DrinkTracker by SlappMeDot.com (no it’s not a porno spanking site!) had us at “Hello” … an absolutely stunning, user-friendly and high quality iPhone breathalyzer app. At first sight, it’s obvious that SlappMe put a lot of time and effort into producing DrinkTracker … it simply rocks!
Based on your personal profile (user inputs their gender, age, height and weight), DrinkTracker will automatically compare your alcohol intake and your metabolic removal rate and calculate your blood alcohol content (BAC) EVERY 60 SECONDS! Told you it rocks … every 60 seconds you will be updated with your current BAC level and given a timeframe for how long you need to wait until your next drink to remain at your BAC target. In the US, it’s illegal to drive if your BAC is .08 or higher – so be sure to set the BAC Target well below 0.8 (no dumbass, .0799 won’t cut it).
Here are some additional DrinkTracker features that will assist you in drinking responsibly so you can actually manage to drive home and arrive in one piece:
> Continues to calculate your BAC even when app is closed
> If closed, app re-opens into your current session
> Auto updates … no need to manually refresh
> Supports custom drinks (good for foo-foo umbrella drink fans)
> Supports multiple personal profiles
> Supports US, Metric and Imperial measurements
And great news … SlappMe is already working on the next update which will include multiple concurrent user sessions. Two people can use DrinkTracker app at the same time and it will track BAC’s separately. A totally cool feature we love because two responsible heads are better than one.
To fully appreciate the features and benefits of DrinkTracker, watch the demo video below. It’s a touch over 5 minutes, but well worth your time considering one day DrinkTracker may save your life or at the very least, keep you out of jail.
Although DrinkTracker is a BAC estimator, it’s a heck of a lot more accurate than playing that risky “did I drink too much to drive” guessing game. At only $1.99, DrinkTracker should be considered an imperative member of your app collection and obviously 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified … with the 4th Of July Holiday right around the corner, do yourself a favor, purchase DrinkTracker now [iTunes] and enjoy the pleasures of drinking responsibly (Stone Brewing Imperial Russian Stout … love it).
(update 3:00pm PST: Hottest Girls web site, AllenTheGeek.com, has posted a note saying: “Apple has now removed all of our apps from the iTunes store without prior warning. We have yet to hear back from them on this issue.” WOW! Allen had a total of 4 apps – Hottest Girls, Hottest Guys, Send Flowers and EliteBrowser… and just like that, DONE!)
(update 11:30am PST: Hottest Girls developer, Allen Leung, has taken down his website AllenTheGeek,com (only an email address remains). Is Allen on the run from Hottest Girls customers demanding their money back since the app is no longer working? LOL)
LOL … who knew iPhone porn could create such drama. This reads something straight out of a soap opera or the Nip/Tuck television series. Pay close attention and follow along …
So early yesterday morning (12:30am PST) we wrote about developer Allen Leung updating his Hottest Girls app with nude topless sexy girl pictures … thus making Apple history by becoming the first iPhone application to contain nudity. Later that morning (9:30am PST), we updated our post stating Apple pulled Hottest Girls from the App Store. Several hours later, CNN quotes Apple spokesman Tom Neumayer:
Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.
Last night (7:30pm PST), TechCrunch speculated that Apple DID NOT pull the app, rather Allen the developer, voluntarily pulled the Hottest Girls app because the high demand was crashing his servers. Allen didn’t exactly say he pulled the app … rather put a marketing spin to the situation, calling the app “Sold Out”.
WTF is going on with Apple? They are a JOKE with their idiotic, vague and inconsistent App Store policies. Hey Apple … if you will not distribute pornography, then why the hell do you have a 17+ rating that CLEARLY states INTENSE SEXUAL CONTENT or NUDITY?!?! Here’s a brilliant idea, no pornography? – then bail the rating! – DUH!
Not to mention the TOP100 app … SHOUTING … “Topless Images Will Be Added … End Of June 2009!!!” (oh krapp, there goes their servers too) … with promises of the Covergirl (“100 Photos Of Bums”), Topless Babes (“100 Topless Models) and Cleavage (“100 Photos Of Cleavages) apps arriving from the same TOP100 developer in July.
So stay tuned for more dumbass corporate indecisions from Apple as we continue to monitor the iPhone Spice movement and all its idiotic glory.
(update 6/26/09 12:30am PST: yet another update. click here for complete details)
(update 6/25/09 9:33am PST: oh Apple, you BIG TEASE! the revolutionary Hottest Girls app has been pulled from the App Store. perhaps too “hot” for the geeks in Cupertino, LOL)
You knew it was coming! … You read the warning signs! … This shouldn’t be a surprise!
But similar to any historic occasion, the magnitude of the event really starts to sink in after it becomes reality. So chew on this for a moment …
Apple’s iPhone App Store now contains NUDITY!
Here, let us repeat that for you so there is no confusion …
Apple approves NUDITY in iPhone apps!
There is PORNOGRAPHY in the App Store!
Thanks to the new Parental Controls in OS 3.0 (the 17+ rating), yesterday, developer Allen Leung updated his Hottest Girls app with nude topless sexy girl pictures … thus making Apple history by becoming the first iPhone application to contain nudity.
(image via macenstein)
LOL … on Monday, Steve Jobs released a company statement characterizing the App Store as “Revolutionary”. Two days later Steve’s prophecy comes true … PORN … indeed revolutionary Steve!
So now that we can purchase official Apple endorsed nude porno boobies in the App Store, where do we go from here? Streaming videos … an official Vivid Entertainment app … Adam & Eve catalog … Leisure Suit Larry games … iPlayboy … etc. SHHHHH – do you hear that loud roar? … that’s the Girls Gone Wild franchise going wild over the good news.
And now we have questions for Apple: will they be releasing a new SDK agreement and revising Section 3.3.12 and its “applications must not contain any pornographic material” specification? … is hardcore material cool or just soft porn? … what about male frontal nudity? … or POV porn? … HEY – don’t laugh! … these guidelines are crucial to mister Larry “Hustler” Flynt.
So on this historic day … we’ll leave you with a tip and a warning:
Hmmm … those poor Korean secretaries we wrote about … who were forced to pose in the Office Girls app – we guess completely disrobing will now be part of their job security.
(LOL at geeky Apple approved pornography – it probably sucks anyways! – save your $$$)