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ShamWow Guy Pimps Eminem’s “Recovery” To Success – plus Recap Week Of September 13
Subscribe to our RSS feed and/or download the 100% free KRAPPS iPhone app … it’ll make you feel better!
In case you missed any of our perfect iPhone chaos, quick links to this week’s articles.
September 13: Warning: Party In My Pants App Can Cause Injury!
September 14: Fumble! NFL Manages To Piss Off Customers With Their Debut App
September 15: Even In Prison, Lil Wayne Rocks The iPhone With These Noteworthy Apps
September 16: Rack Stare App Helps You Stare At Boobs Without Getting Caught
September 17: Clever Window-Themed iPhone iOS 4 Wallpapers Fight Evil [Download]
September 18: The Gods Must Be Lazy [Godville iPhone Game Review]
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ShamWow Guy Pimps Eminem’s “Recovery” Album
American rapper Eminem has been blowing up this year thanks to his hit album “Recovery”. Released on June 21, “Recovery” is the fifth-best selling album of 2010 in the US, with two Billboard #1 singles. As of August 1, Eminem’s “Recovery” album has sold 1.83 million copies worldwide.
So what’s the secret to Eminem’s success? You would think a combination of talent, hard work and luck … but you’d be wrong. It’s all about the ShamWow Guy and the hysterical “Recovery” infomercial. Check it (bummer, the ShamPon is already sold out) …
The Gods Must Be Lazy [Godville iPhone Game Review]
(written by guest author Tim Giron. follow Tim on Twitter @timgiron)
I picked up Godville when it first came out back in July (it’s free — iTunes link — so there is absolutely no barrier to entry), set up my deity account, crafted my hero and then promptly forgot about it. Perhaps I should have stretched the whole process out over 6 or 7 days – maybe then I would have had an inclination to meddle more in the affairs of men.
So, fast-forward to about three weeks ago (yes, I am asking you to fast-forward into the past, McFly), when my brother-in-law asked me "Have you played Godville?" After my quick retort of "Has anybody *really* played Godville?" I pulled up the app and lo and behold, my hero had been slaving like a Working Class Dog. So, I tossed him an encouragement and a punishment, ’cause I don’t need him going all soft on me and then read through his diary. As far as I can piece together (hey, the app doesn’t bestow omniscience, it’s free — iTunes link — remember) my hero, Dread Pirate Roberts, has been wandering the countryside, handing out cans of throwback whoop-ass to over fifteen hundred monsters, grabbing fistfuls of loot and yes, even dying 4 times (so it is quite possible he is now a zombie).
Some of the diary entries are quite funny. The player community’s suggestions and ideas are incorporated into the game’s text, so you’re not likely to see the same thing over and over. My current stats show that my hero belongs to the Zombie Hunter guild. I don’t recall choosing this, but it seems appropriate given my appreciation for all things zombie. At some point, my guild was Sweet Dreams, I can guarantee I didn’t choose that one.
The update that was just released last week adds several new features, including making the app Universal. I just loaded it onto my iPad and it puts the extra screen space to good use, combining several screens from the iPhone version into one. Another new feature just added is the GodWiki where you can get extra information related to the game.
The app is also available in Russian where it is called: Годвилль – I was hoping this was the Russian word for FartApp, but alas it is simply Godville. [iTunes Free]
Clever Window-Themed iPhone iOS 4 Wallpapers Fight Evil [Download]
“An evil person is like a dirty window, they never let the light shine through.”
– William Makepeace Thackeray
Meh – evil people suck! So as Thackeray suggests … keep your window clean.
In efforts to make you a nicer, kinder and gentler person … we present a pair of squeaky CLEAN window iOS 4 iPhone 4 home screen wallpapers. Choose the starry night or sunny day version … where each of your application icons will rest peacefully within a window pane (clever).
As usual … all wallpapers are 640×960 in size so they look killer on your home screen.
[Download directly to iPhone’s camera roll by touching the image, press and hold the image on its new page and select save]
Rack Stare App Helps You Stare At Boobs Without Getting Caught
Let’s just get straight to the point of today’s article … Do You Enjoy Staring At Women’s Breasts?
If you answered “yes sir, may I have another”, then you likely know that one of the many challenges of gawking at a woman’s rack in public is getting caught by the subject. Similar to looking directly at the sun, staring at boobs for a prolonged period of time is dangerous … you could go blind, get a foot up your ass or a slap in the face.
Luckily the developers at Venevi Enterprises feel your pain. You see, they are perverts to and have published a new iPhone app to help out … Rack Stare!
On the surface, Rack Stare is a game in which the longer you ogle at a sexy chick’s breasts, the more points you earn. If hottie catches you checking out her goods, you’ll receive an appropriate bitch slap. Per the app’s description …
So, here you are sitting next to a hot blonde. Your head unavoidably turns in her direction as you’re trying your best to put on an indifferent face. To pass a level, stare at the babes mouth-watering decollete as long as you can without being noticed. The more you stare, the more points you get. Don’t get too involved though, as you don’t want to be slapped in the face by the furious woman!
Become the world’s best Rack Starer now!
So is Rack Stare just an innocent little iPhone game? … we think not!
Rack Stare is secretly training a legion of perverted geeks and giving them ninja-like skills of prolonged breast staring … anytime, anywhere … totally stealth. Our advice to combat these horny losers … continual use of your top button!
Even In Prison, Lil Wayne Rocks The iPhone With These Noteworthy Apps
Every couple of weeks, Apple publishes a list called “New and Noteworthy” … especially awesome iPhone applications that Apple recommends to the buying public. Having your app on this list is a developer’s dream come true as “New and Noteworthy” apps tend to skyrocket up the charts and achieve financial success.
“New and Noteworthy” … MEH! We’re here to tell you this list blows … case in point, Apple neglected to mention any of the epic Lil Wayne iPhone applications listed below. FAIL!
Be Like Lil’ Wayne
It’s true … the world would be a better place if everyone was like Lil Wayne! Currently in prison on weapons charges, couple with numerous arrests involving drugs and a variety of other misconducts … hard to imagine a better role model than this American rapper.
Lil Wayne Fortune Teller
It’s Lil Wayne – complete with tats, bling and dreads – reading your fo’tune wit a Magik 8-Balz … what could be greater dan dis?
Free Weezy
The first of its kind … and iPhone app which counts down the jail term of a felon. As previously noted, Lil Wayne is currently in prison after being convicted of criminal possession of a weapon. He is scheduled to be released sometime in November. If you need to keep track of the exact time until this momentous occasion, download Free Weezy now – yo!
Fumble! NFL Manages To Piss Off Customers With Their Debut App
Apparently Apple gave the National Football League (NFL) a bye when it comes to enforcing their new App Store Review Guidelines. First page of the official document states …
“If your App looks like it was cobbled together in a few days, or you’re trying to get your first practice App into the store to impress your friends, please brace yourself for rejection. We have lots of serious developers who don’t want their quality Apps to be surrounded by amateur hour.”
Huh? The NFL? The most attended domestic sports league in the world is an amateur compared to the likes of Pocket God, Doodle Jump or Ow My Balls.
Yes – we speak the truth! Last week, the NFL released their $4.99 iPhone application NFL.com Game Center 2010 to thousands of adoring fans. The release went as expected in terms of money in the NFL’s pocket (already a Top 50 Paid and Top 10 Grossing App), but from a quality, value and usefulness perspective … the NFL’s app is a giant sack of SUCK.
From delayed scoring updates … to no game highlight videos … to sluggish interface … to wrong player pictures … to incorrect and incomplete statistics … NFL.com Game Canter 2010 is a feature lacking web app wrapped around an icon. All for the bargain price of $4.99.
But hey, don’t take our word for it … check out the user reviews and comments – many of which are absolutely hysterical and quite entertaining. Some of our favorites include …
Worst. App. Ever! – – Charging $5 for this app is a crime – – To the developers … karma is a bitch! – – The NFL should be embarrassed – – Using this app makes me want to rip my eyes out – – How much money does the NFL need? They have to scam us?
At $4.99, the NFL.com Game Center 2010 averages a lowly ONE star rating. And we agree with their customers … the league should be embarrassed throwing a Hail Mary and seeing who is a sucker for it. Hopefully the NFL can take the profits from their top 10 grossing application and fix this crap. For now, just stick with FREE awesome sports apps like ESPN ScoreCenter or Sportacular.
Warning: Party In My Pants App Can Cause Injury!
As a courtesy to our readers, we would like to you about a new iPhone applications that simply does not work … and in some circumstances, could lead to bodily injury. It’s a shame that Apple doesn’t have the foresight to anticipate such issues and protect its customers from such whack.
Party In My Pants is one of the many iPhone apps available to help you hook up with hot chicks. These apps contain cheesy pick up lines ( …… ) that typically only work in a drunken douchebag environment like Jersey Shore. However Party In My Pants raises the dumbass bar to a new low … and would even fail miserably in bagging the most inebriated skank, bimbo or guidette.
Now you might think we sound harsh … but don’t cry … just read the app’s description for the ultimate crap in pickup line apps.
Imagine, if you will, the following scenario:
– Guy spots cute girl across the bar.
– He fires up Party In My Pants and spins the mirror ball. On command, the party commences, and he drops his iPhone into his pocket. Nicely done!
– Guy approaches girl. The girl, enticed by the noise and vibration emanating from his jeans pocket, asks him, "What’s happening with your jeans?"
– Guy pulls out iPhone and shows girl. "Why, it’s a Party In My Pants, and You’re Invited!"
LMAO … shove iPhone down your pants and invite her to the party (assuming she even gives you the time of day) … yeah, that’ll work – every time!
What Party In My Pants doesn’t describe in the above scenario is the bitch slap beat down you’ll receive after you utter the words … “Party In My Pants – You’re Invited” … OUCH!
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