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Archives

iPhone Devs – Make Your Apps Talk With VoiceForge

VoiceForgeAttention Cepstral is a company which provides iPhone developers a tool for making unique and kick ass applications. VoiceForge is their branded Text-To-Speech (TTS) platform which enables developers to add high quality sound audio to any iPhone application.

Uh … ok … TTS … what the heck is that? Well basically in a non-geek nutshell, the VoiceForge TTS technology makes the Internet talk … and more specifically … talking iPhone applications. Imagine a talking greeting card app … type message into app – send greeting card to friend – friend opens greeting card – and card starts to talk in a deep Russian Drago voice … “Happy Birthday Pencil Neck! I Must Break You!” … or … type in the ABC’s and send it using a hot chick sexy voice (oh krapp, scratch that … we already profiled a Sexy ABC’s app). Or how about talking iPhone games … or talking breathalyzer – “Yes dumbass, you’ve had 17 beers, you are drunk! Drago will beat your ass if you get behind the wheel of a car!”

The creative possibilities are endless with VoiceForge … and guess what, use VoiceForge in your app and chances are you will NOT be featured here on KRAPPS … which is a good thing we guess.

VoiceForge will appeal to all developer geeks – webmasters … programmers … developers of mash-ups, web 2.0 apps, Facebook apps, VoIP tool and of course, iPhone apps. Plus developers will save money as VoiceForge offers one set price for access to over 45 different voices … so no need to limit yourself to a la carte voices pricing (a la carte sucks … why do I have to pay $15 for a side of mashed potatoes Mortons?).

We suck at being developer geeks, but appreciate this TTS technology and can imagine some very cool apps leveraging this platform. Plus we LOVE visiting the VoiceForge voice demo page, typing in profanities and then having it played back by one of the 50+ demo voices … hee, hee. Click here to check out the demo page.

For more information about VoiceForge … visit their dedicated developers page, where you can sign up and receive a free Test_ID and access to their service for a non-commercial trial. Looking forward to all those cool upcoming talking apps!

Technorati Tags: Cepstral,VvoiceForge,Text To Speech,TTS,iPhone,App Store

June 20, 2009 | Filed Under anti-KRAPPS, News | 24 Comments

God Is A Geek

Well apparently we at KRAPPS are simpletons and totally out of the loop when it comes to this whole geeky techie stuff … either that, or we simply nodded off (which is usually the case) during Father Guido Sarducci’s sermon informing the parish that God is a geek. Yeah, imagine our surprise when we discovered the Box For Prayer app which enables its user to send emails to God …

LOL … Newsflash – save a dollar and mix in a prayer. We’ll bet our left nut that prayers are quicker than emails. Plus if you really suck …I’m sure God would have your IP address blacklisted and reroute your message to HELL (what, you think there’s no humor in Heaven?)

If you still insist on emailing God, being the do-gooders and givers we are … we’ll give you God’s email address for FREE –> Jesus_Is_Rad@GoodLord.org.

Now the only question for God remains … Mac or PC?

Technorati Tags: Box For Prayer,iPhone,App Store,KRAPPS,Apple,Humor,Funny

June 19, 2009 | Filed Under Lifestyle | 82 Comments

The Most Blatant Sexploitation In An iPhone App

MSHOT is a Korean-based iPhone app development company. You probably never heard of them … which is a good thing … because there’s something very strange going on at their offices and frankly, we are concerned!

Last month, MSHOT released the Office Girls app … one of those typical “Oh Sexy Baby – Let Me Touchy Touchy” wallpaper apps. Fair enough … there’s like a million of them … who cares. True – but upon further review, it seems management at MSHOT has been pressuring female employees into provocative poses in exchange for their job security …

WTH is this? … “These pretty secretaries who live perky lives, gladly volunteered to be our models” … YEAH RIGHT! They better agree to this blatant sexploitation if they want to remain MSHOT employees. Come on … pimping out your own personnel? What kind of business do you guys run? – software firm? – don’t think so. Mix in a little sexual harassment charges over at MSHOT … just look at these pics from the Office Girls app:

hey there hot MSHOT secretary … unbutton that blouse of yours and show us your sexy black bra … smile, you’ll be in our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

yeah that’s it secretary babe … hike up that red dress way high … love the plunging neckline … this will be perfect for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

oh, never mind us … keep talking on the phone … we’re just trying to get a boob shot for our Office Girls app and YOU WILL LIKE IT!

But unfortunately the madness of MSHOT continues. They’re now branching out beyond their immediate office location and terrorizing innocent young Korean hot chicks throughout the country. Yesterday MSHOT released the Pocket Girls app (no relation to the Pocket God app) … bragging about their persuasive techniques on unsuspecting Asian girls …

Again … WTH is this? The description sounds like something you’d find in the slave trader oriented movie Taken (great flick, by the way) … “Purchasing this application enables us to find and recruit new Asian girls and persuade them into lingerie shots” … are you F’ing kidding!?!? Who the hell even thinks like this, yet alone writes this stuff as a sales tool. We’re not exactly sure what’s more “amusing”, the Pocket Girls description or the actual images it contains:

great job sexy lingerie ladies … pretend you’re sleeping … spoon up real close …
give her a nice “courtesy touch” … excellent
(oh krapp, we misspelled pocket … screw it, Apple won’t notice)

are you kidding me? … is that all you got? … come on! let’s go! … wider, wider, wider
LOL … easy lady … you’ll end up pulling a groin muscle

that’s the money shot … sleeping in lingerie … looking so sexy and vulnerable
LOL … who the hell sleeps like this?

WOW … Office and Pocket Girls … is this where Apple is taking us with yesterday’s OS3 launch and the subsequent Parental Controls? Oh what the hell … we’ll take it … we look at it as job security (and we don’t even have to pose in our sexy lingerie).

Technorati Tags: Office Girls,Pocket Girls,iPhone,App Store,Apple,KRAPPS,humor,funny

June 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment

Not Your Ordinary Tickle App

A video tribute to the funniest iPhone app available to date … sorry folks, we had to do it

(please switch man-child mentality to “ON” and push “PLAY”)

(we can’t stop laughing!)

Technorati Tags: Tickle The Beaver,iPhone,App Store,Apple,KRAPPS,Humor,Funny

June 17, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 14 Comments

iPhone App Teaches How To Touch A Woman’s Body

Similar to fart apps which began appearing back in December, the latest App Store rage are those Sexy Hot Chick Wallpaper apps. Trying to decide which babelicious wallpaper app to download is similar to making a selection from the 250 beers available at the Yard House restaurant … the possibilities are overwhelming –> blondes, brunettes, Japanese, American, Korean, Russian, bikini, lingerie, sexy cops, naughty nurses, horny maids, soccer sluts, MILF’s, spring break coeds … LOL – WTF people … step away from the Do Me Baby wallpaper apps and find yourself a real live Do Me Baby … trust us, it’s much better this way.

“But KRAPPS, I tried finding a real Do Me Baby … but I can’t. It’s much easier just to download them to my iPhone. I even tried those pickup line apps … they don’t work … no live Do Me Baby will do me.”

Fear not you sack of suck … good news! We’ve discovered an training tool app which will help even the most pathetic dork find a living breathing Do Me Baby. Check it …
the Genie In A Bottle app.

Genie In A Bottle is not your typical tired, boring and useless hot babe app. Nope, it has a specific purpose … to transform sweaty palmed heavy breathing dirty creeps into polished and refined Casanovas. Yup … the Genie In a Bottle app will teach you how to touch a woman the right way!

Wow … your own personal How To Touch A Woman coach! How can you resist such features: “Genie In A Bottle lets you touch the hottest babes” … “Rub these babes back and forth”. A simple concept – just rub on and touch these hotties as you please. If you caress them right, they express their satisfaction … if you stroke them wrong – DENIED!

So rejoice dork … there’s hope for you landing a Do Me Baby that actually has a pulse. Just keep stroking and rubbing your iPhone … eventually you’ll get the hang of it. And hey, if for whatever reason you’re still not having luck with the hunnies … well, at least you have your iPhone to fondle.

Technorati Tags: Genie In A Bottle,iPhone,App Store,Apple,KRAPPS,Humor,LOL Software

June 16, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, Lifestyle | 20 Comments

“Intercourse” Is A Bad Word

Confession … we have this fascination for menstrual calendar iPhone apps. Not so much the functionality of the application (tracking one’s cycle), but the naming of these things. We feel sorry for the poor bastard in charge of throwing down a creative menstrual calendar title … iFlow, AuntFlo, Ladies’ Day, Mensies and other brilliant naming conventions. So back in January, as a tribute to this sucky job, we wrote an article saluting Mr. Menstrual Calendar IntercoursePAfinal App Title Creator.

So our fascination continues and we always pay special attention to menstruation tracking apps … like the new Pregnancy Alarm app. While the title is a bore, Pregnancy Alarm contains some very controversial material within its description. The developers pushed the descriptive language too much and were slammed by Apple’s profanity filter. The offensive word? … (brace yourselves) … INTERCOURSE! Yes … INTERCOURSE … that nasty and vile word, commonly found in 7^th grade health education text books introducing reproduction. But not in the App Store … there will be none of that sick and disgusting language. It’s better to have an endless stream of scantily clad girly images than this horrible horrible word … INTERCOURSE … blech!

As usual, we applaud Apple for such sound judgment and its attempts to protect customers from filth and smut. We can always count on Apple for saving our souls and leading us to the path of redemption – Hallelujah Apple! Remember folks, INTERCOURSE is repulsive.

And of course … being the “givers” we are at KRAPPS … we prepared a memo which iPhone application development companies can use to notify and warn their employees of this newly discovered policy from Apple …

INTERNAL MEMO – CONFIDENTIAL

Date: (insert date here)
Subject: “Intercourse” Is A Bad Word

Attention (insert company name here) Employees!

While we are not in the business of creating menstruation tracking applications, KRAPPS.com pointed out a very interesting item. Intercourse is a BAD WORD and cannot be placed in the description of your application at all. Intercourse will show up as –> I********e.

So for all of our future apps, make sure we do not include the word "Intercourse". Other possibilities that might not be recommended for use include: "Contraceptive", "Conceive", "Inception", "Insert", "Tab A Slot B", any combination of the words "Fuzzy", "Taco", or "Beaver".

That being said, keep up the great work in describing our applications without using profanity or pornographic references. Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Regards,
(insert your name here)