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Recap: Week Of June 1
In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.
June 1: Touch My Crotch – hate to say it, there’s an app for that
June 2: Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing – the circus has arrived on your iPhone, EEK
June 3: Sexy Wash – More Dirt For Your iPhone – hot chicks clean your iPhone – SWEET
June 4: Tupac, Dead, Kick Ass, What App – random musings about iPhone app madness
June 5: iStoryTime – Barney Sucks, Fred The Fish Rules – and so do Weiner Dog Magnets
June 5: WorldMate Kicks KRAPPS In The Balls – this video is too funny!
June 6: Worst Boob Job On The iPhone – sorry folks, we had to go there
Worst Boob Job On The iPhone
(sorry folks – we had to go there)
As mentioned, we look at every new iPhone application that hits the App Store. Dang – kind of sad … that’s nearly 50,000 apps – man we need a life! Anyways, obviously there are a TON of those sleazy apps … which typically are male-orientated and feature scantily clad chicks with big boobies. Now for the most part … it is what it is … nothing to get your panties in a bundle about … basically Maxim meets the iPhone. But when we came across the new Bikini World app … we had to do a double-take and think …
“OH MY! – YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!”
WorldMate Kicks KRAPPS In The Balls
The WorldMate app was released on Wednesday. It’s a very cool travel itinerary application … and nothing even remotely close to being labeled as KRAPPS. What’s even more awesome than the actual WorldMate application, is the accompanying promo video the company released for publicity purposes. Well the video is an absolute riot and right in our wheelhouse … nothing like giving those KRAPPS a good kick in the balls. Enjoy!
iStoryTime – Barney Sucks, Fred The Fish Rules
So the other day we were visiting the Just Another iPhone Blog web site and came across an app which is 100% pure garbage –> The Story Of The Three Little Pigs By L. Leslie Brooke. You can read their write up here, but in summary … anybody who publishes a children’s book without pictures is a complete IDIOT. But hey, why should the developer Appsessions care? They are cranking out these text audiobooks to a tune of nearly 700 apps thus far … so screw the kids – let’s make a buck!
Now on the flip-side, you have developers who specialize in kids’ books. Their main purpose is to present an interesting, colorful and interactive experience … one that will hold the child’s attention and introduce them to the wonderful world of literature (and also to make a buck of course).
But the more we research this whole kids book app thing … the more we are convinced you have to be slightly loopy to do a good job. It’s like those kindergarten teachers who talk to their students in a high pitched voice – then unable to shut off the Mickey Mouse impersonation when they speak with adults … freak! And you gotta be a loony tune to create such children’s shows as Yo Gabba Gabba!, Barney, Elmo … or heck, even Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was a bit odd.
So meet the folks at FrogDogMedia … a development company specializing in children’s book applications with their iStoryTime apps [iTunes]. Read their corporate mission – they get it: “iStoryTime brings the joy of a kid’s book … illustrated and narrated … the app is simple to use because it’s actually designed for kids 2-years and up”.
Ahhh … it’s ILLUSTRATED! And of course, the folks at FrogDogMedia are total nut jobs. Heck, just check out their app titles below … we got stuff about Weiner Dog Magnets – mix in a little Pink Elephant – of course a bit of Shoe-per Shoes – a Fish named Fred and a Squash – and top it off with Pirate Monkeys who are brave. WTF?!?! Who comes up with this stuff? We swear … it’s like sniffing glue is a requirement to create good children’s material. Puff The Magic Dragon baby … LOL.
Anyways – no matter how whacky and strange FrogDogMedia appears … and just like that annoying as hell purple dinosaur … they produce appealing and engaging story book apps that children adore. Sure they might seem too strange for adult comprehension, but it’s about the kids and perhaps we all should become more child-like (oh my, wth was that?).
GIVEAWAY – courtesy of FrogDogMedia, the first 10 viewers to leave a comment receive a free iStoryTime app ($1.99 value each). Redeemable in US iTunes only.
Random – Tupac, Dead, Kick Ass, What App
The App Store is quickly approaching 50,000 applications (thanks in large to the Arctic Gerbil … but that’s another story). As the cliché goes … So Many KRAPPS – So Little Time. Thus we present quick KRAPPS or speed KRAPPS (like speed dating, but not – do people really speed date?) or just some of our random and pointless iPhone app observations.
We’ve been meaning to write an article about iPhone developer Khalid Shaikh (yes Khalid … we are watching you closely). Not quite the Arctic Gerbil … but a respectful KRAPPS developer in his own right. Anyways, Khalid has been releasing an extensive collection “Update” apps – Entertainment News Updates … Boston Weather Updates … St. Louis Rams Updates … Green Day Updates … and others. Fair enough … not a bad concept … but the irony of the app below has to make you laugh! (no clue? – click here)
Where do dead apps go? Is there an App Heaven or do they remain in the App Store as ghosts … haunting other apps and adding to the clutter of the App Store. Ghosts be gone!
And we is there an App Hell for naughty ones like Baby Shaker and I Am Rich?
We recently poked some fun at the Apple Profanity Filter … can’t use cuss words in your app’s description like –> C**CK-A-DOODLE-DOO. And based on the app below … the description cannot include the word A*S. However – if you are going to use the word ass in the app’s title … well that’s ok!
And finally … we recently received an email from the folks at Tweeller claiming they released a new iPhone app called Beer Opener – a virtual bottle opener. Sounds like a great idea, however we think Tweeller is full of shit! Their email also included a demonstration video of this so-called Beer Opener app. But no matter how many times we watched the video (trust us – we watched it HUNDREDS of times – for “research” purposes of course), we simply could not find this alleged app. So the question remains … App or No App? We’ll leave the final decision up to you. Check out the video below … we’re off to do more “research” on this mysterious Beer Opener app.
Sexy Wash – More Dirt For Your iPhone
The thing that sucks big time about the iPhone is it’s freaking touch screen. And no, we’re not talking about attempting to type on the keyboard … were talking about keeping the damn thing clean. Fingerprints, smudges, Cheetos tracks … blech – disgusting. Sure we could use a micro-fiber cloth and constantly wipe down our screen … but what a pain in the ass.
So we tried one of those screen cleaning apps … you know, the one where the cutesy little dog appears on your screen and licks it clean. It worked ok, but frankly, we are sick of seeing canine tongue splattered across our touch screen all day long.
Well Apple must know about our bitching and complaining because they recently approved the Sexy Screen Wash app. Now that’s what we’re talking about … SEX! Scantily clad women in a variety of fetish-themed outfits cleaning your screen – a thing of beauty … all hail the mighty iPhone.
Now we know of this sex washing concept from a movie-type app called iWash. But given Apple’s strict objectionable smut policy (LOL), we never imagined an Apple endorsed sex washer would appear in the App Store. So we’ll stop our whining about dirty touch screens because Sexy Screen Wash makes us happy again. Only problem is we sexy wash our screen all day … huh, huh, huh.
Oh – and more good news. With the approval of Sexy Screen Wash, it appears what was once objectionable content is now good times. The developers of sex wash, On The Go Girls, are heating up for their sexy video app – positioning it as “Party Girl Videos presents … Asian Spice”. Woohoo! Perhaps a sign of what’s coming shortly with Parental Controls in OS3 … or maybe just wishful thinking by On The Go Girls. All we know is nothing from Apple surprises us now.
Real Estate Agents Are Disturbing
Hating on real estate agents is a great American pastime for a lot of people. Ultra-aggressive and over-the-top sales techniques , scratching each other’s eyes out for the latest listing … all while baking cookies and cutting fresh flowers for their next open house. It’s a dog eat dog world in the real estate market, where only the strong survive … so considering these conditions, no wonder real estate agents resemble circus freaks.
Well iPhone owners … brace yourselves … the circus is coming to town! The first wave of real estate agent iPhone apps have arrived, with the majority developed by a company called MobileAppLoader. For about $100, any real estate agent can purchase their customized “template” app and establish a footprint in the App Store. And you get what you pay for. These KRAPPS simply contain a “Call The Agent” button, an “Email the Agent” button, some links to the agent’s web site, a loan calculator and location-based emails notifying the agent you are in a specific neighborhood. Good stuff … if you’re into one-sided conversations.
But hey, you gotta applaud MobileAppLoader and the agents who shell out a hundred bucks for their app … at least their thinking out of the box. Plus it gives us a spotlight our favorites along with the accompanying screen shots …
Apparently Allen Jaworski has himself confused with some high powered Wall Street broker. And just look at him go … a mover and a shaker … Allen rocks! Uh dude – why don’t you have an iPhone … great job appealing to your target market!
Ahh … the lovely Jen And Joe Hernandez app … young newlyweds … they love each other so much … love, love , love. HELLO FREAKS – don’t put your cheese ball engagement photo on a business application! You expect us to trust you with our money when you can’t even keep your hands off each other during a simple business photo shoot? We want to kill our iPhone every time we launch the “Jen Hearts Joe” app and see their horndog picture. Love bites … get a freaking room!
There’s something about the HomeWay guy … not exactly sure what it is … maybe it’s the white jacket or the highlighted hair or the sexy goatee or the sexy smile. But whatever it is … we want to party with the HomeWay dude!!!
Meet Matt Stigliano of San Antonio Real Estate … poor sucker, he lost a bet with his friends and now is now forever engrained in the App Store as a Real Estate Agent Rockstar. Or maybe he really does think he’s a rockstar. Uh, ok – cool – yeah Matt … you are a rockstar and all the chicks dig you.
Finally we have Lori O’Day. We had to delete this app immediately as it caused us to have reoccurring nightmares featuring Lori’s mug offering us baked cookies at an open house … AHHHHHH …. seriously disturbing! WTF lady – invest in a decent portrait!
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