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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
- Wii iPhone 4 iOS Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Official Three Wolf Moon App Brings Its Awesome Powers To The iPhone
Never mind December 25, Christmas has arrived early! Specifically, December 17, as Santa delivered the official Three Wolf Moon iPhone app. Known as the Three Wolf Moon HowlTone Generator [iTunes], this is the be all and end all of iPhone applications. We’re talking some serious shit here! This is not an app you just download to your iPhone … NO … you place it in your soul! We almost spilled our gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk when we heard the awesome news and admittedly … we peed our pants in excitement.
No clue what we’re talking about? No wonder your life sucks. But that’s ok, we’re here to help and share with you the Three Wolf Moon phenomenon. Simply put … Three Wolf Moon is the best t-shirt ever. Actually, it’s not really a t-shirt, but a lifestyle. Wear Three Wolf Moon and you’ll possess great powers … women will find you irresistible, other men will fear you and you’ll enjoy magical healing powers. No joke … shun the non-believer. The Three Wolf Moon t-shirt is the top selling apparel item in Amazon.com … has been covered by ABC, BBC, NYT and other popular acronyms … worn by Steve Jobs … and appeared in NBC’s hit show, The Office – check out this awesome clip:
So for a mere $1.99, in addition to the life-changing powers and the totally cool Three Wolf Moon icon …. you’ll be able to generate your very own custom HowlTone ringtone by simply typing your name or any word into the generator. Or if you want to be like Dwight from The Office, you can record your own howl.
And staying consistent with the Three Wolf Moon mystique, these are not just any old wolf howls … these are authentic wolf howls from EverythingWolf, And these wolves have name … Wa-Ta-Chee, Ohoyo and Waya. How freaking insane is that!
We spoke with Michael McGloin, Creative/Licensing Director of The Mountain, the company that produces the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, regarding what inspired him to launch the accompanying app, ““I love my iPhone just as much as my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, which my wife won’t let me wear in public for the obvious reasons. By having the HowlTone Generator on my iPhone, I can enjoy the Three Wolf Moon powers in my pocket, where that type of power belongs (if your married),” explained Mr. McGloin. “Plus we value our customers. And ever since the first Amazon review indicated ‘wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark’, we wanted to deliver a 3WM Glow Shirt,” said Mr. McGloin.
Whoa … hold on … did Michael just say “glow-in-the-dark”?!? Shit, we just peed ourselves again. The new 3WM Glow Shirt will only be available for purchase from within the app and as an early adopter award, you’ll receive a 25% discount if you order by Feb. 28, 2010.
WOW! Howling custom ringtones – wolves named Wa-ta-chee, Ohoyo and Waya – a limited glow shirt – 25% discount. We are now completely soiled and can’t take it any more. At $1.99 [iTunes], just get the app … we’re going to go shower and change our pants.
How To SUCK At Selling iPhone Apps
With the popularity of the iPhone growing exponentially, there are numerous thousands of developers attempting to cash in on App Store gold. So being the do-gooders we are … we present a few examples of how NOT to sell your app.
Be A Douchebag (My Ex-Girlfriends app)
Ah yes … Damon has a special talent … the ability to get hot chicks to undress for him while he takes their picture. Damon, you are our hero – the wind beneath our wings. However just as an fyi … it doesn’t count when you have to pay the girl to undress.
Be A Pothead (Zits & Giggles app)
Working on your app while stoned leads to poor decisions. Like increasing the price of your app from 99 cents to sixteen dollars … to one hundred and eighty dollars … to two hundred and thirty dollars. Not really sure why the developers stopped at two thirty … perhaps they ran out of weed due to lagging app sales. Make wise choices – just say no.
Be A Hater (The Sushi Experience app)
Look … if you’re an Android-loving, Apple-hating, mofo … just stay the hell away from the App Store. There’s no reason to be the most expensive book in the App Store … especially when your Amazon hardcover price is $26.40 and Kindle at $23.76. Yeah, let’s just stick it to that evil iPhone and its Cult of Mac a-holes and charge $70. Oh shit, it comes with a lap dance … our bad, a fair deal … carry on.
Be Blunt (+MyBattery app)
Of course the sure fire way to kill sales is to stop beating around the bush and cut straight to the chase … Please Wait And Purchase Later … will do, enough said.
Official Playboy App Approved, For The Articles Of Course!
We’re willing to bet our left nut that Hugh Hefner is a member of the “Cult Of Mac” as Playboy has always been quick to embrace Apple’s emerging technologies. In 2004, Playboy introduced iBod … a set of specially formatted thumbnail images that could be uploaded to the newly introduced iPod Photo. A year later, in 2005, Bodcasts were launched … sort of like podcasts, but Playboy-style. When the iPhone debuted in 2007, Playboy once again led the bandwagon with iPlayboy … a collection of downloadable multimedia features all formatted for the iPhone. So while Playboy claims they attempt to align with the newest and hottest media platforms … we think it’s bullshit … Hef is simply a MacHEAD!
So with over 110,000 applications available, the App Store is Apple’s latest darling. And of course, Playboy is there to get a piece of her action. On Tuesday, December 8, the official Playboy iPhone app hopped into the App Store (see what we did there) at $1.99.
The app is a scaled-down iPhone version of the largest selling men’s magazine, Playboy, and includes portions of the text from the following well known features … Playboy Interview, Playboy Advisor, 20 Questions, Party Jokes, Fashion and more.
And to answer the question on everyone’s mind … yes, the Playboy app delivers monthly doses of air-brushed goodness … the Playmate Of The Month. Now before you get all hot and bothered, time for a reality check … Apple does NOT allow nudity in the App Store. So with that barrier firmly in place, the application includes the Playmate’s intro, data sheet, preview pictures and exclusive behind the scenes preview video. We spoke with Playboy spokesperson Theresa Hennessey who explained, “The pictures are all non-nude or cropped, either from the magazine pictorial or from the Playmate’s Playboy.com pictorial.”
In addition to the monthly features pulled from the magazine, the Playboy app contains exclusive content as the aforementioned Playmate video, Playmate photographs and Rabbit Head wallpaper … all designed and only available in the app.
Playboy’s app pricing resembles a monthly magazine subscription. “The Playboy app is priced at $1.99” Hennessey said, “and until the next update, will include both the November and December issues. Future issues will be available via in-app purchase at $1.99 each. For those users who missed any of the past issues, they will also be available via in-app purchase at $1.99 per month.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa … did Hennessey say the November issue of Playboy is now available in the app? The historic November 2009 issue with the first ever cartoon character, Marge Simpson, featured on the front cover of Playboy? Hells yeah … we are there! A buck ninety nine for this piece of history is a bargain … not to mention we’ll be able to proudly display the sexy cool bent ear Rabbit Head icon on our iPhone … which will match our bent ear Rabbit Head necklace, ring, t-shirt, underwear, wallet and coffee mug … cuz that’s how we roll. Thanks Hef … you complete us!
Sad – Beautiful Boobs & Pocket Girlfriend Score App Store Success
Yesterday we came across a horrid scene in the App Store. It was like a car accident unfolding before our eyes … impossible to look away. For the sake of our sanity, we should’ve just moved along … but no, we’re idiots and had to stop and stare. Below is what we’re talking about. Please take a quick peek, then look away! It’s for your own good.
Did you see it? Look again – but quick! WTF is that? The #2 free app in the ENTIRE App Store is Beautiful Boobs … the #2 paid app in the ENTIRE App Store is Pocket Girlfriend. Go ahead, pinch yourself … you’re awake but trapped in a nightmare on App Street.
So let’s take a closer look at these App Store all-stars and see exactly why they are now included among the best of the best.
#2 Free App – Beautiful Boobs
Ok, this doesn’t look too bad. We got an intriguing title … one can never have enough “stunningly pretty images” … you can’t beat the price (free) … “gorgeous and fun photo collection” is better than hideous and boring. But wait … why the hate? Over thirty three flipping thousand user ratings and only 1½ stars? Pop the hood, let’s take a look inside:
Three thumbnail screens with a total of seven pictures
When the seven thumbnails are launched full-sized, they still look like thumbnails
Five out of the seven sets of boobs are arguably man boobs
Damn … no wonder the Beautiful Boobs user below feels cheated and scared. Dude would rather be licking a hobo’s foot than checking out the app’s creeper guys wearing bras. Get this poor kid a Sears Catalog which will surely arouse more than Beautiful Boobs.
#2 Paid App – Pocket Girlfriend
Hmmm … a girlfriend who lives in your pocket. Good idea … low maintenance and easy on the wallet. Oh and check it … no still photos … SHE’S REAL!!! – SHE’S REALL!!! … she’s so real that the developer had to tell us twice. Plus she talks and listens to you … she even misses you when you’re away …. what a sweetheart, we love her already.
And she has over five thousand ratings amounting to a measly two stars. Yikes! Maybe she has a venereal disease or something since she’s obviously been downloaded by a lot of users. Good thing there is an objective description from a real live objective Pocket Girlfriend user.
Freaking liars … she’s NOT real … she’s a short video clip. Meh … and the worst part … when you talk to her type “show me your boobs”, she replies … “buy me a boob job!” LMAO … touché bitch. Actually, if you are that hard up, we suggest you skip the boob job purchase and buy a hooker real girl, preferably one with a heart beat.
Tiger Woods Scandal – The iPhone Plays An Integral Role
Yesterday the world’s first billion-dollar-athlete, Tiger Woods, issued a statement on his web site that pretty much confirmed what TMZ (and every other tabloid media) has been reporting since Thanksgiving … dude cheated on his wife.
And while TMZ continues to run down every angle of the Tiger drama (Tiger’s wife confronted alleged mistress, Tiger leaves voicemail – “my wife is onto us”, 31-month affair, etc), we bring you the iPhone-side of the Woods saga.
The day started quite normal … Tiger woke up, kissed his wife good morning, took a leak, grabbed a cup of coffee and fired up a new iPhone app he downloaded last night …
Angel Or Devil? – the app which plans your day as being naughty or nice.
Tiger was feeling a bit mischievous that morning and selected the Devil Card. And so the devilish affair with Jaimee Grubbs began.
But Tiger’s wife, Elin, is no dumbass. She also owns an iPhone and when she began noticing suspicious behavior by her husband, she launched the sexist Is He Cheating? app to find out if Tiger was using his utility club on anyone else’s golf course (so to speak). Disturbingly the meter read … are you in denial?
The rest of the story has been well documented. Tiger crashes his Cadillac Escalade … Elin smashes car window and rescues Tiger … Tiger ends up in the hospital …police investigations … and the aforementioned admission of wrongdoings.
So now it’s time for the Woods family to heal. And of course the iPhone is there to help through these troubled times. Tiger will use the Confess app to anonymously confess your sins to the world and makes his life better … as the app states, “it is a proven fact that confessing will make your life better.” Once finished with Confess, Tiger will “correct a wrong and gain forgiveness from a person who is wronged” with the Repentance app.
Of course it ain’t that simple … per the Heaven And Hell app, Tiger has some more work to do. Start with the Singing Bowl And Prayer app and mix in the
A Good Deed A Day app (“helps you to become a better person” ) and Tiger will be back on the road to salvation (just don’t crash into a fire hydrant this time dude) in no time.
We know it won’t be easy, but it’s important for Elin to let go of those negative emotions she has towards Tiger. By letting go, she will regain peace, happiness and a strong loving relationship with her husband. This healing process should be constructive, healthy and safe … which is why the FaceFighter app is just what the doctor ordered … Elin will certainly heal better by beating the shit out of a virtual Tiger.
[that’s it … move along … nothing more to see here … we used FaceFighter as the punchline of this article … pun totally intended]
Mindless Tap Application Seeds Innovation In Youth
Last month, we wrote an article called … “Man Taps iPhone 844,683 Times Proving Life Is Overrated” … featuring the Million Tap Challenge app. Unlike most iPhone games (or any game for that matter) where some thought, skill or luck come into play … Million Tap Challenge is the ultimate slacker pastime. The goal is to tap your iPhone one million times.
We continued the story by analyzing the game’s leaderboard (yes, there’s a global leaderboard which ranks losers players worldwide) and concluded that the loser individual in first place with 844,683 taps spent 4 days … nonstop 24/7 … tapping their iPhone. Conclusion = idiot – get a life!
But hold on … are we really being fair? Does Million Tap Challenge provide some educational value? Perhaps some life lesson? Does playing it really make you a dumbass? Huh? – are you for real – you tap a screen one million times … there’s no value, no lesson … just mindless garbage that indeed makes you a moron.
But we will admit this … the Million Tap Challenge can lead to innovation. Why’s that? Well check out this true story from a KRAPPS viewer (yes, this is true … we received an email with pictures and video … LMAO).
Some 15-year-old dude downloaded Million Tap Challenge with one goal in mind … to cheat! He wanted to register one million taps … without ever touching his iPhone. He got a sausage – attached it to an electric drill – taped the drill so it was locked in the “On” position – mounted and taped down the iPhone … thus giving birth to an electric tapping machine with a sausage interface.
But just as the Wright Brothers failed numerous times before their first flight, alas the electric drill method sucked. The torque of the drill kept thrashing the sausage and the battery life of the cordless drill was on par with the iPhone – it blows. But a second attempt proved successful … a motorized golf caddy with the same sausage interface.
What a wonderful story about a revolutionary idea … sausages and humanity finding common ground. Big thanks to Million Tap Challenge for seeding innovation in our youth.
Stuff We Are Thankful For – Uterus, Roadkill, Fists In Mouths & More
It is customary here in the United States that at the start of Thanksgiving dinner, each person at the table takes a turn saying what they are thankful for. Far be it from us to disrespect and poop on tradition, so we’ll jump right in and state what we are thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.
Giant Uterus Pillow
There’s something comforting and soothing about cuddling up with an oversized uterus pillow. Maybe it’s a primal thing … but it just makes us feel oh so good.
Road Kill Stuffed Animals
Some people collect Star Wars memorabilia, others collect baseball cards. We pride ourselves in collecting road kill plush. They’re unique, a thing of beauty and an excellent conversation starter – “Hey baby, wanna come upstairs and see my road kill toy collection?”
Motorized Ice Cream Cone Holder
We love eating ice cream, but frankly, it sucks to eat it off a cone. You get the drips, leans, splats … and the whole “lick and rotate” method is a pain in the ass. Stick out tongue, press button, eat ice cream … what could be greater than this?
Hot Chicks With Fists In Their Mouths.com
There’s always a special place in our hearts for a chicks who can shove their fists in their mouths … a God-given talent which we truly appreciate.
Apple, The iPhone & App Developers
Let’s be real – no Apple, no iPhone, no App Developers = no KRAPPS. Argh … da horror! So even though Apple has boatloads of issues with the App Store, approval process and general iPhone related stuff … without the iPhone platform and the genius developers who crank out those crap apps … KRAPPS would be nothing more than an unemployed mime.
YOU!
But most of all, we are thankful for you … our loyal KRAPPS viewers. With hundreds of iPhone sites to choose from, we are honored you hang out in our little corner of the Internet. <wiping tear from eye> The response to KRAPPS over the past 11 months has been tremendous … and we cherish every one of your visits and will strive to continue serving only the crappiest of what the App Store has to offer.
Have a great Thanksgiving – YOU ROCK!
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