Whether you consider it disgusting or hilarious … everyone burps! Heck, certain Eastern cultures consider it a compliment when a guest belches after a meal. We would have to agree … certainly a better alternative than relieving yourself at the dinner table with a smelly fart.
Anywho … we recently came across a new iPhone app called AlphaBELCH [iTunes]. Published by Stephen White of “Barney & Friends” fame (don’t hold that against him please!), AlphaBELCH is an A-to-Z picture book that teaches kids the ABC’s … in the most awesome. way. ever!
You’ve got butterflies belching, moose letting loose, fireflys with glowing gas … and of course magical unicorns whose shit don’t smell.
After checking out the demo video below, we’re convinced there is no better way to teach children the ABC’s than with AlphaBELCH. And as the saying goes … “don’t judge a book by its cover” … AlphaBELCH also incorporates an important message about manners!
Normally 99 cents, AlphaBELCH (iTunes) is FREE today through December 25 … just get it now!
fartaholic (~noun) : one who is addicted to farting, passing gas, cutting the cheese, breaking wind, fumigating the room, blasting the ass trumpet, etc.
Love farts? Would you go so far as to say you’re a fartaholic? Then great news … a free children’s iPad application is now available which will educate the innocent young and make them appreciate the cry of an imprisoned turd …
Farting Animals Episode 1 [iTunes Free] is categorized as an Educational application and per its description, “is a series of interactive storybooks that keep the readers engaged with its characters through touch interaction … this innovative storybook maximizes the combined effects of gameplay and learning with touch features.”
Interactive storybooks – engaged readers – touch interaction … certainly sounds like a fantastic and effective educational experience parents should seek out immediately. And we’re delighted to see developer Papa’s Frog putting the iPad’s magical technology to life-changing use … teaching kids about farts. Yep … numbers, shapes, letters and everything else on Sesame Street is so overrated. Farts are imperative and should be included as part of a well-rounded children’s curriculum.
Dogs farting – bears shitting in the words … some serious educational benefits as described by the app (seriously?) …
Farting Animals provides the following educational benefits:
Adds an element of touch to visual and aural stimuli, eliciting action responses that enable the reader to more easily engage with the characters and better focus on the story.
Uses words that pique children’s attention, such as “fart” and “poop,” to help them learn in an entertaining way about naturally curious subjects such as body functions.
We wish Papa’s Frog well with future episodes of Farting Animals … hard not to love a developer whose one sole principle is, “to give pure inspiration and hope to the younger generation by creating stories that are warm and sincere, like a parent’s bedtime story; to touch their hearts and fill them with love” <- heavy stuff those fart, heavy stuff man!
LOL … oh my! Remember … Apple approves it – we just write about it. EAR MUFFS!
Ok, so we’re not really sure what’s going on at Apple, but it looks like Steve Jobs and company are positioning the revolutionary iPhone as your personal sex therapist. Although “overtly sexual” applications have been banned from the App Store … make no mistake about it, there is no shortage of sexual apps – for educational purposes, of course.
Apple’s latest foray into the world of sex ed deals with oral pleasures … the female kind. Well we think it should be described as the female kind … cuz it’s the woman in the “catcher” position, as the man “pitches” (follow? sorry … baseball is our life).
Hooray … finally, the Apple endorsed C*********s 101 iPhone app … with its oh so clever icon (WTF is that … a tongue?). Although our censors forbid us to include the letters
“u-n-n-i-l-i-n-g-u” in between “C” and “S”, you can probably figure out the subject matter of this application by viewing the permitted screenshots below (not that the Dog Lap is a rookie move!).
The developers make it clear that C*********s 101 is not XXX, porn or NC-17 … rather the app teaches a beautiful art …
Want to master the beautiful art of c*********s? You can now learn everything you ever wanted to know about pleasuring the v****a with your mouth.
This is the most comprehensive book ever made on woman focused oral sex, including 50 mild to wild techniques to try on your lover. This book is the master collection of years of research into various techniques, movements, patterns, speeds, directions, pressure points, and general combinations as it relates to her most feminine of openings.
Study this application, set the mood, and then try any quantity or combination of the 50 steps to really light her fire.
Hmmm … creepy! Look, we have no problem turning to Apple for cutting edge magical technology … but uncle Jobs is like a hundred and twelve – all gray and old. It just weirds us out knowing his company sells an oral sex coaching aid … ewww.
But as a penis carrying member of the male species, our real beef with Apple’s sex therapy strategy is the fact there is no F******o 101 for iPhone. MEH … female chauvinist pigs!
Besides the Miley Cyrus Legal Age Countdown app, one of our favorite iPhone applications is Pocket God [iTunes $0.99]. If you’re not familiar with this bestselling app … uh well … your
kinda totally blowing it. Pocket God is a hilarious interactive application (filled with a ton of mini-games) where you play god and rule an island populated with primitive pygmies … being as kool or krappy as you want to your peeps. Developers Bolt Creative work their asses off keeping Pocket God fresh and fly … releasing updates every few weeks … 32 of them since Pocket God first launched 18 months ago in January 2009.
Pocket God has established a cult following and is really one of the best and original apps available in the App Store. Spend a buck – check it out … Pocket God is a must have!
But perhaps due to their attention-deficit disorder (ADD), the Pocket God developers are not satisfied working 20 hours a day to keep up with their Usain Bolt-like pace of application updates (damn, just dawned on us … Bolt Creative / Usain Bolt … coincidence? – we think not!) … nope, they had to go out and take on another HUGE project – Comic Books. Just released a few hours ago … Pocket God Comics [iTunes $0.99].
Pocket God Comics is the first original iPhone application to get its own comic book. This digital comic is the first issue in a 4-part series (perhaps even more) available for both the iPhone and iPad … additional issues will be available via in-app purchase.
Besides the historic first edition Pocket God comic, the app contains a comic shop locator … just press the button and you’ll be able to find your local comic book shops. Why would you want to do this? Because Pocket God Comics is also available as a real live comic book … the kind made out of paper and ink and you get to turn the pages (remember those?). The print version will be released shortly and run a mere $3.95. If for some reason you live in the middle of boo-foo Egypt, you can pre-order Pocket God #1 and #2 (due out Oct. 27) over at Previews World.
Bolt Creative is also running a contest … one lucky bastard will win a $1,000 Apple Gift Certificate while everyone who enters the contest receives a Jet Pack unlock code. Check out the Pocket God Blog for more information.
Being the huge Pocket God fans we are … digital issue #1 has already been downloaded to our revolutionary iPhone 4 and magical iPad. The artwork is AMAZING, the storyline is SUPERB … 22 pages of pure Pocket God awesomeness. There really is no reason not to spend 99 cents for this historic digital issue #1 … as well as jump on the inaugural print issue. Hell, have you seen the insane price of Superman / Action Comics #1? Yeah, we’re thinking collector’s edition … Pocket God #1 + eBay = RETIREMENT!
Meet Tim Peckham … he’s a bacon-eating, snow-shoveling, wise-ass of the Great White North. Keyword = wise-ass … that’s why we love him. Besides his work as the Official KRAPPS Cartoonist, Tim has a less important day job … the Toronto Sun’s cartoonist.
Besides being an uber-talented artist, Tim is also an iPhone freak. So much that he has recently released the TIMWIT app [iTunes] featuring his best work … 214 single-panel cartoons to be exact.
Normally priced at $1.99 … the TIMWIT app is now FREE for a limited time. Needless to say a total bargain and a great way to lift your spirits if you are having a shitty day.
So what the hell, click here to download TIMWIT for FREE … it’ll make you feel better!
Admit it – you love boobs. You eat, sleep and breathe boobs. Halloween costume – Free Mammogram … Fashion statement – Boob Scarf … Method of transportation – Mini Boober. You’re all boobs – all the time … and that’s ok.
Really … it’s ok. Nothing wrong with being a boob aficionado. But what’s not ok is your choice of iPhone apps. What are you doing installing those sexy bikini girl apps? Those wallpaper apps filled with hundreds of scantily clad hot chicks … what’s the point? You are all boobs – all the time, right? So follow the logic … boobs = good … butt, legs, arms, head, hair, face = NOT good. Just cut the crap and focus on your #1 priority in life … boobs. What you need is the iBooB app … it’s like you, all boobs – all the time.
See that? There’s no distracting head … no flailing arms … no legs that go on for miles. Seriously, do you really need to see a face … meh.
And check it – the awesome developers put a tremendous amount of effort into iBooB. They collected hundreds of top quality boob pictures – all shapes and sizes. Large, small, huge or tiny … they’re all here. And for your convenience, all boobs are categorized by cup size.
iBooB – “the ultimate collection of boobs in the world” … and really, that’s ok?
Ok – we admit it … we’re not huge fans of the App Store’s “Books” category. Nothing against books or reading of course … it’s just that we rarely discover anything KRAPPS-worthy in “Books”. But you know … that’s probably a good thing. So we’ll just keep chillin’ in the krappiest of categories – “Entertainment”.
But getting back to “Books” … strange thing happened to us the other day. While conducting our usual research process in “Entertainment” … something kept drawing us to “Books”. It was the strangest thing … like some supernatural power came over us. Frankly, we were scared shitless and didn’t want to visit “Books” … but aura was strong, like the Force of a Jedi Knight – freaking Yoda-like. Something just kept pushing and pushing us towards “Books”. So we finally let go. We succumbed to this higher power … jotted over to “Books” … and the calling became clear. We realized why we didn’t stand a chance against this higher power … this Force. We were helpless against Penis Power.
But of course … the Phallic Worship app. Screw those other magic apps. Phallic Worship is the real deal … we’re talking “male generative powers” … aka Penis Power! All hail the mighty phallic.
Hmmm … books. You know what sucks – trying to read a nasty book in public. More often than not, we find ourselves on a crowded subway, or at a sold-out baseball game with 45,000 other folks, or stuck in that “comfy” middle seat on a 6-hour non-stop flight from New York to Los Angeles. And in these situations … we just want to enjoy a titillating read. But it’s tough. Sitting in these cramped quarters, trying to be discreet … it just doesn’t work. Too many wandering eyes checking out our hardback (no pun intended) – very frustrating indeed (again … no pun intended).
But thanks to Penis Power, we discovered an awesome new book app which allows us to enjoy nasty literary pleasures – wherever, whenever – all on the privacy of our own iPhone.
YES! thank you – thank you …. Naughty Spanking 3, erotic reading on your iPhone. Now just mix in one of those PhoneDevil privacy screen protectors and perv away in public to your heart’s content.
But alas, the “Entertainment” category completes us. So for those of you who rather write than read … it’s cool, we feel you. We found the perfect app for all you budding erotic writers, hoping one day to become a staff writer for Penthouse Letters (wait … you mean those are really written by Penthouse readers? … no way) or just your ordinary everyday crossdresser – 1001 Sex Life Stories.