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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Who Poops Gold?
Hi … question for ya … what do you do when you’re pooping on the toilet? No … seriously … we wanna know – when you’re sitting on the porcelain throne, whatcha got going?
LOL – too personal? Fair enough. But we promise we have a point – we ain’t that freaky (well we are, we just won’t admit it).
Actually, picture this scene from the Family Feud game show … “100 people surveyed – top seven answers on the board –here’s the question – Name Something People Do While Taking A Poop … BEEEEEEP … read a newspaper …
yes, #1 answer!”
So ok, read a newspaper, what else … cut your fingernails? … homework? … eat? … listen to music? … tequila shots? And we think it’s safe to assume plenty of iPhone action on the pooper – textin’, emailin’, twitterin’, gamin’, etc.
But hey … here’s a great pooping activity – and it comes highly recommended by Apple. Next time you’re dropping the kids of at the pool while at work … whip out your betchin’ iPhone and calculate your poo’s worth. Yup – you got it … introducing the latest and greatest app approved by Apple … Poo Price (by Gourmet Pixel) … the only application that calculates the value of your dump. Yeah it’s dope (NOT) … just keep reading the app’s description for further awesomeness proof …
“Going to the toilet during work hours – it’s a clever thing to do! You’re getting paid for it and now you can work out how much. This clever app will calculate how much you’re being payed for taking a toilet break, choose your currency, enter your yearly salary and press the Start button. All you have to do then is finish your dirty work, click Stop and see the results!”
GENIUS! We’re sold! Freaking Apple just keeps rockin’ da house! And rumor has it that even Steve-o Jobs uses Poo Price … but his shit don’t stink and is certainly worth more bills that yours. Which gets us thinking … there should be a Poo Price-off … Steve Jobs versus Bill Gates. Screw the whole “I’m a Mac vs PC” nonsense … give the people what they really want … Steve or Bill … who craps the most gold?
The Impossible Dream
Back in February, we ran an article titled History Was Made, Sort Of. We opened the article by commenting on the massive number of fart, burp and vomit KRAPPS that were beginning to appear in the App Store. The story continued stating that even with all these KRAPPS launching, there were still no urine apps … and while we could foresee a day when a urine app could get approved from Apple, we concluded that a urine sound effect app was just too crude and vulgar – even for Apple’s relaxed standards. So we settled for the next best thing, urine assistant apps, apps that help you pee in public when you get stage fright … the iPee and Shy Bladder apps.
(by the way, after our article hit Twitter … @Shy_Bladder began following us … go figure)
Boy have times have changed … flash forward two months and what we thought would be impossible for Apple to approve … we are shocked once again.
So you get where this is going … The Pee Factory app by Talus Media. A proud and historic Apple moment … the first iPhone app which simulates the sound of taking a leak .. and the newest member of the Appa iFonna Chi fraternity. With a simple touch of a button, you can make your friends think you’re peeing on their couch, in their car, in a water bottle or wherever. Pissing intensities vary from “Tinkle” …. to “Like A Race Horse”.
But hold on, it gets better. The Pee Factory is no rudimentary pee pee app … oh no … this is advanced pissing technology at its finest! It’s like virtual reality pissing – you can control the intensity of urine flow by holding your iPhone up or down … you can sprinkle your pee by rapidly tilting/shaking your iPhone (gee, wonder what that’s supposed to simulate). And since this is such a complex app, thank God Talus Media included detailed instructions on how to properly use The Pee Factory …
So everyone – please take a moment to reflect. Reflect on this new achievement of krap from Apple. Reflect on your dreams and no matter what, never give up … rather follow those dreams to their fullest … because if Apple can approve a pissing app, then any dream is possible. And thank you Apple! … Thank you for this daily inspiration and of course, just what we need … a PISSING iPhone.
A Better Pocket God
Like most of you, we love Pocket God … a hilarious interactive application where you play god and rule an island populated with primitive pygmies. As the island’s god, you have all sorts of powers over the islanders, being as kool or krappy as you want to your peeps. It really is a tight app which stays fresh with weekly updates. At 99 cents, Pocket God has established a cult following and no wonder it’s #12 on Apple’s newly released All Time Paid Apps list. But whatever … spend the buck, get the app, check it out for yourself.
So yeah, we dig Pocket God and since we’re freaks, we tend to treat our pygmy crew pretty krappy. But even the most sadistic methods within Pocket God (feeding pygmies to sharks, throwing them into volcanoes, etc) left us yearning for more. We just want to be able to kick it up a notch … sprinkle a bit of South Park pixie dust into Pocket God … and throw in a taste of Beavis and Butt-head for good measure. We kinda feel bad wanting more from Pocket God … but if Apple can approve all these sexed-up apps, why can’t a shark tear off a pygmy’s arm?
Anyways, we can’t let it go … so we’ll simply present this awesome video we found that expresses our feelings … and hopefully Apple will do the right thing!
Appy Newz – The Wind Beneath Our Wings
Free Appy Newz app giveaway – see end of article for details
We can only take so much KRAPPS. Sometimes we need an escape. Today we take a KRAPPS break … today we look for sunshine in the App Store.
Last Friday, Appy Entertainment released their first iPhone app –
Appy Newz – enabling users to create custom tabloid-style magazine covers as described below:
Step 1: Select an image (typically a face) to customize from either pre-loaded images or from your iPhone’s camera roll. Customize face with choice of 22 Masks, 31 Hair-types and 17 Facial features.
Step 2: Drag customized face into the tabloid cover where you can choose from 42 poses.
Step 3: Choose from 38 tabloid backgrounds or import your own background from images saved to your iPhone’s camera roll.
Step 4: Choose from 35 different objects to include in your tabloid cover.
Step 5: Enter your choice of copy in three text box areas.
Step 6: Preview and save image to app’s Cover Gallery and iPhone’s camera roll.
The entire creation process takes just minutes or if you’re in a panic, simply tap the “Shake It To Make It” button and Appy Newz will spit out a custom cover in 2.37 seconds.
But strange things happen every time we use Appy Newz … the letters Q-C-E-V keep popping into our head. This “QCEV Syndrome” freaked us out, so we consulted Madame Scarabego who revealed QCEV = Quality – Creativity – Entertainment – Value.
QUALITY
Sort of like garlic – Appy Newz reeks of quality. From the moment the app is launched, the user is rewarded with phenomenal build and attention to details. The launch screen loads with an eyes shut/sleeping Appy … once the app completes loading, Appy wakes up and opens its eyes. Another example is when you complete your tabloid cover a cheering crowd sound effect plays as if to congratulate you on your new creation. Such details are abundant and well polished throughout the app.
The build is flawless … swiping through customized selections (hair, backgrounds, objects, etc.) is smooth and never stalls. No crashes. The user interface is easy to navigate and very intuitive. Our fave feature is scaling images … WOW … pinch, expand, rotate, move left or right, etc … all image scaling is absolute perfection!
CREATIVITY
The foundation of Appy Newz is customization … which in turn breeds creativity. This app will exercise the right side of your brain … and not just the snarky brain cells (as their video projects) – but also the kinder, gentler cells.
Mother’s Day – flowers suck, give mom the gift of Appy Newz, printed and framed.
Did you piss her off – Appy Newz to the rescue.
The possibilities with Appy Newz are endless. Take your digital file to CafePress and see what you can create (within reason due to iPhone’s resolution), buttons? a coffee mug?
ENTERTAINMENT
This one is obvious – Appy Newz will keep you coming back for more … 100% Pure Entertainment. Watch the video to see what we’re talking about.
VALUE
So considering all of the above and then seeing the $1.99 price tag, you have to think these Appy folks are dumbasses. Heck, we’d charge 2x, 3x, 4x even 5x the $1.99 price. Who knows how long this pricing error will last – but don’t even give it a second thought, just jump on it now. CLICK HERE to purchase Appy Newz. Check their web site for more info.
So in conclusion, we found sunshine in the App Store … they had us at “hello” … we found 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified Appy Newz … the wind beneath our wings.
FREE Appy Newz To KRAPPS Viewers!
Appy Entertainment was kind enough to provide codes which will allow KRAPPS viewers to download Appy Newz for FREE. Through Sat, Apr 18 at 11:59pm PST, tweet the message below on Twitter and be entered into the Appy Newz drawing. Good luck!
got iPhone? read the Appy Newz review on @KRAPPS – it’s 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified http://krapps.com/?p=2196
KRAPPS vs KRAPPS
written by guest author Tim Giron (follow on Twitter @timgiron)
I came across a couple of apps today that I thought were related, but then found out are quite different. So, I decided to pit them against each other and figure out which one would win in a fight.
KRAPPS presents “Rumble In Our Jungle” … iOops vs iWhoop!
First up is iOops, which presents a blank starfield screen (reminding me of an H.P. Lovecraft story) and an invitation to touch the middle of the screen. Then, as the app description says, the “beast hide inside iPhone” will “come out and bite your finger” to which you will presumably exclaim “Oops!” though I was more apt to mutter “What the?” myself.
The next contender for our street fight throwdown is iWhoop! which is a cool little soundboard app with some Southern fried phrases, ten to be exact. You dial in the desired phrase and then engage the clever can of Whoop! to let fly the sound, the delivery of which reminded me of the Dukes of Hazzard.
An important part of winning a street fight is the crew that you bring to the rumble. Given that iOops reminds me of Lovecraft’s stories, it gets Cthulhu. And, given that iWhoop! has a Dukes of Hazzard vibe, it gets the whole Duke clan. While this matchup may appear to favor iOops, we must take into consideration that Cthulhu is not known for reliably showing up on time and them Duke boys have gotten out of some pretty sticky situations. Advantage iWhoop!
For application startup times, iWhoop! is the clear winner. Less than two seconds to offer someone a Knuckle Sandwich or the hilarious Karate sound. Comparatively, iOops takes around eight seconds (presumably, locating the “beast hide inside iPhone” is not so easy as one might imagine). Advantage iWhoop!
For ongoing entertainment value, I will have to give the nod to iWhoop! as well. Once you’ve gotten everyone in your immediate vicinity to touch the screen and experience the “beast hide inside iPhone” for themselves, the novelty of iOops quickly wears off. Not so with iWhoop!. In fact, while writing this post, I discovered that you can “stack” the sounds for interesting combinations. Advantage iWhoop!
The judges have reached their decision …
iWhoop! defeats iOops by unanimous decision at Rumble In Our Jungle!
POOP
Every now and then an app comes along that is so utterly moronic and lame that as writers, we simply let the app do the talking for us. No clever title … no intro paragraph hook … no LOL pictures … no witty commentary or catchy conclusion. Just straight up, raw, unadulterated iPhone application. Sort of like Naked Juice (no added sugar or preservatives) …. call it Naked KRAPPS – the 100% all natural krappy application.
Congrats to the folks at BarnacleJive Software for releasing the POOP app. As with all Naked KRAPPS, we’ll let the app do the talking. First we present the POOP description …
Next we have a few POOP screenshots …
And in conclusion we simply would like to applaud Apple for approving yet another integral application which enhances and adds value to the App Store. The world is a better place and our lives are now complete knowing that at our fingertips we have several hundred variations for the word POOP. Searching for nirvana? Just download POOP and experience the ultimate euphoria Apple has to give.
Coulda Been Syndrome
Ever watched a movie which you are thoroughly enjoying … completely enthralled with the plot and characters … just absolutely loving the story line … then as you anticipate the climatic conclusion … BOOM … the ending totally sucks. You’re thinking – man, was that a waste of time and money. And if you’re one of those total anal individuals, you thoughts go even further … questioning the writer’s lack of effort to finish the story which had so much promise. It’s called the Coulda Been Syndrome … something or someone that coulda been awesome, but failed due to a lack of effort from start to finish.
Take for example the hysterical commercial parody from Saturday Night Live below …
LOL … classic stuff from SNL … and given to the right developer, it could be turned into an awesome iPhone application. Well the folks at Macsolving gave it their best shot and released the Ooops I Crapped My Pants app.
Heck, the “Ooops I Crapped My Pants” title alone should already be making Macsolving millions of dollars. And judging my their tagline “Custom Applications For Apple Platforms For Over 10 Years” … these guys clearly have the experience to knock one out of the park.
But as the Coulda Been Syndrome goes … the app falls very short and very hard to anything remotely close to the comedic value of the original. We won’t waste your time with an in-depth analysis, but simply leave you with two pictures from the Ooops I Crapped My Pant app (which we can only assume is the total extent of the app since Macsolving gives no other information to its functionality) and the following sentiment … coulda been awesome!!
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