Save it! We know what you’re thinking – “You suck KRAPPS! How can there be another best app name when you already declared the best app name EVER?!?”. Whatever Mr. Details … this is our fukkin site and we can do whatever we want. If you’re seeking attention to details, go fukkin visit CNN. Better yet … go pay $1.99, download the new CNN app and tell us how you feel about paying to watch ads (aren’t ad supported apps supposed to be fukkin free? … regardless, still a great app).
As we were saying … KRAPPS is declaring yet another Best App Name Ever (because we can)! We fukkin love this …
LOL … see what we did there? And you thought we were randomly dropping F-Bombs. Nope, it was serving a clever purpose … either that or you’re right, we do suck.
So let’s take a closer look at i-Fukkin (LOL, sorry – it’s still funny) … sans name, it’s pretty hysterical as a standalone. Please note in i-Fukkin’s description below … “Fukkin” means “Abdominal Muscle” in Japanese.
Oh that sexy cheer girl is so motivating. We can pretty much guarantee that i-Fukkin is the quickest way to an attractive six-pack. Why would you ever want to stop doing sit-ups when sexy Japanese cheer girl is dishing out encouraging commentary? And the best part … at the end of your workout (if you decide to actually stop), you get the fukkin awesome “Double Peace Sign Winky” gesture. That alone is worth the $0.99 you plunk down for i-Fukkin!
And finally, we’ll leave you with an i-Fukkin demonstration video from developer i-Labo. This presentation should clearly punctuate just how ridiculous … errr … cool you’ll look at the gym, doing sit-ups while holding your iPhone and drooling over cheer girl. Oh, and i-fukkin really want one of those wicked i-Fukkin t-shirts!
Hmmm, not quite sure what to make of this next iPhone app. We really don’t have a clever angle or an interesting hook. Guess we’ll just jump right in and take care of business (no pun intended). Oh … maybe a “WTF” is an appropriate lead-in … yeah, we think so.
Ok, so we’re talking about the iWipe app from FJM Studios. Its purpose is twofold …
Wipe your ass with your iPhone
Smear shit all over your friend’s face
Lovely, isn’t it? Good call Mr. App Approver! Not sure which part is worse … the wiping your ass with your iPhone thing or smearing shit all over your friend’s face. Actually, we think there is more to this app than the simple “Wipe & Smear” functionality … but honestly, we were so disturbed with the mental image of smearing krap on someone’s face,
iWipe lost us at “Hello”.
So with any original app making its debut in the App Store (we’re pretty sure iWipe is the only Wipe & Smear app available … at least we hope it is), there tends to be an onslaught of copy-apps. So brace yourself, you know they’re coming … Sexy Bikini Girl Smear – Creepy Zombie Wiper – iWipe T-Pain. And of course the “Take A Leak On Someone’s Head” app … iPiss … is right around the corner.
Love this Steve Jobs quote from yesterday’s 2 billion downloads press release – it really sums up our feelings about the Wipe Shit All Over Your Friends Face app …
"The App Store has reinvented what you can do with a mobile handheld device, and our users are clearly loving it."
LMAO! You funny Steve – you funny!
< Pardon us for a moment … we’d like to get all philosophical on you. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. Sometimes it’s nice to sit back, relax and ponder this thing called “life”. Bear with us and you might win a FREE app – see end of article for details. >
It’s human nature. Whatever we have, we want something different. Your neighbor gets a new car, a boat, or a new trophy wife and you want one too. It’s in our DNA. We can’t help it.
Perhaps that explains why the U.S. App Store is filled with hundreds of “Asian Hot Chick” apps? Stuff like … Cute Asian Girls – Asian Spice – Sexy Asian Babes (volumes 1-3) – Asian School Girls – Asian Boobs (uh yes, that is the actual name of the app … BOOBS).
If future anthropologists study this era, they will deduce that Americans worshipped scantily clad Asian iPhone goddesses. And hell … they might be right.
But the folks at No Tie Software tells us something interesting. You see, No Tie has a new set of 4ZONEZ apps (17+ rating) which feature a challenging memory game where the reward is pretty photos and sexy videos, combined with fun banter and sounds. 4ZONEZ apps offer a variety of beautiful women and come in different flavors, so to speak. There are 4ZONEZ … All-American Girls – Bikini Babes – Country Cowgirls – Dirty Dancers – Exotic & Edgy … it’s like the 31 flavors at freaking Baskin Robbins.
Guess where All-American Girls and Country Cowgirls are selling like hot cakes (or better yet, cold sushi)?
Yep, those apps are doing gangbusters in Korea, Hong Kong, China, Philippines, etc. Looks like No Tie Software is performing their own cultural exchange program. What’s your favorite flavor of 4ZONEZ? First 5 viewers tells us in the comments section win the stated 4ZONEZ app (promo code only redeemable in the U.S. App Store. Apple’s rules, not ours).
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It’s ALIVE! Your photos that is – with the Living Photo app [iTunes]. Let your imagination run wild as Living Photo will animate your images and make them talk. Blinking eyes, moving mouth … then embed a custom audio message to make your image talk. Heck, make a talking cow or baby or pancake … then share it by email or upload to YouTube directly from within the app. Unlimited possibilities – send a greeting, thank you, apology, happy birthday or even a steamy “I Love You” message. For only 99 cents [iTunes], this app is totally easy to use and will provide endless fun and entertainment for the entire family.
Write your own obituary … sounds weird? At first, but if you really think about it … makes total sense. We’ll let Fun Obit [iTunes – $0.99] explain … “We all have in common beyond death is we need an obit – why not write your own while you’re alive? Why not really make laughter the best medicine? Heck, it’s your 15 minutes of fame on the way out the door … death sucks, make every day count and laugh like hell in the process.” For more “convincing” read our Fun Obit review here.
Just chillin’ with your friends in your dorm room, fraternity house, library, etc? Turn any gathering into a goo-shooting party with Pocket Shot [iTunes]. A hysterical game where you pick a photo, pump your weapon, aim and fire … ultimately splatting your target picture with drippy 3-D goo. Score is based on power and accuracy … laughs are guaranteed. Click here to check out the demo video with more intimate details.
There’s a reason 100sounds [iTunes] is the #1 soundboard app … cuz it rocks! This app not only provides hundreds of high quality originally recorded sound effects, but also includes loop and delay effects for all your comedic purposes. Plus you can get hundreds of ringtones emailed to you, automatically, at no extra charge! 100sounds was already a bargain at $0.99, so this enhancement makes it a great deal! Click here to view web site (check out the hysterical user-submitted videos) or click here to read our review.
DrinkTracker – The Breathalyzer iPhone App
Don’t drink and drive! True words, but easier said than done. This is where DrinkTracker [iTunes] comes into play – your personal “alcohol conscious” – helping you to drink responsibly. DrinkTracker calculates your blood alcohol content (BAC) based on your profile and updates every 60 seconds. This is an extremely feature-rich breathalyzer app and at $1.99, a no-brainer bargain buy. Click here for our review or visit the DrinkTracker site for complete details and a fantastic demo video.
Face it – Apple ruined farts. With hundreds of ridiculous fart apps available, they’ve become overplayed and old news. That’s why the iDontFart app [iTunes] is a breath of fresh air … it’s the anti-fart app. Gotta fart? Don’t do it! Use iDontFart to mask those embarrassing bodily noises – so while you’re really erupting the anal volcano, the person in the next stall will think you’re simply reading the newspaper. Brilliant and useful. Click here to read our review.
iControl Sexy Screen Wash: Amber
Ok, enough with the licking dogs screen washers (damn they have bad breath)! Instead, have Amber clean you screen (plus she smells good too). iControl Sexy Wash is a unique screen wash application … the first and only interactive screen cleaner. Swipe your finger across the iPhone screen – it gets dirty … no worries, Amber to the rescue. She cleans the specific area where your dirt appears. Wax on – Wax off … Amber rocks, she never misses a spot and is a hard worker. Check out Amber in iControl Sexy Screen Wash for only 99 cents in the App Store.
September 21: JeePee Madness – Experience Amsterdam For Free
September 22: Pocket Shot – We’re Still Talking About An App, RIGHT?!?
September 25: Press Releases That Don’t Suck
September 26: Corner Office – Payin’ the Cost To Be the Boss
Special shouts to our boy Ace Marrero! Ace is an actor and currently plays the leading role of Aladdin in Disney’s “Aladdin – A Musical Spectacular” at Disneyland in SoCal (actually it’s California Adventure, but whatever). Ace is also a loyal KRAPPS reader (that’s him wearing the killer cool KRAPPS t-shirt) and an extreme iPhone fanatic. When Ace learned we were huge Disneyland fans (we have season passes … it makes us happy), he kindly offered to arrange VIP Seating and a post-show Meet & Greet with the cast of Aladdin.
True to its name, the musical was spectacular. Being a Disney production, we expected nothing less. Disney is like Apple, they have the Midas touch … everything they do simply kicks ass.
The writers frequently change portions of the show’s script to mention current pop culture. References of … Kanye West being a jackass, Twitter, Octomom, Amy Winehouse, Jon and Kate Gosselin, etc … were all strategically placed into Aladdin for a hysterical effect. And of course, an iPhone reference as well … the Genie describing to Aladdin three wishes that are not allowed:
“You can’t wish for three more wishes. You can’t wish to have someone fall in love with you. You can’t wish to bring someone back from the dead … although if you have an iPhone, I’m sure there’s an app for that.”
LOL … anywhoo … Ace rocked the Disneyland house. And being seated front row of the 2,000+ seating capacity Hyperion Theatre was a freaking thrill. We now have a huge appreciation for the musical’s 18 scene changes, 250 costume changes and 28 cast members’ efforts … never knew this, but those peeps are hustling up there and sweating their asses off. Like running a freaking marathon … artsy fartsy style, of course.
So if travel ever finds you at the “Happiest Place On Earth”, be sure to check out KRAPPS fan Ace Marrero absolutely killing it as Aladdin. You can also follow Ace on Twitter @NotoriACE (cute, see what he did there?) or check out his acting showcase web site at AceMarrero.com.
Ah, yes, the corner office. The lair of the Big Cheese, the Prime Kahuna, the HMFIC; you get the picture. But, you might be asking yourself, how can I achieve this lofty goal? How can I secure that corner office, with all of the trappings of success that accompany it? I’m pretty sure that just by asking the question, you are out of the running! You’re better off with more realistic goals, like figuring out who keeps stealing your lunch from the breakroom refrigerator. When you get the urge to set your sights higher, you could just pull out your iPhone and load up Corner Office [iTunes] by Low Brow Software instead.
Your first mission is to capture a photo of your boss with the iPhone camera. How you do this without having to explain that you will ultimately be defacing their likeness is left up to you and your ninja skillz. Me, I opted for taking a photo of a posted photo of my boss. Way less damaging for the career!
Your next mission is to throw things at your faux boss while they berate you with over 100 one liners. There are different phrases depending on whether you have a male or female boss. You start out throwing pies, but if you work really hard, you get to throw other things like bananas or mice (the computer peripheral, not the rodent). It was at this stage that I realized the developers had perfectly captured one element of corporate life: work hard and you might just receive a pointless reward!
When you’re ready for a mission with some action (but only a little more), there are two game modes to play. In the game Face Time, the boss figure moves around the screen while you try to hit him or her with more pies, earning cash and promotions along the way. In the game You’re Fired, you need to keep a steady flame going by tilting the device while not running out of fuel.
By now, you’ve probably accumulated some pictures as mementos of playing the games. Your final mission is to clog up the company’s email system by sharing these with your co-workers. Add a quote bubble with a witty management saying like "Johnson, where’s that monthly TPS report!" and it’s sure to get forwarded around the company, cementing your legendary status as "that guy that got fired for putting the CEOs face on a gorilla and throwing pies at it".
At the time of this writeup, this compendium of office themed activities was priced at $2.99 (originally released at $4.99). A little steep for your average cubicle drone, if you ask me.
<confused by the title? no – you’re not in the wrong classroom. this really is KRAPPS and not Business 101. we promise.>
Being in da “biz” (LOL – whatever that means), we get a ton of press releases … and that’s nice! Everything from major app publishers, to independents, to iPhone accessory manufacturers, to those annoying SEO evangelists (LOL – whatever that means). Typical press releases are pretty straightforward:
<insert location> – <insert date> – “Company X”, a leading iPhone publisher, today announced the immediate availability of their exciting fast-paced iPhone game, “Really Cool App” in the Apple App Store. Please contact us for an exciting opportunity to review our “Really Cool App”.
Press releases … tired as shit – but we read them … and that’s nice!
Well yesterday we received a breath of fresh air from Rosebrae Technology … announcing their new iPhone game … iRateEm [iTunes – YouTube]. It’s a bit of a “meanie” app, but totally an original. So check out the app’s description and its pant pissing hilarious press release filled with <hooray for> sarcasm and self-effacing humor.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Auckland, New Zealand – Sep 24, 2009 – Andy Griffiths, lead developer of the new iPhone application iRateEm has denied that he is the fat bloke seen in the application’s screen shots and that he rates a 4 (Munter).
Despite being short enough to be cast as an extra in Snow White and weighing over 85kg, the NZ based Brit stated "There’s no way I’m a 4, that’s so unfair. I’m at least a 6 (Not Bad) or a 7 (I would).
The new application, iRateEm, was released earlier this week and is designed to allow users to take pictures of people they see on a night out and pass them around their mates, taking turns to score their attractiveness. The loser is the player whose score is the furthest from the group average.
Although the game has received criticism from some quarters for encouraging a shallow view of people based on physical attractiveness, Griffiths is unrepentant.
"If it’s shallow to want to take a picture of a perfect stranger and immediately subject them to a judgment by my pissed up mates based on how big their booty is, then I hold my hand up and admit to being shallow. In reality iRateEm was actually conceived as a means of fostering better communications between the sexes and promoting peace and harmony for all, and there aren’t many better ways of doing that than passing around a picture of your mate Dave’s mum, who’s at least an 8 (Oh Yeah)"
Whilst the application has been praised for being well designed and written, there is strong competition from within the iTunes AppStore. Griffiths, however, is bullish.
"You’ve got to be joking, have you seen our main competitors developer? He’d be lucky to rate a 3 (Moooose) and quite frankly I have him down as a 2 (Double Bagger). Don’t tell me that a bloke with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp is going beat us!"
<clipped to save bandwidth – we’re paying for it and it get’s expensive!>