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- Here’s To The Crazy Ones
- Despite Female Moans, SexLife Trailer Fails To Arouse [Video]
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- Slap A Sexy Belly, Make Music, Huh? – Belly Jam iPhone App [Video]
- Adventure, To The Max! [iPhone Game Review]
- epic – The Toolbox iPhone iOS 4 Home & Lock Screen Wallpaper Set [Download]
- Recap Week Of January 3
- Sexy Star Wars Pinups – EWWW!
- Weird Stuff From Japan – iPhone 4 Sushi Case
- MegaMan iPhone iOS 4 Home Screen Wallpaper Collection [Download]
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Pocket Shot – We’re Still Talking About An App, RIGHT?!?
Remember that yesteryear toy called Slime? Well, we guess … but unless you are a total toy geek or 107 years old, you probably don’t recall. Anywhoo, Slime was this oozy drippy green material that came in a little trash can. Kids basically just held and touched the stuff getting totally grossed out by its cold, wet and slimy feel. Gets kinda boring after 12 seconds, but that’s when child creativity takes over … throwing the shit all over the place was the best! Flinging green slime at your friends, on the wall or at the TV provided countless hours of entertainment. The real punks hurled slime at their mom, sister’s hair and at the ceiling or box fan (for maximum household damage).
Well good news from yesteryear … slime is now available for your iPhone in form of the Pocket Shot game [iTunes] for only 99 cents (or check out the Lite version for free).
Similar to another awesome toy, Silly String … Pocket Shot turns any gathering into a party! This game is perfect for killing time in your dorm room, fraternity or sorority house. Liven up a business meeting, Bible study class or traffic school. Everything from birthday to bachelor parties can be kicked up a notch with Pocket Shot.
Gameplay is simple. The key is to choose the right picture for the Pocket Shot target. A facial close-up provides maximum entertainment. Next you’ll have to pump your weapon. This is done by shaking your iPhone up and down really fast a bunch of times. Once loaded, you’ll need to aim your barrel. Finally, release the gooey slime by stroking the pump grip. Hopefully you have mad skillz and your blasted goo hits its facial target, scoring big points (and go ahead, brag about your score with in-app Twitter support).
Whoa now! Hold on … wait just a minute!
Hard pumping – Shake your iPhone up and down (fast!)
Stroke the pump grip – Show ‘em your O face as your shot is released
Uhhh – WTH is this? … your “O” face? We’re still talking about an iPhone app … RIGHT?!? Whatever … we’ll let the viewing audience decide … make your final verdict by watching the Pocket Shots promo video below … RIGHT?!?
JeePee Madness – Experience Amsterdam For Free
Amsterdam … gotto love it! With a population of 1.36 million, Amsterdam is the capital and largest city of the Netherlands. Home of such attractions as the Van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank House, Hermitage and more. But we all know the real reason why tourists flock to Amsterdam … because Vegas just isn’t enough. Mix in a Red-Light District and hundreds of Coffee Shops that oddly, don’t sell coffee … the result can be summed up perfectly by this Amsterdam tourism slogan … “Good Girls Go To Heaven – Bad Girls Go To Amsterdam.”
And you know what else is cool about Amsterdam? … Guppies In The Dark. No, these guppies have nothing to do with wooden shoes, riding bikes, chasing windmills or other popular Amsterdam stereotypes. Guppies In The Dark are developers who are off to a good start, recently introducing their first iPhone app … JeePee.
Similar to the Raoul The Dancing Pancake app, JeePee seems to be concocted while in a drug induced state of mind. Makes perfect sense with the whole Amsterdam cannabis coffee shop thing. Ok, this one really requires a visual to fully appreciate … so we’ll shut up now, so you can push play.
See! Told you there were drugs involved! Freaky looking double-jointed white dude, dancing a freaky looking jig to some freaky music. Yes, JeePee totally works … uh, when you’re freaking HIGH!
To the app’s credit, the JeePee dude is programmed very well (come on, like the devs claim … it’s a “highly sophisticated piece of software”) and it won’t cost you a dime (no dime bag pun intended) … it’s free. But like the dark guppies state (just curious, WTH is a dark guppy?), JeePee is completely useless … unless, of course, you’re HIGH. But really … should an iPhone app originating from deep inside an Amsterdam coffee shop be any other way? So in this regard … JeePee is perfect!
Recap: Week Of September 14 (plus bonus)
In case you missed any of the festivities, quick links to this week’s articles.
September 14: I Am the Sausage King, And I Can Do Anything – a crazy cool game you must check out
September 15: App Store Nudity – Volume 5 (My X Girlfriend)
September 16: Fat Mama’s Pussycat Playland – A Freak Show
September 17: Avoid Herpes, Suck Face With Your iPhone (alternatively: I Kissed An iPhone And I Liked It)
September 18: Hey Teenagers – Sucks To Be You! – don’t be that parent
September 19: Killa Kitties From Compton – Keepin’ It Real – a one of a kind game involving gangsta cats
Bonus Round
Some claim the Kayne West parodies are getting old … our take = bullshit! And this time Kanye has totally crossed the line … bitch is dissing our man Steve Jobs! Not cool Kanye, not cool. <Kanye impression made with the Living Photo app … read our review here>
Killa Kitties From Compton – Keepin’ It Real
(written by guest author Connor Coghlan. follow Connor on Twitter @Condawg)
Cats. They never get old. Silly kats are the memes that shall live on forever, without a doubt. And Killa Kitties From Compton [iTunes] by developer StarvingEyes, is a nice display of hysterical kats.
The game is composed of eight short and compelling mini-games that range from shaving a pussy to getting one wet (stop the madness – minds out of the gutter pleazzze). Oh, and the fun doesn’t stop there.
You’ve gotto do your best to keep these krazy kriminal kitties off the streets (I assume). But be quick, as these killa felines are krafty and will escape from every effort of trying to krack down on them (although you’d think with all the bling they wear, these kitties would be weighed down and slow, but totally not the case … damn fast kats … bling or no bling).
Now, the fun doesn’t stop at the gameplay. The presentation is freaking hysterical. From the clip that starts the series of mini-games (chanting … "Compton Kitties, Keeping It Real. You. Will. DIE!!”), to paws clapping as the words … "On To The Next Game" … pop up rhythmically, this game is krazy entertaining. And while I play most games without my headphones plugged in, this game has always got me going for the audio. I have a first-gen iTouch, by the way … no speakers … sucks for me.
Now Killa Kitties From Compton may not be for everyone … like if you hate fun, for example. Otherwise, you will laugh your ass off. This game continues to have me in stitches every time I play. For only 99 cents, check it fo sho … it’s PERFECT!
Hey Teenagers – Sucks To Be You!
Are you a teenager? Still in high school? … if you answered “yes” … ha, sucks to be you! Yesterday we talked about the difficulties of being single (herpes, itchy crotch, drippy dick, etc.), but holy smokes … teens got it tough too! You need to score 9700 on your SAT’s and take 7 years of English and Math just to be considered for community college (great show, btw). You can’t chalk your ID to buy wine coolers. The consequences for bringing a flare gun to school are far worse than a mere detention (great movie, btw). And what the hell, skateboarding is now a crime. Yeah, sucks to be you Mr. High School Senior … blech!
Another thing that sucks about being a teen is the iPhone. Oh whatever teenage freak … thinking you’re all bad ass with your 3GS … “oh look at me – I have push technologee” … not! The iPhone is your curse – your ultimate FML. Yeah look at this app, teenage bitches …
Speed Limit Notifier … sucks to be you!
What a concept! Download Speed Limit Notifier on junior’s iPhone … mix in a cool 30 miles per hour … punch in your email address … and BOOM …
“Intruder Alert! – Intruder Alert! – Junior is now cruising at 37 miles per hour! – Busted!”
<brrring, brrring, brrring>
Junior: “uh, hello, Dad?”
Father: “you’re speeding! pull over you little shit! your Mother and I will be right there to pick your sorry ass up! you’re grounded young man!”
<click>
To make sure it’s not just us who find this whole idea whack, we cruised down to the local high school and showed Speed Limit Notifier to some students (not really, but we did ask some teenagers on Twitter). Their reactions …
>>> Oh, wow. That … is bullshit. F%&K. It pisses me off that it even exists.
>>> Freaking huge invasion of privacy. Might as well have your parents in the car with you.
>>> Ewww … get away from me! No I don’t want to see your iPhone. Creep!
LMAO … what’s next? …
“Intruder Alert! – Intruder Alert! – Missy’s Blouse Has Been Unbuttoned! – Busted!”
”Intruder Alert! – Intruder Alert! – Junior Dropped An F Bomb – Busted!”
Come on Daddy-O … don’t be that guy. Step away from Speed Limit Notifier and wash that damn “Happy Sweet 16, We Love You Missy” window painting off mom’s minivan. It’s tough enough being a teenager, no need to muddy the waters even more with revolutionary iPhone parenting technology … or those obnoxious public displays of affection, blech!
Avoid Herpes, Suck Face With Your iPhone (alternatively: I Kissed An iPhone And I Liked It)
Man it’s tough being single these days. Besides trying to find that perfect (or even semi-perfect) someone … when you do finally meet them, you gotta worry about things like herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea or the other heaps of sexually transmitted diseases. Dang, we even heard you can get VD just by sitting on a toilet. What the hell is that?!? Scary krap … not funny at all! So we’re thinking … hmmm, if you can catch something off a freaking toilet seat, no way in hell are we going to risk kissing someone. Who knows what kind of nasties you can get from sucking face … the clap, crabs, drippy dick, etc. Whatever the case may be, we ain’t going there … better to be safe than sorry. No rotten crotch for us, thank you very much!
And you know, this whole non-kissing stuff? – it’s all good. No worries … we don’t miss it. Why should we? We get plenty of lip lock action thanks to our trusty iPhone 3GS (the “S” stands for “SEXY”). Damn straight we do! We da playa … da pimp mac daddy … we score whenever and wherever we like. Meet our two hook up hotties, Noriko and Chloe (who apparently is a quarter Greek-Japanese, whatever the hell that means, new math?) …
So as you can see by our girls’ bios, they are a bit different in flavor. Noriko appreciates a bit of foreplay. She needs to be touched a little – to warm things up. And you gotta be careful with Noriko … if you don’t kiss her just the way she likes, well, she gets pissed at you and calls you out as a lousy kisser … crazy bitch!
Now Chloe on the other hand, is all about action … and she ain’t shy about it. She’ll tell you straight up – “I like kisses, I want much” … yeah baby! Hell, she even gives you a prize if you satisfy her … how cool is that?!?
Anyways, like we said, we da pimp mac daddy and can score with Chloe or crazy bitch Noriko any time we want … that’s how we roll, we’re pros like that. But we weren’t always this awesome. There was a time … when we were still young grasshoppers … we were very awkward and painfully shy towards iPhone chicks. But what saved our sorry ass was this ultimate kissing trainer … the Sasamekisscomi app.
Hmmm …. so you probably noticed the whole “special mask” the teacher wears during the kissing lesson. Yeah, it was kind of weird at first, but then you get used to it. But take a close look and admit it … that is one sexy fine mask. Heck, after your fifth lesson, you hardly notice it at all. And can you blame her? Who knows what kind of a disease she might catch swapping spit with her loser students. Like we said … it’s better to be safe than sorry. Kiss your iPhone … you just might like it!
Fat Mama’s Pussycat Playland – A Freak Show
Yesterday we appeared on the Los Angeles-based KROQ-FM’s Kevin & Bean Morning Show. During the interview, we referred to the App Store’s 75,000+ applications as a giant circus. Some of the apps are pretty standard fare like popcorn and cotton candy, while others are definitely “unique” and can be described as circus freaks. And since we obviously have a special place in our heart for bearded ladies and dog-faced men (or maybe we just have a thing for facial hair) … ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages – step right up and witness our newest sideshow performer,
Fat Mama’s Pussycat Playland.
Who exactly is Fat Mama and why should we be enamored by her Pussycat Playland is beyond us. All we know is that this app is one helluv freak show. Something about tickling Fat Mama’s belly, teasing with cat nip and maneuvering a ball of yarn is all we can comprehend. Heck, just visiting the developer’s web site and seeing a crown-bearing Fat Mama on display with her disturbing red eyes made us krap our pants in horror. The final nail in this freak show coffin was the troubling promo video we found on Fat Mama’s site … complete chaos, music that will make your ears bleed and a crazy talking cat at 46 seconds proclaiming – “My name is Fat Mama and I like being tickled”.
Push play if you dare! Warning … not for the faint of heart – can cause an epileptic seizure. Go ahead, make my day … crank the volume and push it!
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