YOU Suck!

Title: rRootage
Category: Games

rRootageIcon rRootage is a classic galactic shooter game originally written by Kenta Cho and ported to the iPhone by developer Lazrhog Games. Supposedly a decent app, although there are no sound effects which is a fairly big omission in a shooter game.

There is an additional blunder, not with the app’s functionality, rather the developer’s attitude. Seems these geeks either did not take Business 101 in college or were too busy focusing on their techie core classes to pay attention during lectures covering the Quality Customer Service chapter of their Intro To Business text book.

I guess Lazrhog Games has a huge problem with the App Store user review system and to some extent, rightfully so … but that is a debate for another blog … here at KRAPPS, we’ll focus on Lazrhog’s public rant in the app’s description … standing on their soapbox, Lazrhog Games proclaims:

Please don’t just be negative for no reason in comments. Negative comments can destroy a game’s/application’s downloads, as I have already seen. Especially if people incorrectly state that a game ‘crashed my iPhone’. Invariably the problem is YOU and not the game/app.

rRootageScreen WTF? I’m the problem? I caused my iPhone to crash? Wow … my bad! I guess that whole  deal where Steve Jobs acknowledges an app crash bug and vows to provide a fix isn’t really applicable since I am the problem. Hey Nordstrom department stores! – you got it all wrong with your “customer first” philosophy. An even worse offender is Zappos as they are freaks about their customer service approach. Shame on Nordstrom! Shame on Zappos! – your customers are the problem!

Actually Lazrhog, to a certain extent I agree … the problem is not rRootage … it’s not your customers … it’s not Apple … it’s not a crashed iPhone …YOU Lazrhog are the problem – still don’t get it? Go download and carefully listen to the free audio book Tribal Leadership … pay attention, you actually might learn something this time.

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January 20, 2009 | Filed Under Games | 18 Comments 

More Boobies

We never thought it would become a habit to write about iPhone boobs, but we call ‘em like we see ‘em. As reported yesterday’s Boobies, Farts & Flashlights article, an iPhone breast jiggling simulator was released … Wobble.

ijiggles-icon Similar to the deluge of fart apps, another boobie app has appeared … iJiggles. Is this a sign of things to come? Like farts, will boobies be the new flavor of the month and flood the App Store? Who knows … but I find it very clever that developers positioned these apps as “photo distortion software” in efforts to circumvent Apple’s acceptance guidelines. But come on … we all know that boys will be boys and there really is only one use for Wobble and iJiggles … bouncing boobs.

Also interesting are the two versions of iJiggles screenshots … the G-rated cute baby version … and the PG-13 girl hold watermelons version.

ijiggle-screen-1v2        iJiggles-scree-PG13

Special thanks to YouTube member eugene4023 for informing us of his demonstration videos below … when watching, remember … boys will be boys.

 

 

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January 18, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News | 2 Comments 

Boobies, Farts & Flashlights

January 16, 2009 was an interesting day in “App Land”. Two significant events took place that had app geeks buzzing … and could you really blame us app geeks for getting all hot and bothered? Come on – we’re talking about BOOBIES & FARTS – oh yeah, flashlights too.

BOOBIES
Wobble Icon Recently an application called iBoobs was rejected by Apple on the grounds of “objectionable content”. This app allows users to jiggle a pair of women’s breasts. Click here for a demonstration on YouTube (it’s actually rather boring). The rejection was no surprise. The real surprise was the launch of Wobble. Reading the app’s description, Wobble is innocent enough:

Wobble is the only application that can make ANY part of your photo wobble like jelly. Bring photos to life and make parts of them bounce in realistic 3D.

Hmmm – ok – interesting. But of course sex sells and the developers know it, thus the demonstration video below (this one is actually not so boring):


FARTS & FLASHLIGHTS
Tweetie is a full-featured iPhone Twitter client. It’s a solid app that is 100% anti-KRAPPS Certified. So why are we spotlighting Tweetie? Well, Tweetie received an update … an extensive update: instapaper integration, landscape keyboard, link to StockTwits, ability to email @ or direct messages (which is really cool) and more. One of the subtle twitterfartv2GIF improvements (I use the term loosely) is the Popularity EnhancEr (PEE) – which means that in addition to a full-featured Twitter client, Tweetie is now a FART app, as well as a flashlight app … talk about value-added! Click here to read the developer’s explanation of PEE and why they decided to integrate Tweetie with fart and flashlight functionality (it’s actually a very funny read).

Yeah, pretty big deal as this is the first time fart functionality lingered (no pun intended) into a non-fart dedicated app … oh and almost forgot – flashlight too … gives a whole new meaning to “lighting one up”. Well this Tweetie PEE will probably blow up sales and race to the #1 spot – thus encouraging copy apps. I can see Shazam PEE, not only will Shazam recognize music, but correctly identify farts – kazoo, ripper, wet one, etc. Makes sense that the Zippo Lighter app should ignite farts. And of course the Air Sharing file storage app is just a no-brainer for a fart upgrade.

January 17, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment, News, Social | 6 Comments 

Put Down The Molson

Title: Calgary Traffic
Category: Navigation

Screenshots within the app’s description page are a critical selling feature. Since Apple does not give refunds on apps and there are no trial periods, the app’s screenshots are the only visual preview a developer can give the potential buying audience. So pretty simple concept: screenshots = good … include them – include several of them!

CalgaryTrafficScreen This is why the Calgary Traffic app is absolutely hysterical. The developer wisely chose to include a screenshot … BUT … the visual is a blank loading screen … even worse, the Mensa developer was attempting to create this screenshot while the iPhone was in Airplane mode (thus no 3G, Edge or Wi-Fi access so app will not function properly) … and perhaps the worst offense of all – this screenshot or lack of screenshot has been on proud display for the past FOUR months since Calgary Traffic was released on Sep. 17 … WTF  … Guys, I know Canada gets really cold during the winter and everybody tends to “shut down” a bit – but geez – put down the Molson lager and fix your advertising, you actually might sell a few apps.

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January 16, 2009 | Filed Under Navigation | Comments Off on Put Down The Molson 

Ringr Roulette Now FREE

Ringr-Roulette-IconJPG Just a quick heads-up for our KRAPPS viewers. Remember our friend Twisted John and his Ringr Roulette app … the one that encourages you rather than prevents you from drunk dialing – so even if you are totally plastered and unable to push buttons, just shake your iPhone to dial a number. Well Twisted John has decided to offer Ringr Roulette for FREE through Monday morning, Jan. 19. So if you missed our Ringr Roulette giveaway, immediately job on this twisted iPhone app now!

January 16, 2009 | Filed Under News | Leave a Comment 

Doesn’t Work – Made Me Puke

Title: BeerCounter
Category: Entertainment

BeerCounterDesc Introducing the greatest iPhone app of all time => BeerCounter! Yes, with this amazing app you will be able to keep track of the number beers you have consumed! 

But wait … that’s not all. There is a date/time setting which will display the date and time of your binge! And there is a value function – displays the total dollar amount of your gorge! 

To ensure top-notch, user-friendliness … just touch your iPhone’s screen (it’s big enough so even if you are on beer #17 you can continue using BeerCounter) and the next sequential digit will appear.

Everyone will agree, this app is AMAZING – just read actual App Store user reviews:

“I love this app … while my friends have to use paper and pencil to keep track, I just have to tap my iPhone”

 

“Great app … officer I swear I’ve only had 4 beers! Check my iPhone”

 

“Doesn’t work … I got this app thinking it would count my glasses of wine, but all it does is count beer … the app lost count and I ended up puking”

 

“This is an app? Why?”

 

“The creator of this app should pay people to download it”

 

“iPhone apps are getting dumber by the day”

And stay tuned … more great apps coming soon from developer Softwaretechnik: sleeping-aid, SheepCounter … for rhythm method users, KidCounter … for the player, GirlfriendCounter … for the Bill Gates wannabe, MoneyCounter … for Wilt Chamberlain wannabe, ShagCounter. 

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January 15, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 1 Comment 

Taxi Me

Title: Taxi Hold’em
Category: Entertainment

hailingcabsmall Have you ever hailed a cab? Yes, I know, I know … I feel ya … what a pain in the ass … just a total nightmare having to wave your arm at an approaching taxi to make it stop … honestly, I’d rather go to the dentist or drive a nail through my head than attempt to stop a cab. It’s brutal and most of us simply cannot get the hang of this whole hail a cab thing.

Taxi-Holdem-Hand Well I’m here to deliver good news – rejoice – the Taxi Hold’em app has arrived! For a mere 99 cents, you’ll have those rotten cab drivers come to a screeching halt every time they see you display your Taxi Hold’em app. And I’ll let you in on a little secret … the Taxi Hold’em app has magical superpowers … oh hell yeah … push a button, flash your iPhone and you’ll be entering taxi stopping nirvana. Rumor has it that the Taxi Hold’em app is so powerful that it will stop all taxis within a one mile radius (supposedly the $2.99 version covers a three mile range). And get this … when a driver picks you up while using this app, you’ll receive VIP treatment … don’t believe, just read below what Dave The Cabbie says on the developer’s web site:

Taxi-Holdem-Web 
But with any great app, there are possible hazards (epilepsy and getting run over by a cab) … so before using Taxi Hold’em, carefully read the disclaimer on the developer’s web site.

Taxi-Holdem-Web2 
Finally, I must caution you … this powerful app is very complex. All sorts of techno KRAPPS going on with Taxi Hold’em … transition settings, pace options, audio selections, etc. Fortunately for all of us, the developers have released what they call “The OFFICIAL Taxi Hold’em Instruction Video” … good thing, because this app was really starting to confuse the KRAPPS out of me. So on that note, streaming directly from the developer’s web site, we  leave you with “The OFFICIAL Taxi Hold’em Instruction Video” …BeerMe

(ps – I can actually see a similar useful app called “Beer Me” … great for crowded bars, jam-packed parties or sellout ballgames/concerts. And no, a pickup line version inspired by the movie Cocktail is not a good idea.)

January 14, 2009 | Filed Under Entertainment | 18 Comments 

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